#11 | The worst collection of first dates ever told…

00:00:00:00 – 00:00:25:11
Hello and welcome to episode 11 of Lads Anonymous, a podcast with two best mates of over 20 years invite you to join their safe space where all manner of subjects will be discussed. We'll focus on a specific subject matter first and then we'll answer your questions, dilemmas or need for a voice all handled anonymously. So sit back, relax and enjoy the show.

00:00:25:13 – 00:00:47:21
How's it going, Flav? I'd rate that intro as a six out of ten. Usually more enthusiasm. Really? Yeah. I'm thinking of, like, I want to pre-record that bit. I just I'm over it now, but I still like to keep. You're not intro. You're not pre-recording it. Because that would mean I'd have to put it together afterwards. You know, I knew, I knew I didn't want.

00:00:47:21 – 00:01:11:04
Why. So you don't want to do the work. So you. I have to do the work? No, no, I want to do the work perfectly and then capture it. And then it's. It's released. It's fine. It's fine. Rick. You're up. You sound. Yeah. You sound a bit nasally a bit. Yeah, I went, I went to, I went sort of my first gig in ages on Saturday when Ali Ali bought the smile.

00:01:11:10 – 00:01:34:00
Wow, Rick, I've walked away from that gig in a bad way. You know, physically, I feel unwell. You know, got up to a lot. I'm 42, I can't, I'm the can't I can't do that sort of thing regularly. Like, ingest that amount of toxins in one night and get away with it. And this, this week has proven that I've fallen ill.

00:01:34:02 – 00:01:59:05
Yeah. Feel a bit poorly, but my, the biggest takeaway from that I, you know, that Radiohead and my favorite band. Yeah, I've made that clear over the years who various platforms. And so, you come into who's my. Yeah. The smaller like an offshoot of Radiohead. There's two members of Radiohead and then someone else. I'm not sure who that person is, and I really like them.

00:01:59:05 – 00:02:20:07
Got two great albums and I. I didn't enjoy the gig and I didn't enjoy Thom Yorke. And I found what he did irritating and a bit nasal. Gabourey. So that's what. Yeah. And and a bit like, off camera. I've spent £60. Why are you making me work so hard to listen to some of the songs I want to listen to?

00:02:20:09 – 00:02:39:22
And there'll be radio fans out there because they are quite, We are quite because I consider myself a part of them. We do kind of look down our noses at some other music. I do 100%, 100%, 100. Yeah. But I was in a gig going by. I'm on your side there, Tom, and you're making me, You're making me an enemy.

00:02:39:24 – 00:03:10:10
You've made community. And I listened to Radiohead album a couple of times a week. One of. Yeah, and I haven't listened to one this week because I keep getting irritated thinking about the gig that is so crushingly disappointing. Have you ever had that gone to watch my heroes play and what's going you're a dickhead. Yeah. And then afterwards, because I was so, amped up that I was going to see them and I come away and people, I was a gig.

00:03:10:10 – 00:03:43:00
I was like, yeah, wicked. Wicked. Yeah. Brilliant. I loved it, and so great day inside. I was like, that was fucking shit. Yeah, well, I've thrown my hair under a bus. You throw yours under the bus. I'm trying to think now. I like, so. No, no, I mean, there have been some Arctic Monkeys ones whereby I'm. I'm okay with him interacting with the crowd and talking in this weird American laid back voice that he has.

00:03:43:00 – 00:04:05:21
Now, that's, you know, where he was 15 years ago isn't where he wants to be now, and he wants to kind of project himself as something else. I get that. But then when he's singing those songs of when he release them in that Sheffield twang and changes it to this new voice that he has, he the whole song changes.

00:04:05:23 – 00:04:25:14
And that isn't the song that they released. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, of course they would hang on to certain bits of the guitar or the drumming would go on or so, and the it's just done to fit around his voice. It's remastered to do. I'm like, me just play the fucking song. Yeah. I just, I was thinking the way we play the fucking.

00:04:25:14 – 00:04:47:14
So we wouldn't want to sing along in a fake Sheffield accents. We want to do that. You, you can't pretend to do it and we can't pretend to do it. The things he's like, he's is. That's where you're from. Why is this sort of. It's the irony of of fate. Thousands from San Francisco, Francisco, San Francisco, from now to even drop a Sheffield accent is, insane.

00:04:47:15 – 00:05:07:02
That. Mate, do yourself a favor. I'll get it. If you don't want to do the songs anymore and you're bored to tears that. But then charge people £15 for a ticket. Because one reason why people are paying £60 for a ticket is. So they get to sing along with the Arctic Monkeys, Fake Tales from San Francisco. Yeah. That's why that's why they're paying.

00:05:07:02 – 00:05:30:24
And like, so if you don't want to do that, charge £15. And everyone would just come along if they want to. I think that's a great show actually. And I also like with, you, you fucking lit a fire under me now. Boy one go on. Yeah. Everyone. Everyone who actually knows me, and obviously listened to the fine previously, but I'm a massive Oasis fan.

00:05:30:24 – 00:05:57:13
Me and my mates would grow up with Oasis once every gig went to France to go and see him. Seen him all across Britain. And I idolized now. In his older age, he's turned into a right fucking Tory weirdo. He just says some horrible things and I'm like, why do you say that? I said, he just he just has this disdain for his fans, like, okay, I'll turn up.

00:05:57:18 – 00:06:20:22
I'll do what I want. You know, you've paid hundred quid, I do what I want, I don't give a fuck me, I'm going back to my mansion. What are you going to do? You fucking go and drink some rusty tap water? Honestly, where is that come from? Not where is this now? And then he comes out bringing an album out called Council Sky is, still, you know, it's still on the council estate kicking a ball about fucking.

00:06:20:22 – 00:06:43:19
Oh, my. Give me a break. Come on. Sorry, bro. Don't be horrible. Beep beep beep. And now I'm listening to, like, Team Liam and I wasn't. I've always thought. I didn't think name was arrogant, but I just thought no was the was the guy. And now I might prefer to knock him out of Liam, you know, I mean, he's still he's just a normal bloke and he's always been a bit of a swagger, right?

00:06:43:21 – 00:07:08:16
Yeah, yeah. He's not. He's always been a bit obnoxious, but he's never elevated himself as a holier than thou kind of attitude. Team man, as well. Yeah. I'm you just on that. There's that quote, isn't there? You leave a die here. I will live long enough to see yourself become a villain. Does that affect the how often you you'll listen to high flying birds or whatever he's doing at the moment?

00:07:08:18 – 00:07:26:10
Yeah. I don't I don't know if it's high flying birds at all. At all, I think, I don't think I'll listen to the last two albums. You know, Liam's solo stuff better than those. I mean, I'm not really listen to that, you know? It's like a protest. So are you listening? Just old Oasis music? Yeah. Pretty much.

00:07:26:10 – 00:07:54:10
But you still. Yeah, literally like that. Arctic Monkeys, Oasis, The Smiths, The Jam, and it's just on repeat. Like British people. I know. I, you know, I guess what I did again this week. Well done. Another pile up the fucking pose. Yeah. So this was, you said about the colonoscopy or the Inox endoscopy. What's your best right now for us?

00:07:54:12 – 00:08:16:07
I'm lying in bed and only my wife with this doesn't listen to this podcast, thank God. Unless she does secretly. She was like, that's that's a bit odd, isn't it? Oh. So mouthful and and that's a bit confused about what that means. And you've, you've added me right and gone go give this a retweet and I'm like, what's overlap of watching?

00:08:16:08 – 00:08:35:18
Do I like asshole mouth? I mean I can't retweet that. Well it says colonoscopy and it says what was the about endoscopy. What does it look like? I mean, like the health for health answers. It's meant for men's health. What's right. What was the point? What was about that. So that was the poll, what would you prefer?

00:08:35:20 – 00:09:04:02
And I was always, I think I'd go ask, you know, when when I was younger and I had my first colonoscopy, I was very, What's the word? Kind of like. But I'll say in the fact. Stick out, man, I don't care. I'm. I'm perfectly in touch with my own sexuality. Like, it doesn't matter. I don't care, rather than it be this.

00:09:04:02 – 00:09:32:17
Oh, no, you never put in anything near there. Yeah, I don't obviously as a it doesn't, doesn't actually matter. But that's what I was thinking back then at the time. So I thought it'd be close and a lot of people would go even tilting along the now. Now both Twitter and Instagram very close. So the mouth was 28% and 27%.

00:09:32:19 – 00:10:01:21
Yeah. Oh, and then, I, I would have thought also 72%. 73%. So. And then do you know what else I found out? I think I'm going to butcher this. There's something else as well. But I had no idea what this was until I put this out. Do you know what I cystoscopy is cystoscopy. I think I said that right cystoscopy scissors system because it does.

00:10:01:23 – 00:10:25:06
It's got to be down the dicking it down the D is it down that fucking do. What's up for? I think that's just to check. Yeah. Like you're in your bladder, your bladder and all that in it is one of the. It's one of. They say what chances. I'll take that. That's exactly. I'll be like, well, you know, one of them is going to win and it isn't going to be the camera.

00:10:25:06 – 00:10:57:20
I, I will just have to suffer in pain, whatever it is that would scare the lie. How the how? Because the camera saying scene hold holder. It's not big if you have redness. Your test know what? Why would I? Well, I don't know because you'd put in your plonk cream goes, goes I mean my message is going to be 25 years in August, so it's, the, the, the body count for myself is low.

00:10:57:22 – 00:11:25:09
Fair enough. But yeah, you've never you never thought even in the moments way before. Well, maybe if you never. Have you ever had unprotected sex with someone you don't know, right. Yes. No, no. So let me rephrase that. Would you rephrase it with one word? No, no. Not someone I don't know. Obviously I know them. No, you don't know the history.

00:11:25:12 – 00:11:44:20
You don't know what they're up to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Well, so after that event, did you not think, you know, a better a better get tested, don't want to have Aids. Nurse young at the time. Young dumb for like, footloose and fancy free, my friend. The reason why I'm asking about this, I think that's linked to what we're talking about this this week.

00:11:44:20 – 00:12:00:11
But the reason why I'm asking about it is this part of the old, the part of the way of checking. I can't remember what it was now, but I would stick a fucking umbrella thing down your jab. So. Yeah. Can you say that anymore? Don't. If you can, you can guy that. Sorry. Oh, I apologize for that. It's a slip of the tongue.

00:12:00:12 – 00:12:16:06
I've been saying it from a young age. Never say again. But they open it up your urethra. Then shove a fucking cotton pad down there like a maniac. I like that, yeah, I'll give me the gonorrhea. Heard that. Okay. That I've always had that. An account name, right. Yeah, I just, I if it falls off, it falls off.

00:12:16:06 – 00:12:45:00
I don't need it anyway. Yeah. I don't need any to do anyway. Exactly. Yeah. So the, last week, a little bit of a recap had someone else. And in the happiness episode, I'm 26 with a three and a half year old and a one year old. Two accidental pregnancies. Wife's got a coil now, so no, more like I now like.

00:12:45:02 – 00:13:08:11
How accidental can accidental pregnancy be? Come on. Yeah, and I like there's one thing in playing like, you're playing without a goalkeeper. It's like one of them. Is it like you knew. You knew. You knew that she wasn't on the pill, and you just put it in a bit, and then you took it out afterwards. Always. You had to pull out method.

00:13:08:13 – 00:13:33:07
It's not accidental. It's not like. It's not like you rub it up and somehow got pregnant to. I mean, I'm not I'm not trying to shit on the guy. I'm just saying, you know, I don't buy it. Go on. Okay. Well, I've got a quarter now, so no more hopefully. And to be honest, life is pretty fucking tough at the moment.

00:13:33:07 – 00:13:54:18
Oh, dear. We can we can barely afford to live. And I'm not giving my girls the life I'd want for them right now because of this. I want to give them a big house and nice holidays, but it's not possible. I've been in a spiral of stress and anxiety and depression, and taking the time to write down what in my life makes me happy.

00:13:54:18 – 00:14:22:21
Help me centered myself 99% of the things that make me happy, with my daughters. When I realize that it makes the lack of money or nice things seem totally insignificant. Yes, if I didn't have my girls, would I have more money? Would I be less stressed? Definitely. But my life wouldn't be nearly as fulfilling. And the list helped me realize, helped me realize that I snapped myself out of the funk I'd sunk into.

00:14:22:23 – 00:14:40:14
Not only is that pulled an escape for an hour a week, but is now given me something that will help with every day for the rest of my life. I've loved every episode of the pod so far. Write it five star lad and auto down selected lad. Keep up the amazing hosting, Ricky. Oh, must have missed the left.

00:14:40:14 – 00:15:01:10
That last sentence in there. Did he even say it? Well yeah he did. Yeah. Oh well yeah. Oh it's like you actually added that to his help. You, mate, you can if you've got money. Great. Life's easier, but you can't. You. The kids get used to having money. What they. Well, they won't get used to is if you're not in their life as much as possible.

00:15:01:10 – 00:15:20:14
So you could spend 80 hours a week grafting your ballocks off to make sure that they're in a house and they have all the toys they want, of which they would get use of that house, and they'd get used to those toys and get bored of those toys. One thing they'll never get bored of is you. If you're a good father and be in their.

00:15:20:16 – 00:15:39:19
Yeah, so don't get caught up in the materialism and trying to provide for them. All that stuff, all these ages 21, 26, 26 man fucking. I don't even like the pot calls in 2010. The pot to piss in the 26. I'd be blowing all of my money on drugs at 26. Yeah, if you masturbate until 6 a.m. on a morning.

00:15:39:19 – 00:16:00:14
That's what I was doing. I went, you know, I was quite happy actually. Quite, quite content that he's doing that. But the the fact is, is just be there, be there. And that's that's all they'll need. They'll need that a lot more than any money, anything the money can provide. And honestly, when I read this, I thought struck a chord with me.

00:16:00:16 – 00:16:19:14
I think I don't know if my message is going to kill me for saying this on a podcast. I listen to thousands, but I'm going to because I'll say what I want and it it may help a lot of other people out there. When I was 29 years old, I had my first child. Then at 31, I had my second child.

00:16:19:20 – 00:16:44:04
And during this time I was working in London. We'd move back to Milton Keynes, but I was still working in London for the NHS, the poor, the pay was piss poor and I was spending most of my wages traveling back and forth to London by train. So bills and food and stuff like that, we had, we literally had no money and I mean no money.

00:16:44:04 – 00:17:04:15
We were renting a house and it was one of those houses where you pay for gas, electric on a card to do top ups. So you'd be there watching telly, having a shower, then everything goes pitch black, electricity run out. You can press a little button, which makes it come back on for five minutes, like an emergency, shot.

00:17:04:21 – 00:17:28:23
And then you go to the shop and top. You call caught up. We had times where we couldn't even top our card up, and we would sit for an evening in cold and darkness. I had to listen to my missus. Why? She was, while she was holding our neighbor, crying, sitting in the darkness. Because we couldn't afford to get electricity on that day.

00:17:28:23 – 00:17:50:01
And what we used to do, we used to find items around the house and do like 1 to 2 days on, sales on eBay. Then they would buy it or the item, we'd get that money and put it back for the electricity and get food. And yeah, we have family and stuff. I was very proud man, but that's been the most difficult time.

00:17:50:01 – 00:18:11:04
My life. And I had young children and I misses that. I, you know, I would do anything and everything for it is fucking tough. And it and those young years are very tough with money and you want to give them the lottery. And I'm 41 now and I feel like I live pretty comfortably and I'm quite, you know, content in many ways.

00:18:11:06 – 00:18:30:01
I don't have the big house for that. So I think that what I want to give them and we're not going off to America or to wherever, if every year, and the glitz and glamor of that. But we do. All right, man, we do it right. And it gets and it gets, it gets better. So I just want to say, hang in there.

00:18:30:01 – 00:19:00:06
I know it's tough. And there may be tougher days ahead, but you'll come through it, man. You will come for it and you'll come through it together. So just fucking keep it the, the next one. Salazar a hammer. I don't know if you remember this dilemma from last week where basically a gentleman is becoming less sexually attracted to his wife and, in his words, that she was becoming fat.

00:19:00:08 – 00:19:23:06
So there was a lot of suggestions that we kind of put out there. And, you know, he said he bought an Apple Watch and close that, but to a size too small, which wasn't the way to go. And a gentleman actually emailed in to say that going to a gym is very scary. It's such a kind of pressurized place.

00:19:23:10 – 00:19:51:16
Loads of lads from Frome, wait around, loads of people, very skinny in tight outfits. Say it may be very offputting for the wife. Why not suggest going for an evening stroll? Just one stroll a week. The summer's coming spring weather is improving, and then you up that to two strolls a week, then free then for. Actually I was going to say this, but I forgot because, you know, I was doing the podcast, so basically they've stole my idea.

00:19:51:18 – 00:20:16:22
But anyway, I just thought that's quite cool. So just a simple stroll would be good. Now, before we get into today's topic, I just want to say, have you set the podcast automatic down? Right? Because I don't think you have because I've been checking the stats. What are you why why are you obsessed with this? Because when it comes out, yeah, it it registers as a download automatic down.

00:20:16:22 – 00:20:35:01
I didn't hear that. So it's ready for people to listen to. Yeah. All right. Well what what how do you do it. I don't have to do it. So if you just go on to Spotify I'm doing that now. Spotify or Apple. Nice. Spotify. Right. Okay. Spotify. So I type in lads. Anonymous in the search bar. Doing it.

00:20:35:01 – 00:21:01:04
Done. Yeah. Can you see the little cog just down below the name on that desktop? That's this is, this is, this is not like. Yeah. Gone cog. So so there's a little cog there. If you click that clock clock click that cog. Yeah. Maybe. Guys now then it would say automatic download. And you see the toggle set the toggle to automatic download.

00:21:01:06 – 00:21:17:06
And then make it like that from the start. So everyone does automatic download I don't know they used to Apple used it but they've they've stopped doing it. Now I think it might be I don't I'm not moaning about that space in their phone. Yeah exactly. Yeah. Yeah exactly. So if there's one if there's one podcast out there.

00:21:17:06 – 00:21:39:09
Yeah. What about downloads. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. You want it? I dunno just just let this one podcast beta automatic download that you choose. And once you've listened to it you can delete it. And then when you're on the move, walking the dog, going for a run on the plane, in the gym, you fucking kill us, man.

00:21:39:09 – 00:22:01:00
You don't need any Wi-Fi or anything with it. Yes, let's go get it. I think they get it. Yeah. No, I run out of breath as well when I saying that. So I got a bit lightheaded. So today's topic what is today's topic. It's fuck. Do you know what. Every since we've done this pod, we're like this is the 11th episode in.

00:22:01:02 – 00:22:24:11
I've always wanted to do it. So we say it at the same time. But I've never actually communicated this to you. Should we try? Today's topic is first dates. And what? Yeah, that's that way. We're going to work on this each week again. And. Right. Today's topic is first night and one night stand. Why are you why are you saying it like that?

00:22:24:11 – 00:22:44:07
I'm watching your mouth, trying to do it at the same time. Try one more time. Okay. Okay. Today's topic is first. I am one. One that. Shut up. Ricky, you, You're fucking up. You are you you are the way you're saying it, right? Let's get start. I want to get straight into this. Are you sure?

00:22:44:10 – 00:23:05:11
How many first dates you had? None. How many of you had, like, the very first day I've had. I've been not anonymous at. Yeah. Well. Go on. You got a question? I have, I have, I've had a I guess a couple consist of my dating history, isn't it isn't that going on an actual physical date is mental to me.

00:23:05:13 – 00:23:25:15
Like my. I'm so. I'm so glad you've said this. I was late, I was last night. I was actually watching first dates, and I love watching that program. The awkwardness around going on a date, whether that be I mean, blind date is a totally different ball game, but going out on a date to begin with, what do you do?

00:23:25:15 – 00:23:54:00
Like what? Like I know you. You you converse with the man or lady, that you're with, but do you just swap hobbies, like. And then just say I have a mum and dad? No, I have an older sister, all right? I don't I, I know it's supposed to be more conversational, but I find it just like blind dates.

00:23:54:02 – 00:24:11:24
Any dates? A first date with someone. I think from a man's perspective, you go on a date. If it's blind date or first date, you go and then go, right. Are they attractive? All their mannerisms attractive? Are their micro mannerisms attractive? And what is their say? What do they are? Are they kind of somewhat coherent from a man's perspective?

00:24:11:24 – 00:24:33:24
That's what you're looking for. Yeah. So it's like speed dating as well. You know what I mean? Like people can speed dating all it is, is like, is this one attractive? Is this one attractive? Is this one to you? She's not gonna know anything about their character. You know nothing. You know, very, you know, less so much less about someone's character a month into dating than you will five years into dating.

00:24:34:03 – 00:24:51:11
Almost like they're different people. When you see the first part of someone's relationship is and it's an obvious thing, but the best bits, if someone's showing you the worst bits in the first month, you're like, oh my God, what kind of psychopath is this? Most people are allowed to hide these things for the first month, and then and then you.

00:24:51:12 – 00:25:14:16
What you do is you eke out your irritating, aspects of your personality, or you eke out your traits that are somewhat undesirable as long as you can, but you can't hold them out away forever, because that's who you are, right? Warts and all and all that. So speed dating he's just simply is this person attractive? Would I have sex with this person?

00:25:14:16 – 00:25:36:12
That's all speed dating is. And then it might happen that the both of you think yeah, they're hot. Yeah. Let's bang. And then after that, if you're lucky, a relationship might blossom. More likely not. But relationship might, might blossom. So. So first dates just the same, isn't it? Do you find that person attractive? Is the physical the physical?

00:25:36:12 – 00:26:01:07
I think it is. But like I like in a first, I know what I'm like. I can barely hold eye contact with another female through my own confidence and awkwardness. And even now, do you think if some, God forbid, if you had to go dating because the, you know, obviously the other whatever reason, you're you're suddenly just like that, right?

00:26:01:07 – 00:26:22:06
I can't and someone sends you on a date. Rick. Because I've only known I. Ricky and and and the missus. That's all I've known. The four of you going out got trying to, you know? Who you trying to woo? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I've just used the word woman as well. I say you can imagine how I'd fucking get on.

00:26:22:08 – 00:26:46:17
It would be, it would be a nightmare. And like, the thing is, and if the date goes well, I know what I'm not like, I would like. It's just weird, isn't it? Like taking someone back to my house, where all my worldly possessions are and everything about me is in my house? I'm not. A lady is coming back there, and then I know what I'm like.

00:26:46:17 – 00:27:04:16
I'll turn the TV on and be like, oh, would I get her a drink and be watching telly? And I'd be like, oh, have you seen them? Have you seen this program called The Jungle Hooks? It's where this guy flies into Africa and catches massive Arab pipes. Look. No, look at this one. Oh my God, look at the teeth from that.

00:27:04:16 – 00:27:38:06
Imagine trying to catch that. Looking at it, smiling at me, not screaming it at that face is Reem. Do you know when you're saying that is so important? That is so you acknowledge how good your relationships are because that's exactly what you could say to your misses. Yeah, yeah. Like I I'm lying in bed, like, if I had a one night stand, like in this mad world that we've created where our wives don't exist, I can't have a one night stand and then show them a wicked short video that I've just seen on Instagram Reels.

00:27:38:08 – 00:27:58:09
No, my wife can, and she gives me the time of day. She'll even go. Oh, and then she might even ask me a question about it. Do you know how little maintenance I need? It's that little. It's just my wife to look at me for a second and just for a second look and pay attention to what I'm showing her.

00:27:58:11 – 00:28:13:23
Maybe ask a question about it, and I am satisfied for the rest of the day. I don't need nothing else. It's just looked at it, looks at the room guy. That's got to be a five in it. That's that's got to be five. Yeah. I think you'll be like, oh no, she said that. I'll be like, right fucking this up.

00:28:13:23 – 00:28:33:09
Sex immediate. No no no. But she might ask you about it or it might be, it might be that I start telling her about how strange it is that a tiger shark this size is this close to the the shore. And look how quick it is. And she look at me. Oh, yeah. That's enough. It's just acknowledgment. You're interested in this.

00:28:33:09 – 00:28:50:04
Let me give you some attention, men. So little maintenance in that respect. It's just a little cuddle every now and then and acknowledgment of what you're interested in. You know, watching half the football match with me is is incredible. Yeah. That's that's that does not happen in this house. And that's what I know I know. Let's not compare.

00:28:50:04 – 00:29:10:22
But I'm just saying I know I'm not I wouldn't want that anyway. No. Fair enough, fair enough, fair enough. But you know what? Maybe an episode of Band of Brothers. Oh, would you like that? I've. I've literally got Sammy right now. If you if you ever watched Band of Brothers with you, she, she's seen bits and pieces and we've been watching, Masters of the air as well.

00:29:10:22 – 00:29:32:17
Yeah. What do you think the first five apps where there was a lot of dogfights, the playing dogfights, and she was as hooked as I was? Yeah. So it was, you know, we thought it's turned out that she's lost interest. Might. We won't. I'm not going to do this now. Right. Because you just you could put me in a bad mood.

00:29:32:22 – 00:30:01:15
All right. But, Yeah, it's amazing. Now, in this imaginary place where we find ourselves a. Would you have back then or even now, gone on dating apps. But what's your thoughts around I did I was on I was on the dating app for. Oh yeah yeah, yeah. In between there was a period in between where I was single and I was on Tinder for about.

00:30:01:17 – 00:30:04:04
A month.

00:30:04:06 – 00:30:33:18
And. Okay, it was just it is complete waste of time really I think because what I, I wasn't looking for it did no one. So actually, Shut up. Closest work for me. It's just that, I, there's a lot of wasted energy in conversation. Right? Okay. And I was of the mindset that I didn't want another relationship to just go out of alone.

00:30:33:18 – 00:31:00:22
One. So I just wanted to bunk up. Really. And but there were the problem with Tinder is there are everybody is there to meet people, but everyone has different motives for meeting people. So you got the energy of people that just want to bang. You got the energy of people that are trying to find relationships. You got the energy of people that might want to bang and have a relationship and the energy people that just don't want a relationship, just want to make friends.

00:31:00:22 – 00:31:22:20
It's like a minefield is too simplistic of thing. And, you know, you can put no casual hookups or whatever you want to put on there. No serious relationship, just casual hookups. I got I just got bored of it really quickly, and then it become very evident very quickly that the whole thing's monetized anyway. So it's just a is this is the is created to get money out of you.

00:31:22:22 – 00:31:42:03
And what's really insidious about it is they know a lot of people are desperate on that, on that. But a lot of people really desperate to find a connection with someone, to find a relationship, to find a partner, to do the one thing we we were here to do, which is find someone to procreate. Right? Yeah. Like no one knows why we're here.

00:31:42:03 – 00:32:02:10
But there's one thing that's clear is to have babies. Yeah. Not that you do what you want, right. But that seems to be the most logical thing to do when you're here. So there's a lot of desperate people to want to do that stuff and want to have a connection with people. And what Tinder says is like, yeah, well, we'll help you do that, but you've got to give us loads of money first.

00:32:02:12 – 00:32:22:01
So it's a bit, it's all a bit, a little bit insidious. But yeah, I was on I was on there. Would you, would you have done it. You would have had to write to me. That's exactly it. I would have had to say, because I am not that guy that sees a, a lady across the bar and thinks she looks very attractive.

00:32:22:01 – 00:32:44:19
I'm going to go and chat to her. I would spend my evening just staring at my shoes and anything. God I wish. What? What is what was she scared of? I don't know, I don't know rejection, man. Yeah. Oh, you were all that afraid of that. But no, it would have. When when you, when you're not. That's when.

00:32:44:23 – 00:33:06:06
That's when everything becomes a lot easier. You accept that there are people that won't find you attractive. Are you worried that everybody wouldn't find your trust? Yeah. Pretty much. Right. Yeah, yeah, pretty much. It just be like loads of, loads and loads. But yeah, I think I would have to be on I'd have to be on one of those apps.

00:33:06:06 – 00:33:35:04
But also, I don't know if I mean, there are loads of cases where people have been on been on these apps and they've found they found the one at, you know, someone that found the one on the app and was married last year really with this person. Yeah. So Tinder, Grindr, which one they used? Yeah. I don't I don't know which one she used, but this is, this is what I like about.

00:33:35:07 – 00:33:57:11
Right? Yeah. It's just a bit more honest than it or what. Yeah. Am I like, this is just a hookup app. Everyone knows what they're up to. Or am I being. Is this kind of. Am I pigeonholing Grindr? It actually is a bit more nuanced than that. I might be wrong. Nah, I think well, I mean, from what people say, it's pretty much a hookup app.

00:33:57:11 – 00:34:25:09
I always remember when I was working at Moorfields and this geezer that I know, he was not my kind of guy, the alpha male, very, misogynist, very, you know, just one of those guys. But he it was always where on a Monday where I'd work was he's in a close like to where he was. So he would come over and chat to me.

00:34:25:11 – 00:34:49:07
So he come over and he Chinese phone and he was on plenty of fish. See that boat? Press there last week. See that one there? Press there to see that. But, smash their up, man. Smash their up. So you see that one there. Took a it did I got nothing, mate. Got nothing fucking and he would just be swiping through all these clips in them.

00:34:49:12 – 00:35:12:19
Yeah. Yeah. Just and I was like this. This is good. Thank you. Yeah. See you later. Thank you for all my daughters. About you. Yeah. You. But, Yeah, I don't know. Is there, is there an app where it is just pan bangs and or is it just. I don't know, I think I think there's, there's, there's apps that are just controlled by women.

00:35:12:19 – 00:35:46:02
So they get to choose who they speak to. And the men can instigate conversations. I think that's like Bumble or something like that. I don't know, man. It's been like, you talk talking for 14 years. The lesson that 12 years ago or so, I think, but yeah, no, I, I guess the one I'd say the one first date I had and it doesn't really count as a first date in that, so I met a lot of the way I had met women previously, would be out on nights out and be full of, like, fake confidence.

00:35:46:02 – 00:36:13:15
Well, fake confidence given to me by. Yeah. From hints of narcotics. I was going to say I was like, this is fantastic. Secondly, okay. I was going to say I wouldn't cross you when we were younger as as a coachman, but I've never been to you. Your confidence and your way with the ladies. And, you know, when we used to go out and you and your brothers.

00:36:13:15 – 00:36:35:01
And it was always very joking and within, we'd hadn't even got our drinks. There was women around the table talking to us and stuff, and it was just, I don't know, it's just. I don't know how you did it. Maybe it's not you, but it's not. It isn't. It's the realization. And then, by the way, this isn't like us going out and womanizing.

00:36:35:01 – 00:36:56:21
This wouldn't result in, you know, taking birds back to hotel rooms and rat shit, right? It was just the game when you was out and what it was. People want to be spoken to, right? Men want to talk to women. Women want to be spoken to. But as long as it's done with the right energy. And so they this is something that you enjoy, right?

00:36:56:21 – 00:37:28:08
So it's flirting, but it's also there's this idea that something might happen or other than that it's just a bit of entertainment. And as long as you can bridge that between it not being leery and it's genuinely something that's, that's, the you enjoy liking the interaction that you're going to enjoy, then people are up for it. And generally it would be it was just a lot of it was fueled by drugs and maybe the the idea of what happened was probably romanticized a bit more than the reality.

00:37:28:10 – 00:37:49:00
But yeah, it was like talking about just fun, right? It was just something fun to do. It was. But it was the fact. The reason why I asked that question earlier was. There's no fear of failure if you don't expect anything. Right. What what like like what what what's the worst thing happened? You start chatting to a bird.

00:37:49:00 – 00:38:19:10
She's very rarely sorry. It's just. Stop, said bird. Right? A lady very rarely. That's my upbringing, right. So I'm sorry. Very rarely would she instinct instantly go. No, not interested in talking to you. Very, very rarely. In fact, the girls that were probably the most the ones that got hit on the most with most likely to do that, and they were girls that probably wouldn't be.

00:38:19:12 – 00:38:36:16
I don't know that there that just probably sick and tired of men talking to them, but generally talking about normal people like us. They're not. They're going to be entertaining a conversation. They're not going to turn around and go, who the fuck do you think you are talking to me? Approaching me like they're not going to do that.

00:38:36:18 – 00:38:52:20
So what is there to be fearful of? If you just want to have a start a conversation? I don't know, but in your in your mind, it might be like you walk up to me as a guy and go fuck off, mate. What are you say knock off shorty? I don't need to get personal, all right?

00:38:52:23 – 00:39:09:22
Never going to happen. It's never going to happen. So, so that's what you're talking about in terms of where we got the confidence was there's a confidence that you don't expect anything to happen. It's merely having a conversation with the subtext that I'm a bloke and you're a woman and that's it. Yeah, that's what it was. It was just a bit of fun.

00:39:09:24 – 00:39:33:24
Those times were. They were great. Incredibly fun. Incredibly fun. So, like, talking about moving what I said earlier, I don't know, is that the word women? I'm 41. That's the word I, I don't know, I don't know what the word is. How how would you woohoo! I said, woman, I wouldn't, like the idea because there's going to be.

00:39:34:02 – 00:39:53:03
This can be lads, listen to that are in my camp that we don't know where, you know, we'll see a pretty woman and that she would just walk out. I wouldn't know what to do. We've been in the same. We've been in the same building for five hours, and I didn't say anything to her. I wouldn't know what to do even now, because.

00:39:53:05 – 00:40:15:18
Be clear. No, no, no, no, I'm not lying. Is that my brain was trained. But then to be comfortable in that situation, I'm so far from that person anymore. Yeah. I don't think I could recreate here. Well, don't get me wrong. I could have a conversation with a female in the bar that I could strike up a conversation with someone I didn't know in the bar.

00:40:15:19 – 00:40:44:18
I could do that, but I'm so far from that person that. And that's so incredibly content and happy with my with what I have my wife and the kids and that that, I can't give you the advice of the past that the 28 year old Ryan, but it's simply what I said already, Rick, is. Yeah. Yes. What is the fear if she says no?

00:40:44:20 – 00:41:01:14
If you walk off, you never see that person ever again and she will never think about you ever again. So might as well not have happened. But if you do nothing, I'll tell you what a good friend. What what what about if she's in, like, a group of her girly mates and you've got to sit in that same bar like, you know, I mean, just ignore that.

00:41:01:17 – 00:41:30:04
Do you think I've been rejected loads of times? Yeah. And we, Man, it's like you just fucking a man. It was. I was terrible. There were times are. And bear in mind lots of MDMA, lots of MDMA. Caveat. But you'd walk around the bar and it would be like. A diet like. I wonder how many women I can tell.

00:41:30:06 – 00:41:46:13
And it wasn't like I said, this wasn't this wasn't to the point where I hope I could chat them up so then I can pull them and then we can have sex. It wasn't that. It was just the first bit. Like this bit. So much fun. Yeah, I would like I wouldn't let you do that. I know, because you got hang around with me for the, you know, going.

00:41:46:15 – 00:42:13:09
But that was that. But that was never the motive. I guess that's a good bit of advice, is that the motive isn't to go home and sleep with someone. No, never expect that to happen. And, you know, like, as has become really importantly and acutely, a, a talking point and a subject to be considered is the fact that, you know, flirting doesn't equal consent or doesn't equal any kind of indication that there will be any kind of sexual activity later.

00:42:13:11 – 00:42:32:06
But a simple conversation to start should be the be all and end all right. So you start with a story that that's what it was for me back then. Yeah. Well that should be the the catalyst to get to that first day. Right. Like like whatever. It's trying and everything's going well and then leave it at that. And beta is my number.

00:42:32:07 – 00:42:52:20
Yeah. You were if you want to go out, something to eat. Fucking this. This is not a little restaurant in it. I would say of all the numbers I swapped, I would say maybe 1 or 2 girls ever contacted me. Really? Yeah. So that was probably why I probably wasn't as successful as I remember my brain. That sounds good.

00:42:52:20 – 00:43:17:23
Yeah, man, you're good at this. Or is. The reality is, I probably had two conversations out of all of that. Yeah. What would be your, what would be your ideal, like first day? It's not like if you a you the guy that is because I see people got on first dates and it just fills me with so much awkwardness.

00:43:18:00 – 00:43:40:03
Should we go for drinks and bowling? Not much now. Why why why why why why why are you doing that? Why are you doing that to you? So what is it? So I don't know, it's just so, my, like, you have to. You have to do a physical activity in front of a person that the that you're trying to table tennis and you're at your boat.

00:43:40:03 – 00:44:01:12
A table tennis is all right. That's fun. But bowling, you gotta wear those stupid little clown shoes. You should have had a boy. We should have had. We should have had our boys, shouldn't we? Alex, on to talk about these, but. Yeah, yeah, I never first date. I think I think, look, I would say the only one I would count as a first date would be with my wife.

00:44:01:12 – 00:44:26:06
Right. And but we met. It doesn't really count because we met in Lisbon on a Friday festival, and I spent with, you know, the first three days of this festival, bits and pieces of it and, and then later on we decided to meet, like, so we, we met at the festival, went back to our lives and then exchanged numbers, and we would text every now and then.

00:44:26:08 – 00:44:47:08
And then she had to come to London to renew a passport because she's Swiss and, and so I said, I will, I'll meet you. And we'll meet up and we'll spend the day together. So that was almost like a first date. That was quite kind of nerve wracking, because there's one thing meeting up on a as a holiday brief romance again, full of drugs.

00:44:47:10 – 00:45:07:05
Yeah. Meeting in the cold light. A day in London. Very different. Yeah. But it turned out that, we had a really good day, and I was just walking around the shops, went down Brick Lane and just showed London and it was very relaxed and there was no real pressure to it, really. So you just you, like you said about about.

00:45:07:07 – 00:45:27:23
Yeah, we had to walk about got some food when a brick lane, a couple of bars. See, that's what that's what I had put a back on a train at the end of the day. Nice. Yeah. Let's see. It's the activity. It's the forced fun activities on a first day that I just. I can't deal with, I really can't.

00:45:27:23 – 00:45:55:17
And then the sitting down of. You're both locked in for a couple of hours and the thing is, is, well, like when you get dinner on a first date, having to eat in front of someone that I'm trying to fucking with, it's just. God, just can't. It just feels me of dread. If anything ever happened to my missus and I had to go back out on the market, I would just pull, pull, pull the shutters down.

00:45:55:19 – 00:46:14:09
What would you do then? What would you do? Nothing. I just sit in my house all day watching Band of Brothers. What I'm saying is, what? What would your your ideal first date, your what you did, what you did. It would be casual. Stroll in about a garden, have a pint, get up again. Go for another bowl about a shopping.

00:46:14:11 – 00:46:37:06
Walk round the lake. Do whatever you know. It's just. It's that now that confinement that you are in a place here, you are here for a couple of hours. Now. You must do the swapping of information. It just feels so. You must do before. Yeah. It's just feels you've been having a chat with each other. Swapping? Yeah. It doesn't feel easy.

00:46:37:06 – 00:46:58:06
Do you think you struggle to find things to talk about? Yeah. And I would just I because I know what I'm like where my heart on my sleeve and everything just comes out and I'll be like, have you ever done a pair outside of the laser? I and I were telling them the stories where I've been caught short and needed to do a poo in a forest somewhere.

00:46:58:08 – 00:47:17:17
And, but that is me that you know where I'm going to be with that. That would probably leave the poop. No it's not. Yes. Not the icebreaker, though, is it? Yeah. Probably not. So I'd have to leave that. I'm going to finish this little segment of, first dates with a couple. Well, quite a few, actually, that that we've been sent in.

00:47:17:17 – 00:47:47:11
So there have been some horror stories out there, and, it's a mixture between first day, one night stands and all those types of things. But, here we go. The first one. Hi, lads. Back in the 90s, I worked in Burton's menswear. I had a great crack, and I met some good friends. One of the lads I was friends with was called Ben, he said about a smoking hot girlfriend and childhood sweetheart he had been with for the past two years.

00:47:47:13 – 00:48:07:17
We were all about 1718 at the time. Ben was a good laugh and he was a little geeky and at bright ginger hair, and none of us had, met or even seen said girlfriend before, so couldn't believe him. Anyway, on a night out I met some girls I've been to school with for a few years, and they were out with their new mate Sam.

00:48:07:17 – 00:48:31:11
Sam was hot and we took an instant shine to each other. One thing led to another. We ended up fucking each other on a park bench brackets class. We swapped numbers and kept in touch, meeting up a couple more times, mainly at my house where we shack some more. She was unreal. I just love sex. Anyway, I actually do.

00:48:31:11 – 00:48:56:23
As a young adult teenager you tell all your mates a new girl you've met and all of them. So I was an absolute geezer until one day Sam walked into Burton Menswear to meet her boyfriend Ben. Yeah. Yes. Sam was the girlfriend of Ben. Yeah. He told us about how much he loved her. I couldn't believe it.

00:48:57:00 – 00:49:20:00
She knew I work there. I never once said anything about Ben. Fucking bitch. I thought, what should I do? It was at this point she began her radio silence to me and didn't text back. Anyway, I plucked up the courage to tell Ben I couldn't, as I couldn't have him be sucked in by her, and she was clearly playing.

00:49:20:00 – 00:49:47:22
If I'm not going to shag, no one's going to a. That said, maybe I should have waited until our worksheets had finished as Ben Fulham punched me in the face on the shop floor before walking out, visibly crying. I'm still in contact with Ben via Facebook. Is that a lovely family? Happily married, though I've not heard from Sam, Sam has completely disappeared and I've not seen or heard from her to this day.

00:49:47:24 – 00:50:11:05
Wow. That was, Yeah. Good. Can you imagine that? Yeah. I mean, it's, I was thinking, as you was talking about that as shitty of. Should he have told him? Probably should have done with. I told him, probably. Let me find out. Because then like like imagine like he'd get like maybe 3 or 4 months of sex and then he's heartbroken.

00:50:11:05 – 00:50:36:01
But what's better? I've been heartbroken and not those for amounts of sex or heartbroken. And four types of sex. So you say take the sex. Oh, so I'm saying, look, eventually you can get heartbroken either way. But in one instance, who is going to get heartbroken? Ben or the shag? So Ben, Ben, Ben who's whose original who originally had Sam.

00:50:36:03 – 00:50:57:09
Yeah, right. There's two scenarios here. Ricky. Right. Both end up with Ben. Jerry's heartbroken. Right? Right. So Ben and Sugar the story. Yeah. It's telling the story. He has a choice. Do I tell Ben right now or do I leave Ben alone and let him continue this relationship? That is going to end in the same way that if I tell him now.

00:50:57:09 – 00:51:18:10
But during that time, Ben's going to get all the sex. So in both instances, Ben gets his heart broken. But in one instance, he gets all the sex. Which one is better for Ben? I don't know, but, who who else is she? Who gives a shit? We're talking about Ben. I know, but then you don't want Ben to be carried on with this girl.

00:51:18:10 – 00:51:37:11
She's like, with other guys. Now. You want to get dependent, but he's getting all the sex. Ricky, do you understand what I'm saying? Heart broken. Heart broken in between sex. Let him have the sex. Right. I bet you feel good about himself. Ohio. Man. It didn't. He after got punched out, did it for the right reasons. I was looking out for Ben.

00:51:37:11 – 00:51:54:16
No you weren't. You were just sick and tired that you weren't getting any more. That Ben Barnaby's for four months. And at the end, that was true, that today might end up our Ben. Our prevented Ben from getting chlamydia. He was always going to get committed at some point. We all did as fuck you. What, you think you've done a good job of.

00:51:54:16 – 00:52:20:10
You know what? You did it to nine four months of no. It's amazing. This next one is called solid as a Rock. I saw the topic for this week, was First Dates, so I thought I'd share a first date of mine. I met a girl on a night out. Really attractive go and easy to talk to a texter and wasn't expecting a response.

00:52:20:15 – 00:52:42:14
So when she messaged back, I was pleasantly surprised. We went out on a date a few weeks later and it went well. We then went back to mine for a drink, then ended up going into the bedroom and I was getting down to business and it was all going well until I realized I was having difficulties downstairs. Nightmare.

00:52:42:16 – 00:53:05:14
Yeah, it was like playing snooker with the right. I've always got stage fright when sleeping with girls. I'm attracted to, and usually combat it by getting smashed. This wasn't working, so I luckily had a little blue pill in the drawer next to the bed. I pop that in and it wasn't working as quickly as, as it usually did.

00:53:05:16 – 00:53:33:06
She said she was tired, so she went to sleep. I wonder why didn't you just fucking just pop it as soon as you go home? What? What were you waiting for? Yeah. Or do what the guy did on in between is to start punching. It puts a punch in it. Why won't you work? I like you, and I ended up laying there for the next eight hours, hard as a rock, thinking I've played my chances with this lovely girl.

00:53:33:08 – 00:53:54:17
Fast forward four years and we've just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. Yeah, that's that's the kind of. That's what ending a. Yeah. Why didn't you take it before? As soon as you got in, you knew it was on soon as. Right. I though I did think that my husband of course, is gone. There's no chance I'm going to be able to do this.

00:53:54:17 – 00:54:08:04
But I followed it all the way through to the bedroom. My brain this game. What are you doing? So you got to stop this at any state, you are not going to be able to get it up. Why are you still come through this? And then you. You're up. A bride's got other side. Get. God. Good. Let's do it.

00:54:08:04 – 00:54:21:09
Let's go. Let's see. Let's see what happens if we get right to the end. It might work. No. Might work. No, no. I wish it was saying that because that would be positive. The other side of a problem is again. Well, you don't know if you've already done it. You've waited too. It's rude. If you say no, no, it's better off.

00:54:21:12 – 00:54:44:19
Let yourself both than put yourself in this horrendous situation because you've let it go this far. It's not just come down on them for ages. And that's a bit disappointing. You can't get up. You should see the amount of lines of them. This was never going to work. This thing. She was she was happy, you know?

00:54:44:19 – 00:55:09:18
I mean, yeah, well, it's not, you know, not enough. Is it? Just that. No, not the same. Nice. Not the same. Yeah. So I've got two more to read out. Then we're going to go to the dilemmas and something only you know. So this is a part one. And a part two. We'll go part one first one night stand after a breakup from a serious relationship, I decided to keep myself busy and go on Tinder.

00:55:09:20 – 00:55:34:05
I start talking to a girl. She was extremely 30. I wanted to go on a date once I organized travel around, to traveled around one hour to make this go. Once I pulled up outside her house, I realized I had been catfished and I couldn't believe what I'd got myself into a nightmare. We go to the local spoons for a couple of drinks while I sat there regretting every second of this.

00:55:34:05 – 00:55:58:04
I'm trying to think of ways to get out of it all while she's telling me loads of random sex stories. He does this, get a text. I text my friends and ask if they can do an emergency tactic to try and get me out of this. They thought it was funny and refused. So. So I so I continue to have a few more drinks just to help me in this situation.

00:55:58:06 – 00:56:18:10
After the drinks, she invites me back to hers because I'm polite. For some reason I said yes, okay. But I go back to her thinking, what the fuck am I doing? What I think I couldn't, it couldn't get any worse. It turns out she lives in a garage at the back of her nans house. It was absolutely freezing.

00:56:18:16 – 00:56:42:19
Without going into detail, we ended up doing the day like and I didn't enjoy it at all. I have no idea why. I could just say no during all of this. To make things even worse, she had a hamster which decided to do its marathon training had taught me when all I could hear was this road spinning around.

00:56:42:19 – 00:57:11:16
And it's a will. That's amazing. Certainly wasn't the mood setting I was after. The next morning arrives, I wake up at 6 a.m., horrified. What have I done? Not only because I actually went through it, but it was my first ever one night stand and the guilt made me feel sick. So I rushed up, got dressed and told her I must beat the traffic on my way home, still feeling sick, I fell over people over at petrol station and spew everywhere.

00:57:11:18 – 00:57:33:14
Don't do it kids. It's just not worth it. God can you. When I was reading this ad, tears rolling down my face because I just want to do it so doesn't want to do it hastily out of politeness. It's such a mea thing to do. Go through with it. And it's freezing cold in the garage, in the darkness.

00:57:33:14 – 00:57:51:21
As you read the job, you can hear a hamster wheel squeaking in the back. And you know anyone who's out, I have to know exactly what that sounds. I can hear it. It's amazing. Oh my God, it's amazing. And then I'm going to read this party. Now he's got a party. He's got a party back on Tinder again.

00:57:51:21 – 00:58:14:14
Start talking to a girl. It's going well. She's super funny. Looks really pretty in the photos and seems like a gem in it. Bio she described herself as a Daenerys Targaryen lookalike. Game of Thrones in brackets. Never do that. By the way, if you're a great girl, never, never say you look like someone who could. I mean, actually better looking than you.

00:58:14:16 – 00:58:38:08
There's someone. There's a Hollywood budget made to look look amazing. Never do that. Yeah. Go down. If anything, go downwards. You promise less over deliver. Yeah, that's a good point. God, she had the same hair color and everything, so I was buzzing. I think I was, I was on to a winner. We don't actually go out on a date, but she invites me round hers.

00:58:38:10 – 00:58:57:24
If you haven't guessed it already, this one also leaves in a damp concert a garage. Oh, that's how I was. Is it? Were you in garages? Might you find women in garages? I've never known one woman. I've never met a person. One woman has lived in a garage in my entire life. Shags, women in garages, garage, Chagla. Garage.

00:58:57:24 – 00:59:20:07
Go. Yeah. It's put in brackets. Although this one was road safe. I get to, I get to a shed. When she answered the door, I quickly read I was I had yet again been catfish. Yes, she has sunk. Oh, yes. She had the same color hair as the Mother of Dragons, but she certainly didn't have the looks.

00:59:20:13 – 00:59:38:08
I'm not a shallow person. I've kissed some folks in my time, but I felt I'd been lied to. Well, if the description is not right, then you are. You do have a right to be kind of angered. But yeah, yeah. So what do you do? But me being me, the nice person I am, I decided I'd still give this a go.

00:59:38:10 – 00:59:57:05
We didn't do much apart from watch TV on her bed and chat. I'm not sure if there was just no connection or the fact I was so disappointed, but the date went awful and there was no flow of conversation or anything. Around 12 p.m. I decided it was time to leave. We both felt it was for the best.

00:59:57:07 – 01:00:19:07
I think we were both glad it was finally over. I get in my car and I realize I have a flat tire. Yeah, about two weeks before that I actually canceled my AA. So there was no way of getting sorted. So I takes the card. So I text. The girl was like, I'm kind of in shit here.

01:00:19:09 – 01:00:40:18
Thankfully she had breakdown cover and was kind enough to call them to help me out, but the downside was that they didn't arrive until 4 a.m. she insisted she would wait around for me in case they needed her details. So we sat in my car and waited for them to arrive. It was in the wind and it's fucking freezing.

01:00:40:18 – 01:00:59:17
You go back to the garage, I don't know, and not only did we have an awkward day, we then had to deal with each other for another four hours in minus degrees weather in my car. They were the worst four hours of my life and she was so pissed off of me and I knew this would never. We would never see each other again.

01:00:59:19 – 01:01:19:11
Tinder is not worth the hassle. People. If you see the cloud you ever seen program Love is Blind? No. What's that there in this big house? I'm. So I'm telling you this second hand because I haven't seen it either. But I was told this week about this story, and it's essentially all, male and females in separate, separate in this big house.

01:01:19:11 – 01:01:45:10
And the only way they can communicate is by telephone or in dark rooms, whatever it is they can't see, I think I think I've seen it, but I don't really know about. Yeah. So there's these two women that are both interested in this one guy and he obviously the conversation gets to, well, what do you look like? One of the girls says, I've been told that I look a bit like Megan Fox.

01:01:45:12 – 01:02:10:20
Oh, and I. Right. Let's go. Megan Fox is. Regardless of what you think the vast majority of men think, Megan Fox is pretty stunning. Yeah, less so recently, but generally pretty stunning, right? If you're trying to set an idea about what you might look like to a potential partner, you don't say one of the most beautiful you look like one of the most beautiful women in the world.

01:02:10:22 – 01:02:31:14
Because no matter how good looking you are, the minute you're me, you're not Megan Fox because that's what he's expecting to see. Yeah. So, yeah, I get that. But how do you, how do you describe yourself to something that's relative? Not like that. You've. That is about you. You could. You could say I look like words or gametes.

01:02:31:14 – 01:02:52:01
That would be a better plan than, say, Megan Fox because he's idea of you shots at the minute he gets to see you. She's not unattractive. This woman, she's not unattractive. She is attractive. She's nowhere near as attractive as Megan Fox and the the, the other woman who you get to choose from wasn't was was probably better looking than,

01:02:52:03 – 01:03:19:21
But she didn't say that. She looked like Megan Fox. And she simply said, when you didn't pick a, you are going to scream when you didn't pick me. Oh, yeah. Anyway, the moral of the story is, don't oversell yourself. It reminds me of the the best thing that's that's always meant everywhere in our WhatsApp is the episode in the office where David Brant has a blind date.

01:03:19:23 – 01:03:37:20
That the blind date. The profile picture is different to what he sees. And she says, I'll be wearing a white chiffon scarf and he's at the bar. The camera is on him, and he says that the the camera. She said, you'll be wearing a white chiffon scarf and as he turns round, the woman is not as described in her profile.

01:03:37:20 – 01:04:03:10
And he looks at the camera and he just goes, oh, for fuck's sake! It's fucking so funny. So funny. Right? We're going to go into one dilemma, and then we're going to go on to one something only you know, and then we will go in for the finish. So this one they emailed in twice. So I think they're in a bit of a spot of bother.

01:04:03:12 – 01:04:27:24
I've called this one sniffing how I've been good friends for 4 to 5 years with this guy. Now jobs. But we stayed in contact and I would say he's still one of my best mates. About 18 months ago we went on a night out and got pretty drunk. I ended up crashing at his. He lives with his sister, but she was out for the night, so he said I could stay in her room.

01:04:28:01 – 01:04:46:23
Big mistake. I know this is good. I fancied his sister since the day I met. Er. I won't go into objectifying details, but fancied his, I wasn't going to objectify daters, but fuck me. Just. Wow. What absolutely sexy specimen.

01:04:47:00 – 01:05:05:08
Anyway, I say not to my mate and get into bed for the evening. Now, I'm not sure if it's the thrill of being in such a hot girls bed. If it is the fact I was nine point state, but I started to feel really honed up, like really warmed up. I tried to sleep it off, but I couldn't.

01:05:05:13 – 01:05:29:17
And in the words of Ricky, to release the poison I knew is wrong, but I just had to. Now, please don't judge me for the next part, as I know it's very odd behavior. Would never dream about doing it sober, but I don't know what came out for me. I know what you have to say. I started relieve myself to the thought of the sister and the excitement of being in her bed.

01:05:29:19 – 01:05:59:23
But it didn't end there. I glanced down the side of the bed, see a lacy black thong? Wow. A cheeky little handsome number staring back at me. My boozy, pissed up mind took over me and I thought to myself, wonder if she's left them out for me? And more intriguing, I wonder if she's worn them. So I leaned over the bed and proceeded to pick them up, bring them to my face and sniff the result.

01:06:00:00 – 01:06:23:09
I thought the aroma was like a red rag to a bull. Pure thrill of it all was too much to handle. Oh my lord, it didn't stop. There is this dilemmas. I think the only I know this is a dilemma, but it's a bit of both. Yeah, I clearly I proceeded to rank with them and then even slip them on and wank in them.

01:06:23:11 – 01:06:47:20
I said, well what? So he has pulled them on. He put the girl's knickers on. So I slowly came to climax and the poison was released and the potion of clarity set in. I boy did it saying, what the fuck have I just done? And what the fuck am I going to do with these undie? I cannot leave any evidence of this that this ever happened.

01:06:47:22 – 01:07:11:23
I shoved him in my coat pocket for the next day. I woke up and I said sorry. I shoved him in my coat pocket for me to dispose of. On the way home in the morning, go back to bed and it was lights out. The next day I woke up to a knock at the door and turned over to see my mate standing outside my room moaning, mate, got any cigs left and a half hung over.

01:07:11:23 – 01:07:36:04
Tizer replied yeah, there's a few in my jacket pocket. And so basically I'm just going to paraphrase the rest of this. So this mate has gone down to get the coat because the ciggies are in there. He's gone to pull the ciggies out. He seen his sisters, Nicky's cum all over him. Yeah. All in. And he's like, what's this?

01:07:36:06 – 01:08:03:16
So they've had it. You know what? They know what it is. They've had a bit. They've had a bit of a break. If if you've got a brother, I'll be the bloke who's just wank to the naked. Okay. What what the fuck is this? You know, what is what is, you know, you know. Did you hit it that you have done the same?

01:08:03:18 – 01:08:32:05
There. Your sister's knickers. And I've come in them. All right? Don't make a big deal out of it. Now get your cigarets. Get a cigaret. Make me a cup. See? Yeah. Wait. So that cigaret. You know what it is? So what actually happened? So basically, now they're in this stage of, you know, he knows what he's done, but he still really mean for the sister.

01:08:32:07 – 01:08:58:13
They've been he's liked a couple of their stories. He sent the signals out. She's liked a couple of days. There's been some flirty text messaging while he was showing his mate a TikTok and message came through a saucy one from his sister. He's clocked it and he said, what the fuck do you think you're doing, right? He really likes this girl.

01:08:58:15 – 01:09:21:15
You've got a really good mate. It doesn't know what to do. The dilemma is, do I never message her again and keep the friendship with my mate, organize a date with her and hope my mate doesn't reveal all and cock block me from his sister. Oh, come, come clean to the sister before my mate does and hope she finds the funny side.

01:09:21:16 – 01:09:42:15
Jesus. Or is there something else? He's taught to your mate. Talk to your mate, talk to your mate. Your mate understands what's going on. He's a bloke, right? You know, you might not have done what you did and he might find it a bit weird, but fundamentally he's driven by the same desires, right? You talk to your mate first, you explain.

01:09:42:15 – 01:10:03:06
Look, I understand why you might have reservations about seeing me. Seeing your sister. And I appreciate is it's out of. It's out of order. To sum up, to even think about it, but a genuinely really fancier. Now, I'd really like to make a go of it, and I promise you I'll never hurt. So if you could just do me this solid and not get in the way, ill help.

01:10:03:08 – 01:10:29:16
Help me. That would be amazing because I genuinely care about if that's true, that's what I do. Don't. If you if you could just just just ignore. I came in in knickers for one minute. Right? Just because I want to do it again. But but in a batch.

01:10:29:18 – 01:10:34:03
After.

01:10:34:05 – 01:11:00:10
Shit. But, Yeah, I think I'm coming in. Knickers. This I'm doing is. I'm. I think you got to be honest with yourself as well. You've got to be honest with yourself. Is this just, another lady that you just haunt, or do you really think this could this could play out to some more long term? Because if it's just going to be that she's fit, we've had a bunk up.

01:11:00:12 – 01:11:23:17
We haven't really got a connection. And you fucked by relationships. They're not worth it. Really not worth it if you do. If you do feel that it has got some longevity speak to you might be honest. And if he still says no, you've got to stick with you, mate. Yeah, but it'll be difficult because if you start sort of giving another coach out, is she probably going to be more turned on by it?

01:11:23:19 – 01:11:42:16
I want to show desire you even more. Ready? Yeah. Well, I think so. I think like if she's like if he's been flirting with her and then he gives her the cold shoulder, like if he goes her completely, that's not going to work because, you know, knows a mate. So you're going to see each other so he can't go stir and he can't, he can't if what does he do?

01:11:42:16 – 01:11:57:11
Is he kick it into the long grass? He starts making excuses, playing hard to get. That might work against him. Yeah. Because he's she might start putting it on him and then he will find it even harder to resist. Just talk to the mate, try and convince the brother that your intentions are good and then treat you right.

01:11:57:13 – 01:12:36:16
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Right. Right. Now it's time for something only you know. Something ugly, you know, you. Lovely. This is called hell for leather. I'll get straight into my story. For some strange reason, on a Sunday morning when I was 13, I'm now 36. I felt the need to go into Mum and Dad's room. I can't recall for the life of me what was so important that I needed to enter that bedroom.

01:12:36:18 – 01:13:01:19
I don't think I could have chosen a worse time to end up. As I've opened the door. To my horror, I fired my dad on top of my mum. Absolutely going for it. I even remember me sort of saying out loud, oh my God, this then? Oh, they said, alert it. My dad, he was going hell for level on my mom.

01:13:01:21 – 01:13:25:00
I they both then turned to me and was just shouting, get the fuck out! Repeatedly. Oh, still was my dad on top of my mom? I ran out of the room and slammed the door. It's safe to say that for the rest of the day it was very awkward. Always remember the next thing my dad said to me.

01:13:25:02 – 01:13:44:22
Next time, fucking knock on the door before you went. It's safe to say this is scarred me for life and always wish I had. I had that rewind button. It's an image that I would never get out of my head. But you learned a valuable lesson, didn't you, mate? Fucking knock on the door. Don't just walk in willy nilly at your.

01:13:44:22 – 01:14:10:08
You own your fucking house. You're a guest there. I know you're born into it, but I might get mad at you. I will drive in. Let's bang, bang. Absolutely. Yeah. Levering Stephen into a Stephen into your mum and your mum's like calling out your dad's name by Stephen Staver. Derek. Yeah, yeah. You know, you there. And then the door opens up.

01:14:10:10 – 01:14:34:05
Is it. That's not right. That put in everything it's got. It's those long from the long strokes on your mum and you witnessing it. You. I mean before you've even got there and you there for a few seconds because you it's just materializing what's, what's actually having it. Oh my God are they they are they, they are. And your dad is like your dad just gone.

01:14:34:05 – 01:15:09:00
How. Mum. Oh yeah. Are you that, your dad. That's it. That's just that, Fuck know. I think we will leave that there. Something, you know. Lovely stuff, lovely stuff. The topic for next week is going to be old age. Old age, getting old. So that'll be fun. Yeah, I know it's going to be a fun mum.

01:15:09:02 – 01:15:34:13
Good. Well, we'll make it fun, I like that. That's the. That was the only decent, someone something only, you know, out there, wasn't there? There wasn't many left. So we just call it a day, do we not? We found out everyone's secrets. Is that what it is? No, no, I, I think we hold, metaphoric knife to their throat and say, tell us what you got.

01:15:34:15 – 01:15:52:12
I know there's thousands of people that listen to this podcast, and I know you come from all over the world. There is got to be something buried deep in your closet that you can tell it's the only you know, email it in. We're not going to tell anyone. This is all anonymized. I'll point in the podcast. Yeah, send him in.

01:15:52:14 – 01:16:11:07
Get him in. We've run out. We've actually run out. So that could be without your intervention the last ever something only you know, it's a bloody good one. That's up to you. It's up to you. Yes. I get him sent in. Come on. We don't we don't have to fucking do it. We don't have to do it. I mean, yeah, yeah.

01:16:11:07 – 01:16:35:15
So if you don't, if you if you're not sending them in then, then you know, it does. It's not just off on those. Yeah. And if you want to carry on, if you do have them send them to lads anon pod at gmail.com and we will feature them in the pod. And as we said the next topic is going to be old age getting out.

01:16:35:17 – 01:16:54:14
So send it in again lads and on lads and on pod@gmail.com. And if any stories that you have about getting out, anything that you've just noticed about getting out, what can I put the right question out a request I would say it's all about getting old. There's things that we don't know about getting old. We're middle aged, right?

01:16:54:14 – 01:17:15:07
40 odd, middle aged. We got, we have we do have our band of pensioners who listen sort of, to, like the lab or even the seniors. I think they call them seniors. Yeah, yeah. Like the lady who listens to us with her husband on a stereo. Yeah, exactly. I don't want to make this awkward if you're listening, but any any any senior.

01:17:15:07 – 01:17:37:12
Like what? How does sex changes? Yoda? Do you think they still go and hell for leather? Like. Well, that's what I don't. I don't know the answer. Yeah. I don't know the answer right here. They're knocking seven bells out of each other's middles. Yeah, like a man. I mean, a is is really going to still be kind of watching Pornhub 84 is that.

01:17:37:14 – 01:18:02:09
I think you can almost guarantee that to that. My last breath. I will still be there with an erection waiting to hope. So crank went off. Yeah, yeah. And I want to know if you can guarantee taxes, death and me with an erection. I don't that night. We will see you next Monday. Thank you for downloading. Follow us on social at lads.

01:18:02:09 – 01:18:25:20
And on pod. If you're still with us, give us a rating on Spotify 601 five star ratings we've got currently. Wherever the sixes. Oh, yeah. What was before like 407, 540 something, I think from the last episode. Okay, so that's a good shift. Good chat with thousands listening. 50 did it. You motherfuckers can get right you up, man.

01:18:25:20 – 01:18:39:15
Actually, yeah. I've got. I'm. You okay? Fuckers. Get right in. Lead the reviews. Follow us on social. Thanks for supporting. We love you lots. We'll see you next time.