#126 | Grief | Facing Grief, Finding Light

00:00:00:00 – 00:00:27:00
All right. Come. I am. I bought some boxes the other day. Like my missis. She had it got me because she was showing me my boxer shorts and lying about saying this. Yeah. Oh, mate. How are they buying boxes yourself? No, I never buy boxer shorts for myself. Ever. What, you wait for birthdays and Christmas, mainly. Well, wait.

00:00:27:00 – 00:00:55:22
But then after that, I don't really got on purchase. Funny. Bit weird. Well, does that make sense? No, it doesn't make any sense. No, no, it doesn't make sense, does it? Wait, wait. We need a receipt. Don't buy yourself underwear. That's. That's the weird bit when I get the same sensation, right? When my missus. When I used to go shopping with my missus and she'd be in a store and she'd go to the knickers section or just, you know, passing the bras or whatever.

00:00:55:22 – 00:01:14:00
And she's having a look. I'd walk straight out or I'd go to a different part of the store. I don't want to be with her. Oh, you find all looking at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not. You look like a perv. And you bet you do that you have that sort of body shape. Yeah, but he's a bit pervy.

00:01:14:01 – 00:01:33:04
I don't mean pervy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he bodies get mad at me, and then, I get the same when I go to, if I'm looking at men's boxer shorts as well. I just don't like people looking at me because I'm looking at boxer shorts. I know what you're saying. I know, I know, it's just weird.

00:01:33:06 – 00:01:56:13
Yeah, I just goes to Max every now and then and just stock up on my, French Connection, but boxer shorts. I think I think I might, Mike experiences with Calvin Klein's. They're expensive for something that no one, only my wife sees now. Back in the day, you know. Yeah. Calvins were a necessity. Because if you managed to pull, it was a look.

00:01:56:13 – 00:02:20:04
Yeah. But now it's just French connection. Cheaper. Yeah. Five in a pack, not three. About half the price. Comfy? Yeah. Socks are I must I probably buy. Maybe. This is weird. This is weird. I'd probably buy 12 pairs of socks every three months. Yeah, that is weird. What? Why are you. Why are you. Well, how is this cycle happening?

00:02:20:10 – 00:02:24:01
Why do you see one?

00:02:24:03 – 00:02:38:04
One? Socks. No. Good. Is it so? So I'll end up in a three month period down to about four. And then I start to wear a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then I'll just hop up with another 12 pack.

00:02:38:06 – 00:02:56:07
How do you keep losing one though. What is it like? I know one guy. Yeah. Everyone has that problem. Then they. It's like a portal somewhere where the socks just go when they've had enough. I've been on my feet. I've got like, I've got a collection of maybe 8 to 9 single socks that are in my drawer.

00:02:56:07 – 00:03:17:09
Yeah. Hoping one day, one night, they won't come back. They've gone and they've been in there for ages. Not even years. And where have they gone already? Fucking stay my ass! Let's see what was wrong with your boxer shorts. You'll pull you up because, the, there's no other word to describe it, but, the gusset of it.

00:03:17:10 – 00:03:40:19
I need to go. That's a disgusting word. Did it? What was it wearing out? Oh, my. My ballocks is just dropping frames and even having them. Yeah. No point. I know, my understanding is that you've got quite, decent balls. Yeah, well, I mean, you say they're larger than normal. I wouldn't say they're larger than normal, but I'd say they always got sperm in them.

00:03:40:20 – 00:04:08:09
No way. I would say your balls are larger than normal. Yeah, I'd say that even in the sort of top 10% our ball size. And it's just worn out. You lost it. So so so so so so so then I've bought. So I went out to the shops. Went out to, next night. So this is the is the shop for boxer shorts and I bought the trunk ones.

00:04:08:10 – 00:04:29:07
Normal. And these ones, it sure sounds like how short we talking like. What what what do you mean by short? Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to buy them to see how short they are. Right. So I bought these boxer shorts and to say they're with trunks is probably an understatement. Like they are virtually like pants.

00:04:29:09 – 00:04:52:13
And I was like, I don't know if I can get on with this. I'm literally wearing pants here. I've worn them. Yeah, I feel alright. You know, my I mean, this is we all get to an age like you were. You were claiming about your shoulder. I mean, I've got tennis elbow, something that I've got. Yeah, I've got no I mean I've got, peripheral neuropathy in my feet.

00:04:52:15 – 00:05:12:15
Yeah. And I just feel like I'm getting old and falling apart. Yeah. This is the age where you need the support of a brief or pant. Yeah. My dad with pants, swears by them. Yeah. You've seen me? Yeah, I've seen you do that in his pants. Yeah, no I have, yeah. Let me as a kid. I don't think you could do this now because probably end up on the register.

00:05:12:15 – 00:05:33:18
But when we as a kid, he, he would open the door to my friends, and they would not for me to go out and play football. Yeah, he had his pants. Before it was hilarious. He would run right about with Joe, and he knew what he was going to be for me or my step brothers and not hear him scrambling to run downstairs to open the door.

00:05:33:18 – 00:05:52:15
And I would have to beat him to the door in order to prevent this from happening. Oh yeah. Good times. So when I am to, I've been wearing these, like, long pants, styled boxer shorts and like, I kind of like the feel of them, and I'm not going to lie. Yeah. This morning I went for, I usual walk.

00:05:52:17 – 00:06:20:12
It's freezing outside and I notice halfway through my walk, my inner thighs were stinging, chafing. And wear the boxer shorts. The normal longer ones would have covered these pants and ones that come up short, and I almost couldn't. I, like, stop walking now. No, no, I haven't I because I went for the walks, I get a bit sweaty.

00:06:20:14 – 00:06:32:05
Well just normal. Show me, show me. Stand on your chair. Show me. Oh, God. This is going out to patrons at the night. Yeah. That's right. People.

00:06:32:07 – 00:06:51:13
Just the normal, you know, the standard. Like stand on the chair. Stand on the chair. Not standing on the cloth tight, but, you know, put it down further, further. Pull your trousers down, for fuck's sake. I want to say so. I can't see you're not stuck. There we go. A bit like in a fight as well.

00:06:51:15 – 00:07:06:18
Those ones are terrible. What? You go on. Yeah, yeah. No, but the house ones, the house boxer shorts. Come on. You don't. Please don't tell me you change your boxers. I know, you know, I have an issue with people changing out of jeans when they get home, right? Right. Yeah. There's been a fair amount of kickback on that.

00:07:06:20 – 00:07:30:11
Yeah. And, I think it's a weak mentality if you're getting home and you're like, oh no, jeans aren't optimal comfort level. So I'm going to take my jeans off. I think we've spoken about that on this podcast. Now, I might not then. Right. But I'm going to take my jeans off. Right. And I'm going to put on jogging bottoms or shorts because that's more comfortable.

00:07:30:13 – 00:07:52:06
I need I need to be comfortable after my all day at work. So just to clarify for everyone, Flav wears jeans 24 seven. Like he goes like, you know, people get undressed to go to bed and put pajamas on. He just wears his jeans. Not too bed, but what the fuck do I do? I am wearing my jeans and to the point I get in bed, right?

00:07:52:09 – 00:08:16:03
Like so. When I go to bed, there is a pile of jeans on the floor. I just, and, but but the people like, I've got like John Bass, for example. Yeah, yeah. John Bass, he, he like, thinks it's mental. And I'm like, man, hardest manliest thing you can do is stay in jeans. The most feminine thing you can do is put on a hoodie, a snood or whatever the fuck they're called.

00:08:16:05 – 00:08:41:07
Yeah. One, in my house. Jogging bottoms, hoodies, hoodies, one thing and that's it. Yeah, that's for me. That's like, that's what everything is wrong with the modern society. We're not willing to be uncomfortable at any moment. Yeah. Cucked behavior. Yeah. I'd leave my trainers. Yeah. Oh, well, I'll wear my trainers sometimes for ages. Well, in your house sometimes.

00:08:41:07 – 00:09:02:09
Yeah. I might have them on for a bit. I shoes on for a bit. I walk around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go tell her when are you going to dash out. You're so right. I want you to start running for some reason. Although I will concede, actually, I've got a pair of moccasin slippers, which I wear all the time because it's one of the few things that stop my feet from her in as much.

00:09:02:11 – 00:09:24:16
So I, so I that's that's interesting. Yeah. It's I found that they, they they I don't know, they suit, they feel soothing rather than when I've got my shoes on. Now my feet are on fire. But as the moccasins, I, they give me sweet relief that I'm wearing. They are fucking. They are like they are granddad's slippers in the most extreme.

00:09:24:18 – 00:09:46:03
Yeah, they are granddad's slippers, but they're warm and they comfy moccasins. You sort of styling out with a slipper. Oh stone. No he, he fucking trying to impress it. I, I don't know, they are just classy looking slippers. Like moccasins. If you have to choose a good looking slipper as a moccasin. Yeah. I always remember when I was younger, me out there, she'd be wearing moccasins, trotting about the house.

00:09:46:05 – 00:10:10:03
I think she threatened me a couple of times of that is, sock it. That's an English staple. Yeah. Is. And if you want to go, if you want to go like spinny, you get some, you know, deerskin moccasins. What these skin moccasins that that's like a traditional. Really? Yeah. It's a British, you know, good old Blighty staple, a moccasin, I think.

00:10:10:05 – 00:10:33:24
Yeah, yeah, 100%. Just just while we were on the what we mentioned what you wear to bed. Well, what do you like if I just spent no t shirt? No. No t shirt. Just pant. Just pants. Just just just by that, even in the height of winter where it's like, fuck it, I love this, I love I want the window open in winter, but my wife, I love it because she's like the opposite.

00:10:33:24 – 00:10:55:15
She likes being really warm. I would, maybe I would if I had a choice, I would have a window open at all times at any point in the year. Really. Genuinely. I'm not joking. Right. That's I mean, you know what? The heating is on my bed. I it's never happening. But I would make a point of shit. I don't care how cold everybody is.

00:10:55:17 – 00:11:19:17
I can't sleep with the heating on. There's the sound of the heating. Yeah, yeah. And and it's just the artificial heat that just. I don't like it. I don't so yet, heat, you know, just pants. Yeah. That's it. But some of the pajamas, the bed. What the fuck is too much cloth all over you? Yeah, but honest, on the front, you've got.

00:11:19:17 – 00:11:39:19
You got pajamas with buttons. You done the front. You? Well, yeah, yeah, I do, but that's only when it's like, break glass. It's winter time. You're putting on pajamas. The case when the trousers and the. And the button top. When it's like the depths of winter. And it's just cold all the time. And I can't get into my bed.

00:11:39:21 – 00:11:55:13
Please, I'll have to do that. Please. I want to see a picture of you in pajamas full of buttoned up. Right. Okay. I've got quite a few, actually. I'll tell you that for you. And we've got, we've got a mattress topper as well. Heated mattress topper. Heated not I couldn't that never I can that will never work for me.

00:11:55:13 – 00:12:15:05
I just think when you get into it, when you. Right. I do have a mattress topper. They're essential. And make a bed super comfortable. But the heated one there, when it's ice cold outside and you turn it on 20 minutes before you go to bed, I know, I, I know how you get into that. I'm just saying, you know what happened?

00:12:15:05 – 00:12:37:02
My mum nearly killed me. Not for the first time in my life. She nearly killed me about three times. Not on purpose. So the first time was, she left the heating on, on a on. Let's I remember this is in the 80s, so. Okay, the kind of safety parameters weren't what they are today. No. Nah. And the thermostat broke and it just got hotter and hotter and hotter.

00:12:37:02 – 00:13:01:22
I fell asleep, and I woke up, and I was sick everywhere because I was. So I'd been cooked in my own bed. That, you know, I don't think the thermostat did break. I think my mum just forgot to turn it off when she went to bed. Yeah. I wonder if I can get on the phone quickly. And the other time she nearly killed me was when I,

00:13:01:24 – 00:13:29:23
The. Can you hear that? The ringing. I can't, you can't? No, you can't hear that at all. No one's aged, all right? It's not going to work. I think. Yeah. Every time she did, he killed me was when, I fell off, I broke my arm, and, I had to wait three days before going to a doctor because she thought I didn't break my arm.

00:13:30:00 – 00:13:50:11
She was a nurse, by the way. And the other time she nearly killed me was when, she came. She put you wee wee cakes for her husband, and I had one, and it sent me over the edge. I thought I was going to die. I felt my bones were breaking in my body. My legs wouldn't stop shaking, and I had to leave the table.

00:13:50:11 – 00:14:11:13
But they'd come over for dinner and I'd take myself to bed, leave like, sorry for about 15 minutes to the free time. She tried to kill me. The boy. I mean. I don't think that's her trying to kill you, being, funny really so bad with weight. You know, because of my feet, I can. I qualify for medical medicinal, marijuana?

00:14:11:15 – 00:14:29:15
Yeah. If you if you had an update on that, if you recent. Yeah. You just mentioned that you I think you literally just got the email for the letter. Just send out the consultation and then they're going to call me, how would you take a ride when they let you smoke it? Oh, it is bad. It arrives in a pill box with full of.

00:14:29:15 – 00:14:48:18
But it's not. It's not like a powdered or in a tablet form and removed all of the THC that gets you fucked up. You get fucked on a grind up. Yeah, yeah, if you want to. Like, they don't recommend, they obviously don't want you to smoke it, because that's probably the worst. Those, the healthy way to do it.

00:14:48:18 – 00:15:12:07
But. Yeah. No, they, you vaporizer. Oh, fuck. Really? It's in like a little pot. It tells you what strength it is. What what it is, and all that sort of stuff. You know? That's amazing. I don't even like weed. All right. I wish that the this guy will give you some MDMA. You some MDMA. If your feet kind of.

00:15:12:09 – 00:15:31:06
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some ketamine for your feet. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. When I play the, a of course. Yeah. Just, need to bring out the, like, as a,

00:15:31:08 – 00:15:56:17
The night I see, like, Band of Brothers playing tunes high is quiet and midnight waves surfing free till daylight breaks. Rhythm of different ways. Love of music I we prayed with our tongues in cheek. Band is I, we like to speak and yeah, times change. But no matter what the bond remains. Brothers.

00:15:56:19 – 00:16:20:03
Go Rick. Hello and welcome to lads anonymous is episode 125. I'm Ricky Heath. Flap, two best mates. One main topic we answer your life dilemmas and confessions and our feature something only you know. And everything remains anonymous always. So sit back, relax and enjoy the part. Why are we just grimacing? There? Well done. I don't know what I've done.

00:16:20:03 – 00:16:40:02
I've mentioned it like three times, but every now and then, like, I'll get mad sort of painting my foot mad, but, it was like, what? How would you describe it? It feels like someone's getting a ruling. Not stabbing, but getting a ruler like the edge of a of a ruler or or a butter knife and just running it.

00:16:40:02 – 00:17:04:02
Running it down my foot. That's how it feels sometimes, but not always. And sometimes it's not pain. Oh, it's itching. And you, you try and, Oh, shit. I've just realized. Covered up the video patrons going to see my settings on discord for a little bit. Sorry, only about 30s. And, sometimes it's an itch, right? But you can't itch it.

00:17:04:04 – 00:17:27:24
It feels like it's inside your foot, not the skin. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you probably had that before. So that's what you used to do with the damage from Covid? I feel pretty, I'll kind of use it now. Like, I don't bothered by it. It's like I've had it for years, and it's mad how you just get used to something and how normal it is, and it's.

00:17:27:24 – 00:17:53:20
It stops becoming. It's unpleasant. I wish I didn't have it, but I'm like, I'm. It's not the end of the world, really. There's no cure for it either. You can't. I was going to say there's nothing I can do. Any trial, drugs or any, and going, no, not really, not not so far. They. Okay, I've got appointment with the hospital, which is taking about a year to get, but I know that it's I'm going I'm not going there to.

00:17:53:22 – 00:18:16:11
I'm not going for them to fix it. I'm going there to sort of allow what they what they want, what they want to do with me. I've got free tests and they have to go send like fucking things through my nervous system and stuff. If they said that we, we do have a solution for you. But you have to wear these kind of, like, platform shoes, you know, when someone's got one leg shorter than the other.

00:18:16:12 – 00:18:38:09
Yeah. And they you, if you had to wear, like some style shoes, know that, because I mentioned last week, I think I had the amitriptyline and that takes the pain away eventually. But it. Right. Okay. It made me feel like a zombie. So I literally just gave for two days, just couldn't do anything. Can work. Fucking hard work, but I couldn't.

00:18:38:13 – 00:19:07:03
It was hard work to speak and shit like that. Best not sleep in my life. No, on the. Yeah. Straight through. And the drugs didn't even. Yeah, I yeah, I, I went to bed at ten, woke up at seven like not didn't even I don't that usually I wake up so groggy. Yeah. But terrible. But it's the why is it that when we get more sleep, the day we wake up, we fucking feel worse?

00:19:07:03 – 00:19:32:22
Yeah. So if you have an hour during the day, you wake up, go. Oh, oh. Well, I'm going to go into a, just a little thing here first of all. Right. So this is for a gentleman by the name of George Fletcher. That's right. George, if you are thinking, did he just say my name? Is he talking to me?

00:19:32:23 – 00:19:57:16
Georgie boy, I am talking to you now. George and his partner found out, she was nine weeks, pregnant. And at the scan was told that it's unlikely to be a viable pregnancy. After two weeks of waiting, they went back for confirmation scan. And out of nowhere was a healthy, heart beating. Eight weeks, baby has been growing.

00:19:57:18 – 00:20:17:13
His Mrs. is now 14 weeks pregnant. And last Saturday they were at the Fulham game. He took that Mrs. to her first game of the Fulham game. And and they they've sent a picture and it's this amazing picture of the backdrop of the stadium. And is it a sonogram. Is that with with a baby. Is that what they call.

00:20:17:14 – 00:20:44:01
Oh yeah. Ultrasound I think so. I don't I've never had one, but lovely picture. Now, George, I know this is your first child. You're going to be fine right there. You don't need to panic. Honestly. You okay? Yeah. He's nervous. He's nervous because I've been told that he's nervous and if I can do it, then you can do it.

00:20:44:03 – 00:21:05:11
If flat can do it, then we can all do it. What is he? That's that sound it, I think. I don't know, it's just us. When you're having a baby, don't really know what to expect. You don't. You don't get given a manual, do you? And then read a baby I did, I came into, I don't know. No, but yours were four and six, right.

00:21:05:11 – 00:21:26:09
That's right. Babies. But they didn't make themselves. No, they didn't fucking dress themselves. They didn't decide. I mean, they're imbeciles at that age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Exactly the same baby. Take care of them. They would definitely die like that. Like, right. There you go. If you disappeared and Emily was, Oh. Sorry. I'm not saying them. Yeah, yeah.

00:21:26:10 – 00:21:48:10
Fuck, yeah. Raymond was just. It was just Raymond around, and she would survive. I think she would survive. Yeah. I'm not sure what the state of the house would be in and what she'd get up to, but, she would. She would. So she would have on a Saturday morning, she first up and I can hear clattering around in the kitchen making breakfast.

00:21:48:16 – 00:22:10:04
What she doing? She. I've gone downstairs. She's made herself scrambled. I can pancakes for real? For real. That's what. That's impressive all the time. That is impressive. I made it 12 years. Was just doing that. And then, Emily, she is Sergeant by the by the rulebook, right? You know, she she would never step out of those lines.

00:22:10:06 – 00:22:36:13
And, so, so she wouldn't make herself. She would, she would. But I don't have any worries that she would survive. So we all Emily had already had was just. Yeah, 100 pounds a week. It would just be delivered. And the rest she would have to do herself. Okay. Would you make it stop? Yeah. She, I don't know about that.

00:22:36:13 – 00:23:05:15
I think she would make it to school, but I think a lot of her, mealtimes would probably consist of pizza cans of monster because she knows she's not allowed to have that. And I'm not there, and she's got money to do it. So she wants monster. She wants monster. Luckily, my kids pass that, and I would very rarely, very rarely buy it from like, it's just tons of caffeine and high numbers and sugars and yes and yeah, it's mental.

00:23:05:17 – 00:23:24:03
You think is minerals especially going to school would be a terrible thing for him. Okay. We we we get I know I got other people. I know they think it's all the time. Let them do whatever they want. I'm not the fault. But I know there's Monster Day. I got this feeling. You see the girls on,

00:23:24:05 – 00:23:46:12
On and on. We bought one kind of monster. Yeah, it was the sugar free, caffeine free aspartame notes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Completely. And then we shared it out between us, and we were, like, the same when we got the monster bug off our back because they just wanted to taste it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you want it. You know, when you're.

00:23:46:14 – 00:24:04:05
Don't look at that in the corner. Don't look at that in the corner. Don't look at the corner. You're going to want to look in the corner I said we have to get through it together. We'll do it. What happens to the psychology of kids? Right. Because I remember when Prime was like, you couldn't buy it anywhere. Yeah, but my boy, he had 10 pounds on.

00:24:04:05 – 00:24:29:13
I remember he got it. He paid 10 pounds for a bottle of Prime. Yeah. Oh, God. That, that that era was horrendous. And this is this, this drink is shit, right? It's absolute poison. And the. These influencers whipped up such a craze and made millions of pounds, giving kids shit. What do I mean? Is it's fucking mental in it.

00:24:29:14 – 00:24:49:03
Yeah. And they're just like. They're like drones. They're like, I need this, I need this, and you tasted it, and you're like, this is shit. Like, this is like fizzy pop out or like a pop. You might get this 20 pea in a bottle that you wouldn't even dream their dream of drinking panda pop. Something like that. Yeah, that's the level of this drink and kids with this crazy.

00:24:49:03 – 00:25:19:23
Yeah, right. Merely because, like, they've been told to, like, be conditioned to. It's the same as, like Max and Brandon, like, do you know that? You know, and Nike and Adidas spend 80%, around 80% on the biggest cost is merchandizing is is promotion. The trainer itself is about 10% of the total value. You pay for 80% of what you pay for when you buy the shoe is the cost to market the shoe, not the call fuck.

00:25:19:24 – 00:25:42:19
Wow. Yeah that's mental. I remember with Prime as well, I was like on Facebook groups Tesco's have restocked but don't fucking get down there now. This is what we did. We were facilitating. It was oh you want prime your dad? I'll give you a prime I'll give me a prime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So at the end of the day, George, as long as you don't give the baby prime.

00:25:42:19 – 00:26:09:16
Yeah. Or monster. It's got food in its belly, a roof over its head. It's. Loved it. Support it. You'll be absolutely fine. Rob. And many congratulations to the by now before mount of Remedios have got kids like popping them out constantly worry in their mind. Made insane. The fact that you're worried will make you a better parent than one if you had no concerns, just go from level one one of one, number one.

00:26:09:18 – 00:26:39:05
Exactly, exactly. Now I just want to bring people's attention to something. I have a voice note that we're about to play. So, Flav, can you play the the voice note? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. Because again, I've seen no problem doing that at all. At at.

00:26:39:07 – 00:26:43:12
Not. No.

00:26:43:14 – 00:27:13:13
Hey, I, I'm just listening to Rick's, podcast from today. He's discussing, he's getting what I love to play, and he's ingredients that he puts in. So I'm not going to tell you, I'm sure some you've probably been told, but it actually tapped my stomach a little bit. And I know that some may, but I can't I can't get on board anyway.

00:27:13:15 – 00:27:26:10
But I'm sure it tastes nice. See you later. What? Who is this? Who is it? I think the term is snake in the grass.

00:27:26:12 – 00:27:47:18
And what it is is that she's played it two years. Yeah, yeah, that's a good one. We've got a good waft on, to let you know, but does she know yet what the secret ingredient is? Well, I mean, after the voice. No, I kind of I, I did tell her because she was like, how can something be wrong?

00:27:47:18 – 00:28:08:19
She was like, what are you putting in there? Yeah. Not earwax. You put in fucking martinet. What are you do? And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, calm you fucking boots go. Yeah. Whoever sent that voice note, right? Yeah. Milk is a traditional ingredient to be able. Nice. As per the Italian ice. So what I. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:28:08:20 – 00:28:27:05
So what you back. Right. You know, is I do know who it is. You don't want to say a name, right? Surname is anonymous. Yeah. It's anonymous. But you call it is marked. But, but thank you for listening. And I know you listened as well, because we got that voice note on Monday and it came out on Monday.

00:28:27:05 – 00:28:49:01
So I called you straight away. Cross. Yeah. Straight away. So I, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm got a notepad voice are things I'm saying voice note I thought was gonna be a lovely message are be getting high and then, and then it just turned into then it just turned into poison deceit and skullduggery. Going to be. Everyone's going to be tasting my pollinates now going.

00:28:49:03 – 00:29:09:07
Oh, it does taste of it ranking. Hey, Rick, what have you put in this time? I've I've got to be I got to be said I don't like the idea of milking. I don't like that's fine. Yeah that's fine. I've got a few people saying put cream in. Well, I made a pasta dish last night, and, because I said, would you want sort of wife, what do you want to eat?

00:29:09:13 – 00:29:29:09
Right. Yeah. Because she's not letting me paint anything in the new house because apparently I'm too slapdash, which is, making room is was a result. Paint in is horrible. So I said it's horrible. She likes doing it. Anyway, I said, which one? Which one for lunch? Oh, I'm making sure I want to create creamy pasta. So,

00:29:29:11 – 00:29:48:09
Yeah, I made her, I might just like a, just a tomato. Creamy tomato sauce, which is really nice with a bit of vodka in it. That's the. That's the key. Like five tablespoons of vodka cooking. Okay, into this little, vodka. I've had it twice now, and it's really good. Really good. Anyway, but that was double cream.

00:29:48:09 – 00:30:07:01
I didn't think twice about that. I think it's just the beef in the in the. And the dairy together. Yeah, that might be the issue. This was just the sauce. Right? Okay. I know, maybe it isn't. I know what she's saying, but she didn't have the message. Donna. She didn't have to do that. Someone else. Tablespoon of Marmite in that bottle.

00:30:07:01 – 00:30:24:08
Nice. I know I've done this before. Know if you tried it? Yes, I've done it before. I used to make garlic. I used to make a bottle of these. Not bad. Like. Like I'm just a tomato sauce. When I lived on my own in London. Okay. And they would say use yeast extract essentially in a lot of cookie.

00:30:24:09 – 00:30:44:22
Yeah. Because it gives it a bit like that depth. Yeah. Oh, you can achieve it without it. I feel like it's not right. That's okay. Not putting mama in is like pouring tomatoes ketchup in that kind of level. Yeah, yeah yeah. I'm not I'm down with that. Is that too poncey. Like, if you're just if it tastes good at the end, what does it matter what you put in it.

00:30:44:24 – 00:31:13:14
Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah I tend to agree with that. If it, if it tastes good it doesn't matter what the ingredients is. Someone else as well. Tablespoon of brown sauce. And I see that again this cheat you can't would Italian tongue in the grave a dead Italian stallion. He's great. If he saw what you was doing. Because at that point you're not making Bolognese like you know, you're not making a ragu, you're just making a sort of a weird concoction of things that sort of tastes like a Burnley I don't know.

00:31:13:16 – 00:31:30:18
Yeah, I don't know, but I mean, if it tastes good, then, why not? Why not? But they're probably sticking that in. But they're not. They'll they'll use onion powder as opposed to chopping up onions. That that's the kind of people that know you cut. Yeah. No I'm not I'm not on board with that. No I do if I'm in a rush.

00:31:30:18 – 00:31:52:19
Sometimes you use garlic garlic powder only because chopping up garlic makes your finger stink. And, it's a bit of a faff, but if I'm doing it properly, I always do chop it up. We buy massive jars of garlic paste like massive jars. Yeah, it is cheating, but it does work. It's just perfect, really. I don't use a Caesar powder.

00:31:52:21 – 00:32:09:22
Yeah, but then you use a puree. If you use the pure. It's also kind of like cheating as well as a little bit like tomato. What's this with you? Cheating and, Yes. Yeah. You're a traditional cooking. Yeah. Really? No, but I don't go around claiming I'm, like, the best. I'm just saying. I'm just saying.

00:32:09:24 – 00:32:32:07
Wouldn't you say if you call it spag bol, you can definitely put in a bit of Marmite and paste and all that stuff. Yeah, but if you're having a traditional ragu, you can't. Right. Okay. But we are calling this back bowl. So maybe I just, you know I don't know I'm, I'm, I'm glad we're clear on that. Something on you know I pick that up here.

00:32:32:11 – 00:33:06:13
We say so we want. Yeah. Go on then. Lay. That leeway. All right. What do you want to, Well, I did the. Let's get under the cricket. Oh, Jeffrey. Just the Jofra Archer. Not not to. You know, your live on Latin on pod. All right, well, this is what you want. I'll just say if you're going to play better for the later money, don't say that.

00:33:06:13 – 00:33:11:17
Don't say that. No.

00:33:11:19 – 00:33:34:08
People are not. I'm. I told everyone expose. What are you doing? Well, I ain't got a job. Well, the nerves will be swung. What party last night, sir? You know what it is worth? Could you know it? Well? Drug control plus. Welcome. So that was it. You got a question for him, Rex? And if you want to ask me, diet, how's how's the hair?

00:33:34:10 – 00:33:52:04
Oh, how's your hair coming along? You. So everybody, just so everybody knows early had a hair transplant. You went to Turkey about six months ago, and he's a changed man. Yes, it is good. Also good pitch people. It's, Yeah. It's good. You've never. I never thought you needed it, but I. You've never been more attractive to me.

00:33:52:06 – 00:34:05:14
Yeah. That's nice, but those look good one. Well, what do you mean never needed it? Oh, I see by.

00:34:05:16 – 00:34:30:13
Let's see this fucking battlefield. Yeah. I'll make you play battlefield six all the time. I mean, I mean, Lee, they're here. The days when we came back, when going in last class. Have you got any of you? You haven't go to the office every day. It's a computer game, right? So it's like oh nine. Yeah. And you shoot people and you're on a battlefield and you, you have to capture points and get.

00:34:30:13 – 00:34:47:20
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean lovely, lovely stuff. It's good. I mean, what I was going to say, it's more of a social club. So, so socializing. So you're speaking through. Yeah. Which like you're chatting to each other like that, like okay. And I talk so by day and I'm not just sitting on my own in this room, in this office anymore.

00:34:47:20 – 00:35:06:22
Of my. I'm only going to have to get back up for actual for because so much fun right there. I used to play Medal of Honor back in the day. I, oh my, I fucking love this so much. I loved it so much. What are we talking about today, Rick? Before we go into what we're talking about, we'd been gone for 35 minutes.

00:35:06:24 – 00:35:33:03
Oh, for God's sake. What is it we're talking about, right? We are talking about. Well, we're talking about grief of all things. It's coming up to Christmas and I coming up to Christmas. People are missing. Loved ones. Gone. Yep. People are. It's just a bit of a kind of, it's a happy time, but it can be a sad time for people that have lost all or about to lose someone.

00:35:33:05 – 00:35:58:13
Yeah. And I've lost, two grandparents around Christmas time. Maybe three, actually. Fucking now, December is a bit of a bastard for losing people. Actually. My family. Jesus Christ, like, I start from the beginning. Do you remember the first time that you lost someone close to you? Yeah, my first. First person who died in our family is my granddad.

00:35:58:15 – 00:36:21:08
Sid. And he died on Christmas Day. Oh, good one said nice one, mate, but how many fuck did you know that? Not only. Yeah, no. When I was about, I would have been about 13. Was this. Yeah. That's that's. Yeah. Yes. It, he he was poorly for a while and then he eventually had to go into a hospice.

00:36:21:08 – 00:36:46:04
And so we went to hospice on Christmas Day. My, and his last thing that he did or last thing I saw him do, was, he was given a pair of slippers, spa slippers, lovely. And he held them up in the air, like, way. And then, that they died. So it was mad that they had the kind of energy to do that and make a joke.

00:36:46:04 – 00:37:18:09
And then the same day just shut down his weird. That's it? Yeah. He's weird, man. I remember seeing my my granddad like my granddad, he was this, he was a big character in our family, and he was, hard man. Stern man. If I'd run a race and I won, he'd be like, well done. Congratulations. But if you move your arms a bit more, you would have been quicker.

00:37:18:11 – 00:37:46:04
Like, there was always like, room for improvement. There was never kind of like you always try and aspire to get that 100% love, but no one could ever reach it. So when he got lymphoma, cancer, and he started to deteriorate, he was, you know, a big bugger as well, like six foot one. And then you just seeing them shrink.

00:37:46:06 – 00:38:11:08
And then when he was in the hospice and I went to visit him, you know, like, skinny is just. He was unrecognizable. That is my granddad's. It was such a strange thing, like going in and talking to him. And then I'd be going in that the next few days, going in. He's just sleeping. A lot is in and out of it.

00:38:11:10 – 00:38:42:22
It was just like skin hanging off bones. It was fucking, just you remember that time when you're in the hospice, and I don't know whether it's like, would you say it's easier to to process the death of someone knowing that they are dying rather than than if you just get a call? Absolutely. Cos it is like you, you go through, levels of grief before they pass, and then you build up to it like.

00:38:42:24 – 00:39:11:14
Yeah, for sure. Like in, in some ways, I don't know, like what you what you'd prefer the preference like if it happened to your partner or your mum that they were sick for over time. But you kind of talk about this and process. It's like there's, I remember watching a documentary about how MDMA and psilocybin is being used to assist counseling, certainly, especially in grieving.

00:39:11:16 – 00:39:39:21
And there was a couple and this woman had never to Christian, in fact. And she had, never taken MDMA and had never taken touched a drug. I didn't think she drunk. And her husband was diagnosed with cancer, terminal cancer. And he was like early 30s. She was early 30s. And yeah, she, couldn't cope with his diagnosis and prognosis.

00:39:39:23 – 00:40:09:12
And was struggling massively, as you'd expect in your 30s. Yeah. You're sitting up for your life and and. Yeah, it's all taken away from you and this through assisted counseling. They were using MDMA in a clinical sense. Yeah. And they were able for using this drug to really confront what was happening to them. And you, we both know we've taken it recreationally and in a music setting typically.

00:40:09:12 – 00:40:32:19
Yeah. But what it does is it floods you with empathy and understanding and willingness and an openness to accept information and give information. Right. That's why people often fall in love on MDMA. Or you meet a bloke and you're like, this guy's the best person on earth, and you think we're going to be friends forever. The drugs were off and I sat on him, you know, this is the thing.

00:40:32:19 – 00:40:56:02
And so in this, in this moment of assisted, I don't know what you call it. It's I could, you know, just using these drugs as a way to assist the conversation. And they had massive breakthroughs and massive emotional connection. And they really have to deal with it and confront especially her confront what she was, she was feeling and what was going to happen.

00:40:56:04 – 00:41:17:11
And, so they had the opportunity through sickness to process it together before you passed away. But with my mum's instance where she lost her mum, my grandma. Yeah. And I mentioned this before, but instantly, like, she didn't know that they were, she didn't know she was sick and then she was dead. Yeah. So yeah. The first one preferable.

00:41:17:11 – 00:41:44:08
Yeah. I think I mean, yeah, it's, that's really interesting that, like doing kind of drugs or therapy together to kind of get through that. I mean, just when you were saying that, I literally I don't know why I did it, but I put myself in that situation like, you know, you part with your partner, you, may, I don't know if I would, I would be able to survive.

00:41:44:08 – 00:42:03:01
I would have to survive because I've got children. But if I didn't, then I it'd be, I don't even want to think about to like to think about it all the time, every day. What it would be like all the time. Well, with Ollie or yourself. Yeah. If I only got here, what would it be like?

00:42:03:03 – 00:42:31:00
What would it be like? What would. Why do why do we do this to ourselves? Because it's inevitable. Can't run away from it. I know, of course, we'd all like to. I mean, I don't know whether I would want to die first to save myself from having to grieve her, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or lose her. And she not have to feel that, like.

00:42:31:02 – 00:42:40:04
Yeah. Yeah, it would be,

00:42:40:06 – 00:43:10:23
Yeah, it'd be hard. It's, it's one of those things, but. Yeah. Where I. Yeah. Gone. Yeah, but this is something we all have to. Contemplate. Yeah. It's it's incredibly hard to kind of, process any of that, but I don't know. And it hits you if you don't accept that this might happen. And. Yeah, the process is like doing the work before it happens to a certain degree.

00:43:10:24 – 00:43:42:09
Like there's nothing that you can protect. There's nothing that can protect you from from it or, from it. But if you do the work beforehand, you could at least prepare or, put yourself in a situation where and try and visualize these moments so they're not so alien and damaging and crushing, because the last thing you'd want if you if you was to lose someone that important, is for it to crush them, you've got to go on right.

00:43:42:11 – 00:44:06:23
You've got to accept how difficult it is to to lose a partner and accepts that also your journey and your time here isn't over, and they wouldn't want you to be moping around and destroyed Rick, would they? They would want you to to, to to move on. And, so I guess I do I think it's a normal thing to, to think about, even as it is quite frightening.

00:44:07:00 – 00:44:35:09
And sometimes I think about my own funeral. I think about a lot, but also what I always feel about that as a positive. I feel positive about that. Not dying, but positive about the, how people would be. It's mental. Yeah, I'm exactly the same now. I think my my funeral would be, uplifting. I want it to be a celebration of my life rather than 100%.

00:44:35:10 – 00:44:56:22
He's gone. Let's feel sad. A set from Donna. She must attend a grave daily and cry. And she is not allowed to leave the graveside until mascara is running down her face and she's wailing on her knees. Yeah, every single day. No more enjoyment for you tonight, but my mum's calling and ask her about what happened with her mum.

00:44:56:24 – 00:45:05:14
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah, her mum died and I will tell you right.

00:45:05:16 – 00:45:16:09
Yeah. Not until just weirdly where we were. I'm recording a podcast with Ricky right now. Okay. They can hear your voice.

00:45:16:11 – 00:45:37:00
No. Well, no. They can't. You're making that up. No, no, I'm not making it up. I'm not making it up. We they can. I'm just got the phone up to the microphone, and we're talking it. We're talking about grief. All right. Okay. And I've mentioned the fact that when Nan died, when you was quite young. Yeah.

00:45:37:05 – 00:45:58:01
And we were talking about what? What's like, you know, like you lost Norman as well. Yeah. You knew that he was ill for a long time. Yeah. You know, inevitably, eventually was going to happen that he would pass away. Right. But then with Nan, it was, instant, wasn't it? It was almost like you didn't know that she was ill.

00:45:58:01 – 00:46:22:09
And then. Then she was gone. Yeah. She just went to bed and didn't wake up again, basically. And she was quite young. Greatly. Yeah. 59 wasn't she. Yep. Well, that was much worse, wasn't it, than living through someone with sickness? Or was it different? You know, you know, us. Us. So it's a lot about grace and what I've observed and what I felt myself.

00:46:22:09 – 00:46:55:08
And I think it's it's there are underlying themes, but it's it's different for different people and different situations. And people handle it differently. Yeah. So for me, I was young, you were tiny. So I was, oh. Even so, I was about 29. Yeah. And, for me, it was a terrible shock because to want me to go on like this.

00:46:55:12 – 00:47:17:16
Yeah, this is what we're talking about. Well, okay. Because the way it affected me was obviously a tragic loss for me as a young woman who'd not long had a child, a baby. But it was the fact that she'd gone to bed each night not knowing what was going to happen. And people have got to go.

00:47:17:16 – 00:47:39:19
Oh, that's all right. That's nice, because she didn't know. Well, I mean, for me to say it like that, there was no chance to say goodbye. There was no call. It was just suddenly she was taken and that was it. And it. Yeah, it messed me up mentally. So for six months, every night I went to bed with the same.

00:47:39:19 – 00:47:51:07
So. But then I suddenly had this realization that, no matter.

00:47:51:09 – 00:48:16:01
Oh, sorry. Oh, God. Mum. I'm sorry. Is what you want. Oh, mama, I've already cried. I'm at to her. Oh, silly voice. Do you want, do you want to stop them? No. No matter how bad it got, something good was going to. What came out of it and what came out of it was understanding and compassion.

00:48:16:03 – 00:48:54:07
Yeah. So yeah. But, and then with my, you know, with my partner, I was older, but it's still sort of. Yeah, I was bit mental. Definitely. I couldn't, I couldn't think straight. So, I don't think it is any easier if you've looked after somebody. No, I don't think it's anything. So it's just different, you know, you react differently and, you know, recently somebody that you and I both know has lost her husband, after a long, long illness.

00:48:54:07 – 00:49:20:12
And for her, it's been apart from the grief, it's been a relief because she's nearly killed, looking after him. So without dwelling on our own experiences, observing people in grief, you can say that it's different. And I think the worst grace is losing a child. Actually, I can't I can't think that any grace would be worse and that she she had to go through that as well.

00:49:20:12 – 00:49:49:03
Then she she did. She she yeah. She's had massive amounts of grace. She lost her son. She lost her brother. He hanged himself. She did. I mean, she's experienced it for whatever reason, but she's, you know, she's one of the most resilient women I know. She's incredibly kind and compassionate, but incredibly tough. And I think that's what's happened to,

00:49:49:05 – 00:50:15:06
She's not hard, but she's. She's resilient. So. Yeah, grief is horrible. We all have to go through it. None of us escape. I don't think us unscathed. Unless you are alone. The longer we live, the more grief we're going to suffer. And that's the way it is. Okay. Yeah. Mum? Yes. That was really lovely. Thank you for sharing.

00:50:15:08 – 00:50:28:22
But do you remember when you nearly killed me? I'm not allowed to swear, but I was going to then. Yeah. So when I was a kid, what happened was not only.

00:50:28:24 – 00:50:57:11
Was it granddad's house. And I went to bed and you left the box. It's not funny. It's you. You you left a hot punch on. Do you remember what happened? To you? And I think it was notes before grandad. Yeah. No, grandma was alive, but I he was. It was a very old good. Yeah, well, that's the problem.

00:50:57:11 – 00:51:14:11
That was my psyche. This is the early 80s stuff. Cells after that just. Hot. Okay. Yeah.

00:51:14:13 – 00:51:38:05
We think it can relate to lots of. Did you hear, like I suddenly appeared in the living room of a bright red face, small. So. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I suppose I did, but it wasn't until it that nobody called Child Services I bloody should have done. Right. I've got a going on, but I'll call you back after.

00:51:38:07 – 00:52:00:14
That's fine. Okay. All right. Lovely. I. That was a lot. That was a lot. Went in six minutes. Jesus. Well, I mean, I've got lots more, questions. The basic questions about, facing your parents death. There was questions about, people with terminal illness and dealing with it. I don't want to talk about any of that anymore.

00:52:00:14 – 00:52:24:21
I. I would there's no more. No more tears be shed on this podcast. Right? It was it just the emotional one knowing. Yeah. It was going to be one. And I kind of, I expected it, but I didn't kind of, but I, you, you even like, just me, you know, what was doing before was I was thinking about our partners and whatnot, even that.

00:52:24:21 – 00:52:57:00
Yeah. You're grieving then, right? It's a part you just process and it before it's happened. And like, you can if you like, you get emotional. Like there's no chance I wouldn't do it was like to save yourself from what will inevitably be a difficult time. But to have it, you need it. What the idea of of of preventing like not falling in love with another person or, you know, you, prevent in a connection with someone for fear of losing them like some people have.

00:52:57:00 – 00:53:15:24
A dog was so moved by their their their experience with the pet and grieve them when they're gone that they can't get another dog. They can't. Yeah, yeah. But all of those moments together, like I'm walking along, walking in this morning and in bouncing along and in meeting other dogs and taking him to my dad's. He loves going to my dad's.

00:53:15:24 – 00:53:38:18
And yeah, Lenny has run around with Brad, that dog, and all those great moments like Worth It. There were. Yeah, yeah. But because I think in my, in my mind, like when I was not putting this together like in my psyche and it's something that I've been thinking about, it's being confronted with the mortality of my parents. Yeah.

00:53:38:21 – 00:54:00:03
And it's like we're moving towards that age like that 73. My mum's 68. That both healthy. Everything's fine. But you kind of like, I don't know in WhatsApp groups and oh my dad's ill this you know. Yeah. And I'm just sat there thinking how long have I got? Like what? Like what? I don't know, I'm just trying to.

00:54:00:05 – 00:54:23:02
Yeah. Try and process stuff and the I think the thing that I always fall back on and the thing that gets me through it, it's like when all is said and done and it's the end. Do. Will there be a point of I say, I wish had I had a wish I'd done this, I wish we'd done this, I wish I'd gone here.

00:54:23:04 – 00:55:05:16
I wish I'd said this to him. I wish I'd said that to my mum. And so I try at this moment. Always trying to live by that. Now where my dad and I, we go to, obviously we go to football every weekend and, and watch Tottenham. We've had so many kind of, memories and events and happiness and sad times and stuff and so to be able to go to watch Tottenham in, European Cup final, to be there in Bilbao to experience that together, for me it was like a full stop on how we support Tottenham.

00:55:05:16 – 00:55:29:05
It was, it was like the, the, you know, final boss moment completely, that kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And with your dad, did you travel with my dad? Exactly. The only things that I kind of like, regretful. And it's like, I wish he lived closer, that we could go fishing more often. But apart from that, you know, we, we sound.

00:55:29:05 – 00:55:55:13
And he knows the way. You know that? I see it about him. And the same with my mum as well. And I tell them so if, you know, like your mum was saying, the sudden kind of passing of her mum, like, yeah, physically I wouldn't have said goodbye. But yeah I know. Yeah that they had, I know that they know how I feel about them.

00:55:55:13 – 00:56:22:11
Yes. And how proud I am. And, you know, the love that I have for them and that we got to experience many things together. Family holidays. And I was, had a happy childhood and, like, all of that stuff. So I think that's where my mindset is in how I kind of try and traverse the next ten, 20 years of my life where I'm going to have to go through this shit.

00:56:22:13 – 00:56:45:09
Does that make sense? Of course. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it also depends on the parent as well. Right? Like you heard my mum and she's very open and she's not afraid of death, and she's, she's very matter of fact. And she's so good. When I need her, which is very often as I get older.

00:56:45:12 – 00:57:09:09
But occasionally you do. She's still, You know, you just kind of regress a little bit. You like, you become a boy again? Oh, yeah. All the time when you like. And you. I know you have. You go to your mum for help and you chat to your mum about stuff and you find it difficult and we're really lucky to have that and that and losing that if, when, if and when the, when they pass away is going to be difficult.

00:57:09:09 – 00:57:32:24
Right. Because you're them and they've lost their parents. And my mum was so young when she lost her. So but she's, she's really I think she's, she's always been quite spiritual always. You know we talked openly about these things that you know that about. Not often but it was taboo subjects. The fact that death's around the corner and not around the corner, but, you know, it's a part of life.

00:57:32:24 – 00:57:57:17
And and obviously, when, so knowing that she's like, that makes it easier for me. I'm not scared for her. I'm not scared for myself because of. Yeah. Who she is. But my dad doesn't talk about it. Yeah, I was going to. I was going to mention because we've had convos before, like, he doesn't acknowledge it. I don't know what he's thinking, but we never bring up.

00:57:57:19 – 00:58:22:11
We never will. We never will. I, I would happily talk about it with my kids. He wouldn't. Yeah, he just wouldn't. And I worry about and he's not gonna listen to this. That's fine. But we I worry about him and his wife about how they're going to be when the other one of them passes already. I thought, okay, I don't think that he will handle that.

00:58:22:11 – 00:58:50:02
Well, I think it's going to crush them. Yeah. So that's a worry. But so my nan and grandad grandad said he died on a New Year's, Christmas Day. Him and his wife were inseparable. They went everywhere together. She would handpick him and said, come on, come on. Sit, sit. Let's go. And they were quiet. They had the quite materialistic, yeah.

00:58:50:02 – 00:59:12:24
There's a lot of people wo lived through the war and and built a life for themselves. And my granddad was wealthy, relatively comfortable, not wealthy, and he works in sort of antiques and his brother works up the city and insurance and stuff like that. So they did well. Yeah. And I think if I would have been super worried for my nan when they lost because she was just alone.

00:59:13:01 – 00:59:35:11
Yeah. And her husband was everything he was. How? Well, they did everything together. They watched the same programs. They went to bed at the same time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they were just, you know, as a lot of people are. And he passed away, and obviously she was crushed and broken, but she was okay. And she was she wasn't bitter.

00:59:35:13 – 01:00:01:07
She wasn't angry. She would talk to him a lot. And she she she she coped and she passed away. It could 20 years later she was 94. And she coped. And interestingly, when she got dementia. And what happens with dementia is you regress back. So you start talking about people who had passed away as if they were alive.

01:00:01:09 – 01:00:21:24
Yeah. As if you were experiencing life with them again. So I don't know how confusing or difficult it is for them. It's difficult to watch as a, as a family member. But yeah, I don't know how difficult it is for them because she never sounded like she was in a bad spot of that with dementia and actually regressing and talking about her husband, talking about her brothers and siblings as if she was at that age.

01:00:21:24 – 01:00:38:04
Again. It was it was actually if you want to do it well, I was able to look at it and actually think, actually, this is not the worst thing in the world. Yeah, yeah. But the point here is that she was okay. And I think that someone who would have been so damaged by grief, she was she was fine.

01:00:38:06 – 01:00:57:11
The same happened with, my, my grandparents and my mum's side that my granddad did all the bills, did all this, you know, took care of everything. And my nan was traditional homemaker. And when he passed, she literally couldn't write a check. Didn't know what a signature was, that type of stuff, got for it and lived for many happy years.

01:00:57:13 – 01:01:21:02
After you talked about Nanny Joyce. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. She referred to you as my brown mate. Yeah. And my little brown friend. Your little brown mates at the door. I don't remember it. Well, when when you would have met. She had. She had cataracts at Moorfields. Yeah. And then. And then also went up in round, round my dad's house as well.

01:01:21:02 – 01:01:37:15
But, What? Yeah. So you some folks in the back. What are you. I think your dad had some barbecues and parties in the back garden. She was round. Is all right? Yeah, that would have been that. Yeah. It probably helped that she lived next door to my dad. My dad was born in the house next door to the one I grew up in.

01:01:37:17 – 01:01:57:09
And that's my heart in it. Yeah. And then grandad lived there for 50, 50 odd years. My dad only sold it like, five years ago. Yeah, that's a fucking lot of time. Yeah, right. We'll draw a line under this. I guess the, the parting message is got loved ones and life gets in the way of,

01:01:57:11 – 01:02:15:14
Well, just living gets in the way of everything. But if you make an an effort to put your loved ones to make sure that you go, you create those memories, and you make sure that when all is said and done, that you don't sit there with regret, thinking, I wish I'd said this. I wish to do it now.

01:02:15:15 – 01:02:35:05
You've got the time. Do it now and think I've earned it. Don't wait. Don't. Yeah. Spend time for fun things together. I mean, that's the best time. Like when. When I'm with my missus and we've got us, an event or a day or something like that, I fucking. I long for that. Absolutely long for me doing it.

01:02:35:07 – 01:02:58:00
A special place. What about, there's a certain party I think we're going to be attending. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Let's do that. The, wasn't to say. Ricky, there was one final thing. This house I've mentioned a lot. That's been the most stressful thing in my life, I can tell, right? Yeah. My wife is so happy.

01:02:58:06 – 01:03:19:07
She's so overjoyed that we've got this place. Yeah, she's been able to do all these things by these things and and build it in a way that she wants to. And I was thinking, we have one go around all of this. If I can make her happy, even if it is stressful, even if it is a stretch financially, eventually it'll be okay and she will have a place that she actually adores.

01:03:19:07 – 01:03:26:13
That's worth it. That's worth it at some point. Yeah. Although yes, that idea was she couldn't have paneling.

01:03:26:15 – 01:03:47:11
We had some panels. You can buy these large panels and put them into bathrooms, right. That they they make the wall have an effect like marble or eat. And in this one it looked like a stone. Yeah. But the house we live in is old, and a lot of the walls are kind of not true, or they're pierced or it's just a it's just an old house.

01:03:47:13 – 01:04:06:13
And you see her face when she, the the builder said, we won't be able to have these, thing. I was like, nice. She just looked, like, disappointed to disappoint. Right? It's just as if they weren't the end of the world. But. Jesus, man. And what that face did to me inside, I was like, what can we do?

01:04:06:15 – 01:04:25:08
Can we just build a new wall or just do something just so she gets a panels? We didn't do that. And then she went and bought tiles instead. But yeah. And it's just it's about making other people happy. And if that makes you happy, that's a great thing. Yeah. No, no, I bet there's nothing, well, crushing.

01:04:25:08 – 01:04:47:20
Then when you want something so bad and then you just. You can't especially you can't have it. Because if it's me, I just, you know, like, I you can deal with it. I can't fix her feeling. No. Like you want to when something's wrong with her. Yeah, I want to fix it. I want to make it better as fast as possible.

01:04:47:22 – 01:05:13:02
That's crazy. We are. I'm going to drop the, We did have. We do have. And another thing. But we've been rolling on, and I don't want to, I have a record. We are going to do something. Only, you know, the topic for next week is natural disasters. And survival. We're talking volcanoes, earthquakes, storm chasing. I actually wanted to be a storm chaser when I was younger.

01:05:13:02 – 01:05:37:16
Yeah, that was one or something. Something like that. Flash floods, sand armies, hurricanes. Have you ever experienced a natural disaster? And what would you do. So we're going to talk about survival tactics as well. So someone else actually messes in with a topic on survival. What would you do in a zombie apocalypse and how would you survive?

01:05:37:18 – 01:06:00:12
Now we can't do, a whole podcast about a zombie apocalypse, but we can do, scenarios of survivors on volcanoes, earthquakes, hurricanes, and test Flav to see what he would do in those situations. If you've ever been involved in any of those, any kind of, like, weather washout or something, that's a bit hairy. Sending you photos, sending you stories.

01:06:00:12 – 01:06:31:12
We love to hear from you. Send it in to lads anon pod at gmail.com. And while I'm at it, my dad. Ollie I'll leave that early. And while I remember as well to the submissions, something only you know, we now have a no no, no an A no. Fuck me and and, anonymous I'm good at got we've got, an anonymous submission form.

01:06:31:14 – 01:06:51:17
So if you go to any of our social profiles, you click on the link, you see the bit there and you can submit, you know, something only, you know, completely anonymous. No emails, no location, no nothing. And I've seen a few of you really used it, and we've got some fucking caucuses that I've been sent. So thank you very much.

01:06:51:19 – 01:07:14:08
Audio to that. You can't actually, do you know what? I'll, I'll have a little think about that. Yeah, I'll look into that. Just quickly. Yeah. You asked me whether I could survive in a zombie apocalypse. I've read The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, which is Mel Brooks and and I've got to say, it's one of the most depressing books I've ever read in my life.

01:07:14:10 – 01:07:38:13
This is a book that takes the idea of zombie apocalypse completely seriously. Like, it's there is even, anecdotal evidence in the back of the fact that zombies could and probably have existed. It's a fucking massive mental book. Yeah, I'd recommend Biden is an interesting thing. Like you can flick through it. Just the level of thought and preparation that this the Max Brooks has got into is.

01:07:38:15 – 01:07:58:07
He was insane. Do you think you could survive on. I sometimes I wish, I wish that well, let's talk about next week. Okay, mate. Right. We are going to go into something only you know.

01:07:58:09 – 01:08:28:16
Why? Something, you know, I didn't realize you were here. Been sitting on this story for a while as it's a belter, but truly traumatic. Writing this while on the shitter in the office Friday activities. Hope you enjoy. When I was 11 years old, my family was moving house. The new house we were moving to was only a ten minute walk away, and my parents went over there to collect the delivery.

01:08:28:18 – 01:08:49:08
While they were gone, I was chilling with my neighbor and her son, who was also my age. After an hour, I asked if we wanted to cycle over to the new house because there was a park next door where we could kick a football. About my neighbor hesitantly said that we could. We should probably stay here, but ultimately let us go.

01:08:49:10 – 01:09:17:18
After we arrived, I let us in and shouted out for my mom and dad, but got no response. I walked around downstairs and couldn't hear anyone, so I told my wait to my mate to wait there while I checked upstairs. I went upstairs and heard music coming from the master bedroom, so I slowly walked over to it. An important thing to mention here is that the new place was completely empty.

01:09:17:20 – 01:09:42:07
No furniture, no curtains, nothing. The way the master bedroom was laid out was that there was a pair of double doors leading down a small set of about five stairs to the bedroom floor. As I approached the open doors and stood at the top of the stairs, I saw something that truly traumatized me an image. To this day, I still can't get out of my head.

01:09:42:08 – 01:10:11:03
Now, instead of just running away and pretending like it never happened, the stupid I'll fucking miss the actual punchline. I saw my parents naked on the bed carpet. 69, in the day. Fuck. You know. Can you imagine walking like this? No. Like in an empty house as well. They're just on the carpet in an empty room. 69 in with music flying.

01:10:11:05 – 01:10:31:00
Now, instead of just running away and pretending like it never happen, the stupid, naive 11 year old made it to the top of the stairs and said, Both my parents looked up at me immediately in shock, and then I ran away. Down the stairs. My mate asked if I found my parents, to which I immediately said no.

01:10:31:01 – 01:10:56:02
I saw nothing from the top of the stairs. My mum shouted, Ben, is that you? And I shakily replied, hi mum. Didn't realize you were here then. Fuck my mate. Thank fuck my mate didn't follow me upstairs that evening. My dad put me to bed and said, what you saw today was completely natural and I definitely told him I didn't see anything.

01:10:56:04 – 01:11:25:05
Unfortunately, I saw all too much. After all this, I was left with only two questions. Why the fuck did I stand there and say, And did my neighbor try to, did my neighbor try to stop us going to the new place because she knew what was going to be on the whole time? And that, lads, is something know I know Christ, God, maybe I couldn't, I don't want to know.

01:11:25:09 – 01:11:46:08
My mum might still be listening to this. Oh, my good lord. Oh, let's just move on. Yeah, we'll move on. So the topic for next week is natural disasters. If you've ever been one, if you've ever been in one or fucking oh, man, I'm really fucking my, speaking up here. If you've never been a natural disaster.

01:11:46:08 – 01:12:07:23
Yeah. If you've ever been in nature about a typhoon, an earthquake, you're messing. And then natural disasters actually ascend into Latin on port at gmail.com. Patrons, you're listening to this Friday. Normally you get this on the Monday. I hope you're well. We love you lot. See you later.