#76 | Toxic Masculinity

00:00:01:06 – 00:00:22:21
I am going out tonight. Oh, for a minute. Oh. You can. Well, I wouldn't say, for I am a bloody ibis. Not for I am not tonight. Is it? Because it's. It would have been last Friday when people hear. Yeah. Friday. Yeah yeah yeah. Friday. Be full of anxiety now. Right now it's people I love. No. Yeah.

00:00:22:21 – 00:00:51:14
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I see, I see where we're at. Yeah, yeah. Well, no, I'm hoping not because, so obviously I'm talking in. It's Friday, I'm going out with The Goonies, and we haven't seen each other. We haven't been out together since maybe October. Something like that. October, November. It's been a long time. I haven't really gone out on the pace this year.

00:00:51:15 – 00:01:18:24
I don't think, I had a few beers when I went to the football at like the away day of, Villeroy. And then I had a few beers at some home games that it dry January. But apart from that I haven't, I haven't drunk and I need to drink. I feel like I should drink. You don't feel like an urge to go out and get smashed in the last week.

00:01:19:01 – 00:01:43:01
Maybe because I know I'm going out, but the last week I've got some assignments. Ice cold cans of San Miguel in my fridge that got bought for me from December for my birthday. We've been filming every time I. Yeah. Just look, every time I open the fridge, I look at, I think just the cracking of that and then just drinking it like it would be.

00:01:43:03 – 00:02:00:17
No, Ricky. No, you're drinking calories. Don't do this. Then I fuck it off, I fuck it off. But it's being called on today. And you know, when it's getting cold on you, just your mind just does every now and then, I reckon. Yeah, but what time we recorded. It's 10 a.m.. All right. Go down to the fridge right now.

00:02:00:19 – 00:02:06:03
Going right now. The end of a lovely time we go.

00:02:06:05 – 00:02:29:01
Imagine that lovely glass of San Miguel. What's up? Do it. Rick. Yeah, yeah. He's going to stop you. The region today. You mustn't be on all the time at work. The kids are okay. Yeah. Anything you got? Do anything right now. Maybe it makes you work better. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I can't right there. Yeah. So go on.

00:02:29:03 – 00:02:46:20
Well, I'm just in this situation where I've agreed. I've agreed to go. It was me and my brothers of planned, every night in which we'll meet up in town and go for a few drinks. We never really always, never at the same time. And when we are, it's because of a birthday or something. So you arrange to go out in town to meet waiting on a town.

00:02:46:20 – 00:03:15:06
And it's on in April, late April, and I'm like, I'm going to drink on that day. Yeah. But I'm also like thinking I was so many days of right up without drinking. Now will be on 85 days now. So yeah, so I do I ruin it. Well what does that mean that. Well, got to go for my entire life about enjoying other people's company because there's a different, you know, people because you can be sober.

00:03:15:12 – 00:03:42:05
It's going to be great ease. Don't get me wrong. You ease, but it ain't as fun, let's say that. And certainly nice socializing nine is fun because I'll enjoy socializing that way. So I'm going to do that. That is a few other days planned. And I'm thinking, right, I'm well, I'm going to drink on that day. And if I quickly fall into my old habits, I'll realize I can't drink anymore.

00:03:42:11 – 00:04:14:08
And then I'll have to go through the process of becoming sober again. But, and I think I drink for that day and think I need to be a stop afterwards, because all this will fall apart. If I don't, then, then then I'm cool because I've. I've stopped. But what I've read and what what's what I've the work that I've done better myself and become more sober or become sober is this is the alcoholic telling, right, right, right.

00:04:14:08 – 00:04:35:05
And control this. This is fine. Look how well you've done. You deserve this. That's the alcoholic is called the little monster. And the big monster, right? And the little monster is going is the one that goes, I want to drink now. Gets to drink, gets a drink, gets a drink. Right. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Give us a line. Give us a cigarette where it might be.

00:04:35:07 – 00:04:54:05
Whatever it was. Yeah. Good. Oh, yeah. And, and that goes and then. But I don't listen to that because that the little monster comes up all the time, right? Like. Yeah. Yeah. On a Saturday when it was yesterday, even a sunny I'm thinking big, hard and little once again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The big monster's the bastard, right.

00:04:54:05 – 00:05:26:19
He's the one that's going. You can do this. This is fine. The one that lives in your head. You're overriding control, right? So I'm still going to do that, okay? And I'm going to see what happens on the other side. Because I've got it right away already. Because it doesn't matter how many times people say to me, you can either your wondering is too many, or if people say to me, you can manage this, I don't know until I've done it and experienced it.

00:05:26:21 – 00:05:43:04
So if I can go for that night out, go drink, get smashed up and then the next day don't use it as an excuse as well. You drank yesterday. You can drink today. Drink Monday, start on Monday. You can get back to it on Monday. That doesn't happen. You can stop that. That it knows I'm in a different situation with alcohol.

00:05:43:04 – 00:06:05:18
But. Well, we will find out. I'll update you. Yeah. I think you should, go old school and Facebook Live the entire night. Just you drinking. I mean, I'm not. I'm going to drink. What would that tell you? I don't like one of the things I am worried about this evening, where I do have a little bit of, anxiety about.

00:06:05:20 – 00:06:28:09
It's not drinking, it's not the hangover, it's the smoking. But I've not vaped or smoked or anything since, you know, New Year. I don't want to. I don't want to fall back into that. But, you know, as soon as you have that first sip of beer that I'm going to be cracking for a Rollie or a vape.

00:06:28:11 – 00:06:53:05
Not. Right, because vapes don't really scratch that itch. For me, it's just a prolonged, like chasing a cigarette forever. Really. And that's why I kind of gave vaping up, because it was just so weird, like a B vape. And then all of a sudden my mouth would be full of sweet candy like liquid because, I'm just vaping grapefruit or whatever.

00:06:53:05 – 00:07:16:23
And I'm just like, this isn't like smoking. This isn't really that nice. It's fucking weird. Yeah, I don't know, it would get me through to a certain bit. It's not a cigarette, really. And then at the moment, while I'm sober and I walk past people that are smoking, I'm like, that's, you know, I kind of the nostalgia part of me kicks in, but then I think, oh, that stinks.

00:07:16:23 – 00:07:39:19
And like, you don't want to do it for health reasons. And you kids, and it soon goes away. But I think, yeah, that's that's the one thing that is making me lie a little bit apprehensive about going out drinking. But the thing is the latter, I'm going out with none of them smoke, so it's not like they'll be going out for a cig.

00:07:39:21 – 00:08:03:21
Yeah. And one of them, one of them used to vape but hasn't vaped in like seven months. So there is, there is this, like, shall we just get one? That. Was this been a discussion? Maybe. Maybe you've told him I have. Yeah. Yeah yeah, yeah. I don't know this problem. Well it's the gremlin that we know that was going to come out like the Gremlin or what.

00:08:03:23 – 00:08:17:08
But this is it. It's not a slash gremlin. This is this is where we are now in their 40s. We're talking about sharing a fucking vape. Well, yeah. And then it's like, shall we see you get back in? Yeah, definitely go back in.

00:08:17:10 – 00:08:35:13
The vape is the issue here not the bag. You know Rishi you're not going to now go mad in the bag. Oh you that never had. Yeah. In fact the minute you take it you're fine for about three hours and then the dread sets in. So. Yeah. That's fine. It's the issue. Yes. The vape is what I mean.

00:08:35:13 – 00:08:43:10
It won't be happening. What won't be happening? The the the bag. Why you got to. Why are you going out in.

00:08:43:12 – 00:09:00:22
This bad, bad friend of my being a bad friend? Yeah you are. You are not being a good friend because, it's, I forgot, I taste like. Yeah. And, Yeah, yeah, I shove up my nose back in the bay. I don't even know what it's. Hey, I can't even remember what it feels like. You don't want to ever.

00:09:00:22 – 00:09:20:02
I of course I do. I want to tell you something right now. Is it? That's the whole thing in it. I mean, if it was even in front of me, it definitely getting tighter. Yeah. I don't know how to store it in the house and have it for months. I've got members, people I know closely they'll have in the house, and I really.

00:09:20:06 – 00:09:38:16
Yeah, they'll have it in their house in a drawer and they're like, oh, I've got some from a party I had like four months ago. You still got gear in your house from a party. You had four. You can see if you did. There is always that bit of, just going into my office, just, I don't know.

00:09:38:16 – 00:09:59:00
Do I send an email and you think, oh, it's 3:00 Friday. No one's about have a little tickle, just a little hands. That 100% little live even just a little tree. If I was drinkin and there was gear in the house, I would get them off the first go. That's. I'm being honest. That's what would happen. That's why I'd never been there before.

00:09:59:01 – 00:10:16:14
But in the day, I only ever bought what I wanted for that night any more, but it just spent. It would go into days, wouldn't it? Oh my God. I think he's like when you watch Cocaine Chain on TikTok. And he said, I'll be up or there's the keys. I think his name, I can't remember when he was an American actor.

00:10:16:14 – 00:10:34:23
He's well known. And so Tik Tok of him saying that, you guys, if I have a drink, you won't see me till. And he was like, Thursday, you won't see me till Monday. And I'm like, that is a different level. I never was that. It was always just that night. And then it's done. But some people, they roll over and keep doing that.

00:10:34:23 – 00:10:57:11
Yeah. And get more. Yeah. I do know someone like I'm a mate on like not not a great mate. Went to school together. But when they got on the steam and they update everything on Facebook like video stories or that last part of the night. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Just fucking. And it goes on for days like literally this just.

00:10:57:11 – 00:11:13:00
Yeah. You just living vicariously through this person. You watch. They watching like video updates on Facebook. I'm not seeing it. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Well I don't know if his mum's on Facebook, but I send him a friend request it.

00:11:13:02 – 00:11:32:15
Quite interesting. But yeah, it's, it's chaos. It's chaos. And I think he's gone cyber now. He's. Yeah. He's just like, I don't know how he would do it that for 3 or 4 days, just staying on the steam and not make up. How bad my fucking Galaxy Watch tells me I haven't slept enough these days. Woke me up at 530 this morning.

00:11:32:15 – 00:11:43:06
Not a watch, just my body. Anyway. How do we get into that? Yeah, let's do it.

00:11:43:08 – 00:12:08:20
The night hazy like Band of brothers playing tunes high as quite midnight. Waves surfing through till daylight breaks rhythm. Here's different ways. Love of music. So I, we prayed with our tongues in cheek. Band as I we like to speak. And yeah, times change. But no matter what the bond remains. Promise.

00:12:08:22 – 00:12:32:13
Hello and welcome to later. Anonymous is episode 76. I'm Ricky, he's five two best mates. One main topic we answer your life dilemmas and confessions and our feature something only you know. And everything remains anonymous. Always. So sit back, relax and enjoy the pot. How's it going, Flav? You good? Yeah. Good, good. Feel good. Tired. Tired, boy.

00:12:32:15 – 00:12:58:01
Yeah, it's like I said. Woke up 530. What was this? I mean, I was going to say, but it's completely gone from my mind. That's a shame. That's a shame. You're gone. Heathrow is closed in. I was quite like a big old, shut down. Yeah. You know, I'm not involved in it. Yeah, I live this. I like when they when there's, like, a national outage of something.

00:12:58:01 – 00:13:14:23
As long as it doesn't affect me. Then really kind of locked in on it. So why is he broke down? Was it a fire? There's a fire nearby, and they just closed the airport like it's a. Some bloke was flying from Singapore to Heathrow and then later flying again. You can't go to Heathrow. We're going to Paris.

00:13:15:00 – 00:13:36:23
And another. I went to Amsterdam and I'm like, if that's me, I'm having a couple of two day holiday if I can afford it. Right. If they said we can't go to London, we've got to go to Amsterdam. I'm like, wicked skip. Always like 20, 20 minutes on the train from Amsterdam Central. I'm there mate, I've got, I've got such a strong desire to go to Amsterdam.

00:13:36:23 – 00:13:59:14
It's unreal. Yeah you have actually I really, I've been loads and I was saying some misses last night. I want to go. I want to go desperately. But I remember what the thing I wanted to talk about. The first payment on the mortgage is due on the 1st of April. Right. In food. Yeah. And in, so in your banking app, it tells you how much you owe on the mortgage.

00:13:59:14 – 00:14:21:16
It's like, oh, my lord. Yeah, it's fine in that. That is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So much money. I sit right. Oh my God, this is real I thought. Yeah, I don't often go into it, but you call like you open the app in the money so you still owe this much. But I use a different. So my app.

00:14:21:21 – 00:14:40:08
So so my mortgage is with a different bank to my actual bank that I use. So it's just there in the background. So I don't really need to go into it. But sometimes I do and I look and I'm laughing. Fuck's sake. How much you got? Loads. Yeah. Yeah. Well you know. Yeah. Still, it's just that's the thing in it.

00:14:40:11 – 00:15:00:04
I've got quite enough. I'll be like 75 before it's paid off. I'll be like dead pretty practically better leave this earth. And I've just just this second paid of my mortgage. Do you think you'll be doing, podcast until 75? Yeah. Oh, well, I've got my money. I'll pay the mortgage. I'll be podcasting or something on the game.

00:15:00:04 – 00:15:18:16
I don't know, I have to bring the money in somehow. No, I think the plan is to. If you if you do things like pay in the wake of additional payment a year, then you bring down the, the the, the, the, the, the amount of month owed significantly. So it has a huge impact. Yeah I did see that.

00:15:18:16 – 00:15:39:21
And like, man this is this is how my life is, how our lives are. I saw a TikTok obviously, and a person was speaking to their parents and said, that's your X amount years old. You've bought your house, you don't pay anything anymore. He was like, nope, all mine paid it off and your X and X amount, how did you do that?

00:15:39:21 – 00:15:59:14
And he just said, I overpaid. Every single month, without fail I did 100 pound extra or something like that. Yeah. Brought it down massively. Yeah. Because it's you're paying off the principal. You're not paying off the interest. That's that's why I brought it down. So I owe X amount and then add another 200 grand over 30 years on interest.

00:15:59:14 – 00:16:25:16
So I'm buying my house for four, two, five is what I bought it for. Right. And then I'm loaning whatever it is somewhere in the 300. And then the interest on that over a 30 year period is about 200,000 pounds or something. So you end up paying about 500 grand on the line. However, yeah, you start chunking into that, that, that the amount you actually owe rather the interest.

00:16:25:16 – 00:16:53:22
Yeah. Every time you make a payment of the principal loan, the interest comes down because it's a smaller amount. So you're talking about taking years off by just overpaying a little bit each month. That's I mean that is a good tactic. I've also heard that people like rich people, they only pay off the interest and then the money that they would use to pay off their mortgage, but they put it into stocks and shares.

00:16:53:22 – 00:17:19:17
Yeah, they invest it. But I never really the you never really get the information you really need in those videos. It's like that and then do this. Like what. Okay. Well what shares what is tell me exactly what to do. And it's only works and I'll do it. Yeah. I, I wouldn't be playing that game. Just know paying it, paying your mortgage off early isn't the game is is just simple.

00:17:19:19 – 00:17:38:01
You know, economics. You're paying off a chunk of money, and the interest is on the chunk of money. If that's smaller, that's less interesting. It's not. It's not a game. Yeah, yeah. And, it's it's not a game. It's the worst game.

00:17:38:03 – 00:17:59:14
But I've got some technical stuff, really, I don't I'm not sure if you believe in what I'm saying. If you can pay off a bit of your mortgage more. But if you make 13 payments a year rather than 12, that helps a lot. Yeah, yeah. No, no, I, I do know that I do know my brother Ryan. He wasn't he had a lump sum at the end of the year and he didn't know what to do, what to do, something that would help him financially.

00:17:59:16 – 00:18:18:24
And he had two choices. One, he wanted to buy some watches that would value it. That would value. I mean, look, they're expensive watches. Over time. They would they would value. Yeah, they would increase in value. Sure, sure. Or the other advice from his wife was just pay off the chunk of the mortgage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. And that's what they did.

00:18:18:24 – 00:18:46:23
Yeah. Oh they did the mortgage. Yeah. A good friend always listens to his wife. Always. Good. Really? Yeah. It's changed. I've got some updates for you. Right. Last week we had, something that, you know, and it was the dick piercing the Prince Albert's right. He got a piece. That's right. He was talking about who really wanted to sleep with someone with a dick piercing.

00:18:47:00 – 00:19:08:01
Yeah. So he got his dick pierced and never ended up sleeping with a. Correct. Correct. So I remembered. Yes, it's still in. I contemplated taking it out a few times down the years, but every time I take it out for a clean and look at my member, it looks sad and naked like a mole rat. So I always end up putting it back in.

00:19:08:01 – 00:19:39:15
Firstly, to clear up the placement, it goes down the eye out next to the banjo string. Let's make him a little knees. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. This is horrible. Originally I had a hoop through it. As you can imagine, this creates a deflection when going for a piss. Yeah. My mates used to play a game when we'd go to the pub where I would go into the toilet after I and my mates would guess which urinal I'd use, depending on my friendly fire on the floor.

00:19:39:17 – 00:20:08:04
After some time, I switched to a bubble, bubble, bubble bubble, whatever. This is at least stopped my mates from requesting I sit down like a bitch if I needed to piss at the place. My my last comment on this is that become a it became a quality icebreaker chat up line. I'd lock up eyes with a go, make my approach and ask, have you ever slept with a guy with a dick piercing before?

00:20:08:06 – 00:20:58:13
They'd always say no and I would say, would you like to? This is this is had more success than you'd imagine. Yes. So, yeah. So that's I mean, I still got the dick piercing and. Yeah, players get to know. Thanks for that. I mean, that's well-rounded. Yes. Yes, I think thanks for that. And then, we were asking if there was any, gay men that would speak up about on because the stereotype of men that they, more, horned up in a relationship with their, partners, and we haven't got direct confirmation, but we just we have a, a kind of a little tidbit here.

00:20:58:15 – 00:21:24:09
Good afternoon. Requiem flash. Listening to episode 74. And I have some insight, for you from my brother. My brother is gay and will only date trans men in brackets. Females who have transitioned to males because, he says, gay males are two horned up and very sexually aggressive. I thought you might find that tidbit interesting. He's interested in that.

00:21:24:09 – 00:21:47:15
Yeah, that's well, interesting. So he's restricted him so he won't sleep with men because they're too aggressive. So he's he's saying and this obviously is all men are different right. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah yeah. But yeah. So he just because they were two sexually aggressive he, he, he wants to sleep with women of ten. Two men. Yeah. Do they have can they create a willy.

00:21:47:17 – 00:22:11:02
I don't know, but I'd like to think so I know, I know I can do that. Did they put a man on the moon? I reckon I did that. I do doubt it. The amount of conversation, the amount of conversations I've had with people that know that I am very levelheaded, not into conspiracy theories, and know that a lot of them, then they say, yeah, but you know, man, in the main I'm like, that didn't happen.

00:22:11:02 – 00:22:31:15
And then they're like, what I don't like. That's the one thing I'm like, it didn't happen. That didn't happen, didn't happen. It's like went into conspiracy theories. She don't believe anything happened. Like I mean at one point I was like, oh, this isn't going to start to define you because it's fine, right? It's fine if you're into conspiracy theories.

00:22:31:17 – 00:22:56:10
Yeah, but it's not fine if it's like becomes who you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was sort of speaking to me about it. And it's clear through the years that she's just interested in it. It doesn't bother her that these conspiracy theories exist, but sort of flat earthers are generally like angry people, I've found. Yeah. Once I've spoken to you so she doesn't try and crowbar it into every conversation like she said.

00:22:56:10 – 00:23:19:03
God, no, no. Five. Can you pass the cheese at the fridge for me? Cheese that looks like the moon. The moon that we never, ever landed on. It isn't real every night. No no no no, I mean, I haven't I can't remember the last time and I had a conversation about it and that's very normal. I think we should just dive into today's topic, which is, oh, before you do, it says impossible.

00:23:19:08 – 00:23:44:15
This is what Google says. It's impossible to definitively say that gay men have more sex and straight men, as sexual activity and frequency vary greatly between individuals and are not solely determined by sexual orientation, they definitely do. Don't believe that. Yeah I am yeah, I'd be having a lot of, sex in a in a gay relationship, I reckon.

00:23:44:19 – 00:24:10:00
Yeah, yeah, all day, every day. I know, but you're just a fucking outlier. I'd be. I'd be sacked from work because I'm just doing it all. I can't, I'm coming today. Well, I'm locked at a 69. I've been a year. I've been in for four hours. I can't get out. I locked it at 16. Yeah, yeah. What?

00:24:10:00 – 00:24:46:12
The topic. The topic today is toxic masculinity. And I just wanted to have a chat with you about it. I don't know what it is anymore. Now I got this. Is it. I don't know what it is. What? What I'll do is I'll kick it off with a a definition of what it says on the internet, them a set of cultural norms and expectations that define masculinity in harmful ways, promoting traits like dominance, emotional suppression and aggression.

00:24:46:14 – 00:25:22:02
And they focus on how certain aspects of masculinity negatively impact both men and society as a whole. Now, right. I didn't know what was the difference between toxic masculinity and misogyny. Well, misogyny is about the you know, that's about preventing opportunity for females because of their different sex from me. Right. Something along those lines. Is that you? Are you bloody clever little bugger you are.

00:25:22:02 – 00:25:55:21
You know that. Is that more or less. Well, I read it for you. So misogyny is the hatred, contempt or prejudice against women or girls simply because of their gender. It manifests in attitudes, behaviors, social systems and cultural norms that devalue, demean or discriminate against women, misogyny can both, explicit like openly hostile actions or language, and implicit like ingrained biases and subtle discrimination are not clever.

00:25:55:21 – 00:26:19:11
Everyone knows what misogyny is. No, no they don't. Something that is difficult to articulate. Right. You know, like sometimes you see on these shows on TikTok. Yeah. Well, I know I've moved away. I know you want to make a point. Right. But just kind of like I made this the TikTok suck. Go define. Give me an example of when you've experienced misogyny and they're like, that isn't about exposing someone who doesn't know.

00:26:19:12 – 00:26:40:23
You're just tapping into a difficulty that human beings have in recalling something specific piece of information. Do you know what I'm talking about on those shows? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you when you've been denied opportunity, when talking to black people about the same like institutional racism or subconscious racist racism, and they let me know over time. And obviously you can't recall.

00:26:40:23 – 00:27:00:19
It's not the way the brain works to having a conversation about something. It isn't a way to test someone anyway. There is an there is a, I'm going to calling them a knob. This, American dude, I don't know his name. You see, when he colleges and debates people. Yeah, political, very political. And he says, I can't remember his name.

00:27:00:19 – 00:27:20:20
And it's very nice and abrasive and direct and just. Yeah, I just, I, I would never kind of that would be conducive to how I would have a debate with someone. The problem is with debating is you get two extremes of one argument that most people live in the middle, where they kind of take a little bit of both.

00:27:20:20 – 00:27:41:11
People like you listen to him and you think, or like Jordan Peterson, some of what Jordan Peterson said, really helpful, good and positive. Some of what he he says is problematic. That's most people, you couldn't exist in a society where you will only hang out with people that you agree with, or you absolutely align with you politically.

00:27:41:13 – 00:28:00:04
That's stupid. How do you pick progress at all? How do you move forward? Like there will be some things I've said in the past which you don't like or don't agree with, or you may have found offensive, but you have mentioned it and our friendship because of it. Because that's not the way humans work. We are all fallible.

00:28:00:06 – 00:28:13:22
Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, it's not even a good point, Rick. It should be the fucking basis of everybody's mindstate. Well, it's not easy, obviously, because people are fucking idiots, right? He.

00:28:13:24 – 00:28:44:20
I think, Yeah. Right. Like he said that, people with, misogyny and it wasn't clever because most people know that, which I like. Honestly, I don't think they do. I think they kind of know, the ballpark, but, the articulation of it or. Yeah. How about understanding it? It's hard. And I for me, not that I think unworldly, but I think I'm okay.

00:28:44:22 – 00:29:05:20
The difference between toxic masculinity and misogyny, I think they're kind of like one in the same. And then when I read that, know. No, not exactly the same. When I read it, I was taking a step back and being like, right, there is quite a difference because toxic masculinity is. They had some examples here, telling boys that real men don't cry.

00:29:05:22 – 00:29:34:12
Yeah, glorifying violence as a way to prove strength. Now that's violence towards men, boys old, you know. Anyone read they not just women and belittling men who show vulnerability or compassion now. So this is kind of so this is, and, societal sense of toxic masculinity, and going against those things of how and why it's becoming a problem.

00:29:34:14 – 00:30:02:16
Or I'll say that is how it's helped me understand what the difference is. Yeah, that it's a more societal thing with toxic masculinity, and the misogyny is directly against women, and it gets easier for things. Yeah, but as someone who exhibits traits of toxic masculinity or also much like it's more to be misogynistic. Yes. Correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:30:02:19 – 00:30:37:21
Andrew Tate yeah, yeah, he's both a misogynist and has toxic masculinity. You'd imagine. Yeah. Yeah. Gone. No, I was going to say. Yeah, that's a fair. So we we know what it is. Right. So I with, toxic masculinity, some of the common traits associated with it, suppressing emotions. Men are often taught that showing vulnerability or expressing feelings, except anger is a sign of weakness, dominance and aggression.

00:30:37:21 – 00:31:11:08
Valuing power, control and physical toughness as markers of being a real man. Devaluation of women being women as inferior or objectifying them. Homophobia and misogyny. Rejecting anything that doesn't fit a narrow definition of masculinity. And the last one, self-reliance. Feeling that asking for help or depending on others, is weak. How many people, how many men in your life do you know that is exhibits all of those?

00:31:11:10 – 00:31:42:08
Talking to one right now? Cheers. Right. Yours is none. Rick. There isn't a single person who is exactly as you described it. Do you know what I think? I probably do have one. Yeah, I'll say I have one. Yeah. Well, so it's a, it's a, it's a debate as well. And I like, I, it's trying to understand like I try and understand where this comes from.

00:31:42:10 – 00:32:05:13
Like I always think back and maybe we do this with a lot of things people do. I don't remember that being around in the 80s. I don't remember seeing that in the 90s. And now 20, 25, it's all over the goddamn place that we're talking about toxic masculinity and its effect on people. How how did we get here?

00:32:05:13 – 00:32:46:11
Why is it so prevalent? You move towards a society where that's more understanding, where there's less threat that there is. There aren't. There isn't the existential threat of war because identity politics and concerns about toxic masculinity disappear very quickly when there is a war on the horizon. Because you need those traits, then there's no good soldiers going to war and crying every time a bomb goes off near them, or crying their eyes out because they've seen their mate being blown up.

00:32:46:13 – 00:33:10:06
No, it wouldn't work. You wouldn't win, you wouldn't win. You wouldn't last very long. You'd have a mental breakdown. So you would say, right, well, what generations were these toxic masculinity traits, most prevalent in generations, that needed them the most? Out of all, if I had to guess and right this pseudo sociology that I'm now spewing, it was it would be no good.

00:33:10:07 – 00:33:47:02
My granddad being emotionally, open with his wife. You'd imagine it might have been better for their relationship. But he went to war. He saw horrible things. He had to do horrible things at stuff that he wouldn't even talk about. And the reason, but. And he didn't want to talk about. And so I guess if you, if you were an adult now and you didn't want to talk about the things you witnessed at war, then that would be seen as someone who was closed or not open to the idea of recovery or getting up, feeling better about what experienced.

00:33:47:04 – 00:34:16:06
But we've had peace for so long that we can be worried, we can try and fix it at areas of society that otherwise we wouldn't be have the time to fix. So things like wage gaps and inequality and, and, prejudices, we've had time to work on those. And now as a society, we're probably closer to being more understanding than we ever have been.

00:34:16:08 – 00:34:47:03
And things like toxic masculinity can be called out, but it probably isn't being called out in Ukraine very much at the moment. Or Russia, you know, I mean, yeah, it's it's so part of, like obviously, researching this and the, the, the backlash against social progress. So exactly what you've just said this as movements, as movements like feminism and LGBTQ plus rights have gained visibility.

00:34:47:10 – 00:35:50:04
Some people feel threatened and double down on traditional gender roles as a way to reclaim masculinity. Online communities that promote toxic masculinity have also grown, feeding off resentment and encouragement, encouraging hostile attitudes towards progressive social changes. Yeah, I mean, you hit the nail on the head there with how it's come about and why. And I just said this like this one friend, and he is he always his is is anger towards people that have a preference for pronouns or for people that are in this country that were not born here or, so it's all of those bits that it feeds into exactly what we've just said of kind of like it.

00:35:50:05 – 00:36:31:24
It feels like that it's the identifying the erosion of power that he wants once had, you know, I mean, like when he was white male, he feels threatened and that's his that's his bit that people are taking away from him. And I've noticed as well, like, it's with this, that's, that's come along. And there is a real kind of so you have this resurgence in kind of like, I don't know if it's like right wing with Trump and Musk and the Tate brothers.

00:36:32:01 – 00:36:46:14
Whatever. Yeah. Yeah. But it's so but you know that the bucking against the you know the pros are back that bro culture. And because they are.

00:36:46:16 – 00:37:12:01
You know, giving showing examples of different traits of toxic masculinity, it's then inspiring other people to be like, I can be like that. I should be like that. So this is where you're seeing it. But I think another thing is because that's happening, then you get the marginalized groups that are like, what they're saying is wrong and you shouldn't be doing that.

00:37:12:03 – 00:37:35:24
I kind of feel like, well, because I, I spend a lot of time in comments when I see toxic masculinity stuff like I did. I am sorry, Andrew Tate is I know I just keep using that as an example. It's just the easiest thing for, for this. But then you look in the comments and it's just full of people that it's like an echo chamber of everyone agreeing like that.

00:37:35:24 – 00:38:05:04
There is this community that they're all agreeing of what he's saying and stuff, but then red pill community, that sort of thing. Yeah, exactly. Exactly that. He'll feel like there they've been I mean, there's no denying that being a man, you're vilified for merely having a cock and that especially being a white man, you're immediately grouped up as being a certain type of thing and being the problem.

00:38:05:04 – 00:38:38:07
Do you know how many times I've heard that I am the problem? I'm the issue. I'm the reason why these things exist and not me specifically. But they're describing me as a person. And it. Yes, it gets to a point where you just think, oh, I'm tired of hearing that. And, and that, I understand it's a wider point of a systematic issue that means that opportunities or understanding or rights are less prevalent in other sections of society.

00:38:38:09 – 00:39:03:04
But what what happens is, is those people that strongly believe that are very aggressive in how they put forward their ideas and who's responsible. But but I've arrived at a situation where I'm not really a switched off to it all. I don't care about people's plights or what their, what upsets them or what what what's wrong with society?

00:39:03:06 – 00:39:25:19
What I was I mean, I was coming on to this bear, so I'm sorry. Lots of people are talking to people, and they're angry about that, right? And then they feed into others. They feed off each other in that echo chamber, and then they rise up, and they they they organize, and then they create communities that fight against whatever it is that's accusing them of doing or preventing them from doing it.

00:39:25:19 – 00:39:49:22
Like so. Red pill is believe that they're being denied sex. Yeah. For example. Right. It's fucking mental, right? Yeah. They're angry with women. They're involuntary celibate incels. Right. And they think women are the problem. And then they've got loads of women around them thinking, telling them yeah. Is that's it. But then the 99.9% of men don't think that or don't feel that way.

00:39:49:22 – 00:40:16:03
And I have an absolutely help. Well have it. Don't think that they're being denied sex and therefore need to group up with other blokes on the internet. Uzo also, don't the United States, who could probably do a lot to help themselves get sex by maybe fucking eating properly and go and down the gym? Do not, I mean completely when you just said, incel, they're so incel is short for involuntary celibate.

00:40:16:05 – 00:40:57:06
Is a member of an online subculture of predominantly men who define themselves as unable to find romantic or sexual partners despite wanting them. The term originally described people who felt lonely and isolated, but over time has become associated with more toxic and harmful ideologies. Yeah, if you didn't know what an incel was, I wanted to go back to your point of you saying that you feel, maybe a bit fed up or a bit kind of the, accusations towards you as a, you know, white male.

00:40:57:06 – 00:41:26:09
Now, what I was going to get to in the comments that I read, and people that are doing great work, you know, a lot of, women and even, I've seen some men do it as well where they are challenging behaviors, toxic masculinity, misogyny, things like that. And but it's the it's the language that I don't have a problem with.

00:41:26:09 – 00:41:52:04
But I can see it. It will rub people up the wrong way, where it's always, men are terrible. Men are the fault of all of this, which you know, the is right. Okay. The you know, a lot of the, you know, sexual assault and things like that. It's down to men that. That's right. But I just feel like it's very, you know, you know, but that's just they think about the practice, isn't it?

00:41:52:06 – 00:42:16:20
So who else is it going to be? So, yeah. Women sexually assaulting women. Is it. So it's not only can women, but it's the it's the language and the tone of like all men are all men are cheaters, all men of this. And that's how you kind of get this. If we're so hated by women, where does that where does that leave us?

00:42:16:22 – 00:42:35:16
Have you got that clip that. Yeah. Tim Minchin so there's a clip by Tim Minchin, the Australian songwriter, comedian and, you just gonna have a listen to what he says about it.

00:42:35:18 – 00:42:41:13
Girls are going left in America.

00:42:41:15 – 00:43:08:03
This stat that boys are going right, and girls are going left in America and Britain. And it will be Australia, too. I mean, that is catastrophic. I find that catastrophic. Do you understand why that's happening? Yeah. If you're a boy, if you're a straight white bloke in, contemporary America, you are not saying a lot of positive messages about how great straight white likes I.

00:43:08:03 – 00:43:33:04
There's not a lot of stuff for you about pride that makes you feel good. There's a lot of stuff about how terrible you are, and they're just going to run into the arms of someone who lets them have pride. Like every population on earth for ever. You take pride away from people. It's bad. It doesn't matter whether you agree agree with me or not about how the messaging we're sending these boys watch them drift towards Andrew type.

00:43:33:06 – 00:44:02:00
I mean this. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, for sure. And I think obviously I'm in an age now where that isn't going to happen. Right. Because and and for the vast majority of men, they don't feel like they're being threatened or they don't feel like, women hate them. I don't feel like women hate me. But I understand that there is a certain section of the internet where that messaging is prevalent.

00:44:02:02 – 00:44:40:20
Yeah. And so when I see it, I turn off, I don't want to hear it. And then and therefore I kind of okay. But there are some men it just feeds into, like you said, if they if you're made to feel like you're not important, you're not worthy and worth anything. Yeah. You're, you're and you've seen that play out over and over again in every sector section of society, that you go somewhere where someone does make you feel prevalent, why the young men get involved in why people, young men, are more likely to get involved in gang activity if they don't have a strong male role model at home because they find it somewhere

00:44:40:20 – 00:45:11:03
else, they need it. It's a it's a prerequisite to being happy, even if it doesn't make you happy where you find that root male role model. So, I agree with what you said. Yeah. And like, it's the thing about pride as well. And like where I have been following and seeing other influences and in people where it is very much like, you know, a male or the aggressors, they're the, you know, they're the ones crank the violence against women.

00:45:11:03 – 00:45:24:15
They're the ones doing this and doing that, which I, you know, I totally agree of, obviously, but it's this kind of language and accusatory type of messaging where.

00:45:24:17 – 00:45:44:21
These young men, they they won't feel any pride because it's kind of like these blanket statements that add nuance that it's like wrote, well, I'm the problem. Fine. I'm going to go somewhere where I'm not the problem. I'm going to go somewhere where I'm celebrated, I'm lauded. I'm yeah, the man. Find someone that makes them feel pride in themselves.

00:45:44:21 – 00:46:16:05
Yeah. It's just misplaced and unhealthy, I think. And the reality is you need men on board to to stop sexual assaults and stop, misogyny and to lift women up. Right, and lift people that feel marginalized, or give them opportunity. You need everyone to work together. But when you when you're as accusation free as some of these people are, it creates a divide where you don't want to help or you don't want to engage.

00:46:16:07 – 00:46:50:08
And like there was there was, there's this film, and he's a bloke who I can't remember his name, actually, but he's the way he approached dealing with include the Klu Klux Klan in America. There's a black man. And he decided to. His method would be to talk, find Klu Klux Klan members, talk to them, understand them, and convince them that the way they operate in the way they think is unhealthy, unhelpful and dangerous.

00:46:50:10 – 00:47:17:21
And what he would do is when he would manage to turn them away from the Klu Klux Klan, he would take their robe or whatever, whatever it is that they wear the hood and that. And he would keep them as artifacts, as examples and evidence and trophies of how it changed the way someone thinks from being horrible and, you know, a bigger and racist and someone who wanted to incite violence to someone who's understanding of the black community.

00:47:17:23 – 00:47:41:07
For me, forget what the subject was about. It could be applied to anything but communication and conversation in a way that encourages each other to express themselves freely without fear of being offensive is the way to move forward in all facets of society, instead of just gone. You're a fucking it. You're wrong. You're the problem. You're scum. The other person is going to go, fuck me.

00:47:41:08 – 00:47:56:06
Jesus has a lot. All right, well, I'm not listening to you. I'm running away or I'm not going to, you know, or I'm going to fight back. Yeah. So this guy got into a lot of there was a lot of members of the black community. And you can understand why there was this was part of the documentary.

00:47:56:08 – 00:48:15:13
Was him talking to people that didn't agree with what you were saying? They said, you shouldn't be talking to these people. You shouldn't engage them. You shouldn't be going out for dinner with them. You shouldn't be meeting Klansmen who weren't. You know, he met lots of Klansmen that hated him, that wouldn't even dream of converting away from, you know, but that wasn't his motive was I need to.

00:48:15:17 – 00:48:34:24
If I can change one, I can change ten, I can change 100. And he did. Yeah. And he continues to do that to this day. But there were people within that who were were activists who he spoke to were like, you're an uncle Tom. You're a, you're you heard portrayer of your race. Yeah. And even in those conversations, he said, I understand what you're saying.

00:48:35:01 – 00:49:07:14
I'm gonna explain to you why that isn't true. And hopefully you can understand where I'm coming from, that that bit, if you're able to if you're fortunate enough to not be. In his instance, he wasn't affected by the racism enough to be so angry that he couldn't have a conversation with them. And it's easy for me to say someone who's never been subjected to it, to side with this guy who is super balanced and progressive about things, understand that an unsound someone might listen to his gun, but you don't know.

00:49:07:14 – 00:49:37:13
You don't know what you're you're talking about because you never experienced it. That's true. But I can see the logic in being and how helpful someone who is pragmatic in his approach is that I just think that that's that's the way that you move the yardstick. Yeah. So the right words. Yeah. And it's well, like we have young daughters.

00:49:37:15 – 00:50:06:02
Right. And my mates have young daughters and even like with the young lads and like everyone is talking about this, Netflix series adolescence at the moment. Yeah. And it's, you know, a story that is of a 13 year old boy who is. I'm not going to spoil it for everyone, but it's very much kind of along the toxic masculinity, social media.

00:50:06:04 – 00:50:31:11
Yeah. Along those lines. So it's quite, quite, what's the word I'm looking for? Okay. Poignant. Very good. Thank you. So where where we could, you know, change as I know the people. I know the make up, the demographics of the people that listen to this. We're all like, you know, 30, 40 has got kids and stuff like that.

00:50:31:11 – 00:50:44:19
And it's speaking to, children wherever that boy goes and educating them about this and just kind of leading by example. And I know there is like.

00:50:44:21 – 00:51:06:03
In, you know, WhatsApp groups where you, joshing with your mates about certain stereotypes and not just this because you know, that it's this stereotype and you're taking the piss out of it. And that's funny. And the context of it. You and your mates know that you don't actually think that way or anything. That's, you know, that's fine.

00:51:06:03 – 00:51:33:04
And that's that will normally happen in WhatsApp groups. But it's the stuff that you see that you don't call out that you know, that's a bit like actually shouldn't be saying that we shouldn't be doing that. Or and it's a weird thing to say to people to call them out, like calling someone out over something is very kind of in-your-face and very like, yeah, I know it's it's really difficult, confrontational, which doesn't come easy.

00:51:33:06 – 00:52:18:15
Exactly. And even in I've been in, football grounds and, you know, obviously I'm a person of color, someone has been racist. And I would hold the would you call it the, the kind of the high ground in the argument it's to say, hey, you don't be racist, that's really bad, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I wouldn't have the confidence and I would feel conflicted about it, and I probably wouldn't raise my head above the parapet to say what I would like to say, but in with the, misogyny and the toxic masculinity traits that you see in people maybe having a quiet word with them or just kind of make them realize what

00:52:18:15 – 00:52:49:11
they're saying isn't okay, because especially misogyny, it's really it's not seen as a it's just a laugh, really. It's just banter. It's not hot, it's not hurtful, it's not harmful. But really, it actually is. It's like a little bit of casual racism. Don't know anyone does it. Yeah. It's that's exactly. Yeah. But but I think my issue is that the when someone says toxic masculinity and you could also say the word masculinity that people think that that's negative as well.

00:52:49:11 – 00:53:17:08
Like, like being masculine is a negative thing. And I don't know, I strongly disagree with that. There is there is a important aspect that being feminine and being masculine have important roles. Yeah. In, in in a society. And it's for someone to say that masculinity is important would just be a denying of the way human beings work in the way nature works.

00:53:17:10 – 00:53:41:13
You know, there will be street fights, that take place amongst young men every single weekend. Wherever you go, no matter how much you don't want society to be that way, it is that way. And all of any, every man who's listening to this, and maybe some women will be able to recall a time where they were involved in some sort of our altercation on the street.

00:53:41:15 – 00:54:04:07
Yeah, I can think of several that are running through my head right now. And when those moments happen, do you want someone next to you, intellectual who isn't interested in the masculine traits of a man? Or do you want someone who can fucking defend you and you? Absolutely. In that moment, in the most natural of instincts, want someone who is bigger and tougher than you to be by your side.

00:54:04:09 – 00:54:32:22
Yeah. That is that is the reality of of the experiences of young men growing up. So just fading into the feminine aspects of him and saying this is the best way to be isn't preparing him for a world. In my opinion, the about the, that he's going to confront. It's actually not preparing him for the world that he's going to confront, because there were moments when his masculinity will be tested by other men.

00:54:32:24 – 00:54:57:24
Yeah. And if he isn't be able to pass that test, then it's going to be more difficult. Not that it will be destroyed by it. There'll be issues, but it will shape part of who he is. Growing older in my school, being masculine was the only thing that really got you through each day. And in fact, being not when knowing, not when to be masculine and knowing when to fold to something.

00:54:57:24 – 00:55:21:08
Yeah, yeah yeah, I actually this isn't a good situation for me. I better find another way out of it. But that's all part of growing up. But there were kids. I went to university with the college sheltered by their upbringing through, the wealth that they had or the the norms of the household they grew up in, and they didn't know what confrontation and physical action of violence was.

00:55:21:10 – 00:55:36:06
And so when it happened, they were terrified. And yeah, that's not a good place to be either. So a well-rounded approach to bringing up children, like I think of the boy, the stepson will.

00:55:36:08 – 00:56:01:15
And I think about it and I think like he's clearly, you know, he's he has two women around him. And I think, there are elements to being masculine that are really important that he needs to harness and has harnessed and he can cry. And this is the this is the thing when you're having this conversation, Ric, you think about so toxic masculinity and how people see how strongly people feel about it twice a day.

00:56:01:15 – 00:56:30:06
People don't feel strongly about it. People are bringing their kids up in this environment where they understand that masculinity is important. If you're a man, or it's too important for a woman who feels masculine as well. Yeah, I'm not saying. I'm not saying that women should be feminine. The men should be masculine. Not, oh, if you've got a boy, you've got, a young girl who feels like, a tomboy and more identifies as a man, then allowing her to be masculine is important for her development.

00:56:30:06 – 00:56:50:07
Allow them to be whoever they want to be. But if they feel that they have and more masculine energy that should be harness, you shouldn't say to that. And I don't think this will happen. Which is the irony is if a young girl displayed masculine attributes, she would probably be better people who were more comfortable encouraging her to be masculine than they would a boy to be masculine because of ideas.

00:56:50:07 – 00:57:11:00
Yes, I think that yes, I might be wrong, but whatever it is, all the all the, all the all around, this is what people need to aim for in my opinion. So the girls need to show and boys both need. And whoever you identify needs to be given an opportunity to feel at all aspects, because feminine energy is important as well in men as well.

00:57:11:02 – 00:57:39:13
Yeah, I will will leave that there because that is a good place to leave it. We're going to go on to dilemmas and something only you know. So the dilemma is called service request and something only you know is it was me all along. The topic for next week is tattoo body art and modifications. So we want your pics of your art.

00:57:39:15 – 00:58:00:01
Do you have any good stories on how you ended up with a certain tattoo? Any regretful tattoos? Like a song lyric from a band that is now embarrassing? Of course I am and I'm going to post it on and on our Instagram. Yeah, you've come so far where you've come so far. That's amazing. When we first met, you wouldn't even show it.

00:58:00:03 – 00:58:26:13
No, I know, I know it actually. I've got I've got my jumper on. I can't bloody get, I'll carry on to it. Okay, but I'll do it. We've got, body piercings as well. Modifications. I want to hear from someone with, like, a body modification. I remember when I went to, It's quite funny that we mentioned it on the last podcast and we spoke about Camden.

00:58:26:13 – 00:58:48:04
I think it was. And I went to that place called Cyber Dog, which is like this really like hardcore rave clothes outfit, but it's fucking a strange place. But this person had them spikes in this skull, you know that? Yeah. That grew in an extreme body. Muddy. Yes. So if you've got any of that, we want to hear from you.

00:58:48:04 – 00:59:13:09
And I always remember as well that I saw a documentary of a dude who had these, like, plastic balls put in his penis. So when he had sex and when, when he was erect, his cock was, like, ripped, but like a real good ripped. So they had inbuilt ribbed. Yeah. In-built ribbed. So if you've got that like we've got Prince Albert, that's it.

00:59:13:11 – 00:59:35:02
We've got a couple at least on this podcast I know. There you go flap. There's the, there's the tattoo just for $0.02. And look at that and have that like covering it or not. Yeah I have not fucking suppose north of me every person I speak to about it, they say, you know, you could get that covered up and it would look absolutely mean.

00:59:35:04 – 00:59:53:21
I don't want to get covered up, because it reminds me of the story that I went to Milton Keynes when I was 16 years old. I went to three tattoo parlors and I sat in the chair. Everything was done and they said, have you got any ID, mate? And I was like, no, no, I haven't. The head will get out the chair, then we can't do it.

00:59:53:23 – 01:00:24:24
So then I left crestfallen. Didn't know what to do. But Mrs. said, let's go on a train to London. Let's get down there. If you've got the train to London. First tattoo place I saw sat down in the chair. They didn't even ask anything. I just got the tattoo and that is why it looks like that. So if you've got any, pretty modifications or tattoos, send us your stories to lots.

01:00:24:24 – 01:00:35:00
Unknown pot at gmail.com and we will feature them. So we're going to go into the first dilemma.

01:00:35:02 – 01:01:04:03
This time you got an issue for a tissue. You're a big shock and will test you. Are you making your soul alone in your flat? Please talk to Ricky. Flat head. Let that stress off your chest. Well, friend, you deserve. We like your size to get nice and warm between Ricky. Your plans.

01:01:04:05 – 01:01:28:15
I just listen to The Hills to Die on pod and finally heard my no cock, no coke. Something only, you know, read out in brackets. About time. Rick. That was months ago. I just want to say that everyone that sends something in sometimes it's, you know, not that we pick and choose, but I was kind of. I didn't know if that actually was real or not.

01:01:28:15 – 01:01:50:22
So I had to get to the bottom. So. Well, they tell you sometimes it might be months. You gotta keep listening. Yes. Exactly that, exactly that. Since my last email was. Sorry to go back to that. No. No cock, no coke. I don't know if you remember the, the something none of you know, but he. This gentleman wanted their winky sucked.

01:01:50:24 – 01:02:11:22
And that's when I went on grinder. Yeah. Went for a break. Yeah. I'm growing there. Yeah, yeah, that's that's exactly. Yeah. Then he started because I'm not gay. But yeah, he has emailed back to say he's not gay. And to say that that is one of the distinctions. Yeah, there's a caveat. It. No, no, I know I'm not saying you're gay.

01:02:11:22 – 01:02:33:06
I'm just saying you're probably more open minded than a normal man like you is not an accusation. Like, obviously you still fancy women. It's not. I'm not saying you only fancy men, but I, I and it's fine. It's fine. Like if you say you're not gay, it's fine. You might be bisexual. Yeah, I think he. Oh I mean to get.

01:02:33:06 – 01:02:53:21
Yeah. To go on Grindr again up by men. I think that is a bisexual behavior. Yeah. I think that if you've gone out to do that, there's no you've driven any point. You can turn around, you can turn around at any point when you're in the car, when you're messaging. And he point up and said that your cock is in that man's mouth, you could you could have ten or.

01:02:53:22 – 01:03:18:00
Yeah, exactly that. But it's important. You don't have to identify as anything. You just crack on and do whatever you want. Exactly that. Since my last email, I've met the most wonderful girl. We get along like a house on fire. She's fit as fuck and absolutely filthy in the bedroom. When people say that filthy in the bedroom on my mind, I don't know why it always goes to a guy.

01:03:18:00 – 01:03:29:15
Once again is my man saying, yeah, yeah, she has a strap on in the room, in the bedroom at 12, white lights inside.

01:03:29:17 – 01:03:53:11
He was like filthy. The bedroom always conjures up like mad, like not being sexually filled, but just being fluid. Like there's loads of mud in the bed like this. Like loads of random shit. Anyway, she loves giving head rimming and even letting me go ask to pussy in brackets. She she said every time she felt the UTI it reminded her of me.

01:03:53:13 – 01:04:20:16
Oh my god, all was going well. Then out of the blue, she broke up with me to focus on her bakery business and said she needed to figure out why she was more attracted to unkind people. Right? I was absolutely devastated. We'd spoken nonstop for months and this really came out of nowhere. Now, after wallowing in self-pity for a few weeks, I'm mostly over her.

01:04:20:18 – 01:04:52:04
I really miss being rimmed. Had the white go about reaching out to her again for her services. She can still have a bakery business and remodeled my hull in her spare time. And before you doubt my integrity again, Ricky, please see the evidence attached now. Well, Lord, what is it that that last comment was from? Because of this downloading grinder and going for random blowing and stuff, I was like, is this real mate?

01:04:52:06 – 01:05:08:19
It doesn't matter if it is or not, it just sounds a bit far fetched. So he sent me screen grabs of the actual conversation he was having with this gentleman that was going to give me, oh, go on, says, I can't believe you know, my I think you have the you have these. Yeah, I do have these. Yeah.

01:05:08:20 – 01:05:37:02
I don't share them. Didn't send them over. Nothing like that no matter which person on Instagram. Yeah. You could actually, identify. I've asked him if I can post them on Instagram, but that's social media. Yeah, yeah, that is, And he is. He showed me this, that he has gone back to this lady who is now his ex to say, can we still meet up for a bit of rimming and stuff like that?

01:05:37:07 – 01:06:06:21
And she's like, oh, really? Yeah. No, I mean, I don't think you should have waited for the advice, and the advice would have been, just leave her alone. Yeah. He should sort of wait for the advice. Why one message in front of us and don't wait. So, yeah, I think there is, even if you have a great relationship with someone and the the, you know, the sex is absolutely filthy mud flying everywhere.

01:06:06:23 – 01:06:36:19
You can't really go back and say, do you still fancy some of the other just I think, yeah, usually. I mean that for us to say he's not going to listen to this is a he's just if he's done, he's already done it. I go to this disco. Let's just go to, something only you know. Yeah, let's go to something and, you know.

01:06:36:21 – 01:06:42:08
Something, you know.

01:06:42:10 – 01:07:17:20
Back in my youth, during an extreme purple match of promiscuity. Promiscuity. Associated, you know, the pressures, promiscuity. Promiscuity. It's not even a word. Promiscuity, promiscuity, promiscuity. Yeah. So, I'm terrible at pronouncing things, but I can do that one. Promiscuity. Promiscuity? Yeah. Promiscuity. Hey, guy and drug indulgence. I spent a year share in a party house with a guy who believed himself to be equally as wrong in his me drugs.

01:07:17:20 – 01:07:40:19
Maybe, but he was good. But his purple patch wasn't a patch on mine. Friday nights were pretty much always the same. Drinking down our local boozer from the minute we finish work until the early hours, where we'd add to the booze with a couple of bags of pub grub and proceed to terrorize both the bar staff and regulars alike.

01:07:40:21 – 01:08:07:21
One particular Friday night, this mate had pulled a bird who was a teaching assistant, and I was cracking on with one of the barmaids who obviously liked the Uber loud, drippy nosed look. Trouble was, having done so much sap called a marching powder, I was full to bursting. I needed a pony, so I had to go for a turn out in the pub toilets where the Poke Row was a subpar wrestling gear.

01:08:07:21 – 01:08:43:23
I was taking in brackets that tracing paper shit. Anyway, it didn't deter the both of us from bringing these lucky ladies back and enjoying a night of getting smashed all over the house. Kitchen tables up against the window in the lounge, the sofa, bathrooms, each other's bedrooms. It was like something out of ancient Rome. Anyway, in the morning, once the birds had finally been kicked out, I came downstairs to find said flatmate on the couch, half comatose from the hangover.

01:08:44:00 – 01:09:14:20
He looked at me and pointed to a big old stain on the couch, exclaiming it was sheer! And it was. Without thinking, my mind turned directly to the bird I'd rump the night before, exclaiming that dirty bitch shit on the couch. It wasn't until later, when, considering the physics of the situation, that she'd been the rider in this situation, and the shit, in fact, was from my own dirty asshole.

01:09:14:22 – 01:09:42:01
Of course, I never owned up to this, even when the rumor started spreading in our local pub that the barmaid had shit on our couch. Even when the locals started making poo noises every time she walked past the bar, I still played along, at risk of having my own depravity exposed. And that is something only I know. It's not something I and only you know because I know exactly who that is.

01:09:42:03 – 01:09:49:09
Loads of people know that, mate.

01:09:49:10 – 01:10:27:13
It was well written. They say it was very good read very, very well, I remember I haven't forgotten about that for ages. Easily. I'm going to dmu you going to remember that all over the city for as well. I mean the bird that is outrageous. Terrible, terrible behavior. Absolutely terrible. Now for the topic for next week again is tattoos, body art and any body modifications that you've had, any stories and how you get it done, any ones that you deeply regret, send it in to lads and on pod at gmail.com.

01:10:27:13 – 01:10:53:13
And until then, we will see you next Monday.

01:10:53:15 – 01:11:04:09
Fuck it by name. It may well be a man on your own shit of today these days.

01:11:04:11 – 01:11:22:00
Man I like. Yeah, yeah.

01:11:22:02 – 01:11:56:16
If I was another man, ask for my advice, I'd say leave a B, pally. Go ahead. Enjoy your life. She's hooked up on May. He thinks of him when you're in bed of. Don't let love pull you about on. Be a simple little play. Move on. Yes, yes. Move on, my brother. I can walk off and keep walking.

01:11:56:16 – 01:12:06:23
And I'll look back. Move on, my brother, my brother.

01:12:07:00 – 01:12:33:11
Pack your shit up, so to speak. Kill that little needy Nick. Don't even let him speak. No one else makes you complete the live you crossed with dignity. You got shit to do, big G to be you. True love is the mystery. Yeah, your true love is the mystery. Move on. Yeah.

01:12:33:13 – 01:12:40:00
I move on. My brother I.

01:12:40:02 – 01:12:51:11
Keep on walking. And don't look back it all up I move on. My brother, my brother.

01:12:51:13 – 01:13:23:17
No killer woman. Ever know the true loneliness of a man tall. Can a woman ever know the true loneliness for a man? Can a woman ever know the true loneliness of a man's heart, of a man's heart, of a man's heart I swear I lost what I swore I love all my bra. Move all my brother, move all my brother, my brother, my God.

01:13:23:19 – 01:13:35:13
Yeah, yeah. Keep walking, my brother, keep walking. My brother, my brother. He walk in my life I love my God, my.