#22 | Inadequacies | listen to this to understand yours and move forward

00:00:00:00 – 00:00:41:05
Adam Knight. Hazy light. Band of brothers. Playing tunes. High is quiet. Midnight waves. Surfin. Free till daylight. Breaks. Rhythm. Hit us. Different ways. Love of music that we prayed with our tongues in cheek. Man aside, we like to speak. And yeah, times change. But no matter what the bond remains. Promise. Hello and welcome to Lads anonymous. It's episode 22, a podcast with two best mates of over 20 years invite you to join their safe space, where all manner of subjects will be discussed.

00:00:41:07 – 00:01:07:22
We'll focus on a specific subject matter first and then answer your questions, dilemmas or need for advice, all handled anonymously. So sit back, relax and enjoy the podcast. Flav, you are in a chipper mood. Bye bye. Well, if it feels like the, the singing at the beginning of the the pod like people wouldn't have heard that it was just me.

00:01:07:24 – 00:01:25:10
Take me home to the place. Below is the, the euros. Euros fever I'm looking forward to. Yes. Love it. Would love to. Of all the football. All the time, right? Yeah. I said that. I said that to the girls. I said it's going to be three games a day and I'm going to watch them all.

00:01:25:10 – 00:01:48:14
Yeah. Don't fucking dare talk to me. Yeah, don't ruin it. Don't ruin the euros. And I, I mean, back in the day, boys boy, when we used to, there'd be international tournaments just like you'd go down London, pick up the benches. Oh, yeah? Yeah, in a pub. Yeah. Drink all day. Yeah. Do a bit of cheese. Oh.

00:01:48:16 – 00:02:13:01
Gone in ciggie. Turn into a wanker. Yeah. Taps off. Yeah. On the on the table ten job bomb. As in this guy. Right. It was fun at the time. Yeah, fun at the time. Yeah, man, I was looking forward to looking forward to three days. Three games a day for the first week or so. Can't ask for more.

00:02:13:01 – 00:02:40:11
Really. I, I am actually looking forward to the England game on Sunday. Yeah. Yeah, it's I'm going out to, a place in Milton Keynes. Place where we went for my 40th birthday. Yeah, I remember England. France. Yes. I go in there with my pals, so I can have a good drink the evening. So, I'm, you know, when you like looking forward to going out and having a bit of a social with the lads and the football and the atmosphere and stuff like that.

00:02:40:12 – 00:03:03:16
So I'm well looking forward to it. Do you know what we've had this week? We've had another voice now sent into us. The voice note is, a suggestion on topics that we can discuss. So take it away.

00:03:03:18 – 00:03:22:14
I reckon 5th April. Yeah, it's for the voice and I on about the, Aussie guy having suggestions for. That was pretty good. So, yeah, I was thinking maybe a shark top Trumps. That'd be a good one. Bit of a laugh. When episodes Ricky said you've got loads and loads of shit in your pants. I'd love to hear more.

00:03:22:14 – 00:03:43:00
I just had quite amusing. Oh, just your top tips for his new jeans. And when the episodes for that was a good one. Just say, fellas, keep out a good work. Up the eyes and up the spurs. Up the O's. So how about was he like. Yeah, well, it seems like it, you know. And Spurs is he.

00:03:43:02 – 00:04:05:11
Yeah. Two clubs. It's not about two jobs discussion but they'd like his idea about shark Tom Trumps. That's exactly. Well well let's play it because that just that is my bag. That is. Well oh that is. I sent your list directly. Yeah. He did. Yeah. Yeah. They didn't put it in running. No no I didn't. No no no I'm just going to make the list up now.

00:04:05:13 – 00:04:31:06
Yeah yeah let's do that. Most aggressive most aggressive I'm going to say I'm going for bull shark. They're maybe not the most aggressive. They are aggressive. Tiger sharks are aggressive. But often it's more inquisitive. And you're much likely to be in the company of bull sharks than you are tiger sharks. That's not to say tiger sharks can't do a little sneak attack.

00:04:31:08 – 00:04:51:03
They can be seen in the video. We've taken the bloody video. I'm a fucking video is mental. But literally just everyone knows what a beach is, right? Everyone knows where the water laps up the beach. Yeah, and you can literally ankle deep water. This tiger shark comes a massive one, comes out of nowhere, goes to the edge of the water.

00:04:51:03 – 00:05:12:20
I might as well be on the beach and then just comes out. You're not safe anywhere. You can get got anywhere. Yeah, they will fuck you up. But the thing about bull sharks freaked me out, right, is that they can so they they're able to swim in fresh water. Well, it's brackish water. Really? Yeah. Brackish water is is like a slightly salty freshwater.

00:05:12:22 – 00:05:41:21
But there aren't many things that can swim in an insult or in the sea and be able to swim in, live, live in it completely happily in fresh water and bull sharks being not only one of the most aggressive sharks out there, but also everywhere in anywhere, at any time. If you look at them, the most likely shark to be bitten by bull shark, bull shark again, because they just they exist where human beings are are.

00:05:41:23 – 00:06:03:00
So that's that's what it is. So you can say sounds like bad news to me. The little marks, the Ricky, they they exist. So I've, I've said I'm sure I've said this before, but you can find them thousands of miles inland if there's a flood in an area. There are golf courses. Right. I'm getting ahead of myself here.

00:06:03:00 – 00:06:28:00
Right. There are golf courses in Ricky in areas of America right where it's flooded. And the lake in a golf course is flooded. Bull sharks have got into that lake. The waters that's come down now, the lake's on its own. Fucking bull sharks thriving in their that is they're playing golf and the bull sharks are there. You can see them.

00:06:28:02 – 00:06:43:12
They've come from the fucking sea, Ricky. Imagine you didn't know that they were in there. Imagine your golf ball went in and you thought, I'm going to go in and go deep and see if I can get this out. Bull shark wallop! And you were fucking in the main mainland America. There's footage, there's footage. This is like common.

00:06:43:12 – 00:07:04:13
You probably seen it. They there is a shark expert is in waist deep water. Bull sharks everywhere they've got I think they've got like they're feeding them as well, not feeding. They've got some food and he gets bitten on the calf. Oh my good lord. He had something like two years worth of rebuilding. He's like and he was in the water.

00:07:04:13 – 00:07:22:18
I said, I'll send you off that. You can see it's on. The internet's everywhere. Send it, send it. So for for one of the episodes we are going to do, obviously this this is part of a bigger topic on a flag, the nice hobbies that someone sent in last week, which we will happily do. Top tips for a podcast.

00:07:22:20 – 00:07:53:24
Not sure I have enough legs on that one, but I do like a section. I would love to hear a section on the flaps top tips just in everyday life I'm touching the upper and I don't know, I don't have any tips. I also thank you so much to everybody that has emailed in, posted on social, in the DMs about last week's episode about parenting, more focus towards being dads.

00:07:54:01 – 00:08:17:07
It had, we had some great, great responses and it is appreciated that people have reached out. A lot of new dads have emailed in which I wasn't expecting, really. But here's one. I just wanted to take the time to thank you both for putting together the podcast. It's made my man Days a lot more enjoyable to start the workweek.

00:08:17:09 – 00:08:44:24
Listening to two of you chatting. The most recent episode on fatherhood was particularly powerful for me, as I'm about to be a new dad in October, and I've been very stressed about how to balance everything and ensure that I don't screw up my child's life, but now fell in brackets. Strangely, a lot better equipped for it. After listening to you both, many congratulations.

00:08:45:01 – 00:09:04:13
And hoping that, you know, what is he we should ask? So. No, no, no way, no way. No, we're wishing him. I wish I don't really understand that, Ricky. No, not really. Okay. Because it happens all the time. All over the world. Millions of them being popped out all the time to say. All of them as well.

00:09:04:13 – 00:09:16:19
Yeah, yeah. No, no, it would they. He's taken the time to team congratulate him. Should I rescind it. You can congratulate him. I'm just saying it happens all the time, mate. It's not that big a deal.

00:09:16:21 – 00:09:40:02
Also, if you're coming that energy, you're not going to fight your kids off. Up? Yeah. You can't help but do it a little bit. I think all parents fuck their kids up a little bit. There's no manual, is there? It's hard. It's tricky. Yeah, yeah. Bloody bloody be kind. Listen, so if you, if you haven't listened to last week's episode, go and listen to it.

00:09:40:02 – 00:10:02:09
Now, if you're a new listener, just go back. And if you're listening to this now on the Monday morning, Father's day happened yesterday. And, I hope you had a good one. I've smashed it. My dad's Father's Day present. I've absolutely smashed it, if you want it. Have you won the Best Son award? Hands down. The best present I've ever bought him.

00:10:02:11 – 00:10:22:14
Fuck off. Because you know what happens with that is they generally get forgotten. Typically, Father's Day is a bit of a damp squib in terms of celebrations. Like dads generally, I feel like there is a general the emotional aspect that dads often have to deal with a lot and don't get a huge amount of emotional support. That's my take.

00:10:22:14 – 00:10:43:14
And not not not me personally. But just as a general idea, you just get on with it, but you just, you know, don't expect much. Just get on with it. Like, Christmas is not really about the dads about that providing and everyone having a great time. Right. And that for me is everything. Yeah. But anyway, he was there's a picture of Faye Dunaway, who is an actress.

00:10:43:14 – 00:11:02:16
She won an Oscar call from a film called Network Down, which is, really good. So. Okay. Anyway, there's a picture of, after a night of celebrating, and she is in this. She's sort of in this nightdress, and, Oscar is on. Well, it's not laughing like that. Why are you okay? I saw your face. Change it.

00:11:02:16 – 00:11:27:18
Oh, yeah? Yeah. Oh, I see him. Could you see him? Yeah. The Oscar's an Oscar. The Oscar on the table. And there's just, like newspapers of all celebrate. No, success. Anyway, my dad was. I can't find the image. You can't find it anywhere. This is it's like an unaffordable. That's like, in my head, I'm like fucking.

00:11:27:18 – 00:11:43:24
I literally 75 minutes to find this thing on on Etsy or something. Literally did take me five minutes, but I've got it printed up and framed. I managed to get a framed. Oh, yeah. He's he's always gonna love it. I wanted this image that he was saying to me, I've wanted this image for years, years and years and years.

00:11:43:24 – 00:12:04:17
I just haven't been able to get it. Luckily, because he's like an absolute fucking remedial when it comes to the internet. Even if you do. So I'm looking forward to opening that nice, Father's Day would have happened. I so I can tell you about my dad. It's got nice, efficient stuff. Randy. He's he's going fishing 2 or 3 times a week now.

00:12:04:17 – 00:12:23:10
He's retired once. He fish. Yeah, yeah. Anything. Anything and everything is. He found a bit of trumpet. Not. Not in the lake. Not. No no no no, no, the chub don't live in lakes. They live in rivers. What do you want from me? I'm just trying to, No, no, no, I'm just. I'm just letting you know, but not in front of everybody.

00:12:23:10 – 00:12:43:22
Let me know. Well, off the book, okay? You made me like a right fucking idiot. Now shout out to. What's the guy's name? Billy. So, you know, I fucking love, love a bit of catfishing. Yeah, I can't, I can't remember setting Billy. Billy? Yeah. I think he's going to take his fishing. Can't fucking wait, mate. Yeah, but it's what I want to say.

00:12:43:23 – 00:13:00:00
I don't want you to do one of them ones. Well, yeah, yeah, we do it and we never do it. We are going to do it when though, I don't know. We need to get him in the summer if you're listening. Bill. Yeah. No. That is that's you. You're doing it again, Ricky. Do it again. Ladies and gentlemen.

00:13:00:00 – 00:13:17:23
This is what Ricky does. He says yes, the summit will definitely do. It would definitely do it would definitely do it will plan it and he'll go can't do it. Won't do it. That's you Ricky. We're doing it all right. Yeah. All right. Fucking doing it. So, so, Bill, if you're listening to this, give us a day and we will make that work.

00:13:18:00 – 00:13:35:10
Yeah. Oh, come on, we own. No, I will, I'll be there as well, because I've never been calf. I've never been visionary. It's only say it's going to it's going to blow your mind. It's going to be amazing. Stay overnight I don't I was like a little tent game. Yeah yeah yeah. Cool. Yeah. We got a little baby up.

00:13:35:10 – 00:13:53:18
Yeah, yeah yeah. Ten, ten nights good a baby. Yeah. But but we sleep in it. Yeah we sleep in it, yeah. Sleep in the bivvy. We sleep in the bivvy. And we have. And we have chairs as well a little gas burner. Get some soup. Yeah, yeah. But much more that. Yeah. Maybe if I, if I'm fishing I won't be able to do that.

00:13:53:20 – 00:14:24:19
But maybe if you just a, just a as it's evening before we go into today's topic, Spotify follows. Look I know I know this more people listen to this podcast on Spotify than any other platform. I also know this podcast is downloaded by thousands of you per episode. Do you know what else I know? Flav well, we're currently on 746 stars for our ratings.

00:14:24:19 – 00:14:52:05
Thousands. Do you listen to this pod for free, you freeloaders? So why don't you do us a turn and give us a five star rating? Yeah. Thank you assholes. A lot of it. Yeah, exactly. If you go on TV, is that the right energy to go to ourselves? Well, maybe, maybe, maybe because they're not doing it otherwise. So if you go to Lads Anonymous on Spotify, you'll see a bell icon which is for podcast notifications.

00:14:52:11 – 00:15:25:09
You see a cog where you should be clicking that anyway, automatic downloads. But then you'll see the three dots. Hit those three dots, click the five stars. That's it. 30s out of your day. Much love, peace and happiness towards you when you do that. So for today's topic, Flav yeah, is inadequacies. Yeah. So it's really hard to pronounce that now I am going to go to the dictionary.

00:15:25:09 – 00:15:59:14
This is a bit of a weird summary of it, but of a person unable to deal with a situation or with life. Food that is a bit odd, so I'll kind of expand on that. These areas of concern are often exacerbated by societal expectations, media portrayals, and cultural norms around masculinity and success. So this is obviously targeted towards us now.

00:15:59:16 – 00:16:34:05
One of the main ones where we feel inadequate men or women, physical appearance. Yeah. Do you do you look at yourself in the mirror as a 40 year old man, 42 year old man and feel inadequate, as in, yeah, like, do you still measure yourself against other men? Well, not against other men, but of what I used to potentially look like, I guess.

00:16:34:05 – 00:16:53:22
And when I was slim, you see pictures of yourself because you keep fucking sending to me. And we post this one at every fucking Thursday. You see pictures of yourself when you were slim or anything. I can I get back to that? And the reality is, no, the answer is you can't. But then I see other pictures of myself or videos of myself.

00:16:53:22 – 00:17:13:16
When I started Bolshy. And I'm not like a fucking creature, like a little girl. I'm like, I like skinny and and I'm like, well, I don't want that either. So there's a happy medium, and the inadequacy isn't about looking back at what I once was or what I look like. When I was slim, I didn't have a little bit of a gut.

00:17:13:18 – 00:17:45:07
It's my I'm inadequate in my ability to change it because what is changing it? Right. Interesting. What is changing it? Well, it is it is eating better food, driving to the fucking gym, walking the dog. You know, you know, walking. Yeah. It's not difficult. Why the fuck can I not do it right? Let's say. I mean, I'm in the same boat as you like, when I looked at the the photos yesterday and the other ones, I.

00:17:45:09 – 00:18:08:23
I looked at myself and I was like, you, we both looked and and I was like, I'd love to get back to that. Would you? I would like to get back to that thing. And I kind of healthy, a healthy ish. I go for a few walks, free walks, maybe to hit the ten 10,000 steps a week. They.

00:18:09:00 – 00:18:28:09
Yeah. But in reality, I need to do more than what I'm doing. I just can't I'm just not going to fucking do it. I want to do it. I want to be comfortable. Why can't I just be comfortable going? Yeah, right. You put in a bit of weight on, you've got a bit of a derby. But if only to.

00:18:28:11 – 00:18:56:19
Yeah. Do you know what I was thinking that yesterday. And another thing as well. So I've been like during the day healthy lunch. Healthy dinner. And then the girls, they had some cookies and they're like oh, these cookies are well nice. And I was sitting and I was thinking, I really want those cookies. But if I eat it, that goes against my calorie deficit and it's going to get then in my brain, it's like Ricky, you're going to die soon.

00:18:56:21 – 00:19:20:08
Do you really want to deny yourself a cookie? A fucking cookie, my, my, just eat the cookie. Yeah, I mean, not I'm never going to get back to the way that I used to look. And I don't look at myself in the mirror and hate myself as it is in my body. I'm not obviously. Arms, legs, head.

00:19:20:13 – 00:19:39:04
Fine. The the stomach I've got, I've got a bit of a, you know, a bit of a beer belly. Yeah. That's expected. I'm 42. I do no exercise. The man. But you, I would wish they would fuck off for a little bit. You got to do something about it though. They won't just fuck off on their own, will they?

00:19:39:06 – 00:19:57:18
I know I'm one of the testaments. Was when I went on my cousin's stag do a couple of weeks ago, and we were by the pool, and it's like taking your t shirt off and you go, so they did. You go self-conscious taking the t shirt off? Nah, I was like, fucking drink it and boys have it, I don't care.

00:19:57:20 – 00:20:24:20
Was there any comments? No. No comments. No, no one cares. No one's watching you. We're all of that age. So, that the inadequacy of, it's the ego that brings the inadequacy is what you think of yourself. And when I'm. When I think right. If you think about your mates, the people you know, and the circles that you roll in, how many of those people are henge like, proper fucking chunked up?

00:20:24:20 – 00:20:49:07
Fucking like, maybe one in a very rarely couple. Very, very rarely. So we like case we both know. So case I'm of the you know some people genetically they just got it. Yeah I think Casey's just got that. I don't even think he goes to that much. I don't think you never did. You never did. Like, there was a kid in my school, Ebenezer came from Congo.

00:20:49:09 – 00:21:08:20
Okay? He was 14. You built like a brick shithouse. He was ripped. You can't tell me you can. Jim. The case is the same. He just. He don't go gym. He don't work hard. He's just been blessed. Yeah, see, that's what I. That's that's the way that they've just been blessed. This is a place I've been blessed. But otherwise.

00:21:08:22 – 00:21:29:24
Yeah. Exactly. What you got to look at is people like van de van exist. Fucking blessed. Facially. One of the most gorgeous looking men that you like to see built six foot three is every woman's dream van of in. Yeah. Van Veen is so people don't know he's a he's a center back for Tottenham. He is 23 years old, is a multi-millionaire.

00:21:29:24 – 00:22:00:04
He's six foot three. He is a star of a magnificent career. He is drop dead gorgeous. Yeah. And he's idolized. Yeah by men twice his age. And he is fast as fast. It's so fast. And he comes across as a decent person. And you could travel around the world with him. He is he the 0.001% of men he in terms of women who want to attract a man like that, it's so unlikely he is his wife.

00:22:00:04 – 00:22:24:07
He's so lucky because there aren't another one of him, because some footballers are ugly, some footballers might not be your taste. There isn't a woman out there that wouldn't, wouldn't. You know, I'm, I'm not. Yeah. I'd I would, I would I'm not even gay. You know, it's a kind of love. Well, why wouldn't you look at it?

00:22:24:13 – 00:22:46:06
Why wouldn't you suck him off? Ricky? Tell me. Give me one reason why you wouldn't chuckle. Find of it. I don't have a name. Because they're not. They're around there, and I know they're only. Only pros. Only I only pros to this. The what you just mentioned about his, his height as well. For me, I wouldn't say it's an inadequacy.

00:22:46:08 – 00:23:09:09
I'm never going to be able to pronounce that role on this podcast just for his inadequacy is what I am five foot seven, I know, and I've always felt a little bit small, but he's never really like, maybe grown up when I was younger. But at this age now, it doesn't really bother me. There are men out there that it does desperately bother them though.

00:23:09:09 – 00:23:36:13
Below a lot of the time you see on social and I'm only using this as a, as an example because it's just sprung to my head. But you see, in a lot of dating apps now where it's like nobody under six foot message may plays and you just think, oh, great, that's what would I do. Like I would be I wouldn't be messaging, if I saw anything like that in you, someone's bio, maybe nobody on the six foot you, like get to fuck.

00:23:36:15 – 00:24:13:23
I know someone who who, Who dumped a man because his arms won't be enough. Wow. Yeah. And then fit better off without without that. You you hear stuff like that, and it's like, oh, it really matters to some people how physical? So, you know, the physicality of people and that sort of stuff. If someone, if I was going on a date and she said, you know, I'm only interested in, in someone who's over six foot, I appreciate being attracted to someone is important, and it's a matter of a relationship, but it wears off, right?

00:24:13:23 – 00:24:34:03
And it becomes less and less important the longer a relationship goes on. And often, to get to the latter part of a relationship or the good stuff, the real meaningful stuff, the the stuff that hurts, the stuff that's important, the stuff that changes the way the impact directly impacts how happy you are. All the stuff, the really, really important stuff.

00:24:34:03 – 00:25:03:04
The get in relationships comes after that honeymoon period, the period that's full of lust. When that fades, as it always does, do you then find out whether or not this person is compatible for you is no longer about sex. It's about who are you? And am I in love with you? And that's. You reduce that pool of potential suitors so much if you're completely focused on the superficial.

00:25:03:06 – 00:25:26:04
So that person who puts, you know, no, no bigger than six. Which is why, you know, people feel inadequate and the inadequacies exist, I imagine if imagine if your wife had said was into was only into taller blokes and she'd missed out of all of this glory and goodness. I know, I know, you should maybe reminder that yeah, I'm gonna I think she gets back from work.

00:25:26:04 – 00:25:51:13
How well do you just touch on a point there about, relationships and being inadequate in relationships? I'm going to take a punt here and say that you don't have that within yours. Is there anything where you feel that you that you can't do for your wife, or you wish you could do better, or anything around that? No.

00:25:51:15 – 00:26:24:24
Yeah. I'm I'm because but, I mean, like, as in even to be so crass as to say sexually bigger penis. No. I'm happy your performance. Yeah. You're happier. Your performance. Yeah, I think so. I think it's not an inadequate. There's no inadequacy there. I've been so. No, I mean, I'm, I think I'm average, so I'm fine with that.

00:26:25:04 – 00:26:44:15
If the lads with micro penises and stuff like that, that's gotta be tough. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Nice. But now I think I'm about average, so that's fine. No, I look more or less than sex, I it's more. There have been moments you just feel maybe you want to do more and stuff, but I'm quite. I'm fortunate.

00:26:44:15 – 00:27:04:23
In the last few years things have gone quite well in terms of business and whatnot. So, I'm all right, man. I mean, it's fine, and it's. It isn't what you do. Actually. It's not what you can provide. It's actually how your partner reacts and whether or not she makes you feel like or he makes you feel like you are enough.

00:27:05:00 – 00:27:25:07
And. Yeah. And if they, like Ollie would say it's and has said I don't. I would live anywhere with you. I'd live in a caravan, I'd live. And when you know that to be true, there's nothing you can do to be inadequate. There's nothing you can do. Feel it. Because they it's not about what you have and what you can provide and it's not.

00:27:25:09 – 00:27:45:09
And that's all makes things easier if you have those tangible things, if you have a house that you bought a house and stuff, right. If you have those things, you can look around and go, yeah, I've achieved this, but and those things are really important as well. But if you've also got someone who just wants you for you and not about how much money you've got, then, then you know you're okay.

00:27:45:09 – 00:28:04:13
But this is an important part of a relationship and making sure it's balanced. But also you don't feel inadequate just because you can be seen by the other partner. All you do is because, no mate, you could be a millionaire. You can have 10 million pounds in the bank if you feel like you're not being seen. You, you, you'll try and overcompensate in other ways.

00:28:04:15 – 00:28:34:14
And by saying it's just, you know, you know, affection and being told you loved and stuff. Yeah. Seen and heard is, is I would say is is hugely important. And much like yourself, I don't feel inadequate in my relationship at all. Like for. Yeah, I don't know about how much. No no no no she, she, she has always said I prefer you without her.

00:28:34:14 – 00:28:55:10
You look you look much better. It looks much better. Take you back to a time when you did have it though. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Did you feel empowered? Did you feel did you feel. No. No, no. Thank you for you. Right. No, no. Yeah I, I yeah I look the fucking ballocks. And you didn't and you're out of order.

00:28:55:10 – 00:29:13:16
I'm not out of order. I'm the one that helped you, Ricky. You had to get to the point where you got rid of it because it was crazy. It wasn't that crazy. Honestly, it made me feel sick. You look so much better. I think both of us look better than the back in the day. I think we've both sort of.

00:29:13:18 – 00:29:40:11
We've grown into our bodies a bit better. Yeah, I should be. Yeah, I need to. I need to lose that. Like talking about, back in the day. This will, ring a bell for you, the, innit, like, intellectual inability and your, Concerns about intelligence.

00:29:40:13 – 00:29:59:04
Educational achievements, intellectual competence. Will you answer these? Yeah. I'm gonna. Because. So you're, You remember you, mate Dave, do you get free money?

00:29:59:06 – 00:30:23:01
Yes. I'm Dave. Yeah, I fly Flavell. Hey. One of his mates into our lives. I met him a couple of times, but he was. He was really intellectual. He's a smart guy. I mean, you weren't in a relationship. I know, but immediately it got my back up, and it was my insecurities and, My. What's the fucking topic we're talking about today?

00:30:23:01 – 00:30:51:10
Well, I keep forgetting the word inadequacy. That's it. Thank you very much. But you you felt intimidated by his intellect. Yes, yes, yes, yes. You think he was intellectual? I don't know, it was like it's because he was the editor of the magazine that we worked. I worked for with it. It may be maybe that maybe just being if talking about stuff that I didn't know about being articulate and, do you feel well traveled and stuff?

00:30:51:12 – 00:31:09:19
Yeah, I was just, I was boring. Fuck, yeah. Get rid of him. Get rid of. Did you hear what you hear what he said? I wouldn't take that, mate. If I can get rid of your life. So. And again. So this is a deep one with me, okay? Yeah. Lay my cards on the table. So when I was working at my.

00:31:09:21 – 00:31:45:17
Not my previous job, the role I had before that, I was in a team of maybe 15 to 18 people. Everybody had a degree but me every everybody. Beans University bought me and nobody spoke how I did. Do you know what? That that's a lie. And the one person that spoke like me will be listening to this podcast.

00:31:45:19 – 00:32:22:20
So there was this there was definitely kind of an attack and adequacy of the educational. Everyone having degrees and being able to kind of speak articulately and just have been a bit more learned, really. So I and I, and I hugely felt that in my, in my previous role, like I was the only guy, only person there out of a team of like, like 18 people that hadn't been to to university, that hadn't been educated.

00:32:22:22 – 00:32:47:20
Do you think you need to do your job? No, not at all, not at all. And I was like a specialist in my role. I knew more than than everyone, and I was quite confident in my ability and how I delivered things within the role. But at tonight, man, when you just, amongst people that are educated, it does.

00:32:47:20 – 00:33:09:19
It gets in your way. Then I felt less than other people because I didn't have these university experiences and I didn't have a degree and I didn't do this, that, and the other. My experience was from fucking life. Yeah. But you without knowing exactly didn't you do more to get I mean that's, that's how I do, that's how I do.

00:33:09:19 – 00:33:30:06
You look at, look back on it. Really. Yeah. That I was the only one there that, that had the job from now, you know, on on merit from my abilities and skillset and experience and not by, like having a degree and stuff like that. But that is something that has always, rankled with me in being you.

00:33:30:06 – 00:34:04:11
So you're like in your, your I that if you're criticized, you take that quite bad. Yeah. Yeah yeah, yeah hugely. I find it it's unbearable to listen to I cannot I can I, I'll listen to it, I'll try and take it in. But I am dying inside, I really am. And, it's something I, obviously I try and work on, but, it's, it does go, a lot deeper than that, but it's.

00:34:04:11 – 00:34:27:14
Yeah, it's I don't know how else I can. I can deal with that. How do you deal with with, criticism? But first of all, I had a lot of it. And still to this day, you get get it like, got criticized on Twitter this week. What were you doing, first of all? Well, no, no, no, that's the I we talked about right.

00:34:27:16 – 00:34:49:09
I made a comment about a player that you played for Spurs and suggested something about his appetite for football and some I won't get into it, but. Yeah. Anyway, I was criticized for my opinion and the way I structured it, and and I was accused of being insensitive to potential problems. Right. My whole name not be true.

00:34:49:11 – 00:35:12:23
Been criticized like, so so I did a show called The Club the other day and, occasionally look in the comments and someone said, it's remarkable this guy is stealing a living. That is. Yeah, but it doesn't matter because it's just the bloke on the internet. He's probably an Arsenal fan, right? He probably has an agenda.

00:35:13:00 – 00:35:33:08
And admittedly, I don't know fuck all about Hungarys chances in the euros. So he's right. I mean, he shouldn't be on that show, so there's nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong. If he was saying to me the fighting cock shit, you don't know how to host a podcast, like you're talking nonsense because I've done this so long that I do know I can do it.

00:35:33:11 – 00:35:52:24
So again, this is irrelevant. Your dynamic is your boss telling you they pay any wages, they think something called you. So that is a different situation. And I'll tell you how I've developed a thick skin for that is I used to work for a youth magazine. I used to be a big beneficiary of a youth media project called exposure.

00:35:53:00 – 00:36:13:20
Now, I ended up working for them for a long time, for 12 years, and part of this, what I used to do well, I wanted to be a journalist when I was a kid, sports journalist or journalist. And what I do is I would write articles for the magazine, and part of the process of getting them published in the magazine was to sit next to what was my would become my boss.

00:36:13:20 – 00:36:39:09
But the bloke who run the project called Andy and rescued me, and he was ruthless when it came to correcting correction and structuring the article and making sure it was as perfect as possible. He was a stickler for everything. The grammar had to be 100% correct. You had to go through this process of having your work ripped apart consistently every single time.

00:36:39:09 – 00:37:08:04
No matter how well you fought. You've done a good job. You knew you about to sit down for an hour and you pick word by word, pick apart everything that's wrong with it. And I've done that with him maybe 50 or 60 times. That is this aversion therapy, right? You go through something enough and easy, like you knew at the end the consequence of it, the product of the outcome of that was you got to see your name in the byline in that, and you saw yourself getting better.

00:37:08:06 – 00:37:28:05
You saw yourself, your writing improving. But it was horrible. Just that instead of writing this article or writing, it's hard enough. Now I've got fucking sit down and have my life torn apart. God, that is fucking. I couldn't think of anything. Well, so much in structure in a sentence. And I'm going, that's wrong. Let's restart this.

00:37:28:05 – 00:37:56:03
The start again. What happened? Isn't that like if he's saying that's wrong opinion? No, because grammar is science, isn't it? There's a there's there's a the way the English language is built is fluid to a certain degree, but there is right and wrong. To know about that. I fucking say, say and do as I please. My sand is a place the the last, maybe the last one that will look at social status and popularity.

00:37:56:09 – 00:38:26:04
People feel inadequate about. That said, what I'm saying is feelings of not being respected or valued within social circles or or your community. So do you have any inadequacies among your mates, like maybe even comparisons or, where you live or anything like that? If I'm out of my element, then yeah, like if I'm like when I do, I have to do so for work.

00:38:26:04 – 00:38:45:15
Sometimes you're put in situations that are very uncomfortable and I feel like I'm not shouldn't be there and don't. No one knows who I am, what I'm doing it. That happens a lot in my work. So it's just it's that more of a kind of an intellect, one. No, it's not, it's it's status is, Right. Okay. Right.

00:38:45:20 – 00:39:01:13
Yeah. Yeah, yeah I get yeah. So I did this YouTubers versus it was the club versus pitch side, two big YouTube channels and did the football. And I'm like they said do you want to come? And I'm like man do you want to play? I was like, I don't know, play with you manage us I don't like.

00:39:01:14 – 00:39:14:13
All right. It's good because I want to work with them guys. And you know, there's potential to do stuff in the future. So I felt like obligated to do it. But when I'm in, you're in the dressing room and you're looking around at these kids and they weren't mean. If you're not into YouTube, it won't mean anything to you.

00:39:14:15 – 00:39:29:15
But I'm looking around like, these are people. I've been very comfortable doing this for a long, long time, and I don't have a YouTube channel. I don't have any presence there. I know James, I'm on his channel. That's it. In this svelte world. Yeah. So I don't know who I am. I don't want to do it. And that's to be done.

00:39:29:15 – 00:40:02:02
To stand there. I'd sit down. I have to speak to them. It was, Yeah, it was, it was, it was a it was very uncomfortable, but I'm glad I did it. But yeah, in that moment, yeah, I felt I felt insecure and I felt inadequate to exist in that space. So this is my this is probably my biggest one, of being inadequate in, social circles, community, feeling less valued and stuff like that.

00:40:02:02 – 00:40:29:08
And this one, again, like this goes back to your, comment about being able to take criticism and me being a perfectionist, and not being able to, to hear that. Now, I, I was thinking, should I put this in? And then I was thinking, because this is, this is going to be this is very, laid bare for me.

00:40:29:10 – 00:40:55:08
And I was thinking, do I do this or do I, do I not do this? But then it was like, let's anonymous, let's fucking, let's be honest, let's be open. Let's have a conversations about this vulnerability. And it had inadequacy. So this is, an excerpt from when I went to counseling. Okay. So this is quite deep, right?

00:40:55:10 – 00:41:19:09
As social human beings, we want to fit in, have a sense of belonging, feel part of the pack and be accepted. We learn to adapt to our environment, play up to environments, and hide our true self for fear of rejection and not being accepted. We try to be perfect so we don't stand out, face rejection, ridicule, ridicule or even humiliation.

00:41:19:11 – 00:41:49:10
No love. I must be of no value. I am worthless. We keep our true selves hidden. So my family, we lived in a semi nice area, predominantly white British stereotypical family. My all my mates, they had routines. They had dinner times, they had the driving lessons paid for first class, paid for the the deposit on their house is paid for.

00:41:49:12 – 00:42:26:13
My family is very different. It was a single parent household. We had financial hardships, and most poignantly, I looked different to everybody. So ethnicity, was completely different. So how could I feel a sense of belonging with my mates and my community and my social circles? So I tried so hard to be perfect, not to stand out, but to fit in and feel accepted, which all stems from a deep rooted feeling of inadequacy, worthlessness, being of no value because of the color of my skin.

00:42:26:19 – 00:42:47:22
Yeah. So that is I know it's deep a fucking hard for you to come back and say anything about that. I've got a reaction. It's funny, because I have. I, I know, I get it. I understand you grew up in you grew up in, in Milton Keynes in a social group that was, you know, white.

00:42:47:22 – 00:43:08:00
White. Yeah. I'm there's no way that wouldn't have an impact on you. And it's not the fault of your friends either, right? It's just not. No. Completely. So that makes sense. Right? It's great that I was able to talk to and get to that. Did you write that then? That was part of my counselor, and I just adding a little bit of it.

00:43:08:00 – 00:43:42:14
Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was just to kind of I mean, this is one of the, the main, you know, causes for the, the internal issues that I, that I've had of, acceptance and feeling inadequate in these situations. And to go back to my, my, my earlier point of being in my previous role where there were like 18 people or whatever, and I was feeling, inadequate because I wasn't, educated to degree level like everybody else.

00:43:42:14 – 00:44:06:11
But I was also the only person of color in that team. So, again, it it kind of made it makes me feel like a I hate saying this, but it makes me feel like a second class kind of citizen, really. That, just my I am of my opinion is worth less than or I'm of no value. You don't feel that now, right?

00:44:06:17 – 00:44:22:02
This is, No, no, I it's it's taken me a long time to move away from how I really felt, and I have to work on it every single day. And like you said, sorry about this. Kids goals ringing me. Okay, let me just pause at there.

00:44:22:02 – 00:44:50:19
No, I mean, I don't feel like it as as much as I used to. And as I've got older, and especially now that I know it's a, it's a deep rooted issue with me and that, that I have to work on it. I still do feel like it sometimes, and I don't think I'll ever lose it or get rid of it or anything, because it's almost like a part of who you are, right?

00:44:50:19 – 00:45:10:01
But you will. You'll become less and less. What, What was it you said of it? Well, I, I hadn't I didn't know what it was. Aversion therapy. Did you say aversion therapy? Yeah. It's like if you exposed if you're exposed to something over and over again, it becomes less, you know, if someone's scared of spiders, put spiders in front of them.

00:45:10:03 – 00:45:42:11
Okay. Right. I didn't know that was that was that was the actual, name for it. But in that instance. Right. What you've just said there, if I exposed myself to enough of those situations where I have to talk about what I've just said. Yeah. In those social circles. And if something is said to me and I don't have a voice and stand up for myself and say something, but whatever it might be, or just, yeah, that, then I will never kind of be able to beat it or.

00:45:42:13 – 00:46:05:18
But I just have to. Every time you come on a podcast, you open yourself up to criticism. You open yourself up. Yeah, you do that all the time. You put yourself in situations where so many more people could criticize you, and you willfully do it every week on the pod. You're doing it now. You're hosting a podcast. Do you do you know how easy it would be for someone to criticize you right now?

00:46:05:20 – 00:46:25:23
And you're doing it, and I'm sure you can. Alex, my brother Alex was saying, listen to the first couple of episodes of love, and then he listened to the one about being a dad the last week, and he really loved it because he's he's going to be a dad. And, he said there was a massive difference between what you were like in the first episode and what you were like now.

00:46:26:00 – 00:46:45:22
That's good. Yeah, exactly. If some people would be so scared of what are people's opinion of you from doing that, they'd be so, so scared of being putting themselves in the situation where they could be open to criticism or someone looking saying, who does this guy think he is that they would never have done it? Yeah, and you did it.

00:46:45:24 – 00:47:21:24
I think that's enough sharing for, this episode. Foster shock. Foster shock. Fast. This, I I'm gonna. I'm gonna have a double in San Mateo. Yes. Is correct. Short filmmaker. Is it raining fish in the sea? Yeah, boy, a shark, then I a false a fish by my bluefin tunas, a fucking rapid. May I want to say my in-laws, deep sea charter Danny.

00:47:21:24 – 00:47:41:13
Deep sea chartered fishing company in Ireland. And they tag tunas. And I want to go on their boat and see if I can fish for them and tag them. And it looks fucking amazing. Can I come? Yeah. I'll bring you along. No, no. Is this a possibility? Yeah, of course it is. They'll let you. Come on.

00:47:41:15 – 00:48:07:22
Yeah. How could I have known you? 20 years? And I only just found out the the fucking, Donna's my other blue fish. Blue chip bluefin tuna fisherman. Only I only found this out last summer, so it's a new thing. I think they got a certification for it. We actually have that this week. We have a. Do I fucking have a dilemma and something I know, you know, and that one is a voice note.

00:48:08:00 – 00:48:30:17
But before we get into that. Yeah, the topic for next week. So we've just done dads and we've just done inadequacies. And I fucking want to have a bit of fun because it feels a bit stuffy and a bit like the problems, man. Big dick. Yeah. Let's in that. And that was the problem of having a big dick.

00:48:30:19 – 00:48:52:21
I mean, they like living their life. Apparently they don't currently. Well do they. Because I don't I wonder if they do like it, but they just being kind to normal blokes who haven't got a massive tongue. Apparently it can be painful. Yeah, I think it's officer. I think if it goes over certain things. Yeah. It has lumps of problem.

00:48:52:23 – 00:49:17:05
Yeah. Apparently of but not girthy just but yeah I don't I might let us know. Ladies is girth a problem. Next week we are going to be talking about ghosts and the supernatural. Yes I'm buzzing for that. Yeah. Why haven't I think in 2018 for that? I got loads of stuff about it. Do you believe in them? No.

00:49:17:05 – 00:49:41:14
Harvey, have you got a scary story? Yeah. Is there a film or a documentary that that shits you up? Rick? You name it, you gave it. Name it UN ghost. Watch. There's ghost watch. But what about the had the. Yeah. What was it? Was that called the Enfield something. It was based that night. We're not doing this now, but.

00:49:41:14 – 00:50:05:19
Yes, actually. So I think as a little bit homework for our audience. Yes. This is what I was getting onto again. So I think it's called the Enfield. It's just called Ghost Watch. So all right let me just quickly because it was a production called Ghost Watch that was aired on Halloween and it was almost like a mockumentary, but it it it's like a documentary.

00:50:05:19 – 00:50:29:05
It's it's it's brilliant. It was brilliant back then. It remains brilliant. And it was they wrote it and it was about all sort of around the Enfield Poltergeist, which was a true story or true. So in inverted commas. And they based it sort of on that. Right. But that itself wasn't the Enfield progress story. Right. Okay. Yeah. That's good.

00:50:29:06 – 00:50:56:22
So and where can you find this though. Because I think that's important for people to watch it. It would be better to listen if you've watched if you've watched it or DVD. You remember we watched it together. Yeah I know, it's like stuff like that sits with me, man. And like my, my dad, I've got it. My uncle or my, both my grandparents, they've all told me about ghosts experience.

00:50:56:22 – 00:51:23:10
They've had supernatural all these things. And I don't want to be I don't want to put myself out there and say, I don't believe. Because what about if one then decides to visit me? They've heard me vocalize it and they think, right, you want to believe this fucking album? I was petrified and I mean fucking petrified when I was maybe up to the age of nine of Poltergeist and coming into my room and fucking me up.

00:51:23:10 – 00:51:41:11
Yeah, it was a real and it was a real problem. Real problem. Just sort of staying awake, not being able to sleep. You sleep when the lights on. We'll get into that. I've got others. I saw you same thing. Ricky and I had processes in my brain to help me deal with it. So I made for myself. I've never told anyone.

00:51:41:11 – 00:52:02:23
Anyone about. I've never told anyone about it. You remember that? I've said that because I'm on. Yeah. No, no, I'll. I'll remember. So if you have any stories of your own stories, send them in to lads. Anon pod at gmail.com. Little voice dogs as well. If you can. Yeah. And so some voice notes as well. Try and keep them under a minute.

00:52:02:23 – 00:52:24:13
But you know, it's whatever guys, guys. So keep sending them in. We love hearing them. And you're going to hear one not yeah the moment. Yeah. But we are all going to be going on to a dilemma. Dilemma first. But just before that I can't remember. I'm watching Ghost Watch. Right. You can get it on Prime Video and Apple TV.

00:52:24:15 – 00:52:46:08
It costs you 799, but you will not regret it. But even now, it's rated on IMDb 7.4 out of ten for a little BBC documentary mockumentary. You will not regret this. Go and watch Ghost Watch. It's from 1992 and we are going to we're going to be talking about it because both me and Ricky watched this individually before we knew each other, and it killed us.

00:52:46:13 – 00:53:17:17
I had to sleep in my mum's bed after watching this. I genuinely slept in my mum's bed. I was so scared. So I'm scared anyway. Sorry. What was there? Dilemmas. Wow. Something. You know, Rick, I played the wrong jingle. Good lord, I got to, just. You got an issue for a tissue? You're a bit sad, cause cat will taste you.

00:53:17:19 – 00:53:35:23
And I can eat your soul alone in your flat. Please talk to Ricky a flat bed. Let that stress off your chest. Well, friend, in third day like you're safe here to get nice warm between Ricky and. And.

00:53:36:00 – 00:54:21:22
This is called, picture. Not so perfect. Yeah, I have it. I'm at a dilemma here about my girlfriend and the previous situation she had with one of my closest mates to establish the type of man I am. I must confess, I am 19 and have now been in a very happy, largely argument. This relationship with the with this girl for almost a year before the relationship, I had a point of confidence for the first real time in my life, admittedly guessing around the bit, but always confessing to both my close boy and girl mates that I feel destined to have my first relationship, which I knew I would be loyal to in August.

00:54:22:01 – 00:55:00:04
I did find that girl and have been happily with her since. I was aware of their previous non-romantic but sexual relationship she had with one of my closest mates I felt was I was merely reclaiming what was mine, though, as the fact I had initially been with her before lost contact for a while after, in which time my friend had been messaging her for months later to rekindle the relationship with her right on an evening recently, we ended up discussing our previous dealings with the other sex.

00:55:00:06 – 00:55:45:08
Bad idea. Yeah, had been weird, in which she mentioned said friend. They get on amicably now and the entire group are big fans of the girl. My girlfriend and I then started to look through some of their chats and came across a suggestive photo. Nothing explicit, but getting their I have never demanded sent a suggestive or sexy message to any girl, let alone my girlfriend, and wouldn't expect her to send me one, however, unaware she wouldn't, and she has even admitted herself that she wouldn't want to send me such an image either.

00:55:45:10 – 00:56:16:17
She claims it's because she feels there is more at stake with me, rather than a quick, quick fling with someone, which I do understand, but I don't know why this hasn't been brought up previously, when we have mentioned the dealings of her and my mate before, should I be concerned at her lack of trust in me, or is this a normal feeling for her to be less caring about what clear, quick flings mean rather than a relationship like with me?

00:56:16:21 – 00:56:41:03
As she said? Now I've read this quite a few times. Yeah, and I'm trying to unpick what the actual dilemma is and what I think it is. Yeah. Is that this guy is with a girl she got with his mate. Yep. And it was just a quick bang up. And now they're in a in a long year relationship.

00:56:41:09 – 00:57:09:13
And for some insane reason they started to discuss a previous relationships. Yep. And then looking through the previous messages of his now girlfriend, waiting his mate and seeing some racy pictures. Yes. And he's like, why did you not tell me about this? Yes. I was like, I don't trust me enough, which is compelling that we compounded by the fact that she doesn't want to send those pictures to you now.

00:57:09:15 – 00:57:35:24
Yes. Yeah, I think that's it. Okay. Yeah. It was tricky to to understand. The advice is this is a lesson for you. Don't do what you've done. Yeah. Never, ever, ever do that. All partners have a past. All partners have done stuff. I mean, even at 19. But when you meet someone, because you know that hopefully for you, this girl will be the girl for you.

00:57:35:24 – 00:58:03:09
And you might spend your entire life together. And if you do, this problem is so insignificantly small that you won't even remember it. So. So don't worry. This is a tiny, tiny issue if you in the in the in the long, in the in the span of time that you're going to be together. This is nothing, right. But if they don't, if you're not with her and then you end up being with, another woman you might not want in 5 or 6 years, she's going to have a past.

00:58:03:11 – 00:58:27:06
She's gonna have a past. You don't need to know about it. In fact, that isn't actually none of your business. And delving into it and asking questions, it's almost guaranteed you're going to hear something that you don't like. Yeah. And it will change the way you feel about her. And then you will have to develop a level of maturity where you can move past it because she's done nothing wrong.

00:58:27:08 – 00:58:48:12
It's your hang up, it's you, you asking the questions. You poking the bear? Yeah, you're poking the bear. It's going to bite you. So don't poke the bear. Fucking leave it be and just get on with your life. Good advice, good advice. And what I would say as well, the. So the different dynamics of the relationship. Yeah, I get that.

00:58:48:12 – 00:59:19:22
And yeah. Exactly. Once once last. And it could have been just, a racy few pictures just messing around, having fun. Whatever. And with you is completely different because the relationship isn't just based on that. So just it's past that, right? Yeah. It's possible. Maybe this shit I used to send, like, when I was, you know. Yeah, when things were different and I wasn't happily married.

00:59:19:24 – 00:59:37:24
The the the stuff that when you, when you're trying to get a bunk up and you're trying to reach sentiment or stuff, but now you'd say all kinds of things. I wouldn't want to send that to my wife now, and she wouldn't want to receive it now. It's different. It's different. Like, I mean, I would never want to be in a situation where I'm having to do that again.

00:59:38:01 – 00:59:58:14
Realize your past, that you can't compare what is a fling to what a relationship is now. And why would she tell you about a picture that she sent ages ago? Months ago? You said there's no there's no need for her to bring this up ever. Unless if the question was, why hasn't she told you about it? Why would she tell you about it?

00:59:58:16 – 01:00:22:23
What have you told her? You wank this week? Yeah. Have you. Have you told her about all your messages you show? No. Oh, everything you've been doing now. Yeah. No need to let it be what you've done, right. You both agreed to look through your your browser search history. And then when you've seen that, she likes men with, actually, let's do it the other way when she's seen what you like.

01:00:23:00 – 01:00:49:09
Big, big breasted babes, right? She. What you're doing is asking the question is the same. Is, what you're doing is that she's going. Why haven't you told me? Like big breasted women with big, big back offs? What? Why would you tell her? Because it's just a wank. It's just a picture. It's not. You're twisting this up into something that it really isn't.

01:00:49:11 – 01:01:15:23
Don't worry about it. Forget about it. Don't talk about your sexual past. The sexual, sexual past. Nothing good can come from it. Look forward. I was going to say look to the future. That's it. So they look to the future. Now we are going to go into something only you know. And this is a voice note that has been sent in something, you know, this is so shit, it's always going to be shit, right?

01:01:16:01 – 01:01:33:23
And that's just the time of the podcast. That's something I'm always going to fuck, because I don't know when you're going to stop because I need a few seconds to look. It's always been shit. Okay? Right. Okay. That's where we're at, right? Okay. Okay. So I've done the go now. Do it now. Well, I know I was going to say and now you're going to listen.

01:01:34:00 – 01:01:54:13
Thank you. I, I reckon that's, debated long and hard about something. That's fine, but why not? Let's do it. But you could distort my voice. That would be great. But if not, I worry about it. No, no, I already knows who I am. And anyway, about 15 years ago, I and my best friend went into rallying around Zurich.

01:01:54:15 – 01:02:18:03
Of course, one of those stops was Amsterdam, and I fancied fighting a lot about getting a prostitute when we got there. So he went there straight away. I didn't really want to admit reluctant, didn't think it was for me, but I was like, screw it, let's just do it. So I went and paid my £70 for charity to the room, and straight away it just felt like a doctor's surgery.

01:02:18:05 – 01:02:40:20
I didn't find it sexy. It was very, procedure was the word that I want to use. Surgical, I should say. And I know that she couldn't believe, And that's how it gets go around my knob. I just felt incredibly unsexy. I just didn't want to be there. I really couldn't get hard on for love.

01:02:40:20 – 01:03:01:11
No money. Tried very hard. I just think not really. Concentrating the more I try, the less it works. So you're going away at it with, for the rest. For quite some time nothing was happening. So at one point she suddenly or after. Yeah. Do you drink a lot? It's. I remember thinking that's what hospital life lessons.

01:03:01:12 – 01:03:27:18
My prostitute. And if you see that comment just mentioning glass, nothing was happening. I didn't know what to do. Just sat there, embarrassed when all of a sudden got lemonades. So just to relax, right? I jocularity without having an erection. I didn't think that was scientifically possible. But I can assure you that it is because it happened to me.

01:03:27:20 – 01:04:03:09
Yeah. So that's, that's my story. Thanks. God. Okay. I haven't listened the first time I've heard that, there's a lot to unpack there, and yet it just just blew my brains without having an erection. I didn't think that was, scientifically probable, but possible. But I can assure you. Is, Yes. So the the the the experiences of my friends who have used or, you know, hooked up with a prostitute in Amsterdam all say very similar things.

01:04:03:09 – 01:04:29:11
That isn't it's not sexy. No, but you mentioned some of the brutes they're dealing with. They don't care whether it's sexy, but, But, yeah, there's no world. There's no. I've been to Amsterdam nine times. I think about nine times. Not once have I ever, ever even considered walking through one of those doors. No, I've been three times and I.

01:04:29:12 – 01:04:57:18
Yeah, it I mean, I yeah, I, I've never done anything. I've stepped foot in a, in a brothel like or anywhere I did by mistake once without mistake. But I never tell you about it in Hamburg. I mean, we didn't know who was in one until we, we was in one. I told you this story. Yeah. I quickly tell you, so we went to Hamburg for my mate.

01:04:57:18 – 01:05:16:24
James is, stuck there. So this is about what we talked about seven years ago is, you know, and, so we'd been out and then you obviously, it's like the tradition you're in Hamburg. It's the end of the night. Does anyone want to go to a strip bar? Okay. Right. Whatever. I'm not a big fan of them anyway, right?

01:05:16:24 – 01:05:52:19
Not a massive fan of them at all, actually. But, you know, you're with the boys, and, you know, you just do it. Except we we was Hamburg. Don't really do. It's too far gone. Hamburg, right, is too far gone. Strip ruins are too PG in Hamburg. They they've gone beyond what is what some might consider to be titillating, titillating experience in the UK, to them is like washing your hands.

01:05:52:19 – 01:06:10:23
It's like watching the paint dry a strip joint. They're like they they've gone beyond the jump. They're just so that. So there wasn't any strip joints because they knew the Germans around there would never go in there because it's not enough of them. So we saw this place called the sex House. I was like, oh, that might be it.

01:06:11:00 – 01:06:34:22
Surely it place in, surely and, even in our drunken state. And we would piss. We might have assumed that the sex house might been might have been a brothel. But we didn't think it was because it was on the main strip. It was like it being an Oxford circus. And there was a three story white House, the white House, that says on front of it the sex house.

01:06:34:24 – 01:07:00:12
And it was like that being on Oxford Street. That's that's what Hamburg's strip was like. We walked in there queuing up, and the bloke went to the bloke when the woman was sitting behind the like a plinth and she was like, yep, €50 blowjob, €100 for sex. Extras or €50 each we want to in. It was like, let's get out of it, literally to a man.

01:07:00:12 – 01:07:19:06
We all walked in there, turned around and just walked out. It was it was embarrassing. The cute. Yeah. No, no, no one asked everyone what the extras were. No. What? No, I don't know. I could only imagine, but yeah. No, that's not. We were just, you know, it was like a place to get a drink and, you know, so that that was Hamburg was a lot.

01:07:19:06 – 01:07:43:16
And it was pride week as well. Oh wow. Yeah. So that was it was aggressively pride. Weekend. I didn't know that. I mean like this gentleman had had the devilish knife. We didn't know you could, splurge when you weren't, full masked. No, I did not. So we wasn't feeling sexy. And then he just blew his mind.

01:07:43:18 – 01:08:05:01
He must have had a semi at least. Or something. Something? Yeah. You can't do it on, like, pure flaccid. Like, why didn't you just not go in if you didn't want to let your mate crack on? I don't know, you just join your mates and, peer pressure. Peer pressure from the one person. It doesn't sound like a lot of pressure.

01:08:05:01 – 01:08:26:10
Really? You say y'all go in while you go in, and then not going in. So you wanted to be in it. That was great, though. That was fantastic. More loads more of those. That was amazing. Loved it. Yeah. If you want to send stuff in, send it to lads. Anon pod at gmail.com. Please give us a follow on social.

01:08:26:10 – 01:08:51:11
We're on Instagram, Twitter, tick tock, Facebook all the same handle at lads anon pod. Next week we're going to be talking about ghosts and the supernatural. Can't wait! If you got any stories, send them in to the same email address. And until then, we will see you next Monday.

01:08:51:13 – 01:09:16:22
Are them night hazy like Band of Brothers? Playing tunes high is quite midnight. Waves. Surfing free till daylight breaks. Rhythm hit us different ways. Love of music that we prayed with our tongues in cheek. Band is how we like to speak. And yeah, times change. But no matter what the bond remains. Promise.