#38 | Mental Health | EVERYONE has their traumas….

00:00:00:00 – 00:00:17:14
So you've been trying to get Coldplay tickets, have you? Yeah. Yeah, I did try and get Coldplay tickets. Tried to get them for me in the family. I went to Coldplay a couple of years ago. One of the best gigs, if not the best gig I've ever been to. And and I couldn't get tickets. I tried to get away.

00:00:17:14 – 00:00:38:08
Says tickets couldn't get them. I don't think there's any point in applying for tickets ever again. Like no one just gets tickets. I don't know where they go. That's the thing. Like I was reading on Twitter, it's like, well, I mean, yeah, I mean, I Glastonbury ticket ever in my life I've tried about 15 times. Never even. What's the point?

00:00:38:10 – 00:01:11:05
Yeah. What's the point? There is no point. Like I was reading on Twitter when, this Coldplay ticket debacle was going on. I'm like, and loads of people were just saying it hasn't even stopped selling yet on, C ticket. So Ticketmaster and they're already on Viagogo and all ticket places like that. So people have got bots, they're just bots getting all the tickets ready for resale and like, no, you, you've, you don't look can't stand a chance against bots.

00:01:11:05 – 00:01:32:01
This is this will never not happen unless the government put a stop to secondary ticket sites and they they won't I don't know, you know what? What? Do you know what I want to do? Set fire to something? No, I want to go back to the old school. I want for bundles of tickets to be at Wembley.

00:01:32:03 – 00:01:48:08
And we have to. You have to go to the stadium and you have to queue up outside like we did. Like we used to do campout three nights in a row, pitch up a tent, get pissed up with your mates ready to get those tickets. No one's going to be getting those tickets for the PE unless the people that really want those tickets.

00:01:48:12 – 00:02:16:03
I don't think you deserve anyone who wants to go to a Coldplay concert doesn't deserve to go. That's ridiculous. Why? Because that shit. Fucking hell. My like, that's out of order. They're not shit anyway. Well, shit. One of the biggest bands on the planet may so say with fucking U2. They know shit. Oh, well, that they. They've got a couple a couple of bangers.

00:02:16:04 – 00:02:43:05
Well, yeah, I would, the streets have no name. Fuck off with, with, the in Park Academy. Dave Facetune, Bono. He's a knob. Well, it's off the edge. Well, a load of cringeworthy bullshit. Come on. Does anyone listen to this? Goes actually like U2, actually. And if you do, don't fucking at me. I don't give a shit if you like U2.

00:02:43:05 – 00:03:02:06
They're they're awful. I'd say. What have got into it because of you? Okay, well, not because of you. I won't give you that much, but, I was going to say, can you just full stop that because of. Yeah, I can say it, but it's not true. But because of me. Because of you. Like Pet Shop Boys. I love how much you love Pet Shop Boys, right?

00:03:02:10 – 00:03:24:09
Yeah. When I saw Primavera last year, it was one of the best gigs I've been reading. One of the best? Yeah. It was so good that everything that they the the design, the quality of his voice. And they've got bangers. Yeah, yeah, they, I've got bangers. You never guess what I tried to get tickets for Pet Shop Boys.

00:03:24:12 – 00:03:38:05
Couldn't get em, couldn't get em all the fucking bots are got. And robots everywhere. Fuck sake. Oh, so,

00:03:38:07 – 00:04:14:11
The night. See, like, Band of Brothers playing tunes high is quite midnight. Waves surfing through till daylight breaks. Rhythm hit us different ways. Love of music that we prayed with our tongues in cheek. Band I we like to speak and yeah, times change. But no matter what the bond remains. Brothers. Hello and welcome to Lads anonymous. It's episode 37, a podcast about two best mates of over 20 years invite you to join their safe space where all manner of subjects will be discuss.

00:04:14:13 – 00:04:38:07
We'll focus on a specific subject matter first and then answer your questions, dilemmas or need for advice or handled anonymously. So sit back, relax and enjoy the podcast. How's it going? Flav spotted something very funny on my phone. I can't repeat because it's deeply offensive. Not right. It's not racist. I'm just better known that you're not going Coldplay.

00:04:38:09 – 00:04:59:16
What would you do to take the whole family with you? Yeah, my kids love Coldplay. Delay. Yeah, they they they they don't lie to you. They're lying to you. They've got into it now. Right through. And they like, draw music. Did my daughter say to me, I can't remember, but she said, oh, there's a band playing. And you know, when they're just saying words and it's just I have no idea who that is.

00:04:59:16 – 00:05:18:14
It was like party for one or something. I don't fucking know. The, the plane. The plane in London tonight. That night, we should have got tickets. No we shouldn't. I'm not going to pick, and I I'm not. I'm not paying tickets for a gig for someone I don't know. Yeah, well, goodness. What if they. What if they said we have a we want to go.

00:05:18:16 – 00:05:38:08
It's for us that I say that's great. You pay for it then take mum. Yeah. When we, when we went to, we went to Boardmasters this year, we took the kids to their first proper festival is that they like choice and status. They enjoy it. Loved it. Absolutely loved it. Like, wouldn't take the girls to the festival.

00:05:38:10 – 00:05:57:23
Just playing someone that they like. It's just not enough. It was fucking dangerous. I like I think Chloe will want to go to a festival next year. Yeah, on her own. But it was dangerous, like the swaying of the crowds. They've got surge barriers now, but when crowds are moving in. So you know what it's like when you just packed in.

00:05:57:23 – 00:06:20:01
You have it a football somewhere where you cannot move for people around you. That's Yeah, that's what happened anyway. So, but yeah, we saw that. And then she wanted to see some fucking garage DJ. You become really popular on TikTok and we had to go along. And then luckily there was a big surge and all these teenagers fell over and a couple of them broke their legs, so they canceled the show.

00:06:20:01 – 00:06:39:07
So then that's it. So it was real? Fucking hell yeah. That was the right result. This video of me climbing over a fence to get away from all the crushing on TikTok. So if you type, if you if you type in Boardmasters crowd surge, there is a video from the back and you can see people climbing over a fence.

00:06:39:09 – 00:06:58:01
That's me. Oh my God, I hate women and kids. Women and kids. I was like, fuck off, get the fuck out of my way. Getting over the barrier. My women and kids are over that fence. I need to get the. I was halfway over it when he started going. Women did what I've got. I got to reverse and get back in the crotch.

00:06:58:03 – 00:07:16:12
Is that what you say? You want me back in the crush? I'm off the fence. Get back in it. So how do you know how anti productive that is for me to go back to the cross when I'm almost out of it? Just because I've got a dick that's not on.

00:07:16:14 – 00:07:42:04
The last episode, the Titan submersibles, we have had some fantastic feedback. So thank you very much. Oh, I say that Rick. Yeah, well, Eli was there for everybody. There was. And surprisingly, people want us to do more episodes like this. Bevo. So. So I should be that is the show. We did this. I believe you got a beaver in your bonnet.

00:07:42:06 – 00:07:44:16
Yeah.

00:07:44:18 – 00:08:12:13
We're doing an episode, Beaver. We will do, And Ed Matthews just doing it. We can't do that. Can't do it because he'll send for us. We'll wake up a shitty little podcast. He. Okay, let's see the shitty just. But anybody need the podcast? You might hear it, so that's fine. But, a lot of people have said about the they, they would like us to cover other shocking incidents that happened in Australia.

00:08:12:14 – 00:08:39:14
And I think 911 of that, that's a, that's a fucking big one, that one that is a bloody big one because it's enough time. So you can laugh about it now. Enough times past, right. You reckon? I don't know I think so that's that's the vibe I'm getting the some, some of the suggestions that came in was, well, this wasn't a suggestion, but somebody said that they can't get over the, the, the death of bin laden.

00:08:39:16 – 00:08:58:00
They wanted to see photos of him dead. There is no way that after all those years of trying to get him, they just they just went out to say and just throw him off about it. There's no way, no way. Where is what is he doing that they created him. He's in that wasn't it. In keeping with like wasn't it?

00:08:58:02 – 00:09:17:21
I don't know. Right. So there'll be people listening is that. Go on gun. Well what didn't leave him in the water because he was a muslim that have to do it within 24 hours of killing him or something is I am. I'm mixing up things here. Now there is something buried within 24 hours of you dying, and they're like, well, we ain't got a shovel.

00:09:17:21 – 00:09:39:09
Let's throw him in the sea. Sure, I know I did something. Does there is something in my mind that thinks that is is kind of right. And also. No, I'm. I was thinking that burial at sea is like is in keeping is not a voice. It's probably not. He's not Viking is he wasn't. If I keep you, imagine if you're there.

00:09:39:09 – 00:09:58:17
If you're in. He definitely wasn't a Viking, was he? He wasn't. You were there, right. And you shot him. You're like fucking. We've got bin laden. Tell fucking George Bush. Yeah. He's like, yeah, we shot him. And then when I we've got 24 hours to bury him off. You got a shovel. Well I'll be carrying a gun around then.

00:09:58:17 – 00:10:14:10
I don't have a shovel. What we're going to do then let's get on a boat and chuck him in and say, you out there, that's the easiest thing. What? Like the government didn't want his buddy? What do you think of it? He's got it. What? Yeah. I mean, surely that would have been like that would have been the one.

00:10:14:10 – 00:10:32:06
Keep the bloody iconic moment as to say, all right, look what I've got. I've got bin Laden's body like we've done it. But no, they they said they went out on a by, and chucked him off out to see another person. Gadhafi's body did we. Everyone knows what happened to gadhafi. You have had a hit in the pipe and they shot him in the head to go gun.

00:10:32:08 – 00:10:56:12
You know, it's like you had to go, come. I want to see that. It's like it's Saddam Hussein as well. They there was photos of him. Yeah. So I don't know I don't know. Yeah I think that's right. I mean bin laden. Where is he. Well why what actually happened? Why did they just close to see Osama bin Laden's body is buried at sea in the Arabian Sea, off the deck of the USS Carl Vinson.

00:10:56:14 – 00:11:14:20
USS military bury bin Laden's body at sea on May 2nd, 2011, the same day he was killed. The burial took place within 24 hours of his death, as is customary in, a noted Islamic tradition. I thought I did a bit of a race, but I didn't. The military consider a number of factors when deciding not to bury his body, including political.

00:11:14:22 – 00:11:33:03
No country would accept his remains religious Islamic funeral practices, including burying the body. So they shoot him in the face. But then they want to go, well, we better do the right thing now. Surely the the, the kind of Christian thing would be not shoot him in the face like it's not God. The God ain't looking damn good.

00:11:33:05 – 00:11:51:00
Well, at least you buried him off. It's he. Yeah, I don't think he. I don't think he was going to go quietly. I don't think they're going to shut down the card and go. Is is that. Yeah. Ben has. Come on. Put your hands up. I don't think. Go quietly. Yeah, but they want him to be a martyr.

00:11:51:00 – 00:12:14:05
So he just shot him in the face anyway. Yeah. So so so part of his body is in the sea, and no one's ever found it. Well, they should do some kind of submersible and try and find it another Titan? Yeah, another Titan guy and get him another put. Another person emailed in Raoul Moat. Now that the coverage in Britain was insane, it was amazing.

00:12:14:07 – 00:12:46:07
It was. And so he mosey court there. Judy. That's the be bringing the fishing rod six piers that very good, very good. So what happened that Rama he I think he killed someone and maybe injured two people. Yeah. I think he killed it. So he injured his ex, killed her partner and injured a copper. And then he went missing for a week.

00:12:46:09 – 00:13:34:13
Then there was some kind of hostage situation where he was in his car or by his car, and there was a 6 hour or 8 hour standoff with him in the police. And during all of this, the British kind of, population is gripped by this story. Along comes Paul Gascoigne. From out of nowhere, he gets a taxi to the area of where this is going on, and he arrives with a fishing rod for cans of beer, a fishing jacket and a bucket of chicken, because apparently he knew E from when he used to work on the doors and he thought he could take him fishing because they were near a river in this hostage

00:13:34:15 – 00:13:54:12
situation, call or get him to stand down without being, what? He's looking for a bit of light exposure. I did a bit of research, and, Casa said he'd done 14 lines of cocaine before he went to go and see Mo, so that might explain why he was there with a fishing rod and a bucket of chicken.

00:13:54:12 – 00:14:14:12
So whenever I've taken cocaine in the past, I've just ended up masturbating for hours. I wouldn't be doing this. That's gone out your house. That's rule one. You don't go out. You ask me if I'd like to get go and get loads of chicken and then do that? Yeah. The last thing you bring back food. Spotify comments from that episode as well.

00:14:14:14 – 00:14:39:05
Massive thanks to the pod guys exactly what I needed. Listen to it before my operation today and completely took my mind off it. Or they probably shouldn't have been laughing as much as I did when I was on the ward. Much love whoever wrote that in. I hope the OP went well. And thank you for the comment. So we will we will cover, you know, some more it tell us what incident you would like us to cover at, lads.

00:14:39:05 – 00:15:01:23
Anon pod@gmail.com, and we will cover that in in a couple of topics for you. What about the fault, the fuel shortages of 2006? What is that? When everyone was just driving around petrol stations and there was massive Kia screwing up for hours? I didn't buy petrol. You lie like everybody. This is the thing with these moral, not moral panics.

00:15:01:23 – 00:15:27:12
Just panics. If everyone stop panicking, there wouldn't be a shortage. And like Covid, the that the, the toilet roll. Toilet roll. Did you did. Yeah. Did you little panic toilet ropa. Well, I think I don't panic toilet roll by because there is I mean, we're a family of four, three women. I buy toilet roll by, 24 packs.

00:15:27:14 – 00:15:42:18
24. But when you did a big for about, what's the point of going out and getting four, like it's literally going to be gone by the end of the day. The fours, like you get four four pack if you like. So if you want to fry up and you go to the shop and you pick a bit of bacon up because you forgot bacon, you might pick up a four pack there.

00:15:42:18 – 00:16:09:18
Just. Yeah. So we've been on reach. If there's there is no value in picking up a four pack. Generally you need to pack. But I'm asking you a question. Did you what did I panic? Boy I didn't panic buy toilet roll. But there were times but with the petrol. And it got to such a point where you couldn't get any cuz petrol stations would run out that as soon as they were filled up again, you'd think, oh fuck, I need to go and get petrol before it runs out again.

00:16:09:20 – 00:16:25:04
I'd be sitting there for hours. I've still got off a tank, didn't need to be there. There was a petrol shortage recently. I think that's the one I was. That's the one I'm referring about. But it was I don't think like in the last six, six years there was a big one beforehand, but there was a potential shortage.

00:16:25:06 – 00:16:44:21
I don't know why it's in the last and everyone's got don't panic. And he's like, why? I'm going to panic over not one more petrol wouldn't don't panic. Because if you don't panic, there's enough petrol for everybody. Just continue to do it. No, I'm going to fill up all the canisters on fucking everybody. Isn't that when the petrol prices went mad as well because of it?

00:16:44:23 – 00:17:05:04
Like supply demand? No, that. No. The petrol prices are not dependent on how much we buy, dependent on the cost of importing them. Like I was in the Covid then. Right. Right. Yeah. It would have been like Ukraine was a big issue wasn't it? Pipelines from Russia and that, for fuck's sake, they should really start. So you can get, for fuck's sake.

00:17:05:06 – 00:17:27:01
Yeah, just stop that, please. Thank you for, any new listeners that are listening to these podcasts, can you do us a favor? Go into Spotify, go into Apple type lads. Anonymous and give the pod a follow. Every time there's a new podcast that comes out, you'll be notified. And just to get the follow us up, that would be much appreciated.

00:17:27:06 – 00:17:52:05
And if you want to follow us on social on every single channel we are at lads anon pod and we are on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, Facebook, we're on all of it, wrote all of it. We're on all of it. Now we're going to jump in to today's topic, which is going to be mental health. And as I said last week, not that I've been putting this one off.

00:17:52:11 – 00:18:10:00
I mean, I have I just didn't feel like I was in the right. We didn't have to do space for it. Yeah, come to its end, we got to talk about this. No they didn't, but we've had loads of emails in and I thought, you know what, maybe, maybe I'll, I'll, I'll put it on the table and we can, we can have a good chat about it.

00:18:10:02 – 00:18:32:18
So you've all sent in your stories and like, we're going through a lot of them. And I just want to stress before we speak about any of this, that Flav and I are not counselors, and we don't pretend to be. There's been a lot of personal, you know, that that's quite centric to who they are and what their story is and what their situation is.

00:18:32:20 – 00:19:06:18
We've been speaking that been speaking a lot about lockdown, loneliness, grief, relationships, ending substance abuse. And we can't go into the specifics of all of people's story. So we'll talk around that for this episode, because whether it's going to be something, it's just going to be all relatable anyway. So they're pretty beefy subjects and we can't cover it in our chat, but we're going to be focusing on the kind of accumulative trauma is what I've called it.

00:19:06:18 – 00:19:27:22
So it's like the build up of stuff that you have day to day that fuck you off and makes you feel shit, and then you don't really know what to do, how to cope with it and the coping mechanisms and but so we can't go into the mega deep stuff, but this stuff is all going to be relatable.

00:19:27:22 – 00:20:00:16
And anybody that emailed in with your stories, I've read every single one and I will reply to every single one. So hold tight. I just want to start this off right. I hate the term mental health and mental wellbeing. I kind of feel like it's been hijacked by corporate companies and by media and it's like downplayed now, not downplayed.

00:20:00:16 – 00:20:27:15
But it's more, what's the word I'm thinking of? It's just a bit more people come the stigma around. If you say mental health or mental wellbeing, they've got mental health issues, mental wellbeing, whatever it might be, I think. I don't know, at least. Well, it's kind of like when people say, oh, they're playing the mental health card like people used to say about what they still do.

00:20:27:20 – 00:21:11:18
Playing the race card. It's very like, I don't know that there's still a lot of stigma around mental health, mental wellbeing. I think they should kind of change it. Not have the word mental in there. For starters. Personally, and like for if we're talking about it generally between you and I, 40 year old geezers and anyone else I'd like if it's just like, I don't know, geezer worries, geezer troubles, I don't want to go down the pub or speak to a mate and go, I've got some bad mental health issues or like, I'd like, just really like just you just get it, all right?

00:21:11:20 – 00:21:37:16
Fuck you. No. Not now. I can't. But I hope. Oh, am I ever. Why don't we do, shots, a sample you got? No, no, no. My house. Yeah. I hope your memories, problems aside. So, what are you saying? That you don't like the term mental health? Yeah. I'm just. Yeah. No, no, I don't think I was a fan of it to begin with.

00:21:37:18 – 00:21:59:04
It just, Oh, you did in popularity, didn't it? Was a massive hit. So suddenly you woke up one day and I was like, mental health is massive. It's like the bills. It's just like everybody's got it all talking about it and concerned. There was a, mate of mine, Josh Connolly. He is. He's done fucking fantastic work.

00:21:59:04 – 00:22:44:16
Right. Listen, he's got his own podcast. He does content, he's written a book, and he's like a reformed football hooligan. He used to go down Swindon Town, and I've interviewed him a couple of times, and we speak every now and then. And he, he, he had a lot of he had a terrible upbringing. And there's a reason why he had mental health issues and trust issues and went off the rails and became a drug addict and started fighting at football and stuff because his upbringing was so disturbingly violent and and difficult, and his dad wasn't around and his dad died and, that had a massive impact on him and eventually impacts him.

00:22:44:16 – 00:23:07:21
But he he thinks that there's a lot of the way we approach mental health issues now. It's like we have to talk about it. But the solutions on black and white, they're not binary. But generally when you hear about it in the media, it's just like, just talk to someone that I help to to make sure you talk to some women, don't talk to each other so they don't talk about their problems.

00:23:07:21 – 00:23:28:09
Make sure you start talking because we can't fucking solve these things, right? There isn't a solution, a catchall solution to fixing depression, to fixing anxiety, to fixing mental health conditions. And so what you hear and you'll probably hear it on this podcast at some stage, make sure you talk to someone and then everyone goes about their day. I've helped.

00:23:28:11 – 00:23:50:23
I've felt that person. I've said to him, you make sure you talk to some men, don't talk about your problems. Well, I've said to him, make sure you do. What the fuck? That's not fucking help. That's not advice. And because there isn't advice we can give, there's no way of understanding the intricacies of the mental health condition that whatever that person is going through, because we can't understand them.

00:23:50:23 – 00:24:19:04
We don't live in their brain. So it's often it's like it's a bit of a cop out. Well at least I told him to talk to someone not did my bit. You didn't. You did. Fuck all and don't do anything if you can't write. It's not on you to fix everybody's mental health problems either. What I've found in my experiences with people who have severe mental health issues, or that I've had close contact with, is generally listening, is what I've it's listened to go.

00:24:19:08 – 00:24:41:23
That sounds shit, man. I'm really sorry you're going through this. What have you done? What are you doing? What are you moving in what direction? To to help solve it. And getting them to people that actually know what they're fucking doing? That's the trick. A difficult I don't. Yeah, I can feel it's fine to feel lost if someone's talking to you and saying, I've got this problem, I feel anxious.

00:24:42:00 – 00:25:04:05
It's fine not knowing what to say because you're not trained to say the right thing. So there's a lot of shit out there with mental health, in my opinion, that isn't helpful. And these kind of lip, so it pays lip service to it. Yeah. I mean, I'm now going to have to cross off the, the last bullet point of talk to someone who's not only joking, but I'm sure it's on there, Rick.

00:25:04:05 – 00:25:31:22
I'm sure. Exactly. Yeah, 100%. It's hundred percent. That's that's all that because it's impossible to deal with these. It's impossible to completely understand how to deal with these situations. And so you don't know what to say. So therefore you're going to say talk to someone who what? Who's the right person? Your friends, your family, the they know. It's like he says, it's so it's so like it's great advice to talk to someone, but it's not enough.

00:25:31:24 – 00:26:08:12
It's not enough. Yeah. Well, well I'll go into the talking bit, towards the end. What I, what I should do is I thought I would tell tell the listeners about a when my mental health, my geezer worries were, at worst breaking point and how I kind of navigate that because it was it was the first time in my life that I had been rocked to my core, and I didn't know what to do.

00:26:08:12 – 00:26:37:09
So this all happened around, 2020, I think it was around the BLM stuff. So George Floyd had been, murdered. And there was a lot of stuff on in the media, the radio and stuff like that. And my kids were young at that point, and we were kind of, you know, you couldn't move for that news to be on.

00:26:37:11 – 00:27:05:07
And during that news, my kids had obviously heard what happened and the movement and the riots and everything like that. And she turned to me and said, dad, we're brown. Does that mean we're going to die, too? And I don't think I've ever been so crushed hearing anything in all my fucking life. And it like, I can feel my, my, my, my throat going, but normally I would have cried when I've said that.

00:27:05:07 – 00:27:29:01
So I've made progress. But, I've never felt so bad in my entire life because I thought as an adult that we as a race would have gotten past any racial tensions or anything like that, but it's, you know, it works in cycles. I know that different, different things are used, and I'm not going to go down that route now.

00:27:29:03 – 00:27:53:01
But I didn't know what to say and what to do. And I've explained on this podcast many a time that throughout my life I have self-medicated from the ages of 18 to 38, smoking weed because I didn't know how to regulate my emotions or anything like that. So I used to just smoke weed and get wrecked at the weekends, whatever it may be.

00:27:53:03 – 00:28:30:02
So there was accumulated, accumulative traumas that have been like minor traumas that happened in my life that had got to such a point that it was just being kept under surface level by smoking weed. And then when my daughter said that to me around the Black Lives Matter movement and what was happening, it was kind of like it felt like someone pulling me out of the long grass to really face the, the, the microaggressions and traumas that I've had previously about my own race and color and having to speak to my daughter about it.

00:28:30:04 – 00:29:00:07
And that was the first part that really fucking rocked me. And then a year later, I was made, redundant from my from a job, from a company that I'd been in for ten years. And it wasn't I kind of, run of the mill. I've been made redundant. People get made redundant is a horrible thing. But at the time there was a company reorg and two people, so myself and a colleague had to apply for the same role.

00:29:00:09 – 00:29:27:03
And my colleague got the role. So that meant I was made redundant. Now normally that would be fine because other people get other, you know, get the jobs. But at that time I had managed this person for three and a half years. I'd been in the role for four and a half years, and they had been in the role for one year, and they got the job over me, and I couldn't get my head around.

00:29:27:05 – 00:29:47:11
The justification of it was it was supposed to be judged on experience, and they got the rule over me, and it was like I just couldn't get my head around it. I was humiliated, I was embarrassed, I, you know, I applied for my own job that I've been doing for four and a half years, and I didn't get it.

00:29:47:13 – 00:30:13:09
My whole team had seen it. My whole family knew it by my friends, knew about it, and it was just compounding misery on misery and, and I was very bitter about it. And, you know, when they say so. So I'd had, like, the micro traumas that I'd managed with weight and the BLM stuff and then the redundancy stuff, and then it all came to a massive fucking head.

00:30:13:11 – 00:30:37:00
And you know, when they say that if you when you're drowning and you fall into the sea, you don't know what weighs up on what weighs down. You swim, but you don't you don't know which way to surface. I genuinely felt like that I was getting migraines that were lasting for three days, and I was I was my panic attacks had just gone off the scale.

00:30:37:02 – 00:30:57:12
It was during Covid as well. So I was just on my own. I was just left to sit of my own thoughts, and I was going through a real bad time of it, and I was just trying any remedy or anything to get myself out. And I remember buying some, blackcurrant CBD oil and, you know, one drop in your tongue and it will bring you down and stuff.

00:30:57:18 – 00:31:22:01
I was fucking squirting pipettes of this shit in my mouth like mouse with in it like a mouthwash, just to try and make myself feel normal. And I just, I couldn't like, I was paralyzed, I was literally paralyzed. And I remember and now I look back on this after a couple of years and I remember speaking to, a good mate of mine.

00:31:22:03 – 00:31:42:02
His name is Flav, and he was saying about what happened to me, my redundancy. It's it's nothing personal, Ricky. It's not you. They've not said to you. It's you're a bad person. You're shitty. Your job. It was just what was best for the business. You need to take the personal bit out of it. And I couldn't see that it.

00:31:42:03 – 00:32:06:04
I was like, so het up and bitter that someone had been picked over me and stuff like that. And man, it just, it really just tore me up inside. And now when I look back and you take the emotion out of it, business wise, probably this person would have stayed at the company longer than me. And they're a better shot than me because in the job, four and a half years.

00:32:06:04 – 00:32:25:02
Yeah. Less all those different things. Younger. Well, you know, whatever it might have been. But at that time I couldn't see it. And I guess what my point is, is that whatever you're going through and how bad you're feeling and the grief that you're feeling and the trauma that you're holding on to, that there are brighter days.

00:32:25:02 – 00:32:52:12
Now, how I kind of it's a lot of counseling that they need to sort through. Counseling didn't do exactly that. Me so how I try to navigate that was, again, I was like a fevered man of spraying CBD oil in my mouth, fuckin running, going through walks for three hours, you know. Do you have this eating clean, you know, all this stuff that you that that you told and I just couldn't get a grip on, reality.

00:32:52:12 – 00:33:20:10
And my mum said, Rick, now is the time you should seek a counselor. You should reach out. Here's a number. I know this is really good. They're very well respected. Go and see them and see how you get on. And I'm like, fucking. Yeah, great talking about it. Is it really going to get me anywhere? And you know, when people say, oh, because I was always of that mantra of crying like, what's that going to do?

00:33:20:10 – 00:33:42:17
It's not going to get you anywhere. It's not going to do anything, talking about it. It's not going to get me anywhere. I need to do something for myself. And I was. So I guess I was just really hard and harsh on myself. But, Yeah, you're right. I went to counseling. I had counseling for a year and a half, and although, it's not one of those things where I, I was like, all right, I've been counseling.

00:33:42:19 – 00:34:20:01
I'm healed. I'm not. I'm normal again. I don't feel anything. It's going to take years for me to get to a place where I want to be. But I've made so much progression and it's it's understanding, like, because I didn't understand that when I was smoking weed and I was masking my emotions and stuff, that these, these kind of micro traumas that had been accumulated throughout my life, that I always thought that trauma was something severe, like someone had, sexual assault, someone that you'd witnessed a murder loaded term.

00:34:20:01 – 00:35:04:09
Trauma, isn't it? It's like you think it's severe big. Yeah. Like. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, that's exactly it. And and I, that's what I, that's what I perceived of what actual trauma was, a huge lifetime event and not micro things that lead up and build up to this one thing. And this then that one thing broke me, and so I went to counseling, had a year and a half of counseling, and it's just really helped me understand what it was that I felt within the kind of the job situation with the bit of explaining to my daughter during the BLM stuff about race and color and, and how I was brought up and

00:35:04:09 – 00:35:32:13
that I kind of wasn't taught to face that stuff head on. And I just buried my head in the sand and buried my emotions. There's a there's a lot of stuff that I kind of I you nobody is taught. There's thousands and millions of us out there, and we all face these, things that will challenge us. But we're never really taught on how to, regulate our emotions or how to deal with these things.

00:35:32:13 – 00:36:08:03
And you just bury them, and you and you kind of get on with it through either drink Coke, weed, women, whatever it might be. But, counseling it it really did. It really did help me. And it kind of got me out of, of a place where I was. And I'm making strides every single day. And I'm not not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I know what I need to do to to keep, practicing, you know, that muscle memory of of challenging myself and to understand what it is that makes me take.

00:36:08:03 – 00:36:34:03
And I know that, so the type of counseling I had was, it was person centered therapy. I don't know, you've had something, similar or a little bit different human giving slaps? Yeah. So that was, it's more like hypnotherapy, human giving. So I think I, it's helped me in a lot of ways, and it's helped people that have had very difficult situations, made their lives better.

00:36:34:08 – 00:36:59:04
Now, obviously it works well with some people. Some people it won't work well in counseling. Isn't there isn't this universal way of, finding, you know, because this person is a counselor, they can definitely help me. Sometimes it's a process of getting to a point where you need to find the right thing for you, because there's different ways it didn't for everything, but there's absolutely something out there that can help you.

00:36:59:04 – 00:37:25:05
You just need to find it and go through the process in the same way that, you know, if you're buying a car, you're not just going to get into and drive away the first one. You see, you you look into it, right? You test drive, you, you research online, figure out what, what fits for you, and sometimes you'll have to you'll have a counselor and you think this isn't working, it's not quite right, or you haven't given it enough time.

00:37:25:05 – 00:37:42:10
And it was right. So my point is, is that there's lots of different things out there, and there's something for you. If you're listening to this and you feel like I need to get something sorted, then, then you can go about it. Well, I'll, I'll explain what human givens is, but what how did you how did you access your cancer?

00:37:42:12 – 00:37:59:18
So it was just basically, in GP King's. You up for your GP? No, no, no, it was, it was private. So you paid for it, so. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's another thing is people think I don't want to pay for it. I don't want to pay for it. Like they won't invest in getting better.

00:37:59:20 – 00:38:22:06
They'll invest in going out or a weekend, you know, doing £150 on a Friday night, £200 on a Saturday night, whatever it might be. Yeah, but it's the there's a mad reluctance to invest in health. Yeah. You're totally, totally right. I bet you thought about it on the head. But I don't want to pay for this. Well, the thing is, for this, what it is, is it?

00:38:22:08 – 00:38:44:24
I was in such a state that my mum was like, I will start paying and just to get me there. And then we did, a kind of one week on, one week off and took it from there really. And then afterwards it was I, I need this I'd like and I feel like it's, it's so like, it's just that that I need it.

00:38:44:24 – 00:39:18:04
And the money was, was well worth it. And how much was it? I can't really remember. I think it might have been 40 pounds per session. Was now. Well, yeah, an hour for an hour. Session for week. When I think it was and that was an hour each week. And I did that for a year and a half, I think it was, I think it's liquid, but yeah, it's again, like you said, like that money, like I'd always say to myself, but I could that £40 can go on my shopping for my family.

00:39:18:06 – 00:39:35:19
That £40 could. Do you know what? It's going to be no good for your family or for your car or for your fucking insurance. If your head is in the gutter and you are feeling the way that you are, it's just going to make everything worked. So you really should pay attention to yourself and look after yourself and not flabby saying, right?

00:39:35:19 – 00:40:01:09
There's so many different types of therapy. There's like, meta cognitive therapy, this CBT, like I mentioned, person centered, like I've mentioned human giving, giving, mentorships, there's loads of different things. And what sometimes I know someone that I spoke to them and they went to see therapist. Fucking hated it. Absolutely hate you. They're not doing that again.

00:40:01:09 – 00:40:21:06
It was sheer. And then a year and a half later, I kind of said, you should go back. And they're like, now it's rubbish. And I was like, the first person that you see as a therapist might not be the one. You might not click, you might not feel safe. They the how they're asking you questions might not go with what you see, you know, find someone else, try something new.

00:40:21:06 – 00:40:42:03
And they, they said alright, fine. And they went and saw another therapist. They hit it off immediately. They were saying the difference between the two was night and day, and they continue to go to see that therapist and they're feeling a lot better about themselves. A lot of the, you know, the, the, the child traumas that they suffered, they're working their way through them.

00:40:42:03 – 00:41:14:09
But again, it's it's a different things that you can do. And but reading up on the different types of things that you can do and like you were saying about therapy or, or talking to people, it might not be your thing. There's a, there's a, there's a group actually in Milton Keynes called The Man Cave. And it's where a group of men that meet weekly and it's kind of like, an AA type thing, but you can share if you want or don't.

00:41:14:11 – 00:41:34:05
And it's where people talk about the mental health of their struggles or what they're going through, and just knowing that you could there's a support group out there. It could be in your local area that where you can attend, where you can take part. You can just hang up every where. You can just listen to how everyone else is dealing with other things that could be really helpful.

00:41:34:07 – 00:42:02:07
Talking to family. If there's a trusted family member, do you know what else I found really helpful during this period? And, I've actually got the list on my phone. I decided to not in the traditional sense journal as in get a diary and I fountain pen and sit at my Victorian desk and start writing notes. I just wrote notes down and dates on my phone, so if I pick up my phone now, I have I have dates going back for three years.

00:42:02:09 – 00:42:23:07
So is when I started going through my what I called my wellbeing books. When I'd walk for one hour a day where I normally in a conversation that I'd have, I would shuck it and I would go into my show and I wouldn't challenge that person. And that would all of those accumulative things would make me feel like shit.

00:42:23:07 – 00:42:42:15
And this is the reason how I got into such a bad state of mental health, and that I would write down the days that I challenged someone, someone pushed in front of me in a queue. And normally I'd let that slide and I'd be thinking about it all day. Why didn't I say something that I did it, and this one time I actually said, sorry, mate, there's actually a queue here.

00:42:42:15 – 00:43:06:16
And he was. Oh, sorry, I didn't realize. Sorry, mate. Sorry. Really apologetic. And it wasn't this confrontation that I thought it was going to be, so I wrote that down. I was like, mate, that's even though it's so minor to someone that's listening to this. For me, that was progress. And I can look back over these three years and see the progress that I've made and the different challenges that I've overcome that I know that I'm moving in the right direction now.

00:43:06:16 – 00:43:31:03
You're cutting the line. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I exactly I don't give a shit about anyone. Oh, this is my fucking line. And, I feel like I've been talking for ages, but, just to kind of round this off of the different things that it's recommended, and you can find your own thing that that, you know, fits you like a glove.

00:43:31:05 – 00:43:52:03
Going to the gym, exercises like it really is. I, a person that fucking hates exercise. I've tried the gym. I fucking hate it. I'm not going to go there be slinging weights about. I'm not going to go on a treadmill. I do it for three weeks and think, this is shit, I don't want to do this. It was only this morning.

00:43:52:03 – 00:44:12:07
This morning I was off out the door at 730, walking my daughters to the bus stop for school, and it's a 12 minute walk. But it was misty, the cool air on my skin just being outside the sun like even though it's misty. The sun was out. It just made me feel so much better. Like I'd accomplished something.

00:44:12:07 – 00:44:34:20
Just get outside. And being one with nature, I just felt a lot better about myself. So it doesn't need to be anything proper strenuous. Again, like one of the things I'm massively guilty for good night's sleep and that is me going to bed at half 12 every morning and then getting up at half six every day. Still doing that, still doing that.

00:44:34:20 – 00:44:57:14
My still doing it. And I should really try and break that cycle. It would do me the world. If it's a single night during the week where I'm still up at 12 for like I'm in bed. I was in bed by quarter ten last night. Oh my God, that's a dream. Yeah, I on on when was it, when did I go to on Thursday first.

00:44:57:18 – 00:45:26:10
What is it today? Wednesday, Wednesday. Wednesday. I got into bed, 8:30. No fucking way. Yeah, yeah. I mean, generally, I mean, I stayed awake long enough to make sure the kids at the stuff turned off. Study. Going to what to say, kids. Chloe. She's great. She just gets up, she she she goes, which puts us off the bed, and she gets up and she's always in the car, and time will never end.

00:45:26:12 – 00:45:44:01
And told to get off the computer. Turn the fucking thing off. I get up in the morning, but he's fine. He takes us out to bed, but he. You don't even it. He's been like this for about three years. Like it's incredible. She just. She sits, she sends her alarm and gets up in the morning. I don't we don't have to even think about.

00:45:44:01 – 00:46:02:07
Oh it's amazing. All we do is make sure she's got food, but she's she sorts itself out. She's very, independent but as well needs to be, you know, you need these, boy. I mean, not 14. I've been exactly the same. So I'm not like, I'm mad at him. It just can't get frustrating. Anyway, my point is, we state we were in bed by 830.

00:46:02:09 – 00:46:23:11
And we turned our phones off, or put the books down at ten. Yeah, for, no, two went to sleep. 10 in 10 years in a relationship. No no no no. The and then, and then I went to bed and I woke up at seven and I slept through, and I didn't wake up. God.

00:46:23:14 – 00:46:44:23
And because I hadn't had a drink, I didn't really. I didn't need to get up in the middle of the night to have a piss. And you know what? I felt fucking great. God, I felt as good as I could possibly feel. As a 43 year old man who needs to go down the gym a bit, I, I just you feel a love, you feel well-rested.

00:46:45:00 – 00:47:04:06
What you're doing by not going to bed early is your denying the your future self of feeling good. That's what you do. Like. If you're not, you get in six hours of sleep. You might just get back into coke. You must get back into backing down pills, drinking the knowing your future self, a feeling good God man. Not here.

00:47:04:08 – 00:47:36:13
That here. Fuck that that is. I'm just glad to say in counseling. Oh I mean, I, I'm loving it. I'm bloody loving it. You are. You're taking away from your, your future experiences by like it's a lot a lot in terms of substance abuse and alcohol use. Obviously I've been working to reduce my alcohol intake for a long time and through that process that was comes up a lot is like the minute you start drinking, you're reducing your abilities to enjoy the next day.

00:47:36:15 – 00:47:55:06
And you know, when you're having a beer and it feels good for the first hour or two and then it goes down and you can't reach that high again, it just your body needs to rest. And alcohol is terrible for your the rhythm of sleep. Anyway. I think yeah. Going just putting is is like a good night's sleep will do you unders.

00:47:55:08 – 00:48:11:20
Yeah. It doesn't fix depression. It doesn't cure anxiety. But it gives you the best place to be in a situation to deal with those things. A good night's sleep. And if you if you know, if you're struggling to sleep, fall asleep. That's a big thing. People. Anxiety and depression. I don't always find it difficult to go to bed.

00:48:11:22 – 00:48:29:07
There's like lots of stuff that can help you fall to sleep with. Lots of, you know, like I have comes, comes sleeping tablets. They're not that. Oh yeah. Yeah they're not. It's like herbal. They're not like yeah. It's not something you get from. You have to take four of them. I don't know what. I just don't put four worth in one tablet.

00:48:29:12 – 00:48:48:18
Yeah I don't understand it. Oh we to take for these little tablets. They do. They taste like Schitt's Creek. Like, you know, the smell of when you've had a bad pool of diarrhea. Yeah. That's why I tell you what, man, but I, I take them with. They taste like that I really. Yeah. Like I can make them taste of anything, surely.

00:48:48:18 – 00:49:09:21
Why do they have to taste like that? Not only do you have the forum, it's like that fucking sadistic pigs, you know, three, four of them, but it tastes like shit. And they help you sleep anyway. Good night. Sleep? Yeah. I mean, I was literally just saying to you before the pod started that I went out last Friday and.

00:49:09:23 – 00:49:29:00
Oh, man, just. I went out last Friday a little bit hangover in the morning. Managed to kind of, you know, just get on with my day. But the knock on effect of the tiredness and then eating junk food and then feeling like shit and then catching up on sleep and it's just, mate, it's just horrible. I just got to a point where I just.

00:49:29:02 – 00:49:55:20
They were. It's just so bad for you. Yeah, well, you just you going out drinking, right? And then most night. But what my life used to be would be you'd go out on a Friday in London. That Friday night would ruin your weekend every weekend. And I did it for four years where I would go out on a Friday night, pick some gear up, have a few beers, stay up all night, and then I'm fucked for Saturday.

00:49:55:22 – 00:50:17:23
Yeah. And what am I doing? I'm sitting on the sofa, right? I'm watching television. Film on Netflix. I have to cook, I feel terrible. Let me order a Domino's big one stuffed crust stock on that. You know what I'm saying? Stuffed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It says fuck you in there. But hopefully the payment will go through. So you get my stuff crossed.

00:50:18:00 – 00:50:40:00
And then Sunday around 4:00 is starting to feel a little bit normal and works the next morning. That sort of process that. What was the cycle cycle that you play out every weekend? You might do it once in a week. That's what I would do on a Wednesday. Felt great. By Wednesday. Get back here in. Stay up all night.

00:50:40:02 – 00:50:58:23
Go to work without sleep. It was fucking terrible it. But I say that, Rick. It didn't feel terrible then. It didn't. To me it was like this is normal. Loads of people are doing this. This is I'm just long as I don't tell anyone this might as well not be, thing. And I had a quite good constitution of getting on with it.

00:50:58:23 – 00:51:19:12
Like I could go, I could go out all night and function at work the next day. Yeah, that'd annoy me today. Yeah. Anyway, the point is, is that has a lasting effect on you before, I. I haven't got much else to say, but I just wanted to say this. Yeah, about human givens, the human Givens Institute, because they feel that they've identified pillars that you need as a human being.

00:51:19:14 – 00:51:41:00
Yeah. You feel to to feel as close to contentment as a human being can. Not to be happy, but to be content right to different things. So all of us need these things, these nine pillars, to feel like you can function in a in a way that means that you're not unhappy in any way. So you need security.

00:51:41:00 – 00:52:02:17
It's a safe territory and an environment which allows you to fully develop. And this is kind of what you need to give to your children, albeit you should be providing these things for your children attention. So it's a form of nutrition to give attention and to receive attention. We all need these as human beings, a sense of autonomy and control and having for via volition to make responsible choices.

00:52:02:17 – 00:52:37:10
So you're able to make your own choices. You're in control, emotional intimacy to know that at least one other person accepts us totally for who we are, warts and all. To have people in your life, to accept all of your failings and understand that and love you anyway. Yeah, that is a basic need for a human being feeling part of a wider community belonging to something outside of your house, outside of, what is normal and, you know, so it might be football, it might be the podcast, it might be a bridge, a bridge group or.

00:52:37:14 – 00:52:59:19
Yeah, you know, the dance group going down the pub every now and then, go into your local pub, be known outside your family circle. Privacy, the opportunity to reflect and consider. They experience a sense of status within social groups so you feel like you belong. You know, so your group and your elevated. Then you're respected by your friends sense of competence and achievement.

00:52:59:19 – 00:53:26:08
So being be able to do things and achieve and complete things. And the final one is meaning and purpose, which come from being stretched in what we do and think. So how do we develop other people around you to assist that development? Do they push you? If you are missing any one of these things in your life, then you are susceptible to, a mental health condition.

00:53:26:10 – 00:53:46:24
These are basic needs that not everybody has, and striving to get those is, is what will make you content. Don't mean using a job you hated. You hated it. Yeah. And then they said you're not right for us. So not only did you hate this job, they're saying you're not good enough for it as well, because we can give it to someone else, whatever it might been.

00:53:47:01 – 00:54:13:23
Yeah, you're going to take that really bad. And if thoroughly affects one of these nine pillars. Yeah. It's your your sense of self-worth, your ability, your meaning and purpose and your sense of competence and achievement. All of those things. Right now, what you do is podcast for a living. Yeah. So that pillars that were affected by that job, you're now you've now mended by doing what you're doing right now, which is something you're building a community.

00:54:13:23 – 00:54:34:24
The contacts and validation you get from people that listen to the podcast and email in and say, what a great podcast. Basic human need. You've shifted from something that was making you unhappy and made you to the point where you were falling apart to some degree because they said they don't want you anymore. You've shifted and used that as an opportunity.

00:54:35:01 – 00:54:57:07
Unbeknownst to yourself at the time, to where you are now. So when this shit happens, it's an opportunity, not something to to break you. It's an opportunity. It's like you hate the fucking job. You hated walking into that office every Monday. You could go on holiday and to every single time you'd have a holiday the night before the message the group and kill myself.

00:54:57:09 – 00:55:27:00
I would rather run in front of a truck to go back into the office. And when they said, gave you an opportunity to leave all that behind, it made you depressed. That's crazy. Yeah, we talked about that at Time Break is this is an opportunity to do something. So yeah, man those those if people want to read more into those pillars and understand what human givens is and what human givens is a strange name, but human givens, these are the these are the given pillars that you need as a human being.

00:55:27:00 – 00:55:51:22
That's what that name comes from. I will put them. I will put them in the show notes. So, afterwards, send me the link and I'll, stick it in the episode notes. To to round this off, we do have a voice note that someone has sent in and they have a delightful voice, and flab is going to play it up for us.

00:55:51:24 – 00:56:12:00
Hey, guys. Kind of touching on to two podcast episodes here. Obviously the mental health one and then the masculinity part as well. You know, if you're struggling, you know, the biggest thing to do is go and talk to somebody. You know, I recently lost my father and that was a big thing with with me that has helped me.

00:56:12:00 – 00:56:39:10
And even if you're not looking for somebody to diagnose, you know, if you have anxiety, if you have depression, if you, you know, if you have, you know, bipolar disorder or whatever, you know, just just go and talk to somebody, you know, you're not always seeking a medical diagnosis and you don't want medicated. But, you know, really helped me with my dad's passing and everything like that, just to go and talk to somebody that's kind of an impartial party.

00:56:39:10 – 00:57:01:14
And, they don't have any invested interest in what's going on. They don't know you on a personal level. They don't know your situation until you tell them. And, you know, sometimes that just helps in itself. And it's not necessarily that you want to go and be diagnosed and be put on a medication. You know, that's not always what they're there for.

00:57:01:16 – 00:57:21:12
It just really helps. Even if it's just a mate, you know, if your mates aren't there to listen to you whenever you're having a hard time, are they really your mates? You know, that's that's pretty much what I got for you guys. And, keep up the great, great episodes. Yeah, obviously this is going to directly sort of rankles with what I've said.

00:57:21:16 – 00:57:49:03
Start at the point that just just go and talk to somebody. Right. But what he's saying, what my point with that is that when if someone comes to you for advice and says, just talk to somebody thinking that's your job done in helping that person, that isn't, you need to find the right person, but the right skillset and to be fair, you know, like you said, like we've spoken a lot, Rick, when you've gone through this stuff and clearly it had some positive impacts.

00:57:49:05 – 00:58:14:00
But, it's there are people with the right skill set in order to help you. And it isn't it isn't enough just to say, talk to someone. You need to find the people. The right, the right, training and knowing how to respond to what you're asking of them. And once you get that person, honestly, the shift in, in what you can do is,

00:58:14:02 – 00:58:34:14
And we know that he lost his father, right? So there's the grief counseling, there's an an abundance, and there's tons of amazing stuff out there that we that can that can help you. But yeah, I mean, talking is key, but it's not enough just to say, go and talk to someone. You need the things you need to roadmap it with them.

00:58:34:14 – 00:58:55:01
Find find the right process because a lot of people think that they would because of that, you know, men don't talk type thing. Remember it was a massive campaign. Men don't talk. Yeah. Campaign against Living Miserably. It meant that people felt that all you had to do was talk to someone, and then you fixed, and then you do that and you're like, why am I not fixed?

00:58:55:03 – 00:59:23:18
Because he's simple. You have to go through that process. You have to find the right person. And anyway, that's what. Yeah. And again, just to reiterate what, I got the gist of it, I was like, you know, talk to someone like talking to Barry down the pop who takes the piss out of everyone probably isn't the best person to open up to, you know, so it's finding that person, or that you, you know, you have a bit of a rapport with or a bit of a relationship and that, you know, they're going to listen and they might steer in the right direction.

00:59:23:18 – 00:59:42:24
I'll give you a telephone number or whatever it is. So, now I know I, I back up what you're saying, do you know what the topic is for next week? Be, you know, you you're not going to be stuck. You're not going to stuff until we do a big event. I just want to do these characters on TikTok.

00:59:43:03 – 01:00:12:24
I find them fascinating. Anyway, we're going to be doing phobias. So if you have any phobias, any strange phobias, any normal phobias, do you know someone with a crazy phobia? Then please email us. Yeah. Like that, but bananas. Well, I, I worked with someone who had a phobia of small house, like cluster of small house.

01:00:12:24 – 01:00:32:07
I don't, I have that school trip up a phobia. I have that. Are you kidding me? No. What did I say? About 40% of people have this. What's he like? You don't like looking at crumpets and stuff? Not really. No. So. So I just by saying that word, I just said that with a lot of people listening to this podcast.

01:00:32:09 – 01:00:53:13
Really? Yeah. It's common. Rick. It's really. I'm much better at it now than I used to be. Used to make me physically sick. I would be sick if I'd say, oh my God. My, my missus has one of, stickers, sticky labels, you know, like little stickers on fruit and stuff like that. Really? Yeah. It's fucking mental.

01:00:53:13 – 01:01:10:15
If anyone's. We can talk about it at length next. Next week is obviously don't give up too much now. But the if anyone knows where phobias come from, I have some sort of definition that would be that would be good. There might be people that are in the field that understand it a lot better. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like just give us a voice note.

01:01:10:15 – 01:01:23:16
Let us know where phobias come from and why specifically the one I mentioned. And I won't say it again. They'll trigger people. Yeah. Why do so many people have that adverse reaction to housing?

01:01:23:18 – 01:01:41:14
Even now it just went, oh God, how have we never talking about it. Spoken about these I don't know I to see there's something in the back of my mind that is that you remember me I said yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah, yeah. It's just, just in a way. So yeah if we go over it, I've got it doesn't impact me anywhere near like it did.

01:01:41:14 – 01:02:01:05
And you know I did it. This is a form of therapy. Taking it back to this week. Exposure therapy is difficult, but it does work. What have you done? The. Well I just I wouldn't recoil. I wouldn't force myself to look away. When I saw it. Oh, wow. Yeah. If anyone's curious, go on Reddit. This whole subreddit is full of it.

01:02:01:07 – 01:02:34:02
Full of the stuff that makes people light. So just as a I feel really sick now and talking about this story generally, but the if you if you what people are fascinated with but generally it's generally quite closely linked to what scares them. Yeah. So the reason why we love sharks really is because they're fucking terrifying. The reason why the open ocean is in fascinating is because it's fucking terrifying.

01:02:34:04 – 01:02:56:13
I don't think of anything worse than being the middle of the Atlantic Ocean alone. That's possible. Yeah. So why? You know, you can't not be anything but drawn to it in some weird way. Remember that next week? Exactly. Email us lots and on pod at gmail.com. And we there's no dilemmas this week. So that's good everyone. Everyone's fine.

01:02:56:13 – 01:03:29:11
Everyone's fine. Good. So we're just going to go to something only you know. Wow. Something you know. This is called Glory Awaits in the same vein as the gentleman visiting a glory hole from a few weeks back. That I wasn't naive, thinking this would be a woman. I knew it'd be a guy. Anyway, I get to the person's house, and the set up is a chair with a curtain in front of it.

01:03:29:13 – 01:03:55:05
I'd been instructed prior to come in, drop my boxes, sit on the chair and lift the curtain up so my cock is on the other side. The sucking starts immediately and it feels good. But then the ball leaking started and I could feel stubble against my thigh. It was at this point I started to think of it as just, you know, just just a mate sucking enough of me off.

01:03:55:09 – 01:04:20:23
Yeah. So I want to. I had AirPods in and porn going on my phone, so I tried my best to ignore the fact it was a bloke and instead try to imagine the cock in the porn was mine. Slower. Unfortunately, I couldn't fully focus on. I was taking ages. The mouth on the other end of the cock was starting to get lazy, and I could feel the occasional scratch of teeth.

01:04:21:00 – 01:04:46:07
I didn't want to say anything though, as he was the one providing me a free service. After, After half an hour, I eventually come. He cleans up and then he says, there you go, mate. Why the fuck would you say it? Up to the point it could have been a bearded lady. Nice. Anyway, I get home, strip off to take a bite.

01:04:46:09 – 01:05:07:12
When I notice my bellend is red raw, I'm sure if it was the teeth, I wasn't sure if it was the teeth or the oh, he'd like to literally suck the skin off, but it was painful. Some antiseptic cream was applied for a few days and the redness slowly went away. Never again. And that is something I know, I know.

01:05:07:14 – 01:05:33:07
So so when I when we came up with this, that's exactly what I wanted. Yeah, it was just mental stuff. You've done that no one knows about. But I've got so many questions. Like, you knew it was a bloke. So are you gay? Which is fine. I'm just curious, like. Yeah, because it's interesting. If you're straight and you've gone, you've gone to meet the the bloke.

01:05:33:09 – 01:05:51:21
Yeah. It's like that place you went to the Holiday Inn and turned up and is like a 60 year old man there, and he's, don't be rude, but. I literally listen back to that part the other day and I fucking I was absolutely pissing myself. I believe I had another like, something I, you know, to a similar vein.

01:05:51:21 – 01:06:12:18
So there's a lot of them. Well, glory hole action going on. I don't, I don't, I don't know where these things I've never been exposed to. So we were always I was going to say to you, is this an American thing? Oh, I don't know. Up there in England. I mean, I guess there was a reply to these people when they message in yeah, I do.

01:06:12:24 – 01:06:34:05
What did you always do? Reply to that. Well, I mean to say, nice one for setting an event at the circle of trust. But you know, all the kind of thanks for sending it in and stuff, but I threw it out. Some of them do, some of them don't. Some of them, I mean, if you've emailed in, I know a lot of you put at the end, please keep this anonymous.

01:06:34:05 – 01:06:54:02
This is lads anonymous. You know, you will never have to worry about. You will never, ever have to worry about anything like that. And then, I've got a couple of mates that have emailed in that they've told me they've emailed in, but they've used, they've made up email addresses and we've read some of their stuff out. And I don't know what it was that I've read out, but all of them are mental.

01:06:54:02 – 01:07:14:22
All I need to know is a mental. So I thought, what you need if you guys got any suspicions, oh no, I've got none. I only know one, because he didn't care about his name being on this email. And it was early days, but there was there's one he's sent in and that we've read out, and I have no idea.

01:07:14:22 – 01:07:41:23
And he won't tell me. Hey, pink, people get up to, I know you're listening to this. Why don't you fucking tell me you prick? Yeah, you are listening to this. Which one is it? Yeah. All right. And boy. All right, so next week we have phobias. Send us an email at lads. Anon pod at gmail.com and we will see you next Monday.

01:07:42:00 – 01:08:07:04
Are the night hazy lot? Band of brothers playing tunes high is quite midnight. Waves surfing through till daylight breaks. Rhythm hit us different ways. Love of music that we prayed with our tongues in cheek. Band aside we like to speak. And yeah, times change. But no matter what the bond remains. Brothers.