#10 | Unpopular opinion: Holidays begin in your 40s and here’s why lads…

00:00:00:00 – 00:00:26:17
Hello and welcome to Lads anonymous. This is episode ten, a podcast where two best mates of over 20 years invite you to join their safe space, where all manner of subjects will be discussed. We'll focus on a specific subject matter first and then we'll answer your questions, dilemmas or need for advice, all handled anonymously. So sit back, relax and enjoy the podcast.

00:00:26:18 – 00:00:51:22
We've been doing this 1010. We've done this ten. The first one we did was ten weeks ago. Yeah. Where does time go? I don't know, and a little tidbit for you here. When podcast start start. Yeah. On average they finish after the seventh episode and quit because they don't have the momentum and know that that would be because people are not listening.

00:00:51:24 – 00:01:14:08
Because the enthusiasm goes. Because like what? What are you doing? Is it seven episodes for now? I didn't know that. I've just been watching a lot of, podcast stuff online. What, you think you're going to learn something you have, mate? You're sitting in front of. You're sitting in front of 10,000 hours it, mate. Yeah, right. And anything you need to know about podcasting, just fucking ask me.

00:01:14:08 – 00:01:35:08
Don't go into some YouTube help podcasts. Help is how to become a successful podcaster when your best mate is one day. Yeah, there is that, there is that. But, you know, it's just kind of I don't know, I to for the record, like some people go so hard. So what's the secret to it? I was like luck. Complete luck.

00:01:35:10 – 00:01:56:02
It started ten years ago to find podcasts like 13 years ago, before podcasting was even popular. We did it for a laugh. Podcasting exploded, and we were carried along the way without that style. At that time, it would have been very difficult, I know, but here we are, mate. Loads it like loads of hours under, under the bed.

00:01:56:03 – 00:02:21:23
Oh, I just see, Ricky. You're just drinking out of a Tottenham mug. I'm drinking out of a Tottenham mug. You're 41 years old, Ricky. It has all the players names and they've all left. But it's only got my surname on there, and I'm loathe to throw it away, but, you know. Does you remember the mugs that would the heat sensitive and then they would disappear into show tins and pens.

00:02:21:23 – 00:02:44:13
He turned the pens upstairs, outside. I remember being a kid and he went out to one of those pens that go, yeah, yeah. Oh for sure. They were great. Yeah, a great time when just a simple pair of retro tips get could bring you to climax as a 12 to 13 year old boy, I know. And then there was, I also found some.

00:02:44:13 – 00:03:06:01
Do you remember those old 80s, playing cards with porn? Cause it was. It may well, not, you know, because you had 52 it 50 and you could flick him quickly and so it's constantly changing. You didn't have to settle down on one. It was like 70s porn on it. Yeah, it was great just flicking through them like, this is.

00:03:06:03 – 00:03:24:22
Yeah, I didn't have one of those I did have, I did have a set of glamor model ones, and I used to hide the pack of cards behind the, the boiler in my, in my house because I thought someone would find them in my room. I've never told anyone that. That's the first time that's ever left my lips.

00:03:24:24 – 00:03:53:20
I haven't thought about it for about 30 years either, but you're in the right place to do it. Yep. So last week, the happiness podcast that we put out. If you haven't listened, go back and listen to it. It's a great episode. We have had so many emails like engagement and comments on social DM's, the law about how people have experienced that podcast.

00:03:53:22 – 00:04:11:07
Oh hugely supportive, which is so nice. Are you lying? You just saying this to make it look more successful than it is? No mate, honestly what it is, you can't afford any of these messages to me. It'd be nice. I would like to read some of them. Do you remember when we started? You didn't want anything? I don't want to see anything.

00:04:11:07 – 00:04:33:08
You said nothing. Now, I didn't say that, but I know I wouldn't. If someone. I want to see the stuff. We're told people are responding to a podcast about happiness. For sure. Right. Okay. Yeah. The. So the the happiness chart that I mentioned where I listed all the things that make me happy. York. Contentment pillars as well.

00:04:33:10 – 00:05:06:18
Talking about that, there was so much, positivity around that good one. One person sat down with his wife and he did a happiness list as well. They went through everything that what makes him happy. And she was number one. More blowjobs. Number two, more sex. Number three, 69, 69. Number four. Not my wife. Number five, my mates.

00:05:06:18 – 00:05:48:14
Wife. Well, this is my happiness chart. You can't take this away from me a if you do. But I thought that was such a lovely thing, because not only is he focusing on his happiness, but his wife also knows what makes him happy as well. And they. They can swap like they can do whatever. There was a couple of lads that, emailed in and said they were like, brought to tears, choked up because they suddenly thought about what their, thankful for and what brings them happiness, and talking and hearing us talk about it as well, that it just, it just this podcast really resonate with people.

00:05:48:14 – 00:06:15:10
So I just want to say a heartfelt thank you from flavonoids. Everybody that's messaged us, we would love to showcase everything that you've sent in, but there's been so much. You have got a voice. We have heard you. We love you. Thank you for sending everything in. And again I will reply, we've got over 100 emails in our brilliant IRA 100 000.

00:06:15:12 – 00:06:38:17
Give me the login. What's it? Tell everybody what it is want now. Username and password. Now. It's, It's it's insane. So thank you so much to everyone. And if you do want to email in lads and on pod at gmail.com. Do we need a minion Ricky. That it would be helpful, but no, I will be that minion you want.

00:06:38:17 – 00:07:03:06
You want a direct order responding? Yeah, yeah, I love it. Absolutely love it. You never guess what we've got. It better be another story from the lady. The, The lady you, My documentary documentaries. Who. Listen, listen. What is it? Her husband. We've got a new one. What do you mean, we've got a new one? Senior female listener.

00:07:03:06 – 00:07:29:04
Yes. Just the just though I'd put my hand up as another female senior listener. Oh, come on, aged 15. Aged 56. Amazing. Love the podcast along with The Fighting Cock as it gives brilliant insight into men and how they think. Who knew they wank so much? I'd like to be that. We don't, we don't, we don't. I know I don't like slowing down massively in, in the mid 40s.

00:07:29:04 – 00:07:48:12
All right. I don't find the, sometimes I think it's this will be impossible if I start right now. There's no guarantee that I'm going to get to the end. So don't start. Yeah. It's just do you sometimes go, right? I feel like I should because I'm on my own. So I've got a serious. Yeah. But it is difficult sometimes.

00:07:48:12 – 00:08:07:12
Yeah, yeah. There's a time slot and I just need to, I don't even want to do it. I really don't want to do it. But I just know I have to get the poison out to get on with my day. Because if I don't get that chance, then who knows when that's going to pop up? It's the ones where you kind of you sigh at the end.

00:08:07:14 – 00:08:27:09
You do it, you get it done, and then you're like, oh God, what am I like? What am I wasted so much energy, you know, what do you think of the idea about that sort of no, not November, because apparently it gives you like it's like you're having a superpower after about ten, 15 days, you're like, I can do anything.

00:08:27:11 – 00:08:59:05
Yeah, yeah I agree. Like, isn't it medically if you don't masturbate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to. Yeah. There's something about increases, your chances of prostate cancer if you don't rid yourself of the poison every. This is in there. Now, I've days. Something like that. Okay. That's not true. That's not true. Since there are no real health risks associated with not masturbating, though, some people might find it challenging and frustrating, triggering moodiness or irritation.

00:08:59:07 – 00:09:22:11
In some cases, it may cause. Epidemiol hypertension. Yeah, there you go. So I dunno what that makes it hard. I guess you need to get it out. Anyway. On a more serious note, what was the name of the podcast that you listen to? Please? I thought you said it was Kim Robbins, but I can't seem to find it on Spotify or Apple Pods.

00:09:22:13 – 00:09:49:11
I didn't realize I needed to change my life until I listened to the last pod about happiness. All the things you and Flav both mentioned spending time with parents, kids, and partners. I don't have. Having lost both my parents to cancer, I'm currently single with no children. I found tears were streaming down my face listening to both. Seems these days I get my happiness from Spurs, which we all know will probably let me down now.

00:09:49:11 – 00:10:10:05
Number one, never put your happiness in Tottenham. And in any case, I don't like that you are on a hiding to nothing. Rick. Just before we started recording this, we were just going a I think you can talk about Spurs again. Let them without. We've come to the realization I know this isn't lads anonymous chat but quickly so I'm not sure whatever mentioned on the fine cut.

00:10:10:05 – 00:10:33:06
But we've come to the realization that less football isn't good. You need more football, more games to get over results. And the hardest thing about this season is there being none and that distraction isn't there from the previous result. So yeah, like Ricky says, never put, never ever put happiness in in Tottenham. No, no I mean not I with mind happiness list.

00:10:33:08 – 00:10:58:12
I said going to Tottenham with my dad but it's mainly because I get to see my dad. Yeah. Not because of of those bastards letting me down. I swear that they've been sent to make us better people, more understanding, tolerant people. So that's what Spurs exist for. It isn't trophies or successes. If you want to become a more rounded, more excellent, more decent human being and you follow Spurs, that's why so many wankers is what Arsenal?

00:10:58:14 – 00:11:21:21
Yeah, that's true. And they're going to make that are listening to this about me. Yeah that's it. You are you are. Now this something. So this I mean it was this email did, got me in the feels. Yeah. And that's sad. Losing both. Both your parents cancer welling up a little bit when when you read that.

00:11:21:23 – 00:11:51:12
Yeah. And currently single with no children. Now, I would just say, let's make those bits irrelevant. Whether you want to be in a relationship or you don't, or whether you want to have children or you don't, I will go back to this happiness list and the contentment pillars that I've mentioned, and just writing and writing stuff down. And it could be the most trivial thing going on a walk on a summer's day and smelling freshly cut grass that makes you happy.

00:11:51:12 – 00:12:17:17
So when the time comes in, the summer, go and do that more often when you come up and you, I don't know, taking the dog for a walk, all these different things that you know, make you feel that much better, write them all down and that the list isn't kind of like once you've it's not exhaustive. Once you've sat down and written, it doesn't end there in a couple of weeks, you do something for I've really enjoyed myself.

00:12:17:19 – 00:12:38:13
Add it to the scale, go on, do more of that stuff. Surely one of like if you're single as well, just want to go out there and get that dick. Yeah. No. Yeah. I mean there could be that. There could be fun and love there. If you find it, be first. You got to get that dick. Get dig down.

00:12:38:15 – 00:12:59:01
Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, you might want to on a relationship, you know, I mean, I can understand that single don't understand people wanting to be, on their own, but it seems if she was upset by not having those connections that maybe going to find them being proactive. I think that's the thing. Yeah, that's the thing.

00:12:59:01 – 00:13:17:17
Being being proactive on Tinder. If you if you're stuck in a cycle of these things, it's about breaking that cycle and breaking those behaviors and going out of your comfort zone. A little bit and trying to find them. What what I would say my mum, when she was, she's a little bit older than the lady this that's message then.

00:13:17:21 – 00:13:38:12
But she lost her husband. He died. She didn't sort of lose him in a park. She passed away. Thank you. Him? She never found him again. It just never turned up. No. Yeah. He passed away. And she was on her own for a while. And then she found love and got remarried again and has been with her current husband, Henry.

00:13:38:14 – 00:14:12:02
He's very lovely, for for lost. And I don't mean to give a ten years. I say. And she's. I would say she's as happy as she ever has been anyway. Amazing. Yeah. We've got some dilemma updates. You know, become. So the one we spoke about last week, it was probably my favorite dilemma that we've been sent, which was that this was this was the gentleman that was going out with, a lady and she asked him, don't Google my name.

00:14:12:04 – 00:14:32:09
So yeah. So you yes, yes, I know exactly what you're talking about, but we got to give a little talk start up though. You got to tell them. Yes. So, so basically this guy was saying ago and I can't remember all of the story. You'll have to go back and listen to the pod. But but but she said to him, don't Google my name.

00:14:32:09 – 00:14:52:15
I've got a bit of a history. He was okay with the history. Yeah. Just so we'd been married and she was now divorced. So he was like, that's that's no biggie. There's a lot of people out there like that. But she had to Google. They had to Google the name because obviously when someone says a name and what she does mean so well, she killed it.

00:14:52:20 – 00:15:11:12
Oh yeah. She had really important. But the big bit, big bit. What do you think she she to try to arrange for her in-laws to be killed. Murdered. The marriage accident I think she succeeded was one of them. She got one of them. One of them out there got one of them that away. And this is the boyfriend.

00:15:11:12 – 00:15:38:05
And he was existing now, and he was currently in a situation where he continued to be friends with her, from an arm's length messenger every now and then because he was worried that she was going to kill him. Yeah, that's exactly that was that was. And she said she should I cut her off or should I keep talking to her because in fear that she'll turn up and stab me and we said, well, you should probably keep talking to her just in case he kills you or murder her.

00:15:38:07 – 00:16:08:23
Yeah. Let the conversation Peter out. It would naturally go its own way. That was our advice. Yeah. So I just caught up to the podcast and had the familiar story to answer some questions. The murder happened in 2018, and we met in 2019. Here is a news article that I read that I read through that was made recently, since she was just released from jail after only 120 days in the slammer.

00:16:09:00 – 00:16:30:15
She's also now become super religious and says God has put her in the right path. She's luckily moved away from where I live now. I'm back home with her dad. She's not able to leave the country and must tell the court anytime she plans to leave the state. Yeah, now, because she's moved away, the conversations they have kind of simmered off now.

00:16:30:16 – 00:16:57:05
Yeah, ramp him up. But she better start sexting. And make your situation worse. I'll come to your state where it hit you. Where is it? Won't tell anyone. Ooh, it'll be sexy. But, I think I think the, the contact is dying down, but she does. She does pop up after, like, every month for six weeks. I mean, I'm still here.

00:16:57:10 – 00:17:20:08
I'm still watching. I still know where you live, but, Yeah. So there is more. And I will send you the article that I've seen. I've seen the article. You did send it to me. Yeah. Okay. Decent stuff. Yeah. It's. What is it with like, crazy women that make them sexy? I don't know, like, want it weird. Amanda Knox, do you remember that?

00:17:20:10 – 00:17:38:03
What? Foxy Knox. So weird that she was called Foxy Roxy. She's, like, into shoes of murder, and everyone referred to her is Foxy. Foxy? If she'd done it. And I know, as it transpires, she probably didn't do it. I've watched the documentaries, and as I remember, she she didn't do it and it was someone else. But it's all up, up in the air.

00:17:38:03 – 00:17:58:09
And she could have done it, but probably not. Yeah, whatever it is, there's a woman dead. Meredith. The go to pull go. She had her throat slit in the papers. All right. Oh, Foxy. Roxy, you're like, why? What? What are we doing there? I just found that so confusing me. Yeah, yeah, that was absolutely the British press, though.

00:17:58:09 – 00:18:19:01
In it. Let's do what they want. Love it. I think. I think you don't give a shit. I've got another update for you. May go on from another dilemma. Yeah, yeah. So this was the the threesome update. So if you remember a gentleman was with his partner, they split up after a month. He bumps into an ex. Yes.

00:18:19:01 – 00:18:39:04
He started sleeping with her. Yeah. And then his ex came back in. So he was sleeping with his ex and his ex. And they didn't know each other. They didn't know each one of our suggested, a threesome previously. And he wanted to have threesomes with both his ex and his ex at the same time. That's correct. He's become obsessed by this fantasy.

00:18:39:06 – 00:19:03:10
So I've got an update for you. All right. Highlights. Got some sad news that the chances of the threesome are completely dead. Ask my ex. Sad, sad news. Sad news is like your dog dying or your mum's just been diagnosed. I've got some sad news. No, not the threesome I really want. It didn't happen. That's not sad. Easily.

00:19:03:11 – 00:19:29:07
Say so, is it? I asked my ex and she said you'll think about it. Yeah. A few days later, she asked me never to message her again. So I think that's a no. He wasn't happy, she thinks, is the request that. Yeah. Yeah. She talked to her friends. Yeah. And they've just gone. Don't. What are you doing to him?

00:19:29:10 – 00:19:55:07
Why do you. For a free dog. Yeah, but what she doesn't know is a friend's trying to cock block. So what you need to do is message backing down your friends. Bitches. Stop trying to cock block me. Start messaging me again. That jealous? Mate. Let's go. Yeah. You said I'll think about it. No, I'll talk to my friends and get dissuaded.

00:19:55:09 – 00:20:00:04
That's not thinking about it. Too many cooks.

00:20:00:06 – 00:20:29:08
I'll tell you what, mate. The amount of emails we have had about the 69 chat last week has been. It's been incredible. There are still people in long term relationships regularly, and I mean regularly. 69 and so let's listen to them now go on. My wife and I are in our early 40s. We dated for three years and are in our fifth year of marriage.

00:20:29:10 – 00:20:52:16
We probably 69 once a week on average. Taking turns on each other just wasn't working for me. I love my wife dearly, but when you go down on earth for God knows how long and then you were lying there after putting in a shift. It kind of sucks when you are maybe two minutes in getting a module radio.

00:20:52:16 – 00:21:22:03
It's love. Then you go straight into having sex very early in at fairly early in our relationship, I started suggesting 69. In now, taking turns almost never happens and they finish this of you can try it or this one I'm getting mine to listen mate. I'm the one I thought you fucking want, pal. Yeah. All right. You're getting you're you're getting sucked off and lost out.

00:21:22:05 – 00:21:46:14
I know, because she's, you know, the same time you're having your bit. Don't take Ricky's thing away from him. Yeah. So I've called this email for two, so that's better. You can't fucking take the pro on like that. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. The Milford say good enough. It's a so I mean, I just quite, you know, he's they've recognized that, but they, they always say, I'll give you the hate.

00:21:46:15 – 00:22:04:23
You give me that. Five, five, 35, 35 years in re. Yeah. Just because I'm married, it doesn't mean it's not. Not new. Come back to us in ten years. Yeah. So what you doing then? But he doesn't look, let alone go. 69 a.

00:22:05:00 – 00:22:30:06
That's not true. That's not true to to round this off. Go on. Van ban. So I've listened to the lads and on since the first episode, usually when driving the delivery van for work today I was pulled into a meeting regarding me listening to sexualized content whilst working. I was very confused until they replied the van cam audio.

00:22:30:06 – 00:22:53:11
Oh no. Where I'm where I am almost crying laughing at the 69 comments you both made, I explained the situation and what your part is about. Well a long story short, that's a non is no longer allowed in the van. So he's been banned from listening to the lads anonymous in his work. Van. What does it got to do with him?

00:22:53:13 – 00:23:13:09
I understand customers might want like might hear it and that's not right because they don't want their logos. You know I understand that. But if he's driving around with the windows up then fucking listen to what everyone's. He could be listening to Pornhub for all you care. Just listen to it. Not watching it. Well, I, I don't understand why they've got audio in his van.

00:23:13:11 – 00:23:38:02
How did they know he's playing that? There must be some sort of loop or camera system that. Did he know about this? The. Why are they watching him in this van? Don't I just want to know where everything's going? No. What company is this? Fucking expose. Bring him down. Let's. Anonymous. Yeah, let's bring him down. A petition to remove all videos and audio recordings in the event, let him be himself if he wants to listen to adverts.

00:23:38:02 – 00:24:01:18
Anonymous, let him. Yeah. You know, it's not doing anyone. Any of you born is driving around delivering your shit. Yeah, exactly. Do you know what today's topic is? Yes. He texted me yesterday. I know what it is that this. Right? You could have just said. I know it is. Right? Right. Okay, go on then. What is it?

00:24:01:18 – 00:24:37:20
Five holidays going on holiday. Holidays in your 40s. Now, this was actually sent in by a lad and it was just holidays. And I was like quite broad, so I thought I'd break it down. So we'll do an episode focusing solely on, lads holidays. Okay. And then where we are at the moment, I love one of these and this is a isn't, you know, excluding people that aren't for a this is just, you know, the middle stage of your life and going on holidays at this age, you love holidays make a fucking.

00:24:37:22 – 00:25:05:03
There's nothing that, I love in my life. Then having a holiday booked and looking forward to it. Now, knowing that I know, I think I know you as well as I do, I want to ask you, who does you call booking early early, early early early does everything it. She loves it. She life. Yeah. So yeah it's the the research and planning of what was going on there and stuff like that.

00:25:05:03 – 00:25:26:15
There was one time we went to Croatia, Rick. Oh, God. And I'm like a lovely week in Croatia. End of the football season. First proper holiday together. More or less. We've been to France, but this is like we are flying to Croatia, right? And lots of flying involved in that. And I was like, she goes on to do a bit the planning.

00:25:26:17 – 00:25:40:23
It was mental. The amount of things we fit in a week was insane. And I was looking at it and I was I was only trying to, you know, relax here. And she was I'm not. It will be the will be. I will say it was one of the best weeks, if not the best week as a whole of my life.

00:25:40:23 – 00:26:02:02
It was sensational. She did everything, in a week we went to. We did a two days at a festival. Yeah, we we visited three different countries Italy, Slovenia and Croatia. G as I say, we visited, we drove through Savannah. Yeah. We went to visit lakes, which is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to.

00:26:02:02 – 00:26:26:09
The water was as crystal clear as you'll ever like to see. It seemed a little fishy swimming around and walking around dodging Japanese tourists. Tons of them. Loads of them. Not xenophobia level. They're welcome to say that I was surprised by the amount of. I didn't think Croatia was a hotbed for Japanese tourism, but it is. And then, we went up to a stay on a farm and we had red wine next to pigs.

00:26:26:09 – 00:26:44:11
I've got pictures of me and making friends with this massive pig. There was no one else there, Rick. It was off season. We had the whole place to ourselves. We went to read and then we went to, Can't remember. The last place is a city down on the coast, on the Adriatic. It was amazing. We had a great time all down to have meticulous planning.

00:26:44:13 – 00:27:10:12
Yeah, it was sensational. Would you like if it was down here? Yeah. How much planning would you do? Very little. You just. You strike me as a guy that would type into Google flights to Croatia, hit the first link, see the flights and be like, yeah, that that seems like a decent price. And then book it. I did not know that that wasn't the actual main airport.

00:27:10:14 – 00:27:34:23
I oh yeah, I, I, I've never been in that situation where I've had to I it sounds boring as hell. Just get it done. Get it. But let's see what happens I think is what my mentality would be. But like the best one I had a major impact in booking was last year we took the kids to Spain for an all inclusive for ten days lol.

00:27:34:24 – 00:27:54:07
Oh well, I was so good right here. Yes, just waking up and get what more day. I want to get some alcohol. Nice. And the missus can't say anything because you're like, fucking so inclusive. What do you want from me? We've got to get a close to drinking. The limit of how much we spent on this holiday is possible.

00:27:54:07 – 00:28:12:20
We're not going to fucking be able to do that with Rhiwbina, okay? We need spirits at 10 a.m.. We need to load those plates of as much food as possible 3 or 4 times. I don't give a shit. The kids are not eating. They're eating well. I don't like anything. Fucking eat. We pay two grand for this, I am.

00:28:12:21 – 00:28:30:18
I remember when I took the family to all inclusive to one of our first family holidays, actually to Crete and the all inclusive for the food, the amount of food that was coming out and being served up. I wasn't even hungry. And I was like eating a gyros at like 11:00 in the morning. Just smashing the kebab.

00:28:30:18 – 00:28:56:03
Yeah. The amount of weight I put on after that, it was it was bad. And I felt like a disgusting, fat, sweaty pig. After. But, like, all sort of round and sweaty and, and, like, stretched to the seams. Yeah. You know, and, you know, when it's cold in England and there was still, like, perspiration pouring down my face because I was just that fat.

00:28:56:05 – 00:29:19:16
Yeah. Like, sometimes the kids would come back with, like, bread on their plate, and I'm like, what you do? And take that bread back, go get some meat. I want to make a sandwich. You want to make the bread? You make the sandwich out two bits of chicken. Bread fills you up. You know this. You get tactical about it.

00:29:19:18 – 00:29:51:09
The, I take it. Passports, boarding passes, travel insurance. Sorry about my my son with a policy that all of that is that is that your your wife as well? Exactly. As well. I could have talked of that and course everything. So we got we got to when we flew to Spain this year, we got to the airport and we got to where our, departure, what do you call it like that with the number that you go and sit and wait for your plane?

00:29:51:09 – 00:30:16:01
Just the boarding. Yeah, yeah. The boarding pass. Departure lounge. Yeah. And, so the, the air hostess was checking our passports and he come to Will is got a new passport and these 14. And it shows you how times have changed because by the time you were 14, you had your passport, you had your signature. Nailed it. Written a million times in the back of your textbook.

00:30:16:01 – 00:30:38:10
In school, you've had little hearts instead of eyes. That would mean that the symbols in your in your signature. You've been practicing it hard. Kids don't do it anymore. They don't have signatures because they barely write right. Anyway, it gets it gets to the the, it gets to the, the lady checking the passport and, Will doesn't have.

00:30:38:12 – 00:31:06:01
He hasn't signed these passport. Oh, she can't improve without a signature. He had to sign it. Then he has to create a passport. Is his signature there and then. And he just printed William. Just his first name. Just William in block capitals. He does his signature. That's a signature now forever. So he's awful. Yeah. Only possible. At least it just says William is amazing.

00:31:06:03 – 00:31:26:01
But I see all these kind of again, almost like just right. William. Just right. William. William, look. Careful. He was crushed because. What he said my signature now. Yeah, that's his signature forever. Bank forms everything. William. No, I had to change it. So you think what you going to do? You go replicate. That's what the signs have. You got to be able to replicate your passport, but your passport signature.

00:31:26:03 – 00:31:50:04
What if they need that as proof of who you are. So what you can do again I'm right. William. In block capitals. My mind is mental. It got like I start writing half of my surname and then I go back onto the actual beginning of it and write over it again. Yeah. See that it's the mental illness that is the yeah, yeah, yeah, lighten line.

00:31:50:06 – 00:32:10:11
Just a line. Yeah. I used to do every letter. Write it out as if. Yeah. Give Lavelle. So you do now it's just a G with an L and that's it. Just get cracking. Now, what do we problem? This stupid signatures are stupid, but I can't prove anything at all. Do you remember? You see, like, when you used to play by check.

00:32:10:11 – 00:32:34:11
So this is showing our age now. But our older lady listeners were like this. You'd write a check, and the signature on the check would be checked with the cashier to check. That matches the the one on the back of your card. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember I am, I am on my lap first lads holiday. When I was 17 we didn't take writing checks to Mills to travel.

00:32:34:14 – 00:32:52:18
This checks. Yeah. And then we'd have to go out there and cash me. What me money madness. What was that? What was that all about? Is it supposed to protect you somehow if you lost them or something? Is that what it was about? And. Yeah, maybe, I don't know. I just remember having loads of traveler's checks going out and my mates.

00:32:52:20 – 00:33:20:00
Where are we going to? Where are we going to get this? How do we swap this for money? Absolutely, man. I just thought of something else when you said about planning. So on my 20th anniversary, my missus, I did a surprise trip to Rome. For four days now, I have always wanted to visit Rome. Always so the place is a historic gold.

00:33:20:00 – 00:33:37:02
Mine is fucking amazing. I went this year is one of the best places I've ever been to. Like in terms of just walking around the every time you turn a corner there's something incredible to see. Like fully recommend I we went to Lee's wedding in and we spent the first night two days in Rome before going over to PJ.

00:33:37:02 – 00:33:53:14
You fucking cheeky pig. Yeah, you didn't tell me about that because I told you about it. I know you went to Lee's wedding, but not that bloody right. Yeah, we had a couple days in Rome before I made it. Was. Yeah, yeah, well, nice cycle of food. Yeah. So the Colosseum, I mean, I saw a do, but I prefer that.

00:33:53:14 – 00:34:13:15
But other than that, this is, this is had all of these in your 40s, right. Because Ricky knows. What would I like to like when we met Rick. What kind of holiday would I like just if we went abroad somewhere? Yeah. Find an Irish bar. You would just sit there and just drink all day. It doesn't have to be an Irish bar, but it would be a it would.

00:34:13:16 – 00:34:29:21
It's drinking. Yeah. And you might go as you went with some of the white European away trips. You like Prague in that. You know it was probably. Yeah less Prague. You'd have gone, you went, oh let's just go and I'll look and have a walk like you got to look. Another walk. I'll sit in this bar. I'm fine here.

00:34:29:23 – 00:34:53:06
Which is not the actually, but but but in Rome. Yeah. Not you've got to do it. So I changed. I wanted to see everything. So I was there for four days. You can't. You can't see everything even within those four days. But I made it my kind of. This is what I'm going to. Day after the first day, we'd done something like 40,000 steps.

00:34:53:08 – 00:35:14:10
And as we're walking back to our hotel, my missus says, Rick, I can't go on now. I can't I can't carry on walking. I said, why's that? She said, look at my feet. All the toes are bleeding. I'd made a drag to round cobbled streets, arranged for her on her toes. 21 to 20. 20 years. Yeah. 20 years.

00:35:14:10 – 00:35:32:13
Yeah. And then what did you make a day the next day? This is more, Yeah, it's more I do. You know what? I got my small for you this holiday. Really? Wasn't it by the sounds. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. 100%. So where her toe was bleeding on her flip flops, I got my, you know, the little lens cloth for your sunglasses.

00:35:32:13 – 00:35:52:19
Yeah. Got that out wrapped it round. That's how you carry on walking down that road. You want to see Trevi Fountain. You want to see the Spanish that you fucking get going now. But she would probably not have seen the Trevi Fountain. No, she would have been all right in a bloody restaurant. You wanted to see the Trevi Fountain?

00:35:52:21 – 00:36:13:03
Just give me a little jealous, I. That's all I want. A little mango. July. No. Trevi fountain. Well, I was I was less impressed by the Trevi Fountain than I thought it was going to be. I thought like it was. It's meant it. There's this incredible thing in the middle of, like, just down the back street, and you're suddenly in front of this incredible fountain, but there's so many people there.

00:36:13:03 – 00:36:33:15
I was I lasted about a minute and I thought, I gotta get away. Yeah, way too busy, which is understandable. And it weren't. It just wasn't that big. And I just slightly expecting more. What I loved about Rome was literally walk. Just you would turn to street and you'd find a church. It's just this gigantic church pillars next to just a little block of flats.

00:36:33:15 – 00:37:07:14
And you walk in and it's the most beautiful thing you ever seen. And it was I absolutely loved that part of it, just finding things. And and as I get older, I appreciate that. Now. How do you know? Yeah, I think it's because I stopped taking cocaine. I realized I realized there's like, this is there is pleasure to be had in looking at stuff that, yeah, I like like to go back to your point of, when we, when we used to go away on European trips and I'd be like, I'm going to go and have a look at this.

00:37:07:14 – 00:37:28:17
You come in, you'd be like, damn, I'll meet you back in this pub in a few hours. I'll be like, all right. Yeah, go. Go off, have a look at some buildings. Remember my first year? Frick. We went to Paris. We did go to Paris. Yeah. And like, my old man was there. My brothers as well. And I, like my brothers, are similar to me.

00:37:28:19 – 00:37:48:04
And my dad was like, well we've got to go up by Eiffel Tower. It's your 30th. We have to go up here for tower. And there's an argument. I'm like, well, all right, my dad wants to go, Ricky, you went out for it. It was paramount for you bouncing the balls. You that excited about going for tower? Some fucking Eiffel Tower, mate.

00:37:48:06 – 00:38:08:17
I know, I know it, and he I mean it. Incredible. When? To be fair, there's a couple of things I, I don't like heights. Right. And I'm not really into doing tourist things. Yeah, I found out the highest thing when we're up there. How fucking high is out there? It. Yeah, it's pretty and, but my brothers, before we went up there, my brothers said to my brothers, you come in now.

00:38:08:17 – 00:38:24:23
And they laughed at me and I will meet you back here. We met them. A lot happened in the next two hours, by the way. But we met. You remember everything that happened. We should go through some of it. So much happened in that two hours between going up the tower, coming back down, and then eventually meeting them again.

00:38:25:00 – 00:38:45:04
But by the time we did, they were smashed in burgers and drinking red wine in Paris. And I'm like, that's so much fucking better than what I just did for like two hours. But then when we got to the top front eventually and it's not easy to get to the top of the Eiffel Tower, is this involved? Fucking cuz it's not as easy.

00:38:45:06 – 00:38:58:04
We walk to the top as well. Do we not get the no, the keys for the lift? Didn't we know? We have to? Matt, you have to get lift at some stage right at the end I don't know, I can't remember I know, I know, we had to walk up the majority of it. It was 11 years ago.

00:38:58:04 – 00:39:23:11
So. So, 12 years ago. But we got up what my dad said. Yeah. What do you say? He turns and says, you know, when you're up? This. I just seen him at your will, eating good. He does that. That is right. All three of us and I have a tingly, wiggly. Tingly. Really? That's your body telling you you're too high up?

00:39:23:11 – 00:39:42:22
Yeah. Is. That's exactly what it is. What? Wait, wait, wait. You're too high. Asia wooden? No. In your head. No, not goose pimples or anything. It really is going to tingle. Hey, I had my back to the wall. I was that afraid up there. What did we see on the horizon when we got to the Eiffel Tower? It I can't remember.

00:39:42:22 – 00:40:06:10
Was it, was it rain clouds? It was a little bit more than rain clouds, wasn't it? Yeah. It was like a storm. It's like fucking storm, Irma. What for? Whatever. Or Giuseppe stuff. Giuseppe was coming in and you looked up and his like they look like storm clouds, Rick. And it was black, dark black clouds. And we're at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

00:40:06:12 – 00:40:25:02
Anyway, we managed to scramble down and the heavens opened that it was the kind of rain you couldn't breathe. Yeah. If you if you inhaled water would get into your lungs. It was that heavy. Yeah. It was, it was probably one of the most rainiest times I've ever been. You know, we just downpour and you can't see anything.

00:40:25:02 – 00:40:43:12
Yeah, you'd we'd lose each other if we stepped to two places in the wrong, wrong direction. You'd lose each other. So we need to shelter them. We're we did need shelter, not just us. Everybody seem to need shelter. We all need each other. Everyone out. The rain is horrible. Too heavy. The only place available underneath the Eiffel Tower was just off to the side.

00:40:43:12 – 00:41:11:10
There was a little, like a little tourist shop. I think it was selling postcards and tourist HIV. Yeah, I, I, I was yeah, it's lovely. You can read about the city while getting out on the rain. It was like a perfect storm, really. So so we ran over to it like everybody else. And as we come, you know, hurtling over at 100 miles an hour, there was a little gap and Eric and there was a tiny little gap, and we were like, let's fucking run into that gap.

00:41:11:16 – 00:41:36:15
And as we got closer, we looked down. What was there? It was the biggest human poo I'd ever seen in my life. Someone had done a big human poo. Huge like looking at everyone. So bearing in mind, bear in mind we're running towards this thing, this, this, this place of refuge and shelter. And we're like, oh, wicked. There's a tiny bit of space for us to huddle into.

00:41:36:17 – 00:41:58:12
And lo and behold, I would say this log was about, I would say a good 30cm. It was massive. Yeah, yeah, it was someone that even managed to do it, I don't know. Anyway, we managed to found some, some shelter elsewhere, but within eyesight of the poo. Yeah. Always looking at the. But he wouldn't do it. It would be like we'd be talking every night.

00:41:58:12 – 00:42:29:14
Then you'd have a little glance down. It's still there. Okay. Do you remember? I'm next, right? Yeah. An unfortunate one to run, just like us. So the space, just like us. Ran for the space just like us. But she didn't see the human. Did she fly right? She put her foot right in the human poo. Okay, but if you think we should put the human sandals on.

00:42:29:16 – 00:42:50:05
She did all up her toes. Smudge boot and I. I can't believe the mortar. She was moving too quick for us to warn out what happened too fast, didn't it? And it was raining as well. We couldn't. Couldn't couldn't stop. She should have known better. You know, the gap isn't there. The gap with everyone's all huddled together like someone would be in the gap.

00:42:50:07 – 00:43:04:24
You just thought this is our lucky day like we did. But we use our fucking brains. Something isn't right here. Something isn't right. This is too good to be true. And if something's too good to be true, it generally is. What's going on? Let's survey the situation before you rush into this gap. And we found a human poo.

00:43:05:01 – 00:43:27:04
She didn't do that. She running willy nilly. Haha I can, I can close my eyes now and see. You can see the human Ted over librettos, all the noise and those are just sitting there thinking, fuck you. Now this is probably this is one of the highlights of my life. Honestly. We we sat, we told that story, I would say 50 times.

00:43:27:04 – 00:43:38:15
It was worth it. I feel bad, but I'm glad to happen. Yeah, exactly. Exactly that. So now we we don't have holidays in your 40s.

00:43:38:17 – 00:44:02:07
What is it now about going on holiday? You know. You know, you said about your brothers, can they meet that? Me? And it's very boozy. And it was just kind of. We were just there to get drunk all day in these, in these lovely places. And now we're older. And now when I go on holiday, especially myself, I go on all day.

00:44:02:07 – 00:44:22:10
My misses, my two kids. And the thing I love about it to start off with is that they're not children anymore. I mean, they are children. They're not babies. I don't have to take a booster seat for where I'm hiring a car. I don't have to take a pram. I don't have to take fucking things to entertain them.

00:44:22:10 – 00:44:46:14
And constantly talking to them, nursing them all. You going a bit, you know, they're ten and 12 now. They can do the wrong thing, like looking at their iPads or they're listening to music or they're shopping with their mum. There is none of that stress, which I love. The only stress is what I put on myself. And that's the journey from leaving my house because I'm the passport guy, I'm the boarding pass guy.

00:44:46:16 – 00:45:03:10
I'm the fucking travel insurance man. I've got everything I don't. I've got insurance, a scam, I've got, well, I've get it for free in my bank, so sign. Yeah, I've got I only need it if you're injured. It's not that personal. Worth it. What about if you lose me clothes and stuff?

00:45:03:12 – 00:45:23:07
You'd have to buy what travel insurance covers. It gets you loads of clothes, does it? If you lose them? No. If you lose your suitcase or something happens, perishes, whatever. You can claim your clothes back. I think it's negative thinking. If you feel like you need insurance, you feel like you're manifesting. Something bad's going to happen. I don't have car insurance.

00:45:23:11 – 00:45:48:12
It's a legal requirement. I just think if you think positively European right? Yeah, yeah. Do you do with that stuff? Yeah. So yeah, I deal with that stuff. And then normally because I go to Spain quite a lot, so I have to get through the airport, make sure everyone I'm checking, checking my bum bag every five minutes to make sure that I've got all the passports and everything.

00:45:48:12 – 00:46:08:11
I hate your bumper. Yeah, yeah, I love it. Absolutely love it. And then I get on the plane of the plane, make sure the people are there from a rental car, get to the villa where I'm staying. There's just a lot of stress. But being with the kids at this stage and my missus, everyone commuting selves out now, I don't have to worry about that.

00:46:08:11 – 00:46:32:00
So that's the part I love that I didn't used to, because it was a fucking pain in the ass going on with those young kids. But then once you once you're on holiday, you put it closer away, you settle down, you know where everything is. That is where the magic happens when you're in your 40s. Because when I go to the pool, my kids, they're fine.

00:46:32:00 – 00:46:54:07
Kids are same age as them. I don't see them all day. Me and my Mrs.. We're just laying there on the sun lounger. They'll come back every time that. Can I have an ice cream? Yeah. You go. Go that. Can I get a drink? Yeah, cause it's all inclusive. Make sure we get our money with. So it's that there is no, no stresses anymore.

00:46:54:09 – 00:47:16:15
And it's like. Sorry, I know I've been to. Okay. No, no, but but you know, my family. You know, this fab. We're very laid back. We're almost too laid back for our own good. We're late to fucking everything it does. Might not miss the plot I have that was on my iPhone and I was hung over, and I'm.

00:47:16:17 – 00:47:50:03
That's my own fault. But I'm not with my own family. I haven't done that with the family. You go home. Do you know? You know this story I must know, yeah. Yeah, yeah. In Switzerland. And I don't know how it happened. It's never happened before. Although I have missed about five since then. I miss him a lot. But we got to we got there and, and the gate would shut, like and usually like you're there like off an hour before and it's all cool.

00:47:50:04 – 00:48:13:15
I don't know what we did or why we thought we had so much time. And the gate was shut, but they were letting the bloke in the wheelchair on, and I was any more. Yeah. Any more or less. I mean, I know he's, but just let's, we'll just, you know, shuffling behind him. I call it a, you know, if he goes in, I'm like, I can go on, right?

00:48:13:17 – 00:48:33:12
Yeah. I'm not saying special dispensation. I'm just saying equality. Equal rights. Yeah, he's getting on. We should be able to get on. Yeah. Anyway, they said no, you can't go. So I was I was there and I was stuck. And I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do here. I don't have any money in my bank account.

00:48:33:12 – 00:48:55:09
I've got like, you know, £80, something like that. It was skin. It was the end of time. Switzerland's expensive. I've got the family, the kids, their kids are crying, obviously thinking they're never going to get home. And I'm like, we go to the desk to desk. It goes the British Airways going £1,600 for four tickets. Yay! And I had two options.

00:48:55:09 – 00:49:18:20
One to ring my dad and say, you got to give me the money or we just sort of sat. I'm just having some like, you know, pastry or something. And then he goes, doesn't your mate work for Easyjet? I was, I, this is what a heard you and I rung up our mate Ben, and he. It was so good just to hear him go.

00:49:18:20 – 00:49:40:00
Yeah, I'm. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Look at me. Two seconds. Run me back. Could be four tickets from Basel airport, which is about an hour away. Straight home without him would have been completely screwed. Well, here I yeah, I've missed loads of flight since then. Amsterdam is a fucker. I'm going there, may. There's no guarantee I'm coming. I'm not hungry.

00:49:40:00 – 00:50:02:12
How. How can you miss flight, though? I just couldn't be bothered. Ricky. The point is. Oh, you're an adult, okay? It was a it's a no means. It's not a priority. Well, it should be a priority, considering it's the place is going to take you back home or away from where you need to be. Ricky, I this was bearing in mind the I'm talking specifically about Amsterdam, I was there.

00:50:02:12 – 00:50:23:00
How how did you miss it, though? I was there for a week in the airport. No. And you just got caught up in me looking at talking and Alan Titchmarsh gardening book or something. I taken lots of drugs that week. Lots of mushrooms. Couple of bags. Yeah. Drunk for a week. Spurs. Yeah. Just got through to the final of the Champions League.

00:50:23:02 – 00:50:47:18
Yeah. There was a lot on. Made a video. Yeah. What actually happened? How I missed the flight there. One was, Oh. What? I didn't realize if you don't. So. But we had planned, weirdly planned to go to Amsterdam with my wife and a couple of mates. Right. We planned to go. Then Spurs got to. We were playing in the city in Amsterdam against Ajax in the semifinal.

00:50:47:18 – 00:51:08:10
So I'm like, I'm going to move my flight. So I got a new flight so I can watch Spurs in Amsterdam and then my missus will get her flight out and we'll meet in the middle of the week after Amsterdam, after the Tottenham game, it happened. It the perfect plan. But I didn't realize is if you don't make the out board flight, outward bound flight, they sell the return.

00:51:08:16 – 00:51:28:01
You don't have either. Well yeah. So if you if you've booked a flight to Spain tomorrow, but you change the flight and don't tell them you just book a new one. They show they put you down as a no show and it means your return flight was invalid. So I just put a single flight out there thinking I could just come back on my return flight.

00:51:28:03 – 00:51:45:03
That's not the way it works. I sell it airline firms and, and I didn't realize that till everyone was checked in on the day, and I'm trying to check in and it says your flight is not available, your flight is not available. A ring pen again. And he's like, now they've sold your return ticket, so can you help me?

00:51:45:05 – 00:52:11:00
And then bleeping pen, please help me again. I'm stuck in Amsterdam. I've been there for a week. I don't want to be here anymore. I only said I was done and. And he booked me one the next day. And I can't tell you how low I felt. Rick let my missus go. The Amsterdam central station. Yeah. The barriers shut in, and then her and my friends off to go and get their flight.

00:52:11:00 – 00:52:34:12
And me having to turn around and find a hotel to book myself in for the night, I felt low, and especially I've used every bit of dopamine I had in my brain that week. There was nothing left. Not only spurs, it's got last minute winner, all the drugs, all the alcohol. Not only this is the end of the holiday, the anti-climax it's set in and I was having to find another shitty little hotel in Amsterdam somewhere.

00:52:34:14 – 00:52:59:06
Hey, that sounds grim. Did you go back and have a little cry when you're in there? I just, I fetal position. I went to the hotel. I got a Domino's and watch. Tick tock. That's exactly what I did. Great days. Amazing what I was going to say. For an ideal family, I do family, holiday.

00:52:59:08 – 00:53:18:17
Where would you like to go? Like. Because I know what you're like with hate. I know you like it. I know you like the. I know you like it being hot, but you don't like it being hot, if that makes sense. I thought at times Spain was excessive itself with Spain as well as like it was like about an hour from Alicante.

00:53:18:19 – 00:53:44:05
Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was, it's, Where do you, where would it be? I can't remember where where we went to either or something. Anyway, I thought it was hot. Too hot, like, anything over 33, 34. And it's like, what the fuck is going on? What is going on? Right. You love it, Rick. Yeah. I'm looking at the sky saying, is that all you've got?

00:53:44:07 – 00:54:12:20
Like shouting at the sky and you just lying on, you're lying on your sun lounger. I'm like a little lizard that is on a rock where the sun is beating down on my skin. And I can feel myself recharging like a mobile phone. And I am saying more cheap oil. Yeah. And I put that factor five tanning oil on, like, literally slowly slather myself up in vegetable oil.

00:54:12:21 – 00:54:36:02
You never burn. Almost. Yeah, I do, I sometimes I burn a lot. I burn a couple of times because I do that stupid thing. It's like, well, I'm brown, right? Fucking smart can get me well inside me. Okay. Amazing. Me, absolute me, absolute fucking me. Surely I'm more susceptible to being burned or quicker than you do that prefer.

00:54:36:04 – 00:55:03:14
What is your white skin? Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So isn't a mistake your skin. The less the more. Yeah. Yeah that's. Yeah. Armor. Yeah it is pretty much. Yeah yeah yeah I've, I've ever seen a red raw honestly where I t shirts on I don't think I've ever heard of a black person complain about being really badly, but it's, it's basically the common story for any really white person.

00:55:03:14 – 00:55:30:16
Ginger or translucent, like my mummies. Yeah. It's inevitable that you will get crucified at some stage, and it will be a story from a holiday, but from all my black friends, I've never heard one of them ever complain about somebody that's, Can you think I'm trying to think I haven't either. So what I'm asking is, is is it that I could Google it?

00:55:30:18 – 00:56:01:15
Well, what are you googling? Let me do. Black people. More. I think, resistant to sunburn. Here we go. Yeah, okay, I'd say yes. Black skin compared to white skin, is generally assumed to be more resistant to the consequences of sun exposure due to epidermal melanin content. However, recent scientific evidence shows a black skin is not completely impervious to sunlight, but obviously.

00:56:01:17 – 00:56:24:24
I burn, boy, if if I'm out there and I'm doing what I what I'd normally do first day is a fucking write off because I go too big, too hard, and then I have to tone it down. But I just love the I love the sun, I love it so much. And living in England, it's it can be soul destroying at times because I need that sun.

00:56:24:24 – 00:56:48:21
I like, I like, I prefer the autumn winter to spring and summer. Would you go on holiday to a place where the weather is crisp and how like which. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Absolutely. Norway. I mean, there's no one. I mean, I would go because to see the northern lights and stuff. You mean like if it's Spain but it's hot or Spain and it's sort of 20s.

00:56:48:23 – 00:57:13:12
If you had a choice, fuck off. Honestly, my dad went to Spain for two weeks in January. I was like, January, nothing's happening. And Johnny, I know he's retired and he can go and everyone get mad around the people that go on holiday skiing. You do. You know there's snow everywhere you do. No, it's fucking freezing. Why do you want to pay grands and grands to be freezing?

00:57:13:15 – 00:57:36:01
I don't get it. I don't get it. Spanish average temp in Jan, mate. It's not. It's cold, but somewhere between eight degrees and 15 degrees in January. Yeah, I think you had a couple of 20 twos today. Okay. Probably 22 since you made it up because you didn't check it. Yeah. You just. Yeah. It probably. Yeah. It's 20 degrees.

00:57:36:01 – 00:57:43:15
I really like 15. I can see him.

00:57:43:17 – 00:58:09:04
So like, sun. Okay. What about going for a little day trips? Are you with, But you're not. Not really. No. What do you mean, like a day trip to, like, getting on a plane for a day? No, no, no, no, I mean, can you see the old town getting on a coach for an hour? No no no no no, if I we hired we hired a car.

00:58:09:06 – 00:58:30:13
We went to Spain. That was a riot. And we, we we sort of drove around the we could do what we want. But going on a planned trip to the old town on a coach with other people, saying that when we went to Croatia, this is the bit that I was most fuming with. Only it was a coach trip from the, from from the northern Croatia to the lakes.

00:58:30:15 – 00:58:47:19
And I was like fucking fuming. There's a three hour. I was, I think what he's done, Wally. I'll see what the fuck you thinking. I didn't say anything. It was quite early on in our relationship, so I just really sort of like, you know, you just get on with it. But then I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this.

00:58:47:19 – 00:59:10:14
Coach chip. Yeah, it was wicked. Honestly. The Croatian countryside is the most beautiful I've ever seen. But one of the probably one of those beautiful countries I've ever been to, hands down. Actually, I've never been. I'd love to go. Yeah, it goes good. And when you're driving through the countryside, it's it's it was impeccable. It's. And this coach had these ginormous windows.

00:59:10:16 – 00:59:29:24
Only fell asleep for the. All of it. I'm the only one who saw it. She put the bloody thing. Oh my God. Yeah. Did you ever go back that as well? I forgot about anything I just carried it was quiet and just carried and just, you know, grateful. Well you did raise it. You. What do you do? Day trips.

00:59:30:05 – 01:00:00:04
Yeah. Yeah. Love them. Love them I like normally because a lot of the time my. So my grandparents they retired out in Spain to tour Rijeka and in the like early 80s. So we've always had a family villa there. So every year we go out there it's like castle figure, do you have to write one, write it down, beat the out.

01:00:00:06 – 01:00:23:21
Yeah. Hahahahaha. Even though I'm like one hour back on one hour giving away my government name. But yeah, we do have that. It's a villa and then also that name. But yeah, rent a car. So I drive to most places but I don't like driving. I fucking hate driving. So driving when you're in Spain is, it's it's crazy.

01:00:23:21 – 01:00:43:17
There are no rules. The only rule is there are no rules. In Spain. When you drive in, you just do whatever you want. Yeah. So it is fucking crazy. But, I used to love a coach trip. I used to go to coach trips to, Benidorm. I used to go coach trips to, coach trip to Benidorm.

01:00:43:19 – 01:01:02:17
Yeah, just just get out. Get out and about. Yeah. Not to Benidorm, mate, I love that. We did a week in Benidorm with, you know, the kids because, you know, when they're that I usually don't necessarily want to traipse around Croatia for the week, but they do want to sit down and eat ice cream and be on the beach, going to sea and stuff.

01:01:02:17 – 01:01:27:09
And we did a week in Benidorm. It was an experience. Yeah. You have to have an open mind and you just think, let's just go and have a good time. Beers, cheap and every bar you walk past. You did the Sweet Caroline. Oh. Now they they it's holidays. I know I'm going to say, but I couldn't think of anything worse than that.

01:01:27:09 – 01:01:59:23
Now, that's that's what I would avoid in my 40s going on holiday. My family just stay away from all of that. That's just. That's for me. The stag do. That's lads on the day. Good times. Never felt so good. So good. So, so so. Yeah. I don't need any of that. Right. You just hit an hour mark. So I think yeah we're going to go to the dilemmas and two things only I know.

01:02:00:00 – 01:02:26:02
I want to say thank you for downloading. I have been checking on news that you still need to set yourself to automatic download. So please do that. Go to Spotify, type in lots. Anonymous. See the little cog there. Hit that. That's the settings. And then you see straight away set it to automatic download. Once you've had the pod, feel free to delete.

01:02:26:02 – 01:02:47:01
Yeah lovely. Jubbly. Same with Apple Podcasts as well. Go in there lads. Anonymous. Hit the three dots, set it to automatic downloads. You're in business. Any time you go for a walk, any time you walk the dog, any time you commute in on a flight drive, you got the pod there. It's waiting for you. When it comes out.

01:02:47:01 – 01:03:08:05
First thing Monday morning, you're going to be the first ones to have it be in that number. Also gone. Gone. You have Geico. I want the ratings of the stars have dried up, dried up five star ratings dried up on Spotify. Yeah, I noticed that. Yeah. We've got 557. Let's get. But let's get the disc. Get two grand.

01:03:08:07 – 01:03:34:20
Yeah, a thousand. And you know what it is, is when people are finding the podcast, they look at that rating and go, oh, thousand. Yeah, look at that. Alison. Yeah, exactly. And why are you there? Come on, follow us on social lads. And on pod. That's all you need to do, lads. And on pod, we're on Instagram. We're on Twitter, we're on TikTok, we're on Facebook, we're everywhere.

01:03:34:20 – 01:03:56:19
So come and follow us there. Now we're going to move over to the dilemmas. Here are the titles of the dilemmas. Flav okay, finding happiness again and subtle as a hammer. Yeah, things only I know. The Uncorking.

01:03:56:21 – 01:04:23:20
That they don't even know I'm here. He he got okay. So we're going to move into the dilemmas bit now right. Let me read this out for you. Yeah. Finding happiness again I'm after some advice after your pot on happiness. Essentially, I'm at a weird point in my life. I'm 20. I of came out of a long term relationship a few months ago.

01:04:23:22 – 01:04:43:14
I'm working a sales job that to be honest, it was a bit dead end, which doesn't help my current situation as I feel like I'm a passenger in my own life. I have a couple of good mates that I don't spend much time with, because whenever I try and make plans with them, it feels like I'm a burden and a lot of the plans get shot down.

01:04:43:16 – 01:05:12:14
But they're all I have when it comes to dating and trying to move on from my relationship. I can't seem to make anything stick or really find the courage to go out and meet people. Essentially, my life now is work. The 9 to 5, be on my own, go to sleep and do it. What I again, my question is this how do I get myself out there and feel happiness or even contentment again?

01:05:12:20 – 01:05:39:08
Because I'm not sure to even start again after being saying my ways for the past three years. And as a second point, when did you both start to feel contentment with your life and what does that feel like? So the dilemma for the first one, obviously, how does the gentleman find happiness in contentment? Give yourself a fucking break.

01:05:39:10 – 01:06:00:19
Yeah, you're 20 years old. You're just at the start. You have so much time to experience all the things you want to experience. You literally at the start. And I remember specifically thinking about this and feeling exactly the same at about 20. And I was like, fuck, is this it? Is this it? Now I'm just now going to work.

01:06:00:21 – 01:06:28:20
I'm going to work and I'm doing 95 for the rest of my life. Is this is is it? And that reality, that feeling isn't real because the amount of things that you're going to stimulate you and make you feel happiness or, you know, move towards happiness is probably a more realistic thing for most people or for everybody. The opportunity to experience these things and do these things that that will bring you towards contentment and happiness.

01:06:28:22 – 01:06:49:03
You haven't even had the chance to experience. Like if you, if you, if you're if you, if you think your job is dead end, then you have so much time to change it. You have so many things you can do. Like 20 is nothing, is nothing. I promise you in how you feel in ten years time from 20, you're like a different human being in your 30s and your 30s to your to your 40s.

01:06:49:03 – 01:07:13:23
You're a different human being. There's so many cycles for you to go through that you're almost feeling like you're talking like this is the the final form. You've evolved to this point and that's it. That's bullshit is so much for you to do, what you have to do. What I would do if I could talk to myself as a 20 year old now, as 42 is think about, write down the list.

01:07:13:23 – 01:07:29:23
What are the things you want? What do I want? What do you want? 20 years are what is it that I want and what you think you want at 20 will be completely different to what you think you want at 30. But it's important to if you think and focus on what you want right now. Write these lists down.

01:07:30:00 – 01:07:49:01
Also, find the things you're grateful for. As we talked about last week, write those five things down. Repeat those things to yourself. When you wake up in the morning and start your day with a, a, a more proactive and more, positive mindset. And I'm saying it's not because I've, I'm just regurgitating what I've seen on TikTok.

01:07:49:01 – 01:08:10:22
These are things that I do and that work for me. So have those five things you're grateful for, but have the things as well that you want to achieve or want to do. I want to start my own business. I want to go skiing or whatever it might be. I want to start cycling ten miles a week. I want to go to the gym and run five kilometers in under 20 minutes.

01:08:10:22 – 01:08:30:15
Whatever it is, find something to focus on and make it goal focused and your subconscious will do the rest. If you focus on those things and you'll suddenly start to move towards them. And it's not magic, it's not hocus pocus, you know. It's not the universe giving you something back. All that shit to me is bullshit is ballocks and crap.

01:08:30:17 – 01:08:52:21
What it is, is your subconscious moving towards or helping you move towards whatever that goal is that you've set and and so what it is, is when an opportunity is presented to you, you take it. You say yes. If your friends are not giving you or not returning the same energy as you're giving them, then that's on them.

01:08:52:23 – 01:09:21:03
And how that impacts you is up to you. But essentially you need to find people like my Reiki, and I have found it's someone where the energy flows both ways, right? The the I help him as much as he helps me and vice versa. Right? So we as soon as we met, we realized that we there was a a they there was a an equal flow of of what's the word.

01:09:21:03 – 01:09:40:15
What am I looking for? Right. We just there was no it wasn't one sided. It was equal our relationship and the same when I met my wife and it took me a long time and gone through a lot of met a lot of people to find the people I have around me. That it feels like there is a there's equal flow of, kindness or caring or whatever it might be.

01:09:40:17 – 01:09:57:03
So yeah, that's what I'd say. You be so young. Don't stress out, man. You've got so much as I'm just focused on something you want to do and work towards that, and you do your job that you think is that then? Not now. Because you need to earn money, is everyone doesn't pay their bills, but you've got so much time to focus on other things.

01:09:57:08 – 01:10:24:00
I started the fighting and cock at 30, 30 years old and, I worked, so I thought it was like a side hustle, for want of a better expression, for eight years. And so I was able to turn it into a business. That so. So what I'm saying is that you can work now, but have something outside that you can focus on and be positive about and and that's where your energy goes.

01:10:24:00 – 01:10:43:20
Do what you need to do to get paid. But that's where your energy goes. Yeah. And to, to kind of speak on what I was saying about the stuff that you, if you focus on and that you want within those, there will be community groups where you can start to meet different people that where they have to shine.

01:10:43:22 – 01:11:05:01
You start off on good footing because you have the shared hobby or commitment or whatever it might be. And I we, you know, love to see, our friendship started on a football forum. There are many different places where you can spark up relationships and connections with other people, but you need to put yourself into those, and you've got to be brave.

01:11:05:06 – 01:11:31:14
You got to have a bit of courage and just think, do you know what? If I keep doing the same things, I'm going to do the 9 to 5 job, the get home, have dinner and sleep. Nothing is ever going to change. So I'm not saying do anything drastic, anything massive, but just start to get yourself out there a bit more and try to try to meet people within these communities of where you want to focus your next part of your life.

01:11:31:14 – 01:11:42:23
Day. And yeah, that's what I love. All I have to say to that. But, best of luck, fella. Best of luck. The next one.

01:11:43:00 – 01:12:17:12
I want to look at your face when I'm reading this. I go to subtle as a hammer. Highlights. Got something pretty sensitive I could do with some advice on my wife is fat. She wasn't fat when I met her. I've tried being subtle. Bought her an Apple Watch string. Courage fitness boot. Her leggings a size two small. I even joined the gym myself and got in decent shape as a way to try to encourage her and show her that it can be done.

01:12:17:14 – 01:12:43:14
Fuck. I've outright told her she needs to lose weight. It's got to the point now where I'm no longer sexually attracted to her. I do still love her, but I just need that to be less of her. Any advice on how I can finally get her to lose weight? And I think I'll, I'll go first with this.

01:12:43:16 – 01:13:12:08
I think you need to change that tone language. Yeah. No. Help. That that's not helpful. It's not helpful for you. It's not helpful for anyone else listening. Right. I like being called fat or being, you know, just that word is very hurtful, hurtful, psychologically damaging, damaging. I don't know what the best turn of phrase is nowadays. Plus size, I don't know.

01:13:12:08 – 01:13:44:13
Or just not you don't think anyone. There is no way of scribing the knife, that there's not. There's no way in describing her increased weight in a way that's going to be okay for her. So listen to know or for anyone for that matter. And and the the subtle bits and pieces of buying her an Apple Watch to monitor her fitness behind leggings to small size so that she knows she's big, and encouraging her to like you going to the gym and training again.

01:13:44:18 – 01:14:17:08
Not very subtle. I think she would have worked out. And it was a that's just not the way to go, really. So those are the first things that I would say. But there are many relationships out there where people do become, you know, the sexual attraction does wane a bit because of changes of appearance. It's a very fucking odd thing to to deal with, and I wouldn't know what the best advice would be to go on.

01:14:17:08 – 01:14:42:16
I mean, I think my one would be arbitrary to I wouldn't say, and I wouldn't use the words losing weight or dying. I'd say I'm calorie counting or something like that. And what do you think it's okay for him to feel the way he does? Yeah, because I don't think it's you can't you can't tell someone how to feel like.

01:14:42:18 – 01:15:04:03
Because that's that's them. That's how they feel. You can't say, you can't feel like you can't impinge on what and tell them how they should be feeling. You're not fat shaming if you don't find her attractive, as attractive. No, you can't help it, can you? If you're not, if you don't, if it's a turnoff, it's a turnoff. But I think I think there's a pressure in the way our society is now.

01:15:04:03 – 01:15:28:20
Is that you? Cannot you it's almost like Baptist. If a body shaming or if you don't find it attractive, well, you just should find attractive. You're immature, which is nonsense, right. It it it is. It's you. It's fine to feel that way. And you should be able to bring it up in a way that is productive. But it is really hard because she knows.

01:15:28:22 – 01:15:52:02
She knows she's put on weight. Yeah. And it's not easy to lose it. It's a mental stage state to get into a position where you, you're you're losing weight and wanting to get up and eat. Right. And actually, the more the worse you feel about yourself typically leads to further destructive behavior. But the reality is, if she doesn't do something, he'll eventually cheat on her.

01:15:52:02 – 01:16:17:23
Oliver. Yeah, and should he stay in a relationship where he doesn't find her attractive? Should is it fair on him to have to spend the rest of his life, you know, not attracted to his partner? So then there is a middle ground somewhere. Is it tough? There is. Yeah. It's a waste for both of them. It'd be a waste that he's in a relationship where there is no no longer any connection sexual chemistry and kind of doesn't want to be there.

01:16:17:23 – 01:16:46:03
And then for her be a waste because she's not getting the love and affection and attention either. So it would be city just because that that they're married, that they have to continue both living unhappily. But to go back to that point, losing weight is is very psychological. You have to be in the right frame of mind at the moment.

01:16:46:03 – 01:17:13:09
Man, I'm trying to lose my I'm trying desperately to lose weight. And every single week I say I'm starting my new regime. On Monday, I'm eating like a champ all through the week because Monday is going to come and I'm going to start eating veggies all day long. I guess the Monday. And I'm like, what? So, so so hang on, you've developed a situation where you go, I'm going to start my diet on Monday.

01:17:13:11 – 01:17:29:00
Yeah. So but in the week you eat as much as you want because you know, the diet and you never stop coming. Yeah. That's right, that's right. Yeah. That's like, you know, like getting bigger and bigger though. Like let's say like tomorrow never comes. I have the same thing. So I want to get to the gym. I want to start moving again.

01:17:29:02 – 01:17:57:05
And I never do. No, I often need a I need a goal, I need I need something to focus on. Like, I need I need an incentive to do it. Otherwise I'm happy just sitting there, I'm sure, like, I wonder if my missus finds me less attractive than she I. The other day we're looking at pictures of when, we we we we went to Boomtown years and years ago and she went, you look really skinny.

01:17:57:07 – 01:18:21:04
I didn't like that. You were so skinny. I went down to 11 stone for this one. I was kind of me. I it was like the end of my previous relationship. And meeting Ollie, it was like a lot of a lot, a lot of weight was lost in that period. And she's like, she's way too skinny. And I'm like, well, I was I called out.

01:18:21:06 – 01:18:37:15
With this and I and the answer to it, she being completely honest, is that I could probably get in shape a bit and understand. Yeah, she got me fat. Yeah. I can't be fucked. Even. Lana, I'm saying you don't even know it. You just try and do everything by diet and it kind of feel like it is a combination of both.

01:18:37:15 – 01:19:04:01
I don't know, they say like losing weight is 70 to 80%. It's all diet. Who said what this is? There's lots of emails to everyone, everywhere. Everyone says that. Everyone. Yeah I do, I don't think that's true. Obviously you have a combination, a combination of both. But calorie counting seems the most logical, right? Yeah, yeah. You've got to be in the calorie burn more burn more than you bring in and but but not exercise is like free calories that you can just do the exercise rig.

01:19:04:04 – 01:19:19:23
I should definitely do more walking for this for this gym. And what's he going to say to his, mate? We can't tell him what to say to his wife. It's fucking impossible. He can't have the conversation, he said, I think. Do you think he can broach that? No. I think it's going to get to a point where he's going to have to.

01:19:20:01 – 01:19:37:03
There's nothing we can say that makes this situation better, that one of the reasons why sometimes you to say, I don't know what the answer is. I don't know how he goes. Your wife is gone, put on loads of weight instead of to lose weight. Anything you say, he's going to hurt her feelings, I think. Yeah, yeah I don't, yeah, I don't know.

01:19:37:05 – 01:19:55:14
What what happens if she's happy the way she is as well? I mean, she needs to. She needs to understand that there is an element of responsibility from her, that there is a risk that their relationship is going to suffer, and that's on her, not in not being willing to to lose the weight through diet or exercise.

01:19:55:14 – 01:20:16:08
And he isn't being an awful person if he doesn't find her attractive, which is I'm sure you'll want also for saying that to you. Well, no, hang on a minute. This is a two way hit. He didn't sign up for that. Yeah, and I say it's a message. She didn't sign up for this one. I'll put a bit a bit of weight on and was conscious of it.

01:20:16:08 – 01:20:40:01
And I'm conscious of the fact that she might not find it as attractive, whereas me with her, I'm like, I don't put more weight on if you want. It doesn't matter to me at all. I don't bother with you how much more I. A few extra pounds is fine to play with that. If we if we go, if we go, I don't know.

01:20:40:03 – 01:21:07:02
I don't like you like that. She would have to be completely sedentary and eating cakes all day to put on like like like most people would. You'd imagine a I don't know. No, I don't we should we go on to, things? I know, you know, I know. Why something you know.

01:21:07:04 – 01:21:30:17
The uncorking. Lads. Greetings from Australia. Got something I thought I would take, to my grave, but here we are. I met a bird in a nightclub when I was fresh, when I was a fresh 18 year old, and went back to her place after the club at Sha. Get into bed and we get into a 69 with her on top of it.

01:21:30:18 – 01:21:55:13
Now we're going out. Yeah. I get the sudden urge to slip a finger into her ass. I'd never done this before and she was maybe five years older, so I thought, perfect opportunity to crack on once I inserted my finger, it's my unpleasant surprise. She shit all over my face and as my mouth was open, some of it went in my mouth.

01:21:55:14 – 01:22:22:13
Oh my God, I still feel sick thinking about it to this day. The smell and taste was awful. Imagine being on the gear drinking all night and you have the next morning. Shit, that's what I fucking. I I'll get out of there quick. Smart. Cleaning myself up. I used to play football against her brother two weeks. Every time we played against them all I could think about was my face covered in this.

01:22:22:15 – 01:22:51:07
This shit. Since that day, I've never engaged in any sexual activity that involves an asshole, as I'm two haunted from that experience, partners in the past have asked to do it, and I give them a stern no with no reason as to why I don't want no no no no. That is, I could not. Yeah, yeah, but the reason why I don't want to.

01:22:51:09 – 01:23:11:03
I'm not into buggery, but. Okay. Because you just don't know that it's not I have, which isn't. I don't, you know, the fucking rectal cavity doing that. Sometimes you can't tell. Sometimes, sometimes you need. I need to go for a purpose. Then you go to the toilet and it's like, you're like, where the fuck did all that come from?

01:23:11:05 – 01:23:35:04
Mate, so many times. So many times. Like a a a mud hill, a mound, a pile. It's like all things falling out of my body. Yeah, I don't know nothing. Five minutes ago, then I had a slight feeling. And then I was like, yeah, like there's like half a human that's fallen out. I got, I got yeah, that's grim.

01:23:35:06 – 01:24:06:01
The next one, they don't even know I'm here. He, he. I can assure you both that a 69 is fairly regular occurrence in my marriage. If I. If it's. Sometimes I'm on top, sometimes her, but mostly it's side to side. Far more comfortable for the middle aged. And it's one of many different sexy traits in our repertoire of what I'd consider to be a healthy sex life.

01:24:06:03 – 01:24:29:12
Anyway, one time a good few years ago, we were going at it. She was on top and we were both busily nor in a way, each other. It must have been the winter time because she insisted on having the duvet over us. So all I can see is a round, sweaty ass and the rest of my wife making muffled fun noises disappear, disappears under the covers.

01:24:29:14 – 01:24:53:07
Both of us are desperately trying to to stall the inevitable. I'm enjoying the ride. While it was when all of a sudden I hear a slightly different squeaking noise coming from beside me. I look to my right. I see the sleepy, cheeky face of my eldest daughter, who was about three at the time. She'd crawled into our bed under the covers.

01:24:53:09 – 01:25:24:04
Oh, it's fine. I was finding the fact she'd managed to do this undetected. Absolutely hilarious. This is the. This is an instant filter, if you're curious. No you don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I find fuck it is. I got my wife's attention, marginally said the opposite, and eventually she. Fuck's sake. Eventually she surfaced to see the problem that I was trying to highlight with a shrill shriek.

01:25:24:10 – 01:25:51:13
Oh, let's get you back to bed. She got upright with impressive haste and led, said child back to her bed, the sight of a hot and sweaty naked wife, embarrassed, using our giggling toddler back to bed is a sight that I will never forget. That is you, in the throes of there under the duvet. And then all of a sudden, these bright, bright white eyes look back.

01:25:51:15 – 01:26:16:13
No, that is like God. That is. That's too much. So much less. And I think we'll leave it there. This very it's been a very 69 heavy podcast. Yeah. Quite like it. Something, you know.

01:26:16:15 – 01:26:47:04
Something again. Yeah. Yeah. There is. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I didn't realize it. It would. You never know what's going to trigger people's, reactions. Really? Right. Elena seems to be, quite like it. I quite like it. So next week's topic is going to be first dates. We want to hear all of your stories or your kind of horror stories and all the good stuff, the positive stuff that's happened on your first date.

01:26:47:04 – 01:27:14:16
I've never had one. If you never had one, not really. No. Well, we can talk about that. Okay. And I'll talk about my my first dates as well. Okay. We'll go we'll go into that. So send them in to lads anon pod at gmail.com. Send in your dilemmas and we'll happily help you of anything and things only I know, as you've just heard.

01:27:14:18 – 01:27:30:05
Follow us on social lads and anon pod and don't forget to automatically download the pod and we will see you next Monday. Bye bye bye.