#44 | Competition | you need these things to succeed

00:00:00:00 – 00:00:30:16
Are you, Are you going to make the crossover to, blue Sky? The the buzz over there at the moment is, pretty pretty impressive. It's it's been laying. I signed up about maybe six months a year ago. Quite quiet. And everybody, it seems like, is jumping ship from Twitter to Blue sky. What is it for real?

00:00:30:18 – 00:00:49:08
Or is it like, the same thing with because everyone said friends would kill, but no one uses friends anymore? You're. I know you're aiming at me, but, Yeah, yeah, you're like a social media guy. I'm done. This is the end. And I'm not. I don't think it is because it's like you're asking people to to break a habit, and that's impossible.

00:00:49:08 – 00:01:09:04
People change their political parties more than they change the newspaper they read. Rick. That's a fact. Do they? Yeah. You'll read the river, read the Daily Mail, will read the Daily Mail until the day they die. That's that's, So so. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, they might vote. They might switch political allegiances during their lifetime. What's more important? Like a newspaper means nothing.

00:01:09:06 – 00:01:13:14
My point is, a newspaper means nothing, right?

00:01:13:16 – 00:01:32:19
But. But you won't shift because you're loyal to it. You are the most one of the most stubborn people I've ever met. Yeah, yeah. And the fact you're moving over. I mean, maybe mean something. Rick, you're not moving over, are you? You just see him. No, no, no, I have moved over. I'm just as well. It's. I've not stopped using Twitter, but I'm posting on blue Sky.

00:01:32:19 – 00:01:51:11
I'm not moving over, Rick. That's just using two. I'm not. It's going to be a slow, slow burner, but I am starting to post more on blue Sky. And when I was on there, it was like I had I had an I 500 followers and in the past 48 hours I've got a couple of thousand on there now.

00:01:51:13 – 00:02:11:06
And how everyone people are messaging me where's flat is flat coming over and I'm like, oh well, I ain't the tough one. I just don't waste my time. I don't want to waste my time. If it is, if it is a new thing, of course I don't give a shit about it. I hate it, I hate it. So what is the worst thing on the internet?

00:02:11:10 – 00:02:46:18
Hands down. So if there was some. What? I don't get it. I don't care that your musk owns it either, so I don't care that it's Twitter, I don't care your must owns it. What is it over there that's going to be any different to Twitter? It just seems like it's a nicer place. Right? I think what you were saying about, the political thing, I think because of Musk, the, the right, the amount of horribleness, the bio, the shit that's on Twitter, people are just like, now I've had enough and I want something different.

00:02:46:20 – 00:03:05:05
So a lot of people, migrating over to blue Sky and I'm there for it now. I'm there so so so. But what is the difference? Is blue sky is that is it going to be highly. It's going to be what you can post on there is restricted. Right. You can't go in there and say, oh, I don't know.

00:03:05:07 – 00:03:29:07
Asian people look the same, right? Oh yeah. Yeah. So, so if I wanted to go and tweet that would, that would be an issue. Well yet reported and got banned I think so, yeah. But on Twitter I can tell you that and not get banned pretty much. Yeah. Because everything at the point I'm making is everything at the beginning is lovely until everybody else arrives.

00:03:29:12 – 00:03:54:15
And then it turns out again. But I don't think I think people that are that way inclined will stay on Twitter. Right. They'll be like them. The snowflakes, on blue sky. So I'm going to stay here. I'm going to stay in this swamp and cover myself in this dirt. And the people that aren't that way inclined again, do you know what?

00:03:54:17 – 00:04:14:01
I'm going to move home. I'm going to leave this place and have you seen there's a lot of, brands out there that are tweeting. We are no longer going to be using this account. We are made largely Sky audience. AT&T God, there's been loads and loads. So it this may have legs you know it may have legs.

00:04:14:03 – 00:04:29:09
And I hope to I hope to see you over there soon mate with the honey pot. The only point I have social media is is mainly for work. So I have to go. I have to go wherever the audience is. What I'll end up happening is I'll just have to do anything twice. That's what's gonna happen. And so it's not going anywhere, is it?

00:04:29:09 – 00:04:48:03
It's got 556 million people using it every month. That's right. The police guy's got 16 million. It's like a it's like a, you know, in comparison. Tiny. So I'm just gonna have to do everything twice. And what we end up doing. Ricky, what's going to happen? This is what's going to happen to your life. If you go back to social media, you just load up TweetDeck or what?

00:04:48:03 – 00:05:05:02
Some sort of content management program. They'll send both tweets twice. Yeah. All right. I don't want to tell you that I know, but you will. Everyone will know. What? No one's going to actually leave Twitter. Get in the ground. Level five. Come on site. And it's fine. I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm with you. I'm not against blue sky.

00:05:05:06 – 00:05:28:04
It sounds good, but, But I took it right. Gone. And Rosa. Right.

00:05:28:06 – 00:06:05:00
On the night, hazy like Band of brothers playing tunes. High is quiet. Midnight waves surfing through till daylight breaks. Rhythm hit us different ways. Love the music that we prayed with our tongues in cheek. Band as we like to speak. And yeah, times change. But no matter what the bond remains. Promise. Hello and welcome to lads Anonymous is episode 44, a podcast about two best mates of over 20 years invited to join their safe space where all manner of subjects will be discussed.

00:06:05:02 – 00:06:26:00
We'll focus on a specific subject matter first and then answer questions, dilemmas or need for advice or handled anonymously. So sit back, relax and enjoy the pot. How's it going, mate? First, I haven't spoken to you in a largely, oh, about a week. What is it really? Been a week, but a bit more because we didn't record yesterday.

00:06:26:00 – 00:06:47:07
Because I was extremely hung over. Went to the award ceremony in London, which is quite it's quite hoity toity award ceremony. It looked like a prestigious kind of event there are. You sent me. The gaffer looked fucking. It was pretty noisy. Yeah, but it was the Hilton in Park Lane, which actually. Well, actually isn't as nice as it sounds.

00:06:47:07 – 00:07:09:15
It needs a good crowd. It also hasn't been touched for like four years. Oh, mirrors everywhere, which, one in the morning when you got your shirts all tucked out and. Yeah, you know, you've done all sorts to an evening. The, mirrors aren't your friend, but that was that was good. It was nice experience. I guess it's good.

00:07:09:15 – 00:07:24:22
Too good to be there. Well, good to work on something that has been recognized. So good. But I felt horrendous yesterday. In fact, you messaged me and I was still in the bed in the hotel when you went. We were recording day and I was like, I hadn't even thought about this. I forgot this was even a thing in my life.

00:07:24:24 – 00:07:53:20
So it started it today. I thought so when I, when I messaged. Yeah, it's like a number one. He's not in Devizes. Number two, he's going to be in a world of pain at the moment. So I was like, fuck it. I just. Yeah, well, give him a little, little nudge. I just wanted to say thank you to everybody who downloaded and listened to the part two of the OnlyFans podcast.

00:07:53:20 – 00:08:32:09
So I did a solo pod, which was our first night. Yeah, it was good, mate. It was good. It's you know what? It's it's a weird thing doing a solo podcast. And I thought, you know what, 30 minutes. I'll be able to handle 30 minutes on my own. Time to talk on own 30 minutes. Yeah, it is, it is, but I've seen other, you know, other pods and hosts talk for a lot longer than that, but I didn't really realize until I'd actually done it that it was difficult to talk for that amount of time and how quickly you, you get through things.

00:08:32:09 – 00:09:10:03
But I've had some lovely feedback. So thank you very much. And to the submissions that we had from the audience as well about OnlyFans, we had a gentleman who's an OnlyFans manager well, and earns his money that way. And so he is talking to the subscribers. What do you think? You're chatting to a lady. You're probably chatting to him or one of his colleagues, and they are lassoing you in to get you to spend more money.

00:09:10:04 – 00:09:32:16
Is that true? He messaged the podcast. Yeah. Wow. That's for yeah. Is it, is it? Well, I don't know. I got no this world. That geezer wouldn't I think he calls it, isn't it? If you think you're paying for a product and it isn't the product you're paying for, well, does it matter? I mean, it's my question. Does it matter?

00:09:32:19 – 00:09:54:07
Not if you say they get in for what? If they're getting what they feel like is value they need to. Yeah. Like people are happy to to pay that money. It was he's talking to a bloke and she's like I wonder why she's so cool talking about anal. It's just two blokes talking about, you know, each other. Yeah, yeah.

00:09:54:09 – 00:10:27:01
What he said was, you know, I'd like a bit of a spoiler alert, but the a lot of the pictures that this manager receives is gentlemen sending in penis pictures, but they are micro penises, and they're measuring their penises next to a clipper lighter to show you the size of that. They've got a micro, and I don't know why they send that in, because I that you know, it wouldn't get a girl.

00:10:27:03 – 00:10:51:16
No. What is it? Is it a human humiliation thing? They want to be a high a tight, not micro penises. We talking out there? There are lots of them. I thought it was like, obviously barfing. Yeah, I thought it's a rare thing, but then there must be, a fair few of them out there. There was a, there was another gentleman who sent in a submission that his ex is on OnlyFans, and they have a child together.

00:10:51:21 – 00:11:19:01
Oh, so it's, it's a that's a that's a tough one. What do you do. Did you talk about all this stuff on the pod? Yeah an X on Twitter with the I mean that I fuck I don't know man. What did you say. What was your advice I know you got this report, but. Well yeah I mean basically it was to the misses the X Shane and I listen to him though because she's just going to keep going down that road.

00:11:19:03 – 00:11:41:21
So the best thing is to create a safe and happy environment for his son, I guess. I guess what else as well, Rick, because obviously I wasn't on the pod, but this is what I would say is there's so much only fans out there that the the likelihood of anyone finding your ex or your son knowing about it, as long as you keep it under wraps is quite small, I'd imagine.

00:11:41:23 – 00:12:02:05
Yeah, so wouldn't have to worry about too much and imagine. But yeah, I don't think that she should. That could be immensely embarrassing for us, son. I mean, like, well, you mean someone could get their debit card details and I've got some thought. Is it your mum? Look at this. Yeah, that could happen. And that would be devastating.

00:12:02:10 – 00:12:22:17
What could you do? No. Come back, mate. Oh, mate, it's just unthinkable. So if you want to listen back to that pod, then it's out there. Go and have a little listen and tell me what you think. And if you've got any feedback for it, you know you're going to be fine tuning it as I go along. And it may change.

00:12:22:17 – 00:12:47:07
And I'm just happy to listen to your feedback on what you think of it. So email us in at lads anon pod@gmail.com. Just doing it okay. Not listening to feedback. So if someone's coming. That was shit, right? Never do that again. What is that something you really hear? No not absolutely no, no, it's just crack on with it.

00:12:47:09 – 00:13:14:06
I'll crack on with it. Now, we put a call out last week to have the pod named. So the second 30 minute podcast to give it a name. Now, we've had 20 submissions right. So these are all of the submissions for the names. Ricky's midweek blast off. Let's get the Thursday turn out.

00:13:14:08 – 00:13:49:04
Two people have sent in Ricky's rents out. I don't know what I'm renting, so, I don't know, release the Poisson Ricky in flat lads. A non quickie Ricky second coming quickie with Ricky. I like that one. Ricky, 30 minute clean up the re wipe flopper knocker. I said that on the OnlyFans. Like if someone's just flopping out a knocker.

00:13:49:04 – 00:14:30:10
So that's where they got that. The midweek mop up the lads Your Mum podcast. And then it gets a bit weird. Oh sorry. Ricky's Thursday please. And release Ricky's, Father Ricky's confessional podcast. Ricky's Zara dribble podcast. Ricky's com capture and this one that I never want to hear again. Blow your beans into. Ricky. So this was the thought behind it is that people are submitting and they're blowing their beans, and they're blowing their beans into me.

00:14:30:12 – 00:15:00:11
That is never, ever, ever going to be the title. So is there any that, grabs your fancy? That's all. I mean, we blast off midweek. Blast off? I still like that. Yeah. The, because it's, Yeah, it's just to the point. The it's the blast off or the quickie with Ricky. I do like that. So I will I'm going to put a little, what called an Instagram poll out and we'll see what everybody else likes.

00:15:00:11 – 00:15:23:10
And then you name it that and that'll be that. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Going to watch Jake Paul and Mike Tyson. No, no not that I managed to or tried to, bike up in the morning, went into Google and said, who won? And then I saw that. Who won? And I was just like, I actually put I actually put a fiver on Jake Paul to win on points.

00:15:23:10 – 00:15:43:20
And then I was like, you know what? I can't even fucking be asked to do this. What what what the it's easy to say in hindsight, but a 58 year man, your old man can't box for eight rounds, even if for two minutes. It's just it's too much. But it's Mike Tyson. I know he's 58. Mike Tyson started knocking people out when he was 14.

00:15:43:20 – 00:16:06:18
That was fucking a lifetime ago. And the amount of shit he's got up to, I think it would have taken its toll. There was part of me that thinks, you know, it's Mike Tyson, and he'll see the red mist and he'll just take take him out like his power. Just a clean fucking chimney on Jake Paul, and that'd be that.

00:16:06:18 – 00:16:27:12
But. But I've seen it now. I didn't watch any of it. There. Yeah. So I'm. I'm disappointed. What do you make of all this, Jake Paul? Because you're a big boxing fan. Yeah. So, do you think it's good for the sport, or do you think it's, it's ridiculous or. No, it's good. It's good for the sport.

00:16:27:12 – 00:16:53:20
It's good for boxing. It's bringing people overall, people interested in in the sport and more eyes on it, the better for sure. Is it boxing? No, it's so in boxing you have exhibition bouts, right? For people, fighters out over the hill, the evil to raise money for charity or want to just boost their pot. Basically. And for example, Mike Tyson did an exhibition bout with Roy Jones Jr four years ago, right?

00:16:54:01 – 00:17:19:00
Yeah. These are two X fighters. Obviously cannot fight a professional level anymore, but people still interested in them. So they they do it again and they might make themselves a couple million quid, whatever it might be, or you'll get some rich, rich, benefactor will want to see these two guys fight for his own preference. Not just him, but you'll put on a show that's exhibition fight in actual boxing.

00:17:19:01 – 00:17:53:11
It's not. It's not even in the same. It's like a different sport. Yeah, a pop, even a ring with boxing gloves like Tommy Fury is useless as a boxer. Absolutely useless. He's had, nine pro fights against nobodies. Journeyman. Yeah. And struggled is useless. And he beat Jake Paul. So that's just show. So there's this idea because of how good a promoter Jake Paul is, that he's actually able to box is isn't true.

00:17:53:11 – 00:18:19:07
But obviously fans want to believe it. Look, he's knocked out Mike Tyson or he's beaten Mike Tyson or whatever it might be. But if he if you if you if he if you I'll tell you what with Jake Paul with his size with he's he's following if you gave him Eddie Hearn and they worked together and he started his pro career from the ground up.

00:18:19:09 – 00:18:45:03
And he was matched correctly, he might be able to get to kind of like a southern area title in England. Yeah. So he may be considered if he's matched properly, he might be able to get to a title fight for the areas of below Milton Keynes down to the south coast of England. Yeah, that's about as good as he is.

00:18:45:05 – 00:19:01:11
I mean, yeah, I mean, and he's been training for like six years. He hasn't seen that's the thing. He's been training a lot hasn't he. It's like he's taking it serious. He does take it so so so do you think it is useless. Do you think he's he's kind of believing that because he is. He has been training for six years.

00:19:01:13 – 00:19:24:04
He actually is of the caliber. No, he's cutting out Canelo. Like he shouldn't call out a professional. But any professional boxer, Canelo would hurt her in bad if if he. If it was allowed if he if he was allowed if Canada went in there with bad intentions, he would hurt him bad. But you saw what? You know how good Billy Joe Saunders goes.

00:19:24:06 – 00:19:44:17
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. An elite boxer, world champion boxer. But look what Canelo did. Three straight broke his face with one punch. And this is a guy who's defensively brilliant Jake Paul is not defensively brilliant. He's just a big bloke. He's fought basketball players and UFC fighters. It's much smaller than them. I almost want to see it though.

00:19:44:18 – 00:20:06:17
I really do like, Jake Paul is do you think he's like this modern day master marketer like Body Blue, where it's just the shock kind of I'm calling out Canelo and I'm saying I'm the face of boxing. Yes, I'm single handedly save saving boxing. I'll give you your payday. I never was I ain't can't fucking do that.

00:20:06:18 – 00:20:26:07
Rah rah rah. And everyone saying his name. And like, this morning I was making my coffee on the radio. They're talking about Jake Paul and Mike Tyson, and it's like, you know, it's just furthering that name out there. Yeah. And these did record numbers on free on next Netflix. No one had to pay for it, which is impressive.

00:20:26:08 – 00:20:48:00
That's. Yeah. Yeah yeah. That's that is amazing. Yeah. Like there was areas where the the service Netflix couldn't keep up with the demand. Right. That's not. Yeah. So people are fascinated by it and it's got its place. And no one's taking away from Jake Paul how good he is promoting. He is phenomenal at creating interest in something.

00:20:48:02 – 00:21:07:06
The guy's 28 years old, 27 years old. He's a genius at it. But you know why? He's a genius? Because he's grown up in a in YouTube, and he knows what it needs to do to capture an audience online. He knows how to do it. He's been doing it since he was, you know, since they started making vines brothers, since he started making vines, he's been doing it since then.

00:21:07:06 – 00:21:26:24
They know the type of content you need to make and how to capture like Christ. Because they grew up, it was normal for them. So the market is older than them, but kind of look at the scratch next. How has he managed to do this? Because he's grown up. His next button it. And Mike Tyson was paid fucking handsomely for that last night.

00:21:27:01 – 00:21:47:19
Oh yeah. As a boxing contest purely. It was, it should never have happened. Yeah. A lot of people are saying it's there's been a lot of, bad feedback about it to say that, you're fighting a 58 year old man like he's 30 years above your elder. Like there is no honor in beating up an old man.

00:21:47:21 – 00:22:18:24
And I didn't expect to see that amount of, negativity around it, to be honest, some purists in it. Yeah, I heard that. I just from a lot of people. Now this goes nicely into our discussion today. The topic is competition. So competition the activity or condition of striving to gain or win something by defeating or establishing superiority over others.

00:22:19:01 – 00:22:57:16
Now you have grown up with four brothers. Yeah. Were you competitive with your brothers? No. Not really. Play fighting maybe like, you know, just having a little rock in the bedroom, you know, like, because obviously you like hanging around with, you and your brothers. Apart from the play fighting the is a a noticeable competition today with clothes and music guys and music.

00:22:57:18 – 00:23:24:16
Yeah. Not wearing the sharpest clothes. Where'd you get that from? That's nice. I don't think it's competition. What do you. What do you think's outside? I don't I never yeah, well, especially, more music. Finding the next good band. Oh, I've been listening to this. And then, your brother Ryan would be. I fucking listening to that? And then Russ is like, I heard them five years ago, mate.

00:23:24:18 – 00:23:47:06
I guess in that respect, it's quite lighthearted. It doesn't really, It doesn't mean a great deal, I think. I wouldn't say I was a competitive person at all, because in a and maybe it's different for everybody because you do hear of like, big families. I've got five brothers, but it's not conventional five brothers. Right. They're all from different mums and dads at all, half brothers and whatnot.

00:23:47:08 – 00:24:08:01
So I never I was I spent a lot of my time alone as a kid, like him as an only child, because, well, I have I share a father with Russ and Ryan and a mum with Alex, and then we've got Adam and Joe, who are actually from another marriage, but are connected. But I, we spent a lot of time, man, so I never felt competitive.

00:24:08:01 – 00:24:50:10
And and growing up, I never felt like competitiveness was something that would serve me well. Yeah, I, I'm similar. So I had a, you know, I've got a older sister three years older because there wasn't like that, alpha male type competitiveness with my sister. I didn't really feel competitive. And also, this is I mean, this might sound a bit sad, but I never, I never would believe that I would ever make, you know, the school captain or, you know, whatever it is, through competition.

00:24:50:12 – 00:25:20:23
Because I was predominantly in, in a white area. I like white school, white mates. And obviously I was different, but I was small as well and sly, and I wasn't that big, strapping lad or anything. So it's kind of like that psychology of why even try for me? Like, so I, I'd always prefer to be in the background what you thought because your, your Asian looking or south South Asian looking.

00:25:21:00 – 00:25:46:08
Yeah. That you that you wouldn't that affected how much you wanted to compete. Yeah completely I my I so and even when my, my missus obviously my missus of 25 years when I first met her, she used to stay at her auntie's house who lived down my street. So in the summer holidays, she would come and she'd stay, auntie's house.

00:25:46:08 – 00:26:06:07
And I would meet up with the rest of the lads from the street and they said, oh, let's go and knock for my missus courses at Ronnie's. And she was up at the top window, and we were all, you know, being these alpha males fight in calling each other names, cutting each other off, doing their stunts. And our BMX is whatever.

00:26:06:09 – 00:26:30:11
But I remember a window while she looked out the window, like from the top and chatting to us and stuff. And I remember thinking then that everyone wanted this girl because she was the cool girl and she was like, you know, quite, like one of the lads almost. And everyone was stuntin for her. And I remember thinking there was no fucking chance I'm ever going to get her because I'm the brown guy.

00:26:30:15 – 00:26:56:14
I'm the small guy, that there's no point of even trying to. That I would ever get anywhere. So that competition side of me, I never really had it. If I'm honest about how. Yeah. Then, we the following year. So I met her when we were 11. The following year, we were both placed in actually, no, the same year we're both placed in the same secondary school, in the same class.

00:26:56:16 – 00:27:17:10
And then I know that she was going to be there. No, no, no idea to do it. Heart the loops when you saw it, when they, they called. It was often times when you was 11. Yeah. Yeah. That's how long you know. No. Yeah. She's ahead and I fucking ridiculous. And they called our names out to like a register and they called her name out.

00:27:17:10 – 00:27:33:04
And her name is. You will never forget her name. I'm going to say yes. Incredible. But when they called it out and I was like, I fucking recognize the name, but I don't know where, I reckon I when I've got in the class and I saw her and we said, oh, you're like, how's it going to know that lot?

00:27:33:06 – 00:27:51:03
And then through the whole four years we would just like be sitting next to each other in our form, written like 11 years old when you're in that room. Did your hair flutter when you saw. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love her. Since you're about ten years old, haven't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, since I met her since 11.

00:27:51:03 – 00:28:15:20
And you know what? To this day, I still feel the same. And it makes me sick. So she just got a hold of me that she knew that Ricky, the teller I've loved since I was 11. The night she she she knows. She absolutely knows. And. Yeah. So that kind of a competitiveness from me, like, I, I never really had it, man.

00:28:15:20 – 00:28:44:20
Never had it at all. And growing up again going into sports and stuff like that, I played sports, I played on the school football team and I played on the school rugby team and all this other stuff. But again, because of just how my stature really, I, I never, ever felt that I would win. You know, it hit the top because it just, I don't know, I, I so I had something similar.

00:28:44:20 – 00:29:13:02
Ricky and I went to a predominantly black school in north London. I yeah. And so I felt that. But it was difficult being a white kid in that school like you definitely targeted you definitely challenged a lot. I was challenged a lot in school. A lot of things that happened now and I think back to them go, that is fucking mental that that happened like knives and fucking people bringing guns in and not guns.

00:29:13:04 – 00:29:36:13
I don't, I don't, I don't ever think it was an actual gun with like bullets in it, but it might the, the kid was saying that it was, but he could have been an air gun. Probably. Was BP gun something like that. Yeah. But as a kid, you like like you're 14, you know? What the fuck? Anyway, one thing I found out that got me out of trouble, kept me out of trouble, was being good at football and good at sport.

00:29:36:15 – 00:29:53:01
So I was on the cricket team and I was on. I never made it to the first C. My team was fucking good because we had two teams, had a well, well cricket team, the cricket team I played all over, I play for, I play for is and barrack cricket. Did you know that? Yeah, I know you play cricket.

00:29:53:01 – 00:30:08:21
Yeah. I have an image of you play cricket, but I didn't know that you were right. Okay, now I get it. With all the cricket fucking chat and WhatsApp. When you're using it to fuck, you know, used to play. We just play once, once a week for about two years. Yeah. So get on. We get on coaches and drive all over London and play.

00:30:08:23 – 00:30:31:17
You always knew that you're in trouble. And for a tough game when you went over to, East London and you started playing schools like Homerton, it's hot man. And there's a heavy Asian area like, South Asians, Indian, Bangladeshi, Pakistani. These kids were fucking good, man. They like, you know, in the in the way that we were good at football because that's all we knew.

00:30:31:17 – 00:30:50:10
Cricket. Yeah. What was what is what is their number one sport? For me I remember playing one kid and no matter what you bowled him he would lash it for four, lash it for six. Bearing man of major. Hitting a boundary was an achievement in itself. If you've got a boundary, you're like, oh my God, I've had a great day at cricket.

00:30:50:12 – 00:31:32:05
He was just whack, whack. And it was just, oh yeah, it was all technique. It was insane. Anyway, yeah. Play cricket for a while. You still love cricket? Anyway, so my school being good at sport meant you. There was less attention on you, less heat, because you essentially were playing in teams where, this is why sport is so important and competitiveness is so important, is what the social break make up of my school went and the groups were that more or less based on how you behave, but also the, the color of your skin was where you ranked and what in that school was the lowest, which it seems seems weird

00:31:32:05 – 00:31:52:03
to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this would be in the 90s. But if you essentially you were seen as the easiest pickins if you were just merely because you're white, but by playing football and being good at it, you're then in social groups with the kids that would be bullying you, right? Yeah. You're the ones that are good football now.

00:31:52:03 – 00:32:18:11
It worked out. So you ended up you ended up by going to, play football with these lads and cricket less so, cricket more so football. And then traveling together on a bus, on the same side, representing the same school. There becomes an affinity in this competition where you're going to play Holloway boys. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Or,

00:32:18:13 – 00:32:37:15
Fuck son Elisha's son. Otherwise, she was like our enemy. The other wishes. And you had Holloway boys. Holloway boys was a derby because it was just down the road. But Saint Louis just were best. They had Joe Cole playing from, you know, took over. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. West that he was at West Ham then and so they were like the arch enemy.

00:32:37:15 – 00:33:05:23
So when you got on that bus, because we were had a common goal and because we were desperate to win, you stops being a subject of their anger or their, disdain or whatever it might be. Yeah. And you became a part of the team regardless of what you look like. And that's why in competition and and what it creates is crucial, certainly in forming bonds and kinship.

00:33:06:00 – 00:33:22:13
We, I mean, on this day, we I played in the beat. So there's no team in a B team. I was playing on the B team and we got beat 13 two. But the second half we got beat for free. So as we're. Yes. Yeah. But put in some keys a competition is important. It's important for many many reasons.

00:33:22:13 – 00:33:53:16
And then this shift towards taking part is all that matters is problematic in my opinion. So just to go back on, you going and playing for a team which obviously you would then be had knocking about have lads that would be picking on you or, or you know, people like you. Did you make that, did you make a conscious decision or is it just because your family, you know, heavily into football, not what you just wanted to play football.

00:33:53:16 – 00:34:15:19
You were good and you just so happened to get into this kind of social part of it. I just wanted to play and and because I always loved playing football, and I was with me in the primary school was one of the better players. So it just made sense to them than play in, so there's two things that we played in the school team.

00:34:15:19 – 00:34:36:06
So that was a team that was picked by a PE teacher through. So he would do PE with all of the different houses. We had houses back then. So my house was Richmond and I was the Richmond Rude Boys and the and then in so this is how good IT competition was inside the school you had, you'd have something called the Inter House tournament.

00:34:36:08 – 00:34:59:13
So every year would have a tournament that would run through the year and you would play in a league system. So SCC was in year seven, and then every house would be in that league system and they would play each other twice. And at the end of the year you'd have your house house, tournament house winner. So you'd play in that competition environment where your house becomes who you are and what you represent.

00:34:59:15 – 00:35:25:15
So you have to some of the systems sound a bit bad now because when we were kids in the 90s, but these were the names of the groups, it was okay. The Richmond Rude Boys, yeah, Bedford, Batman. Yeah. The, Gloucestershire gay boys. Yeah. What were your. I don't think York had one the Marlboro Maggots. And we would, we're Richmond rude boys.

00:35:25:17 – 00:35:43:01
Yeah, I wouldn't say no, not that's not a good thing. But, you know, that's what you know, we did. You know these. Well, I mean, did you. I'd like to just. They just sort of became those names. It wasn't. It wasn't I didn't meet I didn't come up with them. No no no no. Just say. But the lads that were in Gloucester, the Gloucester House were there.

00:35:43:01 – 00:36:03:13
You have to call themselves the Gloucester game. You know, they had their own name so they had their own name for themselves. That was what we called them. But you'd have it at every level. We've do Inter house football tournament, you do into house swimming competitions. I was in that as well to swimming, but all of it was about competition and bettering yourself and being doing the best you can.

00:36:03:15 – 00:36:27:02
And it was a pressure that was created by it wasn't created by the school. They created the environment and it was up to the students to create the pressure for themselves. And it was important, I think really important. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, so when I was going through school, I did play in the rugby team, played in the football team often in the B team.

00:36:27:04 – 00:36:48:24
And when I would kind of have a foray into tournament football outside of school because all my mates like literally all of them, they played football and they played for teams and stuff like that. And I tried out for these teams and it wasn't really because I was into football like I was into football, but it wasn't because I was good or wanted to play.

00:36:49:05 – 00:37:15:11
So hang about my mates. Yeah. So when it was when I used to play football down the park and were playing World Cup doubles and you know, all that, all that stuff, that was fun and I liked playing that. But then when it got to the actual team parts where people are shouting at me because I wasn't where I was supposed to be on that area of the pitch, I didn't tackle that person and stuff.

00:37:15:11 – 00:37:44:03
I was like, I don't like this. Yeah, economists like receiving that criticism. So we're mates. Why are you shouting at me? And, and that's when I was kind of like, you know what? I'm not even going to participate in these in this anymore. So then I became that guy that would watch my mates matches, whether it's Sunday League or whether it's school, whether I'm on the sideline with a beer and a roll up and not cheer my mates on.

00:37:44:04 – 00:38:06:00
So you still participate in that way? Yeah. I never wanted to be in that real competitive. Yeah, the competition. And I was just like, do you know what this is? This isn't me. So I'm quite happy to take myself out of that and watch and cheer my mates on. And then also coming back to a football sense and going to the football.

00:38:06:04 – 00:38:35:23
So when for all my years I've gone to watch Tottenham and my mates have played Sunday League football. So they, they, they that choice of whether to come follow a team or a local team or whatever, they were much more into that competitive Sunday league football. So they would always have stories of being out on the beer and gear or whatever the night before, and then going to play in the hanging out there, I'll say, is and being in the lads changing room and all that.

00:38:35:23 – 00:39:06:05
But I never had any of that because I didn't really want to be in that competitive environment. It wasn't kind of fulfilling for me. Now, as we're getting older, do you find yourself competing with your mates or anyone else like you know about, like, money, how much you earn or have you a fucking matey who gets paid whatever?

00:39:06:07 – 00:39:23:13
I could do a fucking job. No, because, well, just just to round up on a football, cause there was one more thing I wanted to say. Not. Yeah, I wasn't an adult. Right. So this is what I did was a kid. Yeah, I was invited to the, be a part of, you know, the true Geordie. Yes, but true.

00:39:23:13 – 00:39:42:18
Geordie was trying to raise as much money as he could for Alan Shearer's charity, which is. I can't remember exactly what it is. I think it's working with special needs kids and introducing them to football and stuff like that, I think. But anyway, I didn't I didn't want to go. I didn't want to play football. Like, I'm, I must have been about 40 years old at the time.

00:39:42:18 – 00:40:05:18
It's during Covid 41. Yeah. I don't want to play. But they forced me to and it was clearly apparent that because it's all recorded, it's on the internet, you can go back and watch this. It's really apparent that I didn't, I didn't have I didn't buy football boots. I just thought I'd turn off an old pair of trainers that I couldn't run.

00:40:05:18 – 00:40:24:14
I couldn't, I couldn't compete, I hadn't done any training in years. I just I was off pace in a massive way. So I said, I'll just go and go. It was so competitive, Ricky, that I just wanted to walk out. Like these people were screaming each, each other, shouting each other, starting to sort of starting to boil over a little bit.

00:40:24:16 – 00:40:43:23
This is a four side competition raising money for special needs charity. And I'm in goal. And it was hot. It was. We got to the semifinal. We got to the final. Right. But we got to the semifinal. And I'm thinking, Rick, I hope we lose. I don't want to play in the final. I hope we lose. We won and then we lost in the final.

00:40:44:04 – 00:41:00:22
But it was just that competitive edge is just not there for me. I'm not compete with anybody anymore and that's that's I'm just on my own. I'm just, I'm, you know, man. What was the question, though? Rick? So did I have an answer for. You? See, but money. Money could compare and compete in that kind of thing.

00:41:00:22 – 00:41:33:10
Because in in any social circle, you will always get the people that have a good bonus getting paid. Well, that competition of the Rolex or the fucking car or the house, that type of game do you do you get yourself involved in that? Do you often now look at mates or say to your mates, fucking had a good one this week or no, I don't, Rick and I do know why.

00:41:33:10 – 00:41:54:06
Because I grew up my, my brother's always had seem to have a lot more money than me. I'm older brother. Is that a 3 or 4 year headstart? My brother actually is, Well, he'd be seven years older than me, bro, so. Right. So in terms of working environment, four years is is huge. Like, you're. Yeah. You're earning potential from where you are now to where you are.

00:41:54:10 – 00:42:10:24
You have no idea where it might be in four years. It's that much of a time. What change? So they had they always had more, but they were very generous with their money. So it was almost like they you would get sorted out in some way, like if you were out for drinks or meal, they would always cover you.

00:42:11:01 – 00:42:41:19
So because I was always in a position of having less money than them, I, I just got used to that feeling. So I never really, I never I just it was my position that I would have less than other people. That's what I thought, right? Yeah. Yeah. So if I was in a situation with someone around me which doesn't have money, I would never I would never show off about if I had money, I would never show off about it in case someone around me didn't have it.

00:42:41:19 – 00:43:03:07
Because I remember what I felt was I'd. Yeah. That's, to make sense. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Completely make sense. I like it in my circles. Yeah. You know, there's a lot of people that earn a lot more than me, and I. You know, when I was younger, I really did used to, you know, used to play on my mind.

00:43:03:09 – 00:43:33:01
Not not hugely, but obviously coming from, like, a single parent household. And I didn't have as much as, my mates and stuff, and then it's kind of like that, that start in life that they have a very good start. But then as I got older, the, the competitiveness of money and how much I earn, I just as long as I have enough money to pay for my summer holiday for my family, as long as I've got enough money to pay for the roof over my head, food in their belly.

00:43:33:07 – 00:43:58:14
I don't really give a shit anymore, man. I just want to be happy. And that competitiveness of how much money I've got or earning, I you know, I've never really been at the top. So it's not like, you know, I always trying to raise the bar or do anything like that. So lot and, and again it plays into them.

00:43:58:16 – 00:44:25:06
I kind of feel like, you know, there's the in in WhatsApp groups or social circles or whatever it is when there's a story and then seven, 11 or Ephesians, it's generally then 11. Or if I've never I don't really feel like I've ever been that guy, that it's like forcing my stories better than yours. I've got, you know, I've got that.

00:44:25:08 – 00:44:52:21
And I've never I've never noticed that with you either. It's. No, I wouldn't do that. It's I still kind of, they still not I still see a lot of people, in, you know, my social circles are kind of like. But it's always got to be the best story and stuff like that. That competitiveness. Yeah. I would do someone the,

00:44:52:23 – 00:45:26:09
It comes from a place of insecurity, I think. Yeah. Like, because they see the value of themselves as how much money they can spend on clothes or how many, what holidays they can get. Or certainly if you ever meet someone who has to like 11 or if you right, that is. Yeah, that comes from a place of deep insecurity that someone that lies as well, like the ones that come out and you like, they also have a story that is better, so much more fantastically better than you that you know, it's bullshit.

00:45:26:11 – 00:45:46:02
And but but I always feel sorry for these people because that doesn't come from a place of security and where you're loved and where you're valued. That comes from a place where you don't have those things and you feel like you know where to be valued. You need to make up stuff now. It's always, it's always. These lads are always the butt of the jokes.

00:45:46:02 – 00:46:07:00
When they're not there, they're like, you see, like such a wanker. How much he lies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one born doing that is. But he comes from a place of not having enough, respect, nourishment and that people value you. That's that's where that comes from. And so it's actually, it's actually quite sad. But it's fucking annoying when you're trying to sell a story.

00:46:07:02 – 00:46:33:07
And he comes, comes out of nowhere and, Yeah, that, that brings me but about ten times better. And you're like, fuck, you know, because you've just shat all over it. Yeah. It's, it's an interesting one, but no, I've never thought of it like that, actually. And I will kind of like when that is happening, I will take that on board about the money, insecurities and the place where it's coming from.

00:46:33:09 – 00:46:57:15
Now, to finish up on this, it's want to know, are you competitive with your wife and your kids? No, we're not. You are, you are. You have to fucking think. Then there was a little. I could sense that there was a bit of hesitation. No, no no, no, in not competitive in that, for, for a bit of fun.

00:46:57:15 – 00:47:21:10
Like, if we're playing bowling, I don't want to smash them. But my job, my job as a father and a husband is to elevate them. Not not to smash them or to elevate me. My job in that role is to make their lives as good as possible. So I can't do that by smashing, like going, I did that better.

00:47:21:12 – 00:47:46:16
However, if it's something trivial, like bowling or throwing something as far as you can, then yeah, yeah. As a bloke, I've got a winner. Yeah. It's like I, with my misses, there's always that fun competition of who can do something the best. Yeah. That's, Yeah. You enjoyed it. The one you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she smashed up.

00:47:46:18 – 00:48:09:23
Yeah, yeah, she. Oh, shit. Do you know what? Like a couple of years ago when we had a Wii and we had Mario Kart. No matter what I did and how far ahead I was, she always won and I just couldn't. I couldn't understand how she always beat me. So then I got to this stage where I'd be picking the same car and the same characters.

00:48:10:02 – 00:48:40:00
So she would have, kind of an advantage to say, Rick, it's a classic, and I still fucking couldn't beat, and it used to drive me mad, and she would be giggling away. She'd be fucking around. Should be on her phone. Should be doing this. Still beat me. But like when you were saying about, the kids, I, I, I do have to beat them and I have to wipe the floor with them, and I have to make them remember that I'm their father and they will never, ever win.

00:48:40:02 – 00:49:04:00
That is, I always remember, I didn't until about the years, actually. And when I was a kid, and I used to be going to the football with my dad. Yeah. And I was young then, and he would say, right, stop here. So we'd stop on the high street. I say, see that postbox down there? Yeah, right. Picking a running race.

00:49:04:02 – 00:49:25:15
Okay, fine, fine. Let's go. And it'd be free to run and he'd run and he'd always beat me hands down. And no matter how fast I fucking tried, I could never get anywhere near him. And then one day I got that a little bit closer, and it was like nearly if I finish, he won, but it was a near fight, a fish.

00:49:25:17 – 00:49:42:12
And then there was a day where I beat him and I thought, fuck, I've just beat my dad in that running race. Maybe it's a fluke the next time we did it, beat him next time again, beat him. Then after I suggested doing it and he was like, nah, nah nah, you're beat me. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:49:42:14 – 00:49:59:19
It was not until now that you kind of feel like when you start beating your dad at things, you realize how old they are and that you're kind of catching them up in that. And I was a bit sad that they fucking beat him at that. It's sad, but so. So there would be parents out there. I needed to let the son win.

00:50:00:00 – 00:50:22:05
No, no. Oh yeah. Eventually they will get there. Yeah, eventually they will. Like you said, Ricky is a great example is that eventually you got him because you will. The son will always catch up to the father, and he will overtake him physically and, and become stronger and become more powerful. Because that is the way of the world, right?

00:50:22:05 – 00:50:42:18
That's the most important thing, because you imagine if you go back to like the the Stone ages, where the father would start to weaken and the son would have to take his role as, as provider. It's the same principle as you do in that race of your dad. He couldn't. It was important that he never let you in, so that when you did beat him, eventually it meant something.

00:50:42:21 – 00:51:06:13
He didn't let you do it. If you let him do it, they earn nothing. They they worked for nothing. That is these these five aside, games with kids. Now, I'm a brother, boy. Bobby, he is the most competitive little kid I've ever met in my life. I'm telling you, everything is competition with this boy. And he thrives for competition for me.

00:51:06:13 – 00:51:32:19
I'm. I'm uncomfortable in it, and I'm not bothered whether I win or lose. I don't get anything from it. Yeah. He thrives. He needs to win. Like in terms of someone who is going to succeed in sport, you need that drive to be better than anybody else. And if it doesn't, it will crush you like that. Is Bob so funny and and and because of that, he's going to be like if he turns his hand to sport, even if it's just like for recreational, he's going to be good at it, right?

00:51:32:19 – 00:51:50:23
Because he can apply himself because he wants to win. He needs to win more over. We went through I, I've told you this before. We went for a little, we went for a we as a family. We stayed in a big sort of. We rented out like a massive house that had like, fuck, 20 bedrooms. Some like that.

00:51:51:00 – 00:52:09:12
And we were playing at a swimming pool and we were playing cricket. A little game of cricket, like at a pool. Yeah, yeah, it was like. It was like rain. Yeah, it was good. It was like when there's like. He's a massive family, right? It's like 11 kids and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Five different relationships. So that turns out to be like 20 people.

00:52:09:12 – 00:52:26:18
So you end up paying about a grand for fortnight three nights, but you get everything right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it sounds right. It's not too bad. Yeah. He's been used by 250 pound for a hotel room. Right. So yeah. Yeah, yeah. So we went there and it was up in is up in Lincolnshire. So it's miles away. And it was good.

00:52:26:18 – 00:52:42:07
Like our kids played Wells for Paul but we, we played this game. It was just a cricket match a little cricket match where you'd bowl and you'd hit. So hit the back wall, grab your for if you're to hit on the roof, you're out. That's I catch and, we both was out. I just one ball before I went to bed.

00:52:42:08 – 00:53:01:04
I go to bed guys at them say something about it. I mean, smashed it. I was like, we've got to give another one. And now we're like, everyone's involved in this game, but pubs are smashing balls around for fun. Anyway, I remember I was going over that story. I was on it, but it's, it was a super competitive kid.

00:53:01:04 – 00:53:24:12
What was I talking about? Competition is important, I think just to five or so. So that was it. That was it. The he was in a five star competition and there was no winners and no one was keeping score. It was just taking part. I, I, I think I've mentioned this on the podcast. Well, my brother in law, his son plays football.

00:53:24:12 – 00:53:56:02
I think it's like under eights and sevens. And, you know, they don't keep score. But they know that they won and stuff. But I just think even though I wasn't that competitive, that's just me personally. But other people are. And it's important for the betterment of how. Yeah. For for development. And then obviously to if you are going to go into a sport, whether it's cricket or football or tennis or whatever, it might be, you need to have that winning mentality and that edge and that drive and ambition are crucial.

00:53:56:02 – 00:54:39:14
Yeah. Of, of of having a successful life, it's important it doesn't spill over. But if you're too ambitious, that is a problem because you step over people to get to where you want to go, but to have ambition and drive and self-respect that can be gained through competition in sport. Yeah, completely. And going full circle for this. So the lads he sent in the email for this part was that he's ultra competitive and it has overspill in his life where career wise ex-girlfriends, where he's just been too competitive and he can't kind of rein he tries to rein it in, but it always over spills and ruins stuff.

00:54:39:16 – 00:54:58:20
So thank you for sending in and that's been a really interesting topic. We all can. Is there no examples of when he did it. No no no no no he didn't give an A. Can you leave a voice. No. We'll disguise it of all the times you've been competitive and it's ruined the relationship. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, yeah, that'd be great.

00:54:59:01 – 00:55:29:17
And and if you have any more competitive stories or anything, any examples, like, we've just spoken about, send it in to lads anon pod at gmail.com. And if we have enough of them we will do a another cheeky midweek pod. Now we're going to go on to dilemmas and something only you know next. But the topic for next week is going to be a language how it's changed since you were a child.

00:55:29:19 – 00:55:54:08
The the modern age. Divisive words like snowflake, gammon or woke. What words have you noticed the kids saying the the. I was chatting to my daughter the other day and she was like, oh, this person, like the teacher was coming along and he was drinking his tango and he skied it. He did. What was he, Scott? He skied it.

00:55:54:10 – 00:56:26:19
What do you mean, what? You threw it through it. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, just down there. They also did they also say like what? The Sigma. Yeah. Yeah I he I have no idea what I mean. I have since been told what it is, but I can't remember like the yesterday as well, there was some my, my old company went into their school to kind of tout that we're a good place to work.

00:56:26:21 – 00:56:45:03
And she said, oh, they gave me a free bag and a free branded, bottle. But, I knew that your op stat. So I didn't really give them much time. And I was like, thank you. I don't know what ops means after know ops means, babe, isn't it? Is like basically your enemy. Yeah. It comes from like, gang culture ops.

00:56:45:03 – 00:57:09:12
Yeah. I yeah. No idea. So. And I keep the security toilets on. Was that like, what the fuck? I don't know where is this coming from? That's not even a cool thing to say. So we want to hear the stuff that you used to say back in the day. And I'm favorite of mine that now lost dick splat, calling people dick splat, all that stuff.

00:57:09:14 – 00:57:48:08
So. So send it in to lads. Anon pod gmail.com. And before we go on to the actual dilemmas or dilemmas, we've got a dilemma revisited. Now I can't remember. I don't know if you remember Flav. I'm sorry, but was the there was a lady who emailed in. Yeah. And she said that her fella had been on a just been messaging someone on Instagram and the messages were getting a bit flirty and a bit sexual, a bit sexting.

00:57:48:10 – 00:58:12:22
And he showed her what he was sending and just to say that I'm not cheating now, I told her, I've got a I've got you, you know, a long term partner and stuff. And because she saw him, sorry. She was, was was he flirting back a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah he was he was, he was flirting back.

00:58:12:24 – 00:58:41:23
And because she had seen them flirt and read the messages and seen their back and forth. Yes. Trying to drive it up the wall. No. It lit a flame under her coach. And they had the they were having mad, passionate sex that was like when they first got together. Now her dilemma was, do I let him carry on doing that?

00:58:42:03 – 00:59:11:20
Gotcha. Yeah. It's it's not it's not hurting anyone. I know I can see the messages and I can't remember what our advice was, but I think it was probably someone's going to get into deep and it's going to go a bit leftfield. Now she has come back, with a reply to that dilemma. Okay. Hi. We didn't exactly follow your advice from my last email, but I thought I would follow up since your last episode was about OnlyFans.

00:59:11:22 – 00:59:42:19
My boyfriend stopped messaging the woman on Instagram, but we seem to have landed in the middle ground. I find some models, I found some models on OnlyFans that I thought he would like. Paid for a few subscriptions for him. Of course, it was not a hard sell to get him interested, we share the password so I can see all the interactions we both get turned on reading the messages and watching the content together about once or twice a week.

00:59:42:21 – 01:00:09:21
Sex has never been better, like even lost a few pounds from all the vigorous activity. But you're alright man. I am happy to pay these women for their efforts in content making and and the result in our relationship speaks for itself. I'm guessing you may find it strange that I gifted porn to my boyfriend, but I find it empowering in my sexuality.

01:00:09:23 – 01:00:47:07
I decided not to tell my girlfriends about this because who cares? Half of them don't even like being in the same room with their husbands. I think a lot of people would be happier in their relationship if they stopped with the jealousy games and just enjoyed their desires with their partners. Brilliant, brilliant advice and an amazing resolution. And, isn't that like the problem with the other thing with the other woman would have been because you're there's another emotional person attached to the other side who generally wants to bang your husband, right?

01:00:47:13 – 01:01:15:03
Yeah. I was at a workplace. Someone work. Was it? Yes. Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah. So you can imagine, like there's an actual real risk, an affair happening. Right. But with this, this is perfect in a way. Yeah. Because that's what it is, is there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with anybody using OnlyFans. And it's certainly an issue where if you're as a husband using it and talking like we spoke about last week and you're having conversations that that's an emotional attachment.

01:01:15:03 – 01:01:37:10
And we received another email, didn't we, about, a gentleman, who'd are you reading that now? I'm not reading that one out. And then for the second, the other part. Yes. Okay. Yes. All right. So, so so wait for Ricky. Second part, because there's a fascinating email about, a guy who got into deep with OnlyFans, but, yeah, that's that's the way to use it.

01:01:37:10 – 01:02:00:03
There's nothing wrong with OnlyFans. And if if you're both if it's enlightened, something for both of you that you've got this kink about your husband talking to other women, which is an I don't think it's weird. Oh, I think you hear about that stuff all the time. Is this work? What did I read? I might have been on, it might have been on Reddit, but it's something very similar that he caught.

01:02:00:05 – 01:02:22:11
She caught her husband talking to a woman. And instead of it, I mean, it did upset her, but it also turned her on so much. Oh, yeah. So she was like, what do I do? I can't be with him. He's unfaithful. But this is really turn me on. It's like men get cuckolded, right? They want to sit in the room and watch.

01:02:22:11 – 01:02:48:01
Their wife is smashed to bits by some pretty big alpha. Yeah. That is, that's wild. I mean, it's it's it's so fucking wild that it's so far from who I am. I'm so is so, so sick and scab porn. Yeah. All all of that shit is mental, but. Yeah. What what is it the where desires come from. But why it why do they happen a lot?

01:02:48:01 – 01:03:09:05
Why is it that some people want to see their, their wives getting stuck? Team. Tag team. Yeah. I thought oh my good lord, I just want to say that email that that the reply that we had is so bloody refreshing. Like, honestly, to look at it from that point of view and you know what? You've changed my mind.

01:03:09:06 – 01:03:29:16
You like for me, I'm quite a traditional guy and if that was me, I'd have been like, you know, that's cheating. Got to put an end to that. Got any relation, you know, but you've kind of like just said, do you know what? I watched your horses. I watch horses, I like this let's, let's, let's let's have a little look back to see what's going on here.

01:03:29:18 – 01:03:48:22
Let's, let's, have a look under the bonnet. And he's, he's played a blinder as well as any of that bloke. Oh yeah. Yeah. Because he said this is happening. I think you should need to know about this. And she's seen, she's, she's seen the kind of flirty remarks. But he's because of his honesty and openness has enabled us to find this, this part here.

01:03:48:24 – 01:04:02:08
Whether I know and they're both happy and it's both working out for him. So, power to you guys know it. Next step is next step is get a bra. I know that's always my advice, but.

01:04:02:10 – 01:04:27:19
The next step is to get a prostitute and watch your husband banging the prostitute. I bet that happens. I bet they do that. You reckon? Yeah. Perfect. It's no emotional attachment. Transactional. You get to live out your fantasy. What am I doing here? What am I? Yeah, let's not do that. It always reminded me of, peep show where Jeremy is.

01:04:27:21 – 01:04:47:09
What he has the threesome with. Okay. What was it? He's the woman's name. Yeah, I can't I I'm like, maybe we should kind of precarious and quite attractive. And then, Yeah, she turns up for a threesome, and the woman's got a really grumpy face, and she's taking a bandage off her ankle. Yeah. And he's like, this isn't.

01:04:47:11 – 01:05:05:03
This is. I'm going to go through this place and see. Hey, mate. It's like. It's like that, video one one when he's got, you guys, like, you just put a condom on, and you look around and she's still staring at her phone. So this is awkward.

01:05:05:05 – 01:05:29:21
Right. We are going to go on to the actual, dilemma that was, submitted. And this is, this is a bit of a, you know, it's a different change of pace. So here you go. Just, just tired and you got an issue for a tissue. You're a bit sad cause. And will teach you an aching in your soul, alone in your flat.

01:05:30:00 – 01:06:00:21
Please talk to Vicky Flanagan. Let that stress off your chest. Well, friend, you deserve, like, your size to get nice warm between breaking your legs. I've never had a super close relationship with my dad. I've tried over the years with both Spurs fans with season tickets. But outside of football, he was never really interested in hanging out.

01:06:01:02 – 01:06:21:18
And it's clear I'm the least favorite of these four kids. When I got divorced and became a single dad, to prioritize my kids. So I had to give up the season ticket. After that, we saw each other at family gatherings, but nothing more than that. This summer he shared that he has cancer. It's not even one of the easy ones.

01:06:21:23 – 01:06:53:07
Stage four lung cancer. So it's just about managing it and but, and not curing it. He knew that smoking 65 a day would have these consequences. He's done a bunch of chemo and had operations and at first was okay with us kids supporting him. But after the first month, he started backing away from me. He postpones and cancels my visits, doesn't return my calls and reads my whatsapps without replying.

01:06:53:09 – 01:07:20:11
I drop in messages regularly, sharing football articles that I know he will like and asking how he is, but he doesn't reply to anything. Never response to me is also not seeing my kids since the summer either, though he has seen my other nieces and nephews. Honestly, that's the bit that hurts the most. It feels like he's making it clear he doesn't want to see me, which is his choice.

01:07:20:17 – 01:07:41:03
But he's still my dad and I still love him despite feeling like I'm being shunned. My question is, do I challenge him and confront him about it? I worry that if I do that, it will cause him pain? Will confirm that he doesn't want to see me and will have a ripple effect that could damage relationships with the rest of my family.

01:07:41:05 – 01:08:21:06
The alternative is to keep reaching out gently and leaving the ball in his court, making it clear that I want to see him, but not forcing anything that could backfire. What should I do? Oh come on, I don't know, he says. Like it's a horrible situation because it's not something you can control, but it's not. I mean, I so me personally, obviously it's a horrible predicament that you're father is in.

01:08:21:08 – 01:08:44:08
He is probably going through a hell of a lot. And, you know, you got the is it like the seven stages of grief or whatever it might be? And like, you know, he's probably very angry, bitter that this is how it's turned out for him. And some days he'll have a good day, some days he'll have bad days, some days he'll want a reply, some days he won't, and stuff like that.

01:08:44:09 – 01:09:27:06
But I think if you carry that around with you of not saying anything, and then he passes and you have that held in and it was never answered, it was a I'm going to say it will always eat away at you, but I would probably go through your second option of continuing to reach out gently. And if is that if is that still, you know, non-compliant and wanting to meet up, then what can you do really like that you can only try.

01:09:27:11 – 01:09:45:16
And at the end of the day, if nothing happens, at least you tried. And at least you know that. But hasn't he tried already? Tried constantly, like give up. He should carry on. I think you get good advice, right? But it's like it's weird. Like he's seen the other kids, but he's not seen it. Why is what I'd say?

01:09:45:21 – 01:10:10:10
Why? Like it? Like if it was the. He was arguing with you or you, there was a definitive reason why he just didn't get along. That's one thing. But, you know, you used to go football together. I don't, I don't know, I thought, why? Well, I don't know what the advice is. The problem is, is that the impact of this is significant.

01:10:10:10 – 01:10:27:18
It's going to hurt. It's going to continue to hurt. And when he dies, you won't get the answers he wants. He gets his family can't be family feeling at all like saying like, why does he want to see me? Like what? What have I done? Yeah. If you spoke to your family about it, I mean, I'm sure you have spoken to them, but if you haven't, I definitely speak to your siblings and say, like, it's a bit weird.

01:10:27:20 – 01:10:56:20
He doesn't want to see me or the grandkids. What is going on? Also, that he's dying. And that's a lot to take on for an individual. And he may not want to. He may not want to see people. He might not want to see you guys, to see him degenerate and and it may be that your brothers and sisters have forced him to see the kids and force them themselves on him, whereas you're not you're you're more passive in it.

01:10:56:22 – 01:11:17:09
Yeah, but whatever it is, this is going to be hurtful and damaging and it will hurt you a long time. You can't, but you can't change the way your parents are. You can't pick your parents. And the the shift from thinking that they're like super humans when you're a kid to realizing the very much just human beings make mistakes, everyone comes that realization.

01:11:17:11 – 01:11:36:01
I don't know, man. I think you're in an impossible situation. Really. You can't force it too much. But by the same token, you need to have answers. And this will be, yeah, for a while even otherwise. But yeah, I mean mums around. Have you spoke about you? So it's a mum. Yeah, it's a good point. There's too much information that we don't know.

01:11:36:03 – 01:12:04:20
Yeah I like I've always said to like my and my mum said this to me as well and that might, might not be exactly the same. But if there was ever kind of some kind of we weren't speaking to each other or there was a disagreement or whatever, and they weren't talking to me, I would turn up to my children's house every single day, and I would shout through their letterbox until they come out to speak to me, and then I make sure that it's we get through it.

01:12:04:22 – 01:12:28:04
I'm not saying go to his house and shout for a slap box. Don't do that. But again. But like you said, you might. The way he might know he wants it, might not get it. It might be painful. What? That might be the answer that he has is one that, like he said in an email, is Maybe I'll hear something I don't want to hear them.

01:12:28:09 – 01:12:54:19
Sure. No. If it was me, I'd be like, fuck it. Well, if he doesn't see me, fine, I'll value the relationship. So that means that the people that I am valued in. But it's that you can't. You can't help him. Yeah, that I mean yeah, there's no there's no definite definitive advice. But I hope us chatting about it is, giving you some, some food for thought.

01:12:54:21 – 01:13:10:02
Now we're going to go to the last bit on something only you know, and it's a cracker Tom thing. You know.

01:13:10:04 – 01:13:36:23
I've never shared this story before, and to be honest, I completely forgot this happened about four years ago. My then girlfriend went on a night out and we both got drunk. We got back to my house at about 3 a.m., enjoyed a kebab and went to sleep. No more night out. Yeah, well, I woke up in the middle of the night to what I thought was running water.

01:13:37:00 – 01:14:04:05
Still drunk and barely able to see. I sat up to see my girlfriend squatting and pissing on the floor. I asked her, what the hell are you doing? And in a drunk state, she replied, stop looking at me. I'm on the toilet. Safe to say, I was flabbergasted and a confused manner. I looked at her and said, babe, look around you.

01:14:04:07 – 01:14:30:14
Look at me. I'm laying in bed. You're in the bedroom, pissing on the floor. I think at this point she realized what was going on and kind of sort of double down on it to save face and tell me to shut up. She half ass cleaned it up and I helped. Hardwood flooring. Thank God. We woke up in the morning and I couldn't tell if that moment actually happened or if it was a while.

01:14:30:14 – 01:14:54:08
Drunk driving. I turned to her and asked, did you, do you remember? Do you remember pissing on the floor last night? She said yes. I was hoping you'd forgotten. Yeah, she replied to it's both start. We both started laughing and a big ongoing joke, mainly at her expense. It was all good day. We were together for a year after this.

01:14:54:09 – 01:15:17:07
We eventually did split up. But for Nona, pissing on the bedroom floor reasons and that is something only I know. What is it Ricky? Where people urinating when they're not supposed to when they're super drunk? I've never done that. No, no touch wood. Nor have I. I've heard people opening wardrobes and in wardrobes. People pissing on the floor.

01:15:17:07 – 01:15:39:06
Not mine. You have? Yeah. God, my cousin, we used go. We would wake up, walk all the way downstairs, go to the kitchen, open the bin and piss in the bin. The toilets right next to the bin. Piss in the bin. What's happening in the brain? I don't know, I don't know, I know, can you imagine? Right.

01:15:39:07 – 01:16:00:22
If you were, if you've been out on a night night out and you woke up and you could hear a noise and you turned round and put your arm out on your on your missus side of the bed. And it was it was warm, but no one was there. And as your eyes adjust, you look up and you just saw your wife just pissing, squatting and pissing on the floor because she's so drunk, like, what would you do?

01:16:00:24 – 01:16:21:09
You just have to laugh about it. I'd be amazed. I would soap my mum. Mrs.. Is quite sensible, so I'd be. I'd be surprised if, like you do, the pacing just on a side of the bed with. They can't space in my life for, I would never do it. I think it's the piss. The bed I've never liked as a kid.

01:16:21:12 – 01:16:43:12
Yeah, yeah, but no, no, no, it's a weird one. There's a geezer at uni. Roger. His name was, He lived a in this one house one year, and the next year he moved on. It usually lived in a new house every year, typically. Anyway, he got really pissed one night. Broke into his old house, went to where he used to live the door.

01:16:43:14 – 01:16:57:17
Pissed on his own door. What you had previously and then left? I don't know if he was. It was some sort of protest, but he says he doesn't remember doing it, but it was like CCTV of him doing it. Unless they wanted to, they would. It's a protest. He's I mean protest. They wanted to go to the police.

01:16:57:22 – 01:17:17:00
He's like, I don't remember doing this at all. Like, do you know after the award ceremony on Thursday? Friday. Yeah. I got home to the hotel, so I was only I was in Park Lane and I stayed in the hotel in pattern. So you're like, it's a ten minute cap at most. Yeah. I don't remember leaving the place and I don't remember getting to the hotel room.

01:17:17:00 – 01:17:38:00
I remember waking up and I spent my time thinking, what? How did I get home last night? And for the first time in years, I don't remember that section of the evening. What was I doing? Where was I? What was I doing? How did I get in a cab? I checked Uber, I didn't get an Uber, so I must have got in a black cab.

01:17:38:06 – 01:18:00:18
What an. You know me, I'm quite. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Never happened. So it was we were drinking. I was bought two shots of tequila. Started drinking. I had the first beer on a train about 3:00 on the way up. Oh, yeah. Not too bad. And and then the last bit was a two shots of tequila at about 1 a.m..

01:18:00:20 – 01:18:28:12
Oh, shit. And, I remember losing people. And then you arrive and then being in the hotel room. So what if I've done something in that period and just don't, make like that was spent? That was my, you know, when we were like, yeah, tearing up London, that was that was basically most and most nights I'd go out and then I'd have to speak to you and you'd say, yeah, you kicked over the black bags again, right?

01:18:28:14 – 01:19:13:07
Yeah. But yeah. And then I'd feel that gay that, that. Yeah, that shame. That shame and guilt. Yeah. Gay shame. It's, Deary me. Okay. That about fucking wraps it up for this week. The next topic we are going to be speaking about is language. And that is all the stuff that you used to say as a kid, how it's changed, what you can say now, what you can't say, what you scared to say at work, what you scared to say at home, all of those different things and like, if this like if you've got kids, what kind of language are they using?

01:19:13:07 – 01:19:44:08
Just the, the kind of changing of language. So if you've got anything, any stories, any words that you want to send in to us lads anon pod at gmail.com. And it's the same email if you want to email us about anything on competition, any stories you've got, we've got a handful in at the moment. So you know there could be another midweek pod, but we need your, your submissions to help, swell those numbers so that we could do a midweek pod.

01:19:44:10 – 01:19:48:05
And until then, we'll see you next Monday. Bye.