#9 | The Answer To Happiness You Always Knew…

00:00:01:22 – 00:00:28:09
Hello and welcome to Ladd's Anonymous, a podcast where two best mates of over 20 years invite you to join their safe space where all manner of subjects will be discussed. We'll focus on the specific subject matter first and then answer your questions, dilemmas or need for advice, all handled anonymously. Sit back, relax and enjoy the podcast. Flav on a scale of 1 to 10, how hung over are you?

00:00:28:11 – 00:00:47:23
I'm one. I was a bit this morning, but I feel ill right now. I'm chipper. I'm up for it. I'm looking forward to recording this podcast. Really? The the the voice note you said this morning you sounded a bit like a broken man. That was two hours ago. Three hours ago. Different man. Now fuck you. Now what I do, you bounce back.

00:00:47:24 – 00:01:10:23
It's not that much of me. I've escaped jail. I don't know what's happened. I do, you know what I mean. Full disclosure, I went out for a big day yesterday. Went to the Cheltenham races, with my lovely wife, which is an amazing thing to be able to do. But it was, it was a bar is in a box, and it was a free bar, and and we indulged and I thought I was going to be in a bad way.

00:01:10:23 – 00:01:25:18
I woke this morning and Rick was ask me questions about fun. That was and fucking was bullshit. What do you think? We should do this? And I'm looking it. I'm like, I don't want to do this. I want to have this conversation. I'll make an effort and then just send a message and no more because I'm hung over.

00:01:25:20 – 00:01:45:05
And then, I took the dog out for a walk, and I am feeling top of the world. No hangover, nothing. He blowing the cobwebs off. I've. Yeah, it works sometimes. Sometimes it doesn't work. Sometimes it does work. But now you can hear my voice. I feel absolutely fine. Yeah, yeah. It did. You were. Was there any poison injected this morning or anything like that?

00:01:45:07 – 00:02:05:18
What? What, like sick? No. Jeez, this is always a good way to get over a hangover. No. Not yet. No. What is it? I don't know if it is. Yeah, it's. What the, the the horrible side, you know, turn out. No. Well, we get a little one, but not like it wasn't just a little one.

00:02:05:18 – 00:02:30:23
Yeah, but but I, I must have drunk my own body weight in Guinness yesterday and usually don't get away with Guinness the day after night because I know the Cheltenham like the best Guinness you can get in the UK. If you're not in Ireland, this is it. Cheltenham braces. Is it really? Yeah, because they the guy was on I think was on talkSPORT talking about the efforts they go to to ensure it is the best Guinness out there.

00:02:31:00 – 00:02:49:22
It's, there's lots and lots of Irish people at Cheltenham. There's so many. You know Irish is essentially a the Irish dominate racehorse in. Yeah as far as I know. And that means loads of them come over and you know, get stuck into Guinness like they've got enough of it, you think, to do something else when they leave Ireland then you know what?

00:02:49:22 – 00:02:52:22
More Guinness please.

00:02:52:24 – 00:03:13:09
Would you like it? Would you like, a side at night? You know, I'd like a lovely bloody black stuff. Yeah, but you just come from the place where all the black stuff is. Yeah. More, please. It's my. I have an egg and chips when you go to Spain. Yeah. Amazing. We did another poll this week.

00:03:13:09 – 00:03:34:00
Another one? Yeah. Another one? Quite a lot. These polls, actually, they're quite fun. Just to see what everyone else thing. What was the question? So last week the episode was on A Fear of flying. If you haven't listened, go back and listen. It's a it's a great episode and it it may relieve your, your stress of flying.

00:03:34:02 – 00:03:57:21
It may not, but, go and have a listen. Might give you a new ones. Yeah, exactly. I think we have given a few people new ones, and we got quite a few photos sent of where people had downloaded the podcast, maybe not even realize just downloaded it anyway. Or automatic download, like the good people do. Yeah. And then they'd send me a photo, player on a plane.

00:03:57:23 – 00:04:18:16
On a plane about to listen to the podcast. That's amazing. Yeah. You've you've made a bad decision there. I don't know if, you know, you probably have. I don't think listening to last week's episode while you're on a plane is a good idea. No. Probably not, but, but but listen to the last five minutes of it. Actually, I don't think you need any of this in your head as you're flying.

00:04:18:18 – 00:04:38:17
No, maybe it's a good distraction just listening to that. Maybe. Could it be. How can it be? We said we got we did a tier list of greatest fears of flying. Right. And we're going to go for that now. So all like, again, you can only put in four options. So which scares you the most when flying.

00:04:38:19 – 00:05:05:08
Is it taken off. Landing. Going over the sea, going through clouds. Oh, right on Facebook. What? Hang on a second. What was yours? But mine would be going over the sea. Yeah. Okay. Go on. So what would you be? Definitely the sea. I don't like the clouds, but the clouds. Hence the clouds tend to only last a bit, whereas the same for ages.

00:05:05:10 – 00:05:30:06
Unless you're flying to Glasgow. And then it's just clouds all the way. Yeah, yeah. So, on Facebook we had six votes. Why do you keep bringing it up then? But by my last week we had five votes. So there's one more progress voting. Yeah. Progress. So if Facebook is your, you know, your demographic and you like using Facebook come and give us a follow lads.

00:05:30:06 – 00:05:47:11
Anon are you Ricky. Are you going to be pushing Facebook for the next five years. Because that's how long it's going to take to get anywhere near because no one uses the bloody thing. No, no, I'm going to keep pushing it. Okay. You know what I quite like that I like I like that I like the fact that we are celebrating the worst part of our social media, which is great.

00:05:47:13 – 00:06:17:18
Let's see now let's see how long we can get, how long this takes to make anyway. All right. So what do we at six six likes okay. Yeah. So four was taking off, one was landing and one was going over this a really now now over onto Instagram. There was 49 votes taking off was 45%. Going over the sea was 22% landing 18% and going through clouds 14%.

00:06:17:20 – 00:06:42:05
So I think people quite, you know, they don't mind going through clouds. And then over to Twitter. Yeah. Where the biggest results came taking off 37%. Well how many, how many, how many, how many people voted. 284. That's not enough. What more. Well okay. More next time. I should have tweeted it. Yeah, you should have the count the eggs.

00:06:42:06 – 00:07:10:23
Have you ready? Yeah, but they mute a lot that by the day. Yeah. Well, I didn't get thousands didn't it. Yeah. Eggs got 2000. That's what it was I quote tweeted it I think that's what it was mean. I'll do it next time. I may bring it to my attention. Right. All right, all right. Taking off 37%, landing 27%, going over the sea, 22% and going through clouds, 13%.

00:07:11:03 – 00:07:35:16
So I think the winner is taking off. Now. The me taking off is the best bit because you're closest to the ground. So if anything does happen, you're just right. You can just land again. It's all right. You know you're close to the earth, so I'm okay with that. That's how I been suspended in the air for five hours.

00:07:35:18 – 00:07:54:03
30, 35,000ft. No. Thank you. Yeah, I don't want any of that. I, I do often look out the window and go in my head mentally and knowing that it will make no difference right now. No. Hi. This is generally about I reckon about it feels like about 800ft up. Yeah. That's that kind of look it and go, right.

00:07:54:03 – 00:08:18:14
That's enough. Yeah, yeah. But flight is fine. I under feet of floor I can still see houses. So let's just let's just stay here. No, I can still see people when I'm most comfortable, to stay here. So, you know, I it's so. Yeah. There you go. People are most, scared of taking off, which is a surprise to me, but there you go.

00:08:18:16 – 00:08:25:06
Now, we've had an interesting email in as well, so I'm going to go through that.

00:08:25:08 – 00:08:46:18
I'm from an elusive, elusive demographic. An older lady, a grandma. Yeah. No. Yeah, listen to this. Listen to this. In fairness, I first started listening to your pod because my partner is a fan, but now I really look forward to it and ask him to put it on through the stereo so that we keep the stereo. Yeah.

00:08:46:21 – 00:09:12:08
I don't listen to give the stereo. I know. Lovely. Thanks for the laugh. I actually really enjoy the glimpse into the male psyche. A beautiful, absolutely beautiful. So I have a story about fear of flying that might actually help Ricky. Okay. He's me, so it's going to help me. Lovely. When I was younger, I was a television producer director, owned a small company that made documentaries and some children's programing.

00:09:12:10 – 00:09:33:11
Lots of the documentaries that I made were about the ocean, as I'm also a scuba diver. I love this woman. But yeah, I know, me too. Can we go on? Let me ask a question after it. Okay. One year I sold the idea of taking a few teenagers and teaching them to scuba dive, and then traveling around the Caribbean to film them diving.

00:09:33:13 – 00:09:55:20
The show was intended to educate kids on the ocean, and it was a great success. Every teenager that I cast had to bring a parent on our summer filming. Needless to say, it was a lot of flying over the course of six weeks of production. One mum in particular failed to tell anyone or any of the crew that she was afraid of flying.

00:09:56:01 – 00:10:21:04
She took the meds that you referenced on the pod, but apparently no one told her not to drink while she was taking the medication. After the first three flights, we thought she was just really gregarious and possibly just a little tipsy. On the fourth flight, we had a stopover in Porto Rico and his mum was so high that she wandered out of the airport and got lost.

00:10:21:06 – 00:10:48:06
We were all sitting on a small plane that was just our cast and crew, and three production assistants, and her teenage son had to get off the plane and miss the flight and find, Mr. Fly, find her and fly on the next day to meet us. After this episode, we confronted her and found out that she was completely stoned on every flight because of her intense fear of flying.

00:10:48:08 – 00:11:10:00
As it turned out, one of the dads on the trip happened to be a psychiatrist. He offered to work on this woman to help her cope in the second half of the summer of flying. I imagine that she was using therapy, but it turned out that he was using hypnosis. After a few weeks, this woman was completely cured of her fear of flying.

00:11:10:02 – 00:11:36:04
No anxiety, no drugs. It's years later, and this woman has, has changed her life. So it worked and lasted. She right now is flying across Asia in her retirement. I hope Ricky tries it. Your senior female listener. That might be the best thing. The best two minutes of podcast in that I've ever been a part of.

00:11:36:06 – 00:11:58:14
But I love that story so much. My so wholesome in it. Yeah. What would say how no ecstasy pills are better than hypnosis, I would say that. Still go with them, but, yeah, I've heard good things about hypnosis. That's a fantastic story. And you know what? More questions than answers for me. Bahamas. Scuba dive in. You know what?

00:11:58:14 – 00:12:29:21
I'm gammarus, right? Yeah, well I'm going. Yeah. Sharks. Sharks. Exactly. Sharks. Tell me about the sharks. That's unreal. Unreal. Thank you so much for messaging. And that is, that is, that's that is what a great start to the podcast is. I remember when I was in Amsterdam with my mates and the day before, one of the lads had bought some fucking diesel or Purple Haze, whatever it was, but bought a lot of it and we were like, we're flying the next day what we're going to do.

00:12:29:21 – 00:12:48:13
And he was like, well, we're not going to fucking chuck it. So we went to a park just before our flight, and we just packed it full of weed, and I was super stoned, just like everyone else going through and had to get on a flight. Hold on a second. Absolutely, Marsh. So you show you smoke loads of weed before getting on the plane?

00:12:48:15 – 00:13:08:09
Yeah. Is that good? No, I wasn't right. Okay. Yeah. I like you're sitting there and you've got your headphones in and you've got music. You can actually hear your own heartbeat through the headphones and you're like, I don't know why I've done this just to save us. Like, because. Because one person, they bought loads of weed.

00:13:08:09 – 00:13:30:03
We've now all got a smoke here as fast as we can just to save, save the money on that. Which is, which is amazing. We've also got another email in that I thought that I thought I'd read it. Now this is going back to our time travel episode, episode seven. If you've not listened to that, go back and listen.

00:13:30:03 – 00:13:51:09
These are this is evergreen content, people. There's no time. Time back. I just wanted to say this is the first time you've ever listened to it. You've essentially got seven hours of this already banked more or more than that of of all kinds of topics that you can listen to right now. It's all amazing. It's all evergreen, and you can go back and listen to episodes again and again if you want, you know, if you so choose.

00:13:51:12 – 00:14:17:06
Yeah, but this is the, the next one. After hearing your episode about wanting to travel back in time, I thought I'd write you my own crazy story. A few years ago, my wife and I finally decided to buy our dream house. After 28 years of being together and saving almost enough for a deposit, we found the perfect house where we live in rural Western Australia.

00:14:17:08 – 00:14:40:16
We were still a few thousand dollars short of the required deposit, but still had 30 days to get it together. I had a mate at the time that was always banging on about how he was killing it with crypto. Yep, you know where this is going. Well what? Yeah. What year did he say? So he says a few years ago, two and a half years ago.

00:14:40:18 – 00:14:43:15
Okay.

00:14:43:17 – 00:15:07:21
I thought I could be the hero and get the rest of the money without the wife knowing. I initially put in $10,000 and was excited to see it grow by $1,000 in the first few days. By the end of the week, I deposited all 40,000, of our hard earned savings into the world of crypto. The wife knew nothing about this.

00:15:07:21 – 00:15:38:14
Oh no. With five days remaining until our house deposit was due, I awoke one morning to a bunch of silent alerts on my phone. The crypto market had crashed. That was nearly $45,000 when I went to sleep was now, but barely 30,000 by lunchtime. Not even $20,000. I've never felt sick in all my life. Needless to say, it ended my marriage.

00:15:38:14 – 00:15:56:15
Oh my God, that was two and a half years ago, so if I could travel back in time, it would be to two years ago. Can I just say hi? This is. Oh, hi. No. No, no. Finished. Finished.

00:15:56:17 – 00:16:24:16
I regret the marriage. That you've ended it. You're doing it for the right reasons. There was a lot of hype about cryptocurrency. Ricky's been. But yeah, I didn't like me. No no, no. Didn't like his wife. No, it's not Ricky. Ricky's position is more. Fuck. This is going wrong. Get out, get out, get out. But, if maybe the market is suddenly recovering now we're getting back into the bear market.

00:16:24:18 – 00:16:43:17
Stick it all back in. I would say right now you just need to go back and go back and buy. No, don't listen to anybody encourage you to do anything in cryptocurrency. What I've found in crypto currency, we should actually we could actually talk about this, maybe get one of the boys on or something because everyone got caught up in it and you could made money.

00:16:43:17 – 00:17:02:09
Well, some people did make money. I just watched it go up and down, up and down, up and down. And I kind of managed to have a sort of disassociation, but put my brain into a dissociative state so that I was not impacted by the money going up and down, whatever. It was 1,000 pounds a day or going down, losing 2000 a day.

00:17:02:11 – 00:17:23:02
I just kind of thought, that's not my money until I take it out. So I wasn't attached to it, right? That was the way I process and to this day still do. Yeah. But the thing is, with cryptocurrencies, every fucker is an expert. Everyone's an expert when it's going well and genuinely it isn't. Their advice, maybe isn't their advice.

00:17:23:05 – 00:17:44:03
There's a couple of people I've spoken to. I genuinely to this day still will will follow what they say. But when it's going well and everyone's in crypto, they see this pile going up. All that's happening is the tide is rising. All boat boats generally, typically the tide is rising and all the boats are going up. The captain of one boat goes, this is because of how I'm driving it.

00:17:44:03 – 00:18:03:22
It's not the tide's rising and eventually the tide will go down. No matter how you drive it, it tide will go down. And then everyone gets very quiet. But no one's talking. So that's what it is. Don't. But be careful. It's so risky. It really is. And you. No one can really predict how things are going to go, and it can drop off straightaway.

00:18:03:22 – 00:18:20:14
So anyone thinking about doing it be be very careful and think of it like going to a casino. And you can lose everything that you also make a lot as well, to be fair, to stop saying that they can make a lot, well, they can make a lot like rules. I lose it all like that. That is gambling in it.

00:18:20:16 – 00:18:45:18
Yeah. Is like can make a lot though Rick. They can indeed and will get out though. God speaking about speaking about numbers. Oh yeah I'm going to be slightly I mean this is slightly naughty but so Flav and I were on another podcast that we do the Fighting Cock. Yeah Tottenham podcast. And the question I don't know how the fuck the question came up, but we were talking about 60 nines.

00:18:45:18 – 00:19:07:21
Oh yeah, it's 69. So who's in? And in our age that's what no one does know. What kind of creep does a 6910? Well what are your 42? I'm 42 regular 41ft yet. Correct. What kind of creep is still doing 60 nines at 4142. No, I don't, I don't I don't know I don't know anything. When we said that on on the pot.

00:19:07:23 – 00:19:57:03
Yeah. And you said about a discussion about lads anonymous, we've had about seven emails to lads anonymised that people are in long term relationships. They're still 69 in bullshit. They are still and there was one which at which I'll, I'll read out what this is from memory and then I'll read the next one out. But, a gentleman reckons that him and his partner, they have got into this, routine that when they go to bed at night, he has a shower, he gets into bed, his Mrs. has a shower, she gets into bed and they just adopt the 69 straight off like he says, two, possibly three times a week.

00:19:57:05 – 00:20:22:00
No penetrative sex, just they 69 each have a channel. Often gets sleep. That's it. That's not true. Hey, this is what he saying. Doubling like just double double ended. What would you call it. Just I know so she's just they just doing a little 69 and before bed. Yeah. It's their bedtime routine. What's to climax when you like they go into the end.

00:20:22:00 – 00:20:37:15
Well they just doing the bit. Is it like must be. Is that for them. Like, you know like you give your Mrs. a little cuddle like little spoon for about five minutes till it's like uncomfortable. And then you have the rolling over. Yeah. He gets oh yeah. Yeah he gets an uncomfortable and then you like rise enough. Then you curl on your own side and go to sleep.

00:20:37:15 – 00:20:56:10
That's married. Right. That's that's the beauty of it. The knowing that you are allowed to turn over and not feel insecure about whether or not you love her because she knows you love her and you just need a little bit of the bed to yourself. And she needs the bed to itself as well. Yeah, but that's, to me, is what happens when you go to bed.

00:20:56:10 – 00:21:18:11
I couldn't imagine a world where you just have like five minutes and 69 and then roll over and go to bed. Is that what a bloke saying? That's what he's saying I like, I don't know how it's even initiated anymore. Like you can't, like if you're in the throes of being intimate with your partner, should we do a 69?

00:21:18:13 – 00:21:40:16
I think it's got to be kind of, the maybe the woman has to, I don't know. I mean, how you get there. I know it's up to them, but. Yeah, it's I like it, I like it, I like the fact I'd never mention it. Yeah, exactly. It's just. Just get into bed, do this. It's like. It's like people read a book before they go, say 69.

00:21:40:16 – 00:21:56:19
Yeah. It's like a normal is just making breakfast in the morning for them. Yeah, absolutely. And it's a beautiful thing I don't I think it's a liar. I'm calling it I think, I think this is bullshit and I need some proof. I don't know how you going to. We should bring back 69. And that's what I say. Bring it back.

00:21:56:19 – 00:22:16:20
It does feel like more people should be doing this. It's nothing wrong with it, but it is if you're up for it. Everyone gets what they want. Is he on top? I don't know, but that that's that's that's lovely. While you bring that up. Because the one I am going to read out, I feel I have to share this information.

00:22:16:22 – 00:22:45:04
When I was 23, I was seeing a 46 year old woman, and she used to get me to go on top in a 69. There would be no blowjob involved, just me on top, licking her out and being smothered by my hairy asked. She's getting my somehow licked out. Looking back now, it is pretty fucking weird now. I don't know where to start with that at the end.

00:22:45:06 – 00:23:06:21
That's the end. So she's just 20 for age 23. She's 46. She wanted to 69, but not to give him a blow. He had to go on top. She she didn't want she didn't want to do the blowjob but she wanted to lick his bum. Yeah. I mean that's I think that's, that does. Well that don't you. Don't, don't you dare.

00:23:06:23 – 00:23:32:18
But then that men don't go on top and 69. No no no no I don't I do not, I don't really I don't okay I've never done that. I know what I it's the woman has to go on top. The woman has to. Yeah. Because there's too much steak, isn't there? If the man is at top, what's too hard for him?

00:23:32:20 – 00:23:50:20
It's not. Never breathe again. I don't know why this just popped into my head. He said, what about in men, in gay relationships? If they 69. But they have to be careful. Yeah, they have a very good. Yeah, but this one's to me the way this blokes that's describing it is, it sounds like it's, it's more sensual thing.

00:23:50:22 – 00:24:08:04
I don't think it's more it's not aggressive. It's not right. It's like right gone. Let's I know what it is. If they're not logging their relationship, they're just doing two birds with one stone. Yeah, right. Otherwise it's a sight. All right. You give me a blowjob, I'll wait until that's done. Ten minutes later. All right, then I'll go down on you.

00:24:08:04 – 00:24:33:14
Ten minutes. That's 20 minutes. In this instance, it's five ten minutes at most. Everyone gets what they want. Straight to bed. Actually. Saving time. Saving time? Yeah, yeah. Efficiency. That's good. That's an how you get the less time you seem to have. So yeah, that makes sense. Why are we talking about, 69? It brings me to my next topic, today's topic, which is happiness.

00:24:33:14 – 00:25:05:12
Now, the Oxford Dictionary says the state of pleasurable contentment of mind, deep pleasure or contentment with one's circumstances. So that is what happiness means apparently. Is there a time cost in your mind back when you when you can speak out to say I wish I was proper happy or content, but is there anything that you're like that.

00:25:05:13 – 00:25:49:09
That's my first memory of what while you're thinking. While you're thinking. Yeah, when I was a kid and for some reason, I have no memory or no real memory of my childhood. Like five, six, seven. It probably starts about 8 or 9, I think. Dunno why that is. But anyway, we have a little local shop. I don't think they exist anymore called M and W and at the back of them and W for the old people that will be listening to this, there was a shelf of VHS tapes because we used to watch films on tapes like crazy putting yeah, Great Times and Transformers.

00:25:49:09 – 00:26:09:12
The movie was always there and I always get my my rent out Transformers. And that was, was it like a video rental place? No it wasn't, no, it was just it was just a general local shop. But at the back they had, video tapes that you could rent out and you could rent them out for three days.

00:26:09:12 – 00:26:28:20
Yeah. Return them white for a day and then rent the one that you already did. So my mum used to do that for me all the time. I like to sit and watch Transformers The Movie over and over again. And I was like, this is, this is so good. It's so good. And then I used to get so sad when Optimus Prime died.

00:26:28:21 – 00:26:48:18
So it was like, what are you doing? Right? My people are saying it like, let's not come home. They may not have done Ricky. You can't, do you can't. You cannot just spoil one of the greatest movies ever made. Rick is the only one bit in it. Maybe it's quite early doors as well. Yeah, it's well early there too.

00:26:48:20 – 00:27:10:05
Too early maybe. Well I it it does do things you as a kid, you like. What the fuck is going on. Why? Just full disclosure me and rate this is probably our favorite film. And we didn't know this before meeting each other. That had a seismic effect on both of our lives growing up, which was Transformers the Movie, which is 1986, animated.

00:27:10:07 – 00:27:35:20
Yeah. Which is best? The best bit of Transformers lore that you can find with that film. It's incredible. So but that was happiness for you. That was happiness. And it was it was the fact that my mum would go out of her way. And knowing that it's a bit weird to rent this film over and over again for me, and I loved it and also ran about the same time.

00:27:35:22 – 00:27:59:08
There was another bit that I remember maybe a little bit later, but I really wanted a Sky electrics for Christmas, Christmas Day, so a big box. I was like, hello, let's fucking go. I opened it and it wasn't a Sky electrics, but it was like a cheaper version of a Sky electric. Yeah. I was like, okay, I let it slide.

00:27:59:08 – 00:28:27:21
You know, it does. It doesn't need to be that the sky because bloody expensive sky that tricks. But this one, it had a bridge on it. Right. And not only did it have a bridge. The bridge disconnected. So when you're racing the car, it would have to jump across to the other bridge and go into the track. And I was like, once I put it together and started playing on it, I was like, this, honestly, this is the fucking best thing that I will ever do in my life.

00:28:27:21 – 00:28:52:13
Like, I could sit here and do this forever. And those two things from my childhood, thinking back where I was like, there is not, there is nothing else in the world. Yeah, that I need to focus on apart from this. Yeah, I get it. And I don't remember anything specific like that.

00:28:52:15 – 00:29:16:12
I remember, I remember being very young, waking up, and I remember loving my bedroom and having, it with the sun. The sun was coming through the window and the blinds is one of my first memories. I've got a few first memories, but. And the warmth of the sun waking up. And I looked down at my,

00:29:16:14 – 00:29:45:07
I love this duvet that I had that. So pictures of tractors, like vector images, like solid color pictures, like rudimentary images of sort of farm animals and stuff. And I, I don't know what it did, you know. Do you know how I know that it was contentment and happiness is because this might not be real, but I took a drug called medicine a while back, about five, four years ago now, which was like super psychedelic.

00:29:45:09 – 00:30:15:16
It was crazy. But I was, I it transported me back to when I was a kid, tiny like 6 or 7 years old. And not only when I say transported me back, I was it I felt like I was there, and I can't describe that feeling, knowing the atmosphere and the feeling of whatever it was I have in my brain imprinted in me back then.

00:30:15:18 – 00:30:31:17
I was able to feel that again based on what I went through with this drug. And I'm going to be wrong. And all of that trip was great. But this one, this specific bit was really helpful because I kind of I went back to that moment. I went, I was back then when I was like 4 or 5 years old, and I couldn't tell you how happy I was.

00:30:31:17 – 00:30:50:08
I think I even like tears were coming down my face as I was going through this period. But I remember, I remember it, I remember it vividly, like being in my room and feeling content because happiness, right, doesn't really exist. Yeah. It's not. It's just that it's not the same for everybody. It isn't attainable. It's not a real thing.

00:30:50:08 – 00:31:16:13
It's an idea as far as I can, how I reconcile it. It's an idea or something that you can feel in moments but isn't sustainable forever. So it's something you kind of you work to acquire or you seek to acquire. That's what it is. And in that moment, I had it. And that's why you remembered it. That's why I remembered it specifically.

00:31:16:15 – 00:31:42:02
What are you doing first? Why do you think that was? It was so, you you were so happy at that moment. Like, is it just because you, I don't know that your parents were still together? Yeah, maybe. Or that you're in you that you were just in back in your bedroom? Yeah, I think I think, you know, when I think about it, if I'm timeless, I psychoanalyze it as much as I can do that.

00:31:42:04 – 00:32:02:06
All right. It's probably when my mum and dad were still together when I was, you know, before the age of five. And from when they split up, I didn't have, I didn't really have a, like, a settled house. So I'm not saying my upbringing was brilliant at the two parents that love me weren't together. I'd step parents that, you know, love me and did the best.

00:32:02:08 – 00:32:24:12
And I'd step brothers as well. And half brother and Alex, who came along later and and so what was very normal for me when I was a kid was, and, you know, my first elements of contentment when I'm really little. I hope my mum's don't listen to this because I break her up. But I think what changed, and I didn't get that back, and, I did not say I wasn't happy again.

00:32:24:12 – 00:32:52:14
I wasn't, but loads of times. But just that moment, that first moment where we're talking about what you think about happiness when you first felt it, it would have been then when what everybody knew about security and parents being together was a reality and it changed. So maybe that's what what my brain is doing. Okay. Yeah. I don't think it's a harsh thing to say that when you reality change the security.

00:32:52:14 – 00:33:26:11
I mean, it was just it's it's part of life. And that's what them what would have happened anyway. Yeah. If, if your parents split up. But, so obviously, like, my parents split up when I was about 5 or 6, I don't really I remember bits and pieces, but I don't really remember a lot. A lot of my memory is just growing up with my mum and my sister and seeing my dad at the weekends or every other weekend, but I don't really have a lot of those, childhood memories.

00:33:26:13 – 00:33:52:23
So. And often not because I can't really think back about the childhood memories of those times of happiness. I think I can more lean into, like my adult times and maybe 2030s and now now fully so in your adult life at the moment, what are the things that make you happy?

00:33:53:00 – 00:34:19:15
I, well, I did a lot of talking. Then what do you answer? What for? What things make you happy as an adult? Okay. Right. Do you know what? I'm going to share something with you. Okay. The lads, so I do. I, I listen to a lot of. It's mainly one podcast, the Mel Robbins podcast.

00:34:19:15 – 00:34:54:12
She's American, and we have a lot of, you know, American listeners and being British, that all parts of it that is a bit sickly, a bit cheesy, but you just got you just got to get through that. It's fine. Yeah, I know I've just googled I know she's fantastic. She is fucking amazing. Amazing. And she's motivational and talks about anxiety, about wellness and just a lot of things that where you have sticky parts of your life where you don't know where you go in what you do in how to deal with it.

00:34:54:17 – 00:35:14:15
She's just excellent at breaking it down and helping you realize what it is that you want. So I kind of wrote this note in my phone. I've called it the happiness chart. And it's not actually a chart, it's a list. So I don't know why I've done that, but I'm going to read you out. What's on my happiness list for them?

00:35:14:17 – 00:35:37:07
I'd never. Full disclosure for listeners, I didn't know this list existed. Yeah. So I just thought, lay my cards on the table, spending time with my girls, sitting on the sofa with my girls, going for walks with my girls, going on holiday with my girls, and playing games with my girls. So that's obviously all the quality time with my children and my Mrs..

00:35:37:08 – 00:36:03:17
There is nothing I love more than sitting on the sofa under a blanket with my kids and my Mrs. eating salted popcorn. Yeah, watching a film. Yeah. And we can even be like looking at our phones. But just being all together is amazing over the Christmas period where we get all the games out and we're fucking around with board games and we're just having a laugh listening to music, got nibbles and shit like that.

00:36:03:21 – 00:36:35:05
Amazing. When you go on holiday, just drenched in some sun cream and you just having a whale of a time at the pool, they're all amazing. And you know, it's it's what I love dearly. Visiting my mum, visiting my sister, visit my dad, going to Tottenham with my dad and going fishing with my dad. Now these are all obvious things, but having it written down, it makes you aware of what things make you happy.

00:36:35:05 – 00:37:03:00
And I'm at the latest not I'm not at the late stage of my life, but my parents are. And not to become like somber and stuff. But my mum 65, my dad's going to be 72 this year and in life you never know what's around the corner. So it's I kind of feel that I should make that extra time with my dad and with my mum, spend more time with them understanding about our family history, just having a chat with them.

00:37:03:00 – 00:37:26:08
And it's it's really important for me and it keeps me, keeps me quite grounded and to to be with my family. Yeah. The next bit meeting up with my school mates like that, my mates that I've known since I was five. So is this the list though. These different? Yeah. This is, this is the list okay. Yeah, yeah.

00:37:26:08 – 00:37:52:05
Because I do something similar, but I don't write it down. But it's, it's that just, just with the family and stuff because I, I, I, I will often repeat 3 or 4 things that I'm grateful for. And there might be obvious one, you said the obvious when you were saying it, right. Yeah. But it's it seems obvious, but they're easy to forget and they're easy to discount if you don't pay attention to them.

00:37:52:08 – 00:38:17:21
And and the five things that make me feel grateful when I get up in the morning, think, thank fuck, that's this is my life. And thankful that I have these things in my life because and starting the day with that idea that these you are grateful for, the things that you have and you're grateful for are able to change the things that you don't have, or trying to tame the things you don't have.

00:38:17:23 – 00:38:47:02
If you start from that position of being grateful, your day will be better than that. Then if you hadn't done that and that's and it works. It's not hocus pocus. It's not about manifesting. And manifesting works as well for me, but it's just simply go looking around. And actually, I'm really grateful for these things. Totally. And and again, like, it's more of the same stuff, you know, that when we do that.

00:38:47:04 – 00:39:06:13
Flying Cock podcast, I've also got here chatting with Flav one on one. Now you have this annoying habit. The only person I know that when you want a conversation with me, you just ring me. There's no WhatsApp, very few WhatsApp and you call me. And normally when people call me, I'm like, fuck that, I'm not picking up the phone.

00:39:06:15 – 00:39:34:06
But then when we have our conversations around the phone to each other, like 45 minutes, we are just dicks, barely laughing about the ridiculous things and about just chatting about life in general. But afterwards I just feel energized. I feel happy, and I feel like content. And like you were saying, I've got other things on here listening to podcasts, reading books, watching them, gardening, long walks, whatever.

00:39:34:08 – 00:39:54:13
By having that list, it's really helpful to kind of think I'm feeling a bit shitty at the moment. I'll go and look at that list, and I'll just go and pick something and just immerse myself in it, go for a long walk, listen to a podcast ring. You go and drive and see my dad, go fishing my dad's garden and see my lock, whatever it might be.

00:39:54:19 – 00:40:17:20
So it's really it's really helpful to kind of have something to, to focus on and to be grateful for. To go back to in my adult life. That will always kind of make me happy, I suppose. You know what those things you said, brick? Yeah. They are pillars of,

00:40:17:22 – 00:40:44:04
There are certain things. As a human being, you need your needs to be met. You need to have community. You need family. You need communication. You need entertainment. You need nourishment. And if you don't have those things, those those pillars and bitchiness, this is something I'm regurgitating because I've done I've done a fair bit of work on trying to control,

00:40:44:06 – 00:41:04:05
A kind of where that some I've said this on have a podcast. So it's not that not a big deal. And I'm not making an issue of it now. I'm or exaggerating, but there's some times in my life I've felt like I've, I could be controlling myself. Alcohol consumption or my drug intake, and, and just felt like I needed control of it.

00:41:04:11 – 00:41:32:08
And, and and and the ways I've done that is by understanding why people might take cocaine or heroin or not. I've done all these things, but I'm just giving you examples of, you know, drink excessively. And typically what there's this idea that you compensate for a destruction or a lack of a pillar that you have in your life.

00:41:32:10 – 00:41:56:13
And being valued is another one, being understood, being respected, all these things and no one has them. All right. And, and, and everybody can strive towards them. And if you have them, all that you know, just to go back to the point, you have them all, your chances of being content, which is what happiness is, in my opinion, being content is drastically increased and not having them all.

00:41:56:13 – 00:42:23:15
Like if you don't have a partner to share that time with all your girls to watch, watch the TV with, or be around you, you might compensate or find other ways to fill or create a pillar that's destructive. Yeah. And the more of those things that you have, the more likely it is that you'll, you'll, you'll be happier and you won't need alcohol or drugs to as a crutch to escape your reality from.

00:42:23:17 – 00:42:47:10
Not to say having a beer than a pub is one thing. I'm just talking about excessive drinking. But but what you're what I'm saying reaches all those things that you're mentioning are these pillars that you need to to be happy, like your friends, like conversations like that we have or you have. You might have been able to ring your mum if you need advice, like, even like some to this day I need.

00:42:47:12 – 00:43:11:24
But I've got a situation I'm not sure how to deal with at the moment involving someone and I would. My instinct is to deal with it front on, but it would. That would be there would be there would be, there would be a fallout to that which probably wouldn't benefit me. So I know that I can call my mum and she would be rational and say, no, this is why you deal with this and this is why you do it.

00:43:11:24 – 00:43:29:21
And that's what your mum's for, right? As you get older, she's there to love and nurture you when you're a kid. But as you get older, she's she's wise and sage. And if she is listening to this, she'll love this. But I do know that she'll give me advice that I want or get me to a position I won't necessarily be able to get to on my own, or certainly certainly not always able to.

00:43:29:23 – 00:43:45:12
That, again, is one of these pillars. One of these things are having that person. It might not be your mum, it might be. And on you it might be someone who's the same age of you that you can lean on when you need advice. It might be your friend. Yeah. So all the things you're listing risk and that's what.

00:43:45:12 – 00:44:07:17
Sorry to interrupt you, but all the things you're listing, all those things that you need as a human being and it's completely normal what you're saying, I think. And I have to have that list or that chart you said, will get you closer to contentment than if you hadn't done that. That exercise. I think one of the pillars that you actually missed off was 69.

00:44:07:17 – 00:44:14:22
And so I need to get back into that. Obviously.

00:44:14:24 – 00:44:42:13
But, yeah, I was I was going to say, yeah, all of those things. And I just found it really helpful. And I don't go into these notes every single day. I don't do these things every day. But by just by having them and knowing that they're there and that if I am in a particular funk that I can recall on those things and come and do them and just be kind of present in those moments that do make me unbelievably happy.

00:44:42:15 – 00:45:13:01
So do you have like a lot of people, like happiness is tied to their career and and other things that that make them unhappy. Do you have any advice for people that are particularly unhappy with their situation? And what I can't what do they relate? I know it's a very broad like you can we could sit here and go through everything and it would take ages.

00:45:13:02 – 00:45:47:07
But again, with the list, I'm kind of, answering it myself and I'm gonna answer it because I'm just talking that I've got the unhappy chart as well. So the the opposite of the happy chart. I've got the unhappy. So there is a lot of things like not having my voice heard pressure, stress. There is this thing of I have of, perfectionism that in everything that I want to do, I want to be perfect.

00:45:47:09 – 00:46:14:03
And if I can't get there, then it just chews me up inside and I kind of turn over in my mind. And again, it's not focusing on these things that make me unhappy, but just making myself aware I'm not. Actually, those things that do make me unhappy or either aren't that bad and I'm magnifying it, or either that I can just drop them and just not to worry about them as hard as I can so I can.

00:46:14:05 – 00:46:34:04
Yeah, it's really fucking hard, man. It is really hard. But it's just being aware of both the things that the things that make me happy, the things that make me unhappy, and just trying to balance it so that I can continue to be content. You, you you've also got this, you got to work towards that, right? Of course.

00:46:34:04 – 00:47:01:19
But you've got this inbuilt inferiority complex that your work isn't good enough. That's. And and whenever you get criticism, it's like, fuck, I was right that I can't do that because the and this is an outside force telling me that I can't do it. And I don't know how you remove that other than the thought that you've got to realize that you that you know better in this.

00:47:01:19 – 00:47:22:00
So, for example, even if, man, I don't know what I'm saying here. I'm just saying I'm trying to sound like, like in terms of producing this podcast, we haven't we had a thing last week, didn't we? We used I asked you to do something and you did it, and I read it and it was excellent. And you thought you followed it up with the message and like it was essentially said, I'm no, I'm not, I'm not that good at this.

00:47:22:00 – 00:47:45:06
So just be aware of that. I'm not I'm new to it fundamentally. Yeah. And but what you wrote was, was exactly what, what was what was required actually was better. It was more than I thought it was going to do. Right. So but your position was, I guess, because we're so close that you felt comfortable saying this, that you wouldn't have said it in a workplace, but you didn't need to.

00:47:45:06 – 00:48:02:06
You didn't need to say that you didn't create that that that moment of doubt, certainly not with me. And even if I do say it, if I said, I know what you're like, I know what you're saying. I know how sensitive that can be at these times. And I and I am as well. But you're good. You're good at what you do.

00:48:02:09 – 00:48:21:15
And I think this podcast is testament to that and your, your ability to present as well as someone who has done this for many years is excellent. So and if what it's worth, for me, you're doing a good job, but it's amazing. Thank you. But what if I gave you one bit of criticism? Oh, no, don't do that.

00:48:21:17 – 00:48:45:03
I'm not going to. I'm saying if I did, it would crush you no matter what I've just said. No matter what I just said it would be. Yeah. Focus on that one tiny negative and that part of it. And this is what I'm getting to hear is in terms about happiness and contentment, is generally the people that make you unhappy or bring in a negative impact.

00:48:45:05 – 00:49:04:21
It's other people. It's other people that do that. It's that people's actions or their choosing to treat you in a certain way, or say a certain thing or bring a problem to your door is what generally for me, what makes what brings unhappiness into my life? I see it like, I don't know if this is if I'm deluded, right?

00:49:04:21 – 00:49:19:00
Or this is reality. Oh, I genuinely I've said this to my wife before. I genuinely think I would never have an unhappy day in my life if it wasn't for someone else trying to fuck it up for me.

00:49:19:02 – 00:49:40:17
The amount of people in my life that have come to me in or in my environ and try to take a shit in it when I'm to ask them to, that it's unbearable, unbelievable. And what I've done and I've become harsh in it, I think. Too harsh, maybe, but I will not allow anyone. If I can control the situation.

00:49:40:17 – 00:50:06:12
I will not allow anyone to bring any kind of bullshit to my door, and that there's some instance in life it's not everything's gonna be rosy and you can't control everybody how everybody interacts with you, and you have to be able to intellectualize some situations, so that, you know, you have to deal with uncomfortable situations or confrontation that you might not want to or allow things to pass that you might not want to.

00:50:06:18 – 00:50:34:20
And I'm talking in very general terms here, so that other people might be able to apply these things to their own life because everyone's experiences, but generally outside of that, if anyone does anything or any or says anything to put me in a situation is uncomfortable for me and I feel it's unnecessary, then they they get rewarded. They, they they, they're in a situation where.

00:50:34:22 – 00:50:54:17
You're not I can this isn't a two way street here. We're not benefiting if we don't both benefit from this relationship and there is no point to it. And the older I get, the better I'm getting at that and it's sometimes comes, it comes out in harsh, but I don't have the energy to expend on you that I should be expended on my family, and I've just got no tolerance for it.

00:50:54:19 – 00:51:16:14
That's a great point. That is a great point. And on that great point, you know, I'll leave that conversation there, but I'm just going to go to something someone said and quite relevant to our discussion, having been deep down in the barrel throughout the last year when my mum was sick and eventually passed, happiness is something that completely evaded me.

00:51:16:16 – 00:51:43:21
I why? I almost accepted that this is the new normal and I would just never be happy again. Having got treatment and slowly but surely coming to a better place, I've come to realize how quickly happiness, and sometimes for no good reason, can just disappear out of your life. If you had offered me a house, $1 million, even Spurs winning the title, I'd have just pretended to smile but not been genuinely happy.

00:51:43:23 – 00:52:13:03
If I can send any sort of message, it's that happiness is not something that should be taken for granted. Like everything in life is precious and needs to be treasured because we don't know when I might just slip away from us and I will leave that conversation there. So yeah, we've got some, dilemmas and things only I know to come up on her dilemmas.

00:52:13:05 – 00:52:20:17
Am I in the friend zone? And crazy love. Crazy love. Good.

00:52:20:19 – 00:52:47:09
The sleeping bag. And is this yours? These are your titles. If people don't know, these are. Ricky reads the problem and then gives them headlines. It's beautiful. Amazing. And by the way, I just want to say everybody that sends in an email to lads anonymous, whether it's for your dilemmas, things on a, you know or general kind of sharing stories of us, we get so many in.

00:52:47:11 – 00:53:11:22
I read them all didn't you? I read them all. I will answer all of the ones you are in to have credible for that right. I full disclosure, like there might be people listening to this that have messaged me and I haven't responded to I apologize, right? I'm terrible for it. I really, really am. You've made me aware of this, Ricky, that there's someone that a couple of people have mentioned to you that they've messaged me and I haven't responded and they're like, what the fuck?

00:53:11:24 – 00:53:33:06
So they come to me. I'm like, your, office assistant. Yeah, but I'm not. Well, I, I, I that isn't a conscious thing. It's a terrible thing that I do that I don't respond to messages, but what it is, I see it and I think I'll come back to that. And because of WhatsApp, it just disappears. So apologies if that is the case, but Ricky is the polar opposite.

00:53:33:06 – 00:53:54:12
You're insane. You're. I don't know how much of your time you spent replying to people on the internet. It's too much. It is too much. No, actually no, I enjoy it. I fucking love it. I know I cannot believe my luck that people listen to this podcast. I cannot believe people being grateful when it right. It's exactly that.

00:53:54:12 – 00:54:16:10
And if they take the time out of their day to send me or us or anyone a message, then I will always be there to reply. So I just wanted to say I fucking love you from the bottom. My heart, thank you so much. But send us more in it. How you like. Ricky loves it my lads and on pod at gmail.com.

00:54:16:12 – 00:54:33:01
If you've got any topics that you want to suggest, if there's any stories you want to share, any dilemmas or things like, you know, a friend who had a free promise, a story, he was like he tried to record it, but he just couldn't. He doesn't feel comfortable recording it, so he's gonna write it down and we'll read it out.

00:54:33:03 – 00:54:58:15
Right. Okay. Lovely. Lovely. That's amazing. Right. I'm going to go switch over to the dilemmas now okay? Okay. Am I in the friend zone? I'm 17 and at college. Really like this one. Go at school for about five years. She did tell me she was interested at one point, but I was too nervous to tell her at the time.

00:54:58:17 – 00:55:25:13
She since moved on and found another part. I hate that here. That happened really, really difficult because whilst I want to get over her, I need to move on. I've liked her for such a long time, and it's at a point where I can't feel anything for anyone else. I spend a lot of my time trying to be around her because she is one of my friends, but I find it really painful to be around there too.

00:55:25:15 – 00:55:48:08
Really. Just depressing to be honest. Because no matter what I do, I can't get over it. Do you have any advice and have either of you been in similar places before? I think I've told I've spoken about this, but yeah, I have. Several times growing up, I look, I'm not. Full disclosure, I wasn't this stud that you see before you when I was not sure.

00:55:48:08 – 00:55:54:09
I mean, I was like a weird little gremlin at times when I was.

00:55:54:11 – 00:56:23:05
Wasn't the the thing that made me do this is bad advice. I don't know if I should say this now. I won't say it. The as you got older, you think you get involved in situations that, you know, your confidence changes, your scenarios changes, and the social situation changes and and things change. But when you when you're and your, you know, how you deal with the opposite sex or same sex where you're into, is it changes as you get older?

00:56:23:07 – 00:56:44:18
Ricky doesn't have an answer to this, I don't think, because he's he's a young lover and they're still together, which is incredible. Yeah. I mean, there has been, you know, when you're young, middle school. Yeah. And you have little crushes and stuff like that. Yes. I was super young like that. Yeah, that's super young. I mean, this lady, he 17 well, at least 17 year old listens to this.

00:56:44:18 – 00:57:11:14
I know we got 17 and we got the, the, the whole what was right way to say it. What did she how did you describe yourself. She said senior senior listener, a senior listener. I love that female listener in saying, when I was 17, 16, 17, I had the exact same situation. I think I've told this story before, but my good friend, all my best friends seem to be brown, by the way, and know I've, I have, I've started to notice this.

00:57:11:16 – 00:57:38:07
Yeah, it's not somewhat sort of cultural fetish. I don't think I do. I just meet good people and they tend to have brown skin. It's that Pokémon. You got to collect them all. I haven't collected them all yet. I'm trying to think of if I've got any left. Yeah, something like that. But the, Yeah. So my best mate at the time, he I there was this girl I fancied so much, so I like the perfume.

00:57:38:09 – 00:57:58:08
Like you'd walk past her and you could smell a perfume. And it was like, the greatest thing that my nose had ever inhaled. Didn't end up like that because inhaled much better things than our perfume later on. But. But at that time, I was like, yeah, beautiful. She's. And I liked, And I made it clear to my friend that I liked her.

00:57:58:08 – 00:58:15:14
And what I didn't realize is that he likes are not only did like her, he'd made his move earlier, and, so not only did I not get the girl, my best friend got her, and I couldn't deny him. Obviously, I couldn't make him feel bad because it's not his fault how he felt. And we were 17 young, thermophilic.

00:58:15:16 – 00:58:40:00
And so, we, it just went on and I had to watch it, and it hurt. But what happened and what does happen is what feels like a lifetime right now is a speck. Yeah. Things change. And I can't even really remember what she even looks like now. I kind of have a bake bake blur of what her name is.

00:58:40:00 – 00:59:04:01
Fleur. Actually, may, the vague blur of what she even looked like. But if you put me in a put her in a line up with four other white girls at the time, I probably struggled to pick her out, but at the time, I felt like I was in love with her. So what I would say is, don't worry, the blur is a blur.

00:59:04:03 – 00:59:21:13
That's why it's a blur is a blur. And while you'll always think about what might have been and what you wanted and what you want right now, I swear to God, at 17 life moves so quickly, social circles moved so quickly, and what have you going to do next? You'll forget pretty much the less you see, the less important you'll be.

00:59:21:15 – 00:59:39:22
And the minute you get of a new word, you'll learn. You'll forget all about a promise. Do you think my man should, should tell her how he feels? What's the point? She knows. Right? She's known for years. She's not interested. I don't think she does. No, he didn't. She say that? He he she told him she likes him once.

00:59:39:24 – 00:59:59:03
Yeah. So, she's got a boyfriend. Really? Like this one girl at school for about five years. She did tell me she was interested at one point. What did you do? What would you do? I was too nervous to tell her at the time. I say she never knows. Maybe give it a shout. What I would say.

00:59:59:05 – 01:00:21:22
Are you. I mean, if you're 17, you're college, you're doing A-levels. You probably got another, six, 3 or 4 months before you break up. Yeah. What's the harm in just saying? It's about how you do it if you go, I love you. I've always loved you. Will you be with me then? That could feel awkward. And the reason why you'd not do it right now is because.

01:00:21:24 – 01:00:43:06
Is because you. You would feel awkward about her. How she'll be with you afterwards if she says no. If you're in the friendzone, that's an awkward situation. You want to avoid that I understand, but you. There's ways of asking. I would say if you're playful, maybe if you've gone for a job, why didn't we have a hookup? Ask you that?

01:00:43:08 – 01:01:05:02
Funny. Oh shit, that's fucking great. That is, I like that. So you're not you're not saying yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not saying, you're not saying anything. You're just asking the question. Why didn't we have a hookup? So. And then she'll go, don't be silly. It was never gonna happen then, you know. Yeah. She go, I wanted to I thought you you weren't interested in me.

01:01:05:04 – 01:01:26:09
Why wouldn't I be interested in you? That you go something like that. Lovely, lovely will. And that there that that. That's brilliant advice. I say what I, I'm just going to go straight into this next dilemma called, crazy Love. And it's probably one of the best things I've ever heard in my life. So put your seatbelts on, gang.

01:01:26:09 – 01:01:54:20
I'm listening. The story starts off back when I met this amazing woman at university. We hit it off instantly and had many common interests. We practically spent every free moment together for a few months. One day as I'm leaving her place, he she stopped me and said, I want you to know I really have feelings for you, but there are a lot of things in my past I would have to tell you about when I'm ready.

01:01:54:22 – 01:02:17:24
In my mind, I'm thinking, okay, she was wild when she was younger. We've all done crazy stuff. I'm okay with this same fight and we continue on our journey together. One day, out of the blue, she starts sharing details, saying she was married but getting the divorce finalized. In my mind, I think. I think back to her mentioning the crazy past.

01:02:18:01 – 01:02:37:18
So I think I wow, how was that it? Oh, that's not how old is she, Rick is no age. No, no, I just think of them. Okay. Go on. Sorry. It was just back at university. So she'd been married before she went to university? Yeah, I know, well, go on quite early. Us. That's not too bad. Oh, I can tolerate that.

01:02:37:20 – 01:03:12:12
She then let slip not to Google her name until she says it's okay. What's her name? Well, in my mind, I'm like, of course I'm going to go hiking with that. Absolutely. Who wouldn't? Am I right? Yeah. Yeah. She there she is with almost ten news articles on her local girl in jail for murder for hire plot. She paid someone to murder her in-laws and succeeded in having one killed.

01:03:12:14 – 01:03:40:24
I freaked out and asked her to explain. We met up and she gave me the runaround. And in my whole brain, I was okay with this. We continue like normal. I actually started to defend it, to tell people they didn't have a clue of what was going on, but wow did she have me fooled. Since more incriminating data come out that count that counted countered her telling of her story.

01:03:41:01 – 01:04:05:01
Eventually things didn't work out, so I've had time to reflect and holy crap was I crazy for believing her. Luckily, my friends let me know how crazy that situation was and I seriously keep looking over my shoulder everywhere I go. Now, I worry if I don't check in and make sure she we're still on good terms that she would try and that she would try to off me somehow.

01:04:05:02 – 01:04:33:16
Oh, so my friends think I need to stop talking to her all together as a new found, as my new found men of advice. What do you think in this situation? Am I wrong to keep in touch with her just to not be on her bad side? Or do I listen to my friends and just cut her out completely and hope she doesn't have enough anger to off me?

01:04:33:18 – 01:04:59:08
That is a that is a dilly of a pickle. You've got yourself here, I think. I think look, you understand your friend's position because just stop talking so she's not stop talking. So I'll get that position right. But they're not going to be around. If she turns up at 1:00 in the morning of a knife. Yeah. I understand his position in mediating the relationship and holding her arms length, but just giving her enough so she doesn't murder.

01:04:59:10 – 01:05:20:14
I understand that, not that I've been in a situation similar situation, but simply, you're just managing her feelings, right? But I'd imagine he's doing other things. Like not posting stuff on Facebook, you know, of relationships he's having because he's for fear of, setting her off. Yeah.

01:05:20:16 – 01:05:51:15
I for me, I would say it continue. Yeah, yeah. That's exactly. Yeah. I continue to have, a conversation with her, but I would shorten it down to one word answers and leave my replies for a few days or a day. It wouldn't be like a rolling conversation where she's message you messaged right back. It would be leave it to brave for a few hours, and then come back with a one worded answer as best short as you can.

01:05:51:17 – 01:06:20:19
So you still got that kind of. You haven't told her to fuck off. You haven't hurt her feelings. But naturally the relationship friendship will just drift apart. But I yeah, I'd be very much in your position of her wanting to wear my skin one day. Surely if she'd been found guilty of killing an in-law that she'd be in prison for a long, long time, I don't know, I mean, how long has this been?

01:06:20:19 – 01:06:41:20
How long? I don't know, we need some more answers. We need somebody who doesn't want me. I think it's being quite general. So it might have happened 20 years ago. And yes, she might have done 12 years or whatever. Not. But then that had been meeting afterwards, I, I'd need, I'd like to know more but if this, if this if this gentleman doesn't want to give us more information, I'd like to know her name and actually search her.

01:06:41:22 – 01:07:05:13
But if she's going to give us that info, then I appreciate it. It's sort of understand, but. Yeah, keep her arms there, maybe continue to do what you're doing, but. Yeah, try and taper off again. But, yeah. Yeah. Checkmate. That's it, that's that I do, I do that like you. You have to say don't do that.

01:07:05:15 – 01:07:26:23
I with these guys on these podcast said, yes, gang killer. I'll do that then. But in that vein, we'll get we'll go to jail. Yeah. Inciting murder. Don't kill her. Don't kill her. This was a joke. It was just a joke. Do not murder that woman. Yes. Have you. Have you got something for me, flap? Oh, yeah. I want a session.

01:07:27:00 – 01:07:36:09
Natalie, have you got something for me? More? Sorry. Point, I I've got something for you. And the first one is going to be called the sleeping bag.

01:07:36:11 – 01:07:45:16
Wow. Something, you know.

01:07:45:18 – 01:08:01:09
To Greg. Right. Okay. Sorry, I didn't know. I didn't I didn't know it was a thumbs up. Was fight it all the thumbs up was for. It's finished. Just full disclosure, Ricky can't hear the jingle. When when when I play it. That's why he doesn't know what's going on. But I put the phone up to, say, talk. And the evil is a five out, for a start.

01:08:01:09 – 01:08:23:23
For some reason. Yeah. We're going we're going to need some new hand signal. Say when it started and to finish. So here comes the sleeping bag. Ace 18. We returned to a mate's house after a night out. I slept, I slept on on the floor of my mates bedroom and was given a sleeping bag and a mattress to use.

01:08:24:00 – 01:08:47:11
Never in my life had I needed to get up in the middle of the night for a piss, but this time I had to made sense, I thought. After a good night of drinking, upon my surprise, I actually needed a share, which did feel like a real relief. Job done. Back to bed. I felt bad that I'd probably woke his parents up by flashing late at night.

01:08:47:13 – 01:09:11:05
As the sun rises, my mate and I wake up at a similar time. My mate asked me, can you smell the smells like dog shit in there? To which I said, yeah, could be on one of our shoes, barely awake in the room with, with curtained off windows hanging on to a half deflated mattress, I made a terrible discovery.

01:09:11:06 – 01:09:45:11
I genuinely dreamt that I'd gotten up to go to the toilet, but had instead shit myself in the sleeping bag, which is where the sense of relief came from. Embarrassing, I could say. Yeah. So Preston was. He thought he got up and gone to the toilet, but he didn't. And paced and shit in this sleeping bag. And the way he's described it is, it's like I was a bit drunk but went to bed and he brain's gone.

01:09:45:11 – 01:09:52:02
Yeah, you're right, you're not too bad. But in reality, what's happening? He's pissed the sheets himself.

01:09:52:04 – 01:10:19:16
In a sleeping bag as well. That's. No he. What did you do? What did you do, Greg? What do you do? Fight or flight response kicks in here. How do I apply this one? Mean? The mate was close, but not close enough to own up to this sort of car crash. Yeah, the smell only got worse whenever I opened the cocoon, and from what I could make out, it was all still contained in my boxers, fortunately.

01:10:19:18 – 01:10:43:02
So I concluded that the culprit was my boxers. I'm a shitty ass, of course, and that nothing had touched the sleeping bag directly. They go on to say that they hid the turd and the boxers in their bag. Didn't tell their mate about that. They they'd shit himself in the sleeping bag and kind of ruffled it back up, put it back in its, bag.

01:10:43:04 – 01:11:06:14
But they're still mates. Not close mates anymore. The mum, the guy that he's his mate. No one has ever said a thing. And when he got when he got back home, he disposed of his, shitty pants. And I don't think his mum found them either. So nobody has said anything. But he. He had a turn out in the sleeping bag.

01:11:06:16 – 01:11:22:22
If you ever think the only he knows, you strike me as a man, rich as, he's had, some incidents, close calls and. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I've had loads. May have had loads. Absolutely loads.

01:11:22:24 – 01:11:26:22
The most recent mum.

01:11:26:24 – 01:11:46:01
Was at Tottenham. Chelsea, actually, yes. I was at least two hours from my home. Stomach rumbling. They feel it. You can fit. Yeah. Yeah, I can feel it. It is Ricky's rounds of the Wheaties. We call it the Wheaties, but he's ever. It's not. He didn't even have a wheat intolerance. In the end, it was just something that was told of the many things that Ricky's for.

01:11:46:02 – 01:12:06:11
What's wrong with him? Yeah, that haven't been true. He. So he was always. I had a bad tummy we talked about in the pod recently about you kind have an endo recently in it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's right. Yeah. So so yeah I am I was, I was waiting for the toilet and someone in there was taking ages.

01:12:06:13 – 01:12:25:19
I don't know why, but there's hardly any toilets at the new Tottenham ground. Lazy rhinos. But anyway, the stomach's rumbling and as I'm getting into the toilet, I can already feel it's coming out. And I'm like, Jesus Christ, what am I going to do in the stadium? Yeah, and it's in the toilet now. In the key. All right.

01:12:25:21 – 01:12:51:21
My, my my back was like, you're safe now. Let's just start evacuating everything. And I'm like, hold up. I haven't even got my jeans off yet. I put my boxers down and as I'm doing that, a it's already just coming out. So I went to the toilet and it's literally gone everywhere. Like not everywhere in the bowl. Well, in the bowl on the rim in my boxers.

01:12:51:23 – 01:13:07:18
And I think there's even a little bit imagine. Oh, well, we fall one down at this point. I think this was a draw. You know, this wasn't the one. This wasn't the season before season one. There were no it couldn't be this season, folks. We won two nil. You sure it wasn't? This is I know it wasn't this season.

01:13:07:18 – 01:13:28:02
Are you just trying to say it because, you know, the longer ago it happened, the less of intriguing story is bizarre. So I shoot myself on a seven years old. I won't get by that. I'm asking you if you shit yourself in the last six months. That's what I'm asking. I know it was six months, six months, so maybe in the last three years it would have happened.

01:13:28:04 – 01:13:50:21
But yeah. So I to I had to do what any man would. I had to take my boxer shorts off and hide them behind the system. Good. I had to just clear up as much as I possibly could. Yeah. And and the things you're Ricky from the podcast as well. Yeah, exactly. There's that. Yeah. And someone was banging on the, on the door because I've been in there for ages.

01:13:50:23 – 01:14:08:18
It's take my trainers off my socks off at to really kind of. So if you ever told anyone about this. No, I never I thought I'd do it on a, on a podcast that's listen to thousands of people. And, yeah, I just, I just kind of a mop up Randy. But I didn't tell the lads, obviously.

01:14:08:18 – 01:14:27:03
And I didn't go back out to, to to continue beer. And I just walk straight out the stadium to get the train because what else can you do? Is you conscious of smelling of poo. Yeah, yeah. Oh, massively. Because there was a little bit wet on the inside, things like I didn't know how to. I've got to sit on a train now and go for all of that.

01:14:27:05 – 01:14:48:15
There are many, there are many stories that from me that you will listen to on this podcast. I don't know, I don't think of that. Yeah. You've once described having a poo. Like, what was it? It's famous. Everyone laughs on the fine coat. So it's, I can't really draw me to say if you don't remember.

01:14:48:17 – 01:15:14:11
Yeah. Go and I'll butcher. You described you had a particularly bad poo, and you described the sound of it or the feeling of it, of trainers falling out of a loft. That's right. Yeah. Shoes falling out of a loft. And it makes complete sense when you go back. When. Tutu tutu tutu Tutu tutu tutu tutu. There's chucks and trainers out of this hat of a lot.

01:15:14:13 – 01:15:33:17
Hitting the stairs on the way down this little. That is it. That's exactly it. In many ways, the worst one Zurich, is if when you hear no sound at oh, and you know you're in trouble because you going to be you're going to be on and off that toilet all day just to the, but someone turned on a tap.

01:15:33:19 – 01:15:45:18
That's that's bad. You know, you've made some bad decisions in the 24 hours preceding this poo. Yeah. If you all you hear is.

01:15:45:20 – 01:16:15:01
Amazing. Until the last one. Is this yours? It was a Sunday, and I was 15. I was having an all day favorite weekend? All day FIFA weekend league and wanking session. I was in between games though, so I thought I'd have a quick wank break. There was no tissues in my room, so I lazily spanked on the corner of my mattress and jumped back on to play.

01:16:15:03 – 01:16:38:17
To to start playing the next FIFA match. Unaware that anyone was upstairs, I suddenly heard footsteps coming towards my bedroom. With hardly any time to react. I threw my duvet at the pile of cum and carried on playing without looking suspicious. Good work. My mum then burst through the door. She only came in to use my Mary before she went out.

01:16:38:19 – 01:17:05:19
As soon as she started talking to me, I realized that duvet had not made it far enough and my chest was completely exposed. She then noticed it and said what's there? Why? I asked if you know why. Gone? Yeah. Why hadn't I panicked and said I spilled my drink on the bed? She then proceeded to dip two fingers into the cum no.

01:17:05:21 – 01:17:29:06
We then made the most intense eye contact as she rubbed her fingers and thumb together. She quickly realized what the substance was as I saw complete fucking horror in my eyes. Nobody said a word and she left the room. We still haven't talked about it to this day. I was so distracted that I also lost the rest of my game on the weekend.

01:17:29:06 – 01:17:44:23
Like, oh my God, that's terrible. That is. Do you what do you reckon she might like when she's got between the finger and thumb? She had a little sniff up just to check. What what it was.

01:17:45:00 – 01:18:27:22
Maybe. That's fucking disgusting. Ricky is disgusting that, I don't I it's so. I've only ever been nearly caught wanking once saying, okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. And I'm ready. Yeah, yeah. So my time was. But like, this is what I'm talking about. Maybe 15, 16 years old. Yeah. Way before phones, way before. Even before the internet and the Holy grail, when you're young man in the sort of 90s urban is finding the old man's porn stash.

01:18:27:24 – 01:18:54:01
Oh, yes. Yeah. And this is before DVD players. This is before the. This is what I'm talking about, VHS crunk, crunk. You know what that means. Anyone who had a VHS player will know exactly what I mean. You put the tape into the into the video player, the VHS player, and it takes the mechanics mean it takes about 15 seconds, maybe less, but about 15 seconds to get into the video player.

01:18:54:03 – 01:19:26:08
And for the images to appear on your TV. So that means 15 minutes in. But what's important to remember is 15 minutes out, 15 seconds, 15 seconds. Sorry, my bad, 15 seconds in. But important thing to remember is 15 seconds out. So my dad and his wife went round the pub. They often went round the pub, had a few drinks, had friends around there socializing, whatever it was.

01:19:26:10 – 01:19:50:10
And as a hold up 15, 16 year old, I'm like wicked. They've literally just walked out the door means I've got ample time to nip upstairs, find my dad's porn stash that he doesn't know that I know there. Let's get it. Let's get that shit and, And then run downstairs. So excited. There's not there's not there's not a more excited person than a young boys found.

01:19:50:10 – 01:20:13:12
His dad's porn station is about to watch some of it. You won't find excitement like that again. I don't think I've ever felt it again since then. I don't think I've ever felt that feeling of euphoria. Since then, all the drugs have taken. That was the greatest moment, running down the stairs at that point. I know happiness is something that, I mean, I think quite possibly I was never more happy because excitement and happiness are the same thing, right?

01:20:13:12 – 01:20:38:24
So and I'm running downstairs and I've of what's in come, come, come home press play takes a few seconds for it to even appear on the TV. That's going to fetch loads of it. I like brilliant. Like, let's, Then it's like I'm saying. But then it went like, having, like that would be considered what would be previously was a hardcore, which would mean you get to see everything nice.

01:20:38:24 – 01:20:53:07
You'd have soft, soft core, which you just see the bodies, which is more than enough for me at the time. But this was hard. Yeah, yeah, I'll call it good routine to remember that people were old enough to remember the routine rate in which is mean is. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Unimportant you could buy in another store.

01:20:53:07 – 01:21:02:23
I've got another story about actually buying porn from an adult porn store when I was young as well. But maybe do that another time.

01:21:03:00 – 01:21:09:24
But so it's, I'm like, brilliant. Put more text, cock in and.

01:21:10:01 – 01:21:31:23
Lo and behold, they've come back. Oh, no, they've got fucking come back in there. I know, I've seen them. So bear in mind. So I've got a front room. What it's like it's a tall terraced house in London, and what I can see from my sofa is there was like a bay window, and I can see them walking down the garden path, which wasn't long.

01:21:32:02 – 01:21:54:23
It was like ten feet, this garden path. And I'm like, fuck, right? So I've got the porn on the telly, I've got the VHS plain, I've got my trousers round my, around my ankles. And I've got, I would sort of estimate at the time I was like The Bourne Identity, trying to figure out how much time I'd have to take in order to get this shit done before they come in through the front door.

01:21:55:00 – 01:22:16:22
And I calculated very quickly that I didn't have enough time, acutely aware very quickly when they come back, they didn't have enough time. So all of this out, very good. I couldn't do it. I could not do it all in time. So what I managed to do was get to the video player per stop, because my assumption was they don't know what's in it.

01:22:16:24 – 01:22:39:22
Yeah, and pull my trousers up. By the time I've done those things, I was lying face down on the front of the front room floor as my dad and my stepmom entered the room on the telly. And people remember this was a blue screen. Yeah. And this is the blue. So it was like a holding screen. Before you watched the VHS?

01:22:39:24 – 01:23:02:03
Yeah, they came in and they left. They knew everything. They knew everything. You reckon they you reckon they knew because they fucking. They're not morons. I was lying face down trying to hold on. I had an erection. I'd managed to pull my trousers up, sort of. And there was a blue screen on the TV. They knew everything. A God bless him, though he never said a word.

01:23:02:05 – 01:23:31:09
Amazing. So I said I was very young at the time. Early teens, bedtime and, you know, in my darkened room targeted one of. And I hear my mum come up the stairs and I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck. So I'm still moving around. For some reason, I don't know why, and it's embarrassing to admit, but when I was doing this, I pulled my boxer shorts right down to my ankle.

01:23:31:09 – 01:23:50:13
Yeah, I bet you I don't know what I said. Yeah. Why? I because I think it was like an extension of when you was a kid, and you'd, you'd have a wee urinal and pull your pants and your trousers all the way down to your ankles. Yes. I don't know, I don't know why I did that, but anyway, so I put my boxers, but my down by my ankles and my Dave I over.

01:23:50:15 – 01:24:10:09
And as I realize that my mum is coming into the room, I kind of stop, readjust myself. And my mom is like, oh, you're still awake? Are you okay? And I fucking panicked and I didn't know what to say or what to do. And I said to her, I don't feel very well. I feel I feel really hot and I'm burning up.

01:24:10:11 – 01:24:28:10
And then she came closer to me and said, pull the duvet back then. So she started pulling the duvet off. Mate, my boxer shorts are at my ankles and I've got a boner. I'm not fuck. Fuck no. Yes. Yep. So I just grabbed the duvet. I said no, no, no I'm not, I'm sorry, I'm in cold. I'm just read it.

01:24:28:12 – 01:24:46:06
I just wrapped myself in the duvet and she's all right. Good night. And you don't, you don't have a temperature. Yeah. Just just leave me alone. And she went out of the room. Oh, she. You know, I think she thinks she knew that break me. Yeah. She definitely. No, no, it doesn't break your ass. She knows, I think.

01:24:46:08 – 01:25:03:03
Yeah. You know, you think the hardest thing is to accept when you're. Yeah. That that your kids have started wanking. That's not something I want to, ever contemplate. Really? I don't I don't want to think about that. Let's stop talking about it. Then. Why do we even bring up. Why did I bring up. Sorry. Yeah.

01:25:03:03 – 01:25:16:15
Okay. On that note, thank you for listening to the lads. Anonymous white dumb thing. You know.

01:25:16:17 – 01:25:46:08
Now say goodbye. Thank you for listening to lads anonymous. Go and follow us on our show on our socials, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok lads. Anon pod. Very easy to remember if you're on Spotify. If you're an apple, come follow us there. And if you really want to be a proper fucking geezer, then set your downloads to automatic. Really easy to do type in lads.

01:25:46:08 – 01:26:11:20
Anonymous. See where we are, hit the Coke on Spotify and then you can see it's an automatic download. Same with Apple. Hit the free dot set, it's automatic downloads. It would do us a massive favor. And also you'll have the podcast ready on the Monday morning when you go for a walk, your commute, walking the dog, going for a run, whatever it might be.

01:26:11:22 – 01:26:32:04
So please go and do that for us because you get a free podcast. So just do this for us. Yeah, and it will be eternally grateful. Yeah, great. Yeah, we will be grateful. Know that you we'll see you next Monday.