#13 | Pranks and lads banter | wait until you hear these…

00:00:00:00 – 00:00:25:03
Hello and welcome to Lads Anonymous episode 13, a podcast about two best mates of over 20 years. Invited to join their safe space by all manner of subjects will be discussed. We'll focus on a specific subject matter first and then answer your questions, dilemmas or need for advice. All handled anonymously. So sit back, relax and enjoy the podcast.

00:00:25:05 – 00:00:44:19
How's it going, Flav? Good. Can I just have a shout out to Jess Summers, who, doesn't like football? I said women's football, but she doesn't listen to this because of the flying cock. Okay. She's just. I think she just gave it a go because we keep sharing on socials, and now she's. She's fully on board, lad.

00:00:44:21 – 00:01:15:12
Yes. Yeah. Yes. Jess. Yeah, so I hope. See you soon, Jess. I just thought I'd say that. That'd be nice for her. Amazing. Yeah. I mean, that's good that it's being shared on social, on socials. And as Peter. Interesting said ago, now she's here doing it. That's it. Lovely stuff. Yeah, lovely. Lovely stuff. I wouldn't even I want to cut to the chase and something, you know, but bit of an unfortunate news for me on Wednesday the 10th of April.

00:01:15:17 – 00:01:20:18
Yeah. At 4:57 a.m..

00:01:20:20 – 00:01:51:05
The semen demon came into my room. Touched me on my angel face as I slept and made me eat. Jack in my boxers. I don't know, how this is happened. Like a couple of days before this even demon. Yeah, I, a couple of days before I played the radio and I played the casket. Oh, sorry.

00:01:51:11 – 00:02:13:07
I don't know what my, What? Why is this even demon targeting me? I don't like just go and go and speak to someone else. Leave us sexy dreamers alone. But it keeps happening. So you got a wet dream? Yeah. So what? We said if you have a free wet dreams between now and Christmas, we can have a wet dream party.

00:02:13:09 – 00:02:29:21
Yeah. For the listeners of Lads Anonymous, we can meet up in a pub and people are saying, what are you doing there? They're not going to talk about it being, we like, we listen to the lads anonymous and it's just a made up. We are here to celebrate Ricky's wet dreams. Yeah, exactly. What did you dream about?

00:02:29:23 – 00:02:46:08
I don't know. There was. No. That's the thing. That's the annoying thing is, if there was some context around it, I'll be like. I'll have a little smile on my face and be like, okay, I'll see what happened. But it wasn't it wasn't. It was just woke up and it was just popping off, man. There's a whole it's just what you see.

00:02:46:08 – 00:03:04:19
Wake up has as you as the joke was. Yeah. That's it. Yeah, yeah I woke up as it came. You feel the throbbing and you like. Oh, for fuck's sake, I don't know. I don't know. You're 41 and you can no ejaculate without touching your own penis. You s men's is quite mad. There's a lot of us out there as well.

00:03:04:20 – 00:03:28:06
I know, people email in, like, a couple of the doctors that do listen to this, right? If you can email it again and help me out as to why this happens. Am I, like, too sexed up, too much testosterone? Am I drinking too much coffee? Eating cheese before I go to bed? What what what is it?

00:03:28:06 – 00:03:48:03
What? What happens? Why? Why does it? Because is just like you, woman. And how do I make it start? It's not like you were full, was it? Like you said, you drain the radiator. Exactly. What did you tell the wife? No. God, no. You call it. You can't. It's not there. By the way, it's happened again. Just kind of like, just lay there and think.

00:03:48:03 – 00:04:00:20
Oh, for fuck's sake, I'm not going to get out of this one. What did you do? I just laid there and went back to sleep and then woke up and it was just dry. I can't believe you didn't clean up. You can't, you can't. You can't be getting out. What do you mean, you can't? What do you call it?

00:04:00:21 – 00:04:22:10
You can. It's really you. You can, but you don't want to be getting up a bed at, like, five in the morning. What you do now, I nothing. Just just partner. About as usual. The one that they semen of my belly. Go back to sleep. No it's. Yeah. It's this ridiculous as well. Funny. Shout out to the doctor actually, who emailed in.

00:04:22:12 – 00:04:47:16
So last week on the episode of Old Age, I believe it was. Yeah. Flat mentioned about his hernia and how it popped out, and it's popped out. He had an operation, popped it back in. It popped out again. I went to the doctors and they said, we're not doing anything about it. And I'm like, that seems a bit mad that I have to wait for it to descend into my ballocks before they'll take it seriously.

00:04:47:18 – 00:05:11:09
That's right. And there was a lad who sent in an email to say that it had descended into his bollock, and he went and got it sorted. But in the video we were also shown a video of of of something. I know that's happened to me, I don't understand. It can't be the, the plan that the NHS has of dealing with this problem.

00:05:11:11 – 00:05:37:10
Wait until it happens. They cannot send it. So the doctor emailed in and said that is the plan. The use if if it's if it's like a watermelon popping out then yeah, they'll do something about it. But other than that, just, wait it out and he also or she did say that they no longer use the umbrella method down the penis to check out STDs.

00:05:37:10 – 00:06:00:19
It's just a simple urine sample. So if there's anyone scared about it, it's not the umbrella method anymore. I'm fuming about that. If we had to go for it, they should. Yeah, exactly. Ricky, I'm still sort of hung up on this whole. Let's wait until he gets worse, till we do something about it. This is not a high drama, a pen taxi loss.

00:06:00:21 – 00:06:23:00
Yeah. Fuck it. And so I want to get this sorted out. I would be of that same nature. Because if I show the the video of what could happen, then I would want to get. So have you ever had a hernia? No I haven't. I thought I did get one. It was one of the many one time I liked it.

00:06:23:01 – 00:06:54:09
I like the way that you said that you, you just live in where we co-exist. You know, we were mates almost satellite in the moon. And I think I often look at it and go, still there. That's also on last week's episode about old age. I mentioned that when I was at school, I must have been 14, 15, and when I thought people were old was the 23 year old lads that would arrive in the Novas?

00:06:54:09 – 00:07:23:04
Yeah, to our school to pick up the girls. And we were like, Nancy, that's, that's pretty Nancy, man. Like, but now, back then it wasn't. And now the nonce radar is fully in tuned into that. And you can't do that anymore. Someone has emailed in about. They were once accused of being a kidnaper. So, if I believe in what I mean, it's it's a funny story that they did.

00:07:23:05 – 00:07:49:14
They didn't do it, you know, obviously. Well, I'll be the judge of that. It was last winter. I'm driving to work on a white van, and I get to my customers road, and I drive up and spin round in a large riot so I can face the way out that I'm leaving. There's a young girl on her way to school walking towards me, so I give her the hand signal that you give, saying that you want to let them cross the road.

00:07:49:16 – 00:08:13:13
She crossed the road, and then I drive down to the client's house and start my shift. At around 3 p.m., there's a woman knocking on all doors, asking for any camera footage of a suspicious man in a van trying to kidnap kids. The customer didn't have a ring doorbell or anything, so we just couldn't help. And I carried on the day thinking nothing of it.

00:08:13:15 – 00:08:33:06
The next day, the police turn up at the customer's house asking whose van is outside. I say it's mine, and they start asking me questions. I tell them what I was doing at the time and asked, and explained that I let the girl cross the road, but other than that, nothing. Next thing I know, I'm writing a statement.

00:08:33:08 – 00:08:57:10
Turns out the girl I let crossed the road had decided to go into school and tell teachers. I tried to call her over and kidnap her. Thankfully, the officers understood my story and realized the girl was just being dramatic, but explained to my family and my partner what I've been accused of was scary, and the thought of going against me was horrifying.

00:08:57:12 – 00:09:16:09
In his statement, he had to give his vehicle Reg, which was star, star, star. So the officer laughed, which confused me. The RSA, RSA stands for Registered Sex Offender.

00:09:16:11 – 00:09:37:14
Maybe I would just just, you just, you know, just saying. I'm across the road. Go on. Yeah. And I know it's mad because, like, you know, speaking in terms of how things have changed as well, is that, like the kids, your your kids is probably gone for this as well, but they have to be educated with smart phones about what they're doing and the kind of images they're sharing.

00:09:37:14 – 00:10:04:07
And if they say there's an image of someone, an inappropriate image of some student at school get shared to you and you share it on, you could end up on the sex offenders register for doing that shit. Yeah, just sharing on an image like, I mean, it's not just this, you know, it's you shouldn't be doing it, but imagine, like you're on the sex offenders register, everyone thinks you're a nonce because salacious nonces on their right and rapists and scum.

00:10:04:09 – 00:10:25:05
But no, when you were 14, you forwarded on a message on WhatsApp and that's what got you on there. I'll tell you, ladies, you own the sex offenders register and you can't give context, can you just say I'm RSA straight up? Yeah. That's it. And they think regardless what you say, he's lying. He's definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Fiddled with kids and he's still doing it now.

00:10:25:05 – 00:10:44:14
Yeah. Now he once did it to me. He. Yeah. Why? Why is it that I don't know if this is an actual law, but sex offenders have to tell their neighbors that they are a sex offender. I think pedophiles have to do it. They have to register, and then you can find out if they're in the area.

00:10:44:16 – 00:11:08:23
Oh, shit. Really? Yeah. Only for sexual offenses, I think. I think I saw some Louis Theroux where the chat is. That's going to be a awkward conversation if you're a murderer. I don't think murderers have to do it, do they? Oh, part of I'm sorry. I'm. I am a murderer or a wife beater or anything, but bad. Just just say you are you.

00:11:09:02 – 00:11:29:04
I'm not saying you like, but you are. It sounds like. It sounds like I'm not fighting that corner. I'm not sticking up for him. I'm just saying no, I'm not fighting. Nicole. That's ridiculous. I am, I am. I'm merely saying it's strange that just sex of like, if I, I'd like to know if there was a murderer living next to me as well.

00:11:29:06 – 00:11:47:19
Like, it's. So if anyone's committed a crime, they should wear a badge. It's like a long, long time ago. If you was a woman and you committed adultery, you would. You would. They would stitch a scarlet letter. The scarlet a red letter on, on. And she should have to wear it wherever she goes. Rely on on a she checked around.

00:11:47:20 – 00:12:18:18
Genius. Really? Men didn't have it. It's either it's made up by a film called Scarlet Letter or it's a real thing. Jesus Christ, that sounds. That sounds bloody horrible. We've got rabbit, isn't it? Not exactly. You don't want to iron. Yeah. Jeez. We had an email update from The Dilemma from last week. So there was a dilemma of a gentleman who was celebrating his 40th birthday and he was going away.

00:12:18:18 – 00:12:43:13
He'd booked, I remember a four day excursion to Spain with his brother and a couple of mates. His brother pulled out, his mates pulled out. His 40th birthday is in tatters and he doesn't know what to do and had to carry on. So he's actually emailed back. The holiday hadn't been booked so thank God so he didn't have to sort all that out.

00:12:43:15 – 00:13:14:00
All parties were asked beforehand and were up for it otherwise. Otherwise I would have ended plans. Then in reply to flats question I'm pretty sure I'm not a dickhead. I don't know what that was about. I can't, I can't, can't quite remember that bit. And I know life begins at 48. So if I wanted to continue living or politely turned down his advice to hire a prostitute, as I'll definitely not say another birthday if my wife knew about it.

00:13:14:02 – 00:13:41:17
Don't tell her. Yeah. But my brother is gone. A small way to redeem himself by asking if I wanted to do the Crystal maze experience, which hopefully will be enough. I hope this gives you a little bit more info. If even if you guys fancy fancy a drink and a search for crystals in July, let me know as I'm sure there will be a space to be added to the Great.

00:13:41:19 – 00:14:04:14
So I think. I think the brother has gone some way to to repair the damage. But if you haven't booked it, you're right man, you're right. Yeah, but I don't understand why he's he feels yeah feels let down and that and that's fine. And he can't go in some way to redeeming it. But, it's not as good as I for is it.

00:14:04:14 – 00:14:23:16
Four days. No. Beaver? No. Yeah. Oh, God. Can you imagine that? That's not the right attitude. It doesn't matter. You're having a great. You'll have a great time. You will indeed. Yeah. And, and as a slap says, to give the give them the give them move on. Otherwise you got live with that ill feeling. Exact happiness. Contentment.

00:14:23:16 – 00:14:41:10
As we discussed on a previous episode of this podcast, and so much of it is about how you react to other people. What how do you choose to react? How do you sit with what they've done? Because there will always be people in your life that will come and sit on your doorstep when you haven't asked them to.

00:14:41:10 – 00:15:08:02
That's just the way things are. How do you react to that? That's that's what's crucial. So, enjoy the Crystal maze. Yeah. You know, sitting on the doorstep where my front door is, it's quite close to, a path where a lot of people walk up and down. There's been quite a few dog ponies that just, you know, just outside my front door and, and I'm like, okay, obviously they haven't picked it up.

00:15:08:04 – 00:15:25:16
What do I do? Got they have a kettle. Did I fucking pour it away? What got you going on? The dog shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, I thought it was silly because, you get a plastic bag and pick it up with your hand, I. Yeah, I'm not picking up someone else's dog. Shit. I'm right.

00:15:25:20 – 00:15:52:07
Listen, that's not my job. I've got. I've got a story about shit on the doorstep. The. There was this fucking fox when I lived in London. There was this fox, and it would shit on my doorstep. I can't remember what fly was. I mean, I can't remember it at my doorstep anyway, every morning. But it would be. It happens so often that I kind of got used to it.

00:15:52:09 – 00:16:10:01
And anywhere on this night out, I'd managed to be successful on On a Conquest. Let's say that. Oh yeah, but it's more more over. It was just we having the off the some off after, where I lived and,

00:16:10:03 – 00:16:32:07
I didn't realize, but I trod on the fox. Shit, fuck shit, by the way. Very different from Catch It. And it's something else. It's fucking disgusting. I've heard it's bad for shits bad, and everyone's got it. And I've tried it into the flat ground. Of what it's all fox shit all over the flat. I am pinging off my tits on MDMA.

00:16:32:09 – 00:16:55:17
So the situation wasn't as bad as it could have been. I was, you know, I, I managed to clean it up, and, everyone stayed. That would have been a nightmare if you if you rushing off your tits and having to clean up. Fuck, no, it was better. It was better that. Because, as I've said, every MDMA when I was young, I couldn't profess to say this.

00:16:55:17 – 00:17:23:11
Now, with any conviction, every situation is the best situation. When you're under the influence, it's also I was I was surprisingly stoical about it. You just got on with it. Good. That is good. You don't put a damper on the evening and let everyone else trip out as well. Yeah, it's clean the shit up. Basically. It was like the bug mate, there is shit all over your floors of that.

00:17:23:13 – 00:17:53:22
Oh no, oh no. Oh yes. All right. Correct. I didn't say that. Look, I hasn't been there for ages. I don't just leave. Just just don't look at it. Just don't look at it. If you don't look, it doesn't exist. Before we jump into today's topic again, do you know what? Right, I know I do this spill every week about automatic downloads for the people of Spotify and Apple and search and lads anonymous.

00:17:53:24 – 00:18:21:11
Finding the podcast hitting the cog or the three dots and then selecting automatic download. I don't know what it is, whether it's spring, it's April, it's slightly more mild, people are a bit more happy. What they do. We've had we've had five, six, possibly seven emails where they've started. All right. That's automatic downloader a straightaway. And oh.

00:18:21:11 – 00:18:39:11
I'm actually like a smile on my face. And I'm like, legends. You, your story's going up there. You go. Because they they we wooed me with that. So if you keep on doing that, the only way you're going to get your story up in future is if you automatically download it. Unless you're. Yeah. And we'll find out.

00:18:39:13 – 00:19:12:03
Yeah. We're no, we'll we'll bump it. Yeah. We'll bump into each other and I'll say get your phone out. Yeah. And then I'll check. Yeah. Flav. Yeah. Today's topic. Yeah. Right. So today's topic is pranks and lads banter. I'm glad you went with me again. Oh, sorry. That's there again. Today's topic is laughter, lads. Laughter. Let's just move on.

00:19:12:09 – 00:19:33:02
Move on. Yeah, I can now, do you know what? When we did that last week and you said the first one was exactly. Yeah, I was right. Yeah, that was. That must have been a delight. Because I don't tell people. Don't tell people that. Okay? I knew it was right. Pranks. Yeah, I know, I know you.

00:19:33:03 – 00:19:51:20
Well, I think I know. Yeah, I think I know you pretty well. What do you think? I think, oh, I wouldn't have you done as a as a prank guy. I hate them. Do you you hate them? I I've never do one for a start. Like an April Fools. I'm like, just fucking get to 12:00, so I will listen.

00:19:51:20 – 00:20:13:03
Stop. It's miserable, I get it. I know a lot of people find them fun. You need to grow up. I think I have grown up. Everyone else is a fucking grow up. But there's. There's levels. I don't like you. Your wind up marching like you're the biggest one that I've ever met. And it doesn't matter if someone is in a bad place, you'll still use every opportunity.

00:20:13:03 – 00:20:32:00
Not bad places in like this. Clinically depressed. Yeah, but they're reeling from something. Yeah, like, case in point. Ollie's 40th birthday. You could see I was stressed in the room right when I arrived, because, yeah, they were there. Loads of people were just looking at me, guy. And then all of our orders, and I thought I'd done it.

00:20:32:00 – 00:20:48:19
And anyway, it was a lot of questions. Answers I didn't have. Yeah. And I can't remember what you said, but, you know, you said you change your order or some fucking thing. What did you do, Rick? I said, can I change one of the kids orders from an adult male to kids? No. And you're a little pink face.

00:20:48:19 – 00:21:10:17
You're. And and you just look the the look you gave me. I was like, he was. He wanted to stab me with one of those bloody lives on the table. And that was the point. You could see I was stressed. You didn't want to change it, but you had to say it. There's no point. There's no point in trying to pull your trousers down when you're in a safe, comfortable position because it doesn't work like that.

00:21:10:19 – 00:21:30:18
Oh, it was all right. It is right. There was no food change. I just wanted to get. Yeah, and it worked well, I am why did you want to get me though? In that instance? I don't know, because I thought it'd be funny. It made me laugh. Which is what I'm all about is making my life better. My, I think I inherited it off my.

00:21:30:18 – 00:22:01:10
Of my dad. My dad? He doesn't know when to stop with his pranks, I think, like, do my dad keeps on going and going. What I was interested about actually, you've grown up with, like, fucking five brothers. Yeah. And none of you pranked each other and not really. No. I mean, there was you. There was. It was lots of banter and piss taken for sure, 100%.

00:22:01:10 – 00:22:16:20
But it wasn't. There was no one. I don't think anyone could be bothered to go to the lengths to actually set something up to prank. That's I don't I don't have to I don't want to go to those lengths, you know, like a prank that you'd expect. Like you might ring someone up and pretend to be somebody else.

00:22:16:20 – 00:22:46:13
Like, I think one of the funniest. The one of the funniest pranks is awful. It's awful. Rick. It's like, this isn't funny, but is fucking hilarious. These two lads that have been on been on the sesh, like you could tell they're battered. Yeah, and they ring up all their mates. None to say that he'd been, That found him and there was a condom hanging out of his bum.

00:22:46:15 – 00:23:04:20
You know, I've seen that, right? I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How they keep it together. It's one of the. It's horrendous though, right? It's one of the most unenviable things that you could do. But the poor old ladies going oh my God, Martina, he's upstairs. He's in bed because. Yes. Can you go and check on him please?

00:23:04:22 – 00:23:27:06
In your right, love. You're right. He's like, he's asleep. Is that. Yeah. Okay. The pretending to be policeman, you know. What do you know? Well, that was from. Well, that's from Sopranos. What the actual prank that that Frankie's from The Sopranos. Exactly the same. Oh, there's Nick time. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Natalie, they say it's from.

00:23:27:09 – 00:23:49:16
Yeah, they they didn't Sopranos, which is absolutely, amazing. Like my my, my pranking. So it is like, so I've, I've, I've done a fair few in my time. Yeah. And it depends in which moment I'm in with my, in my life at the moment. There's a harmless prank that I, that I love to do at home.

00:23:49:18 – 00:24:11:06
So my missus and I, we've got a tall wardrobe, and the top section of the wardrobe is where we just fuck everything in there. All the linen, you know, like loads of duvet shit, and everyone's going to try to squeeze it in and you just push in as much you can and shut the door now. Oh, I purposely don't push it in all the way.

00:24:11:12 – 00:24:26:15
And I leave it so that the door is just resting on it. And when I'm lying in bed and I know my missus needs to go into the wardrobe to get something, I sit and wait. Because when that door opens from the top shelf, I know a full duvet is going to fall on her head and and a fucking.

00:24:26:15 – 00:24:51:23
I just pissed myself every single time. But that's just that's just clean fun. That's fine. That's good fun. Good grief is where pranks start to go wrong or where they start. This insidious about them. Yeah, those are the pranks I hate. Right? Okay, so my first job, I was working in a warehouse. I fucking loved it because it was a it was like a little boys club.

00:24:51:23 – 00:25:17:22
And the girls there as well, it was a great laugh. And we don't like be pranking each other and stuff like that. One of my signature pranks that I love to do was where people had their work chair. I would pull the handle so that their chair was at a lower level, so when they'd sit down, they think it is at the level and then they would like fall backwards into their chair.

00:25:17:24 – 00:25:40:03
That wasn't the prank, that little bit of fear that they were going to fall over. That wasn't the prank. The prank was underneath the handle. I'd sell a tight, drawing pins underneath the handle. My God. So when they would push the lever to push the chair back up, they get fucking pricked in their fingers. That I mean, I know that's that's far.

00:25:40:03 – 00:26:00:06
This is what you're talking about. That's a drawing. Pins are not going to hurt you too much. But. Right. But not it's still too much like that is that you're hurting. Yeah, I was 18, I was 18 and it was it was just in that environment. It was, it was it was fun. You know what is fun when you're talking there?

00:26:00:08 – 00:26:23:08
I remembered something I did at university, which I'm not proud of. Thinking back now is I can't believe I was even a part of this. You don't. I don't even think you know this, Rick. Yes, I, I don't I don't think anybody knows this. He wasn't there. And I've built this up to be something evil. Loudly. Ehm, but it is still fucking weird.

00:26:23:10 – 00:26:50:09
I even considered it, but I don't know. Anyway, there was this kid. It's a kid who's same age, just. And he was a horror. Oh yeah. And he did something to us. I can't remember what it was, but we felt wronged by him. I'd say we there was two others and one other lad as well, I don't remember.

00:26:50:13 – 00:27:07:17
I remember a lot of university, but we felt wronged by him, so we thought it'd be funny to break into his house good and put pictures of him up all around the house.

00:27:07:19 – 00:27:30:13
We knew how to get into the house because we lived in the same house as he did the year before, so we knew the house so we knew what windows would open. So yeah, we we broke in, we put pictures of him all over the house, then just left and didn't think much more of it, like there was one picture we had.

00:27:30:13 – 00:27:48:14
I don't know how we had it. This was before phones and stuff, right? Like phones were exist, but they weren't smartphones. So we put these pictures up and then thought nothing of it. It was a big deal. The university was trying to find who did it and they wanted to kick them out. Oh no, no, no, we never no one found us.

00:27:48:14 – 00:28:05:15
But how did he how did he react with you right about. Oh, he's fucking freaked out. Of course he was freaked out. Oh I would anybody would be woke up. And this pictures of him all over the house. Don't you think that was scary? It was a terrible thing to do. But I can't even remember what he'd done to deserve it.

00:28:05:15 – 00:28:24:09
But we. We broke into somebody's house while everyone was asleep. There are mental. That is, the is is always a good idea when you're young. It really is. And then you look back on your life and you think, what was I doing? Did I need to put drawing pins under people's chairs? No, it's not you. They didn't, I think.

00:28:24:09 – 00:28:38:09
I wonder what like if the police would have been called you breaking and entering. That's a that's a criminal record, isn't it? Yeah. Fuck, yeah. Allegedly. I did all this allegedly.

00:28:38:11 – 00:29:05:03
Fucking crazy. I regret it, I regretted it, I regretted it the next day, and I thought that was absolutely stupid. Why would I ever put myself in that situation? But I don't know what happened. Peer pressure. Maybe during your uni days and my days growing up at the same age, did you have any lads banter in your social circle?

00:29:05:07 – 00:29:25:06
So there was, there was always one, you know, wedgies when you're trying to get it, when you're leaning over the bar, trying to get someone's attention and someone comes behind you, pulls a wedgie when you're in the pub, when you're in the pub flicking each other's ballocks that's not. Yeah, that. Yeah, yeah, I remember that one. Cheeky.

00:29:25:08 – 00:29:46:06
Chapel. I used to love that. So I read a story about a woman who done that, and she was paralyzed. So that's that in my head. I always at that something the. Yeah, that I probably. Yeah, that that would have scared me. But I used to love it. Just as they're about to sit down, just give a little kick to the front leg of their chairs as it goes back.

00:29:46:12 – 00:30:18:18
I'm surprised it doesn't punchbowl, right. Yeah. Me too. Actually, thinking about this. And they'd have a pint in their hand and it would just go everywhere. Yeah, but when we. Hey, it's right in Wetherspoons as well. The smashing of a glass, everyone with the flicking of the ballocks was the one that's been going on with. Luckily it's died out now, but that was every night out you'd be standing and like for the ladies out there, it's almost more painful to get a tap on the ballocks than it is to get kicked in them like it's.

00:30:18:18 – 00:30:40:06
Yeah, there's something about a little dink on the bollock. Yeah. For even further that can floor you as a man. It can absolutely floor you. So imagine. Yeah. You're you're having a pint. You're just enjoying your your evening and a little backhand. Little flick from a brother Ryan was he always seems the guy and he's all right. As the game started then it was like, no, the game like that was it.

00:30:40:08 – 00:30:57:06
Someone did it once the game it started. And so you any moment you could whack in the ballocks and you could be in a, in a club popping up a street, we'd often gone up the street and you'd be on the floor in agony. And it wasn't that was that was bad. It was a laugh, apparently, for everybody else to do like.

00:30:57:06 – 00:31:21:22
But then everyone carried money. Obviously. And if you got your money out in your hand. I've been a victim. Yeah. You've been a bit into that. Whacked up in the air coins going everywhere. It's all very childish and pathetic. Also, when I used to make roll ups and I'd be concentrating, making my roll up. Yeah, I'd come over and just straight up in my hands and I was like, thanks.

00:31:21:24 – 00:31:41:07
So one of the other games as well that I used to, that we used to play is the left hand drinking game. So you're only allowed to drink with your left hand or your least dominant hand. Yes. And if you got caught drinking with your right hand, then you'd have to have a sip of. I think it was 2 or 3 fingers worth.

00:31:41:07 – 00:32:00:24
Damn. You drink. And then if you got caught again, you'd have to drink. And these rules were very much in place, and everyone lived and died by these rules always growing. Oh, the way so you only you can only drink with your only drink of your left hand. And if you get caught your eye and it's a, it's a three finger down.

00:32:01:02 – 00:32:17:12
Yeah. I mean if you get caught again you got a down, you drink. And that's how the how night goes. And then you get to the end night and everyone is so fucked because they've been drinking with their right hand. And then you get called out on it. I'm glad I don't live like that anymore. Yeah, it'd be pretty stressful.

00:32:17:12 – 00:32:43:05
You just gone on like that. And it's just stress, like it's madness. I don't think I've ever taken a sip from a pint with my left hand. No, it's. It's hard. It's weird. Yeah. The another game is. Well, that we used to play the repeating game. So the repeating game, if you get someone to repeat their exact sentence they've just said, then everyone would be like, okay, and then you got a drink?

00:32:43:05 – 00:33:08:05
You drink. Yeah, I know, so you'd like to say, what was that, Rick? And then you say the same thing again. Yeah, exactly. And like at the time that. No, that was harmless. The left hand drinking game and the right. And you know, just it was madness. Now I'm going to read you something about lads banter and how far it actually goes.

00:33:08:07 – 00:33:36:24
Now, do you think, I was going to say, this is, too far? I know your answer to this. I'm going to call this, you stupid bastard. Is this because this is a story that someone sent in? It is indeed one. Heard this week's top of the, top of lad's pants and felt compelled to share a story that happened not to me, but to the husband of one of my wife's best mates.

00:33:37:01 – 00:34:02:11
I've met him a few times, and he's pretty solid, like he's very posh. But don't hold that against him. He's got a good, dry sense of humor and isn't full of himself. Sure, we all know the type coming from the territory of being a bit of a posh show. He's quite big into his rugby, but doesn't strike me as the sort of lad that dresses up as Donald Trump and sings Sweet Caroline while he places in a pint glass for one of his mates to drink.

00:34:02:13 – 00:34:28:03
Anyway, a few years ago, just before they were married, came the small matter of a stag, and hence do the lad in question was off with his old schoolmate, many of which, I'm led to believe, a rather posh show types. Upon his return, his wife noticed, its wife to be noticed that he wasn't quite himself, and at first put this down to a delayed hangover or something similar.

00:34:28:04 – 00:34:49:09
But his off mood continued for several days until she had to find out what was wrong with him. Had he done something unforgivable any stag day was the guilt eating away at him. She had to confront him and find out the truth. She sat him down and demanded answers and after some initial hesitation, he folded and spilled his guts.

00:34:49:11 – 00:35:15:03
Lost on his study. The usual drinking and such had taken place, but as rugby lads have a reputation for, things took a turn for the weird towards the end of the trip. After one particularly boozy sesh, they all went back to their rented accommodation when the groom in waiting see several members of his stag party approaching him with a with many strewn all over their face.

00:35:15:05 – 00:35:47:14
They hold him down, put his trousers and pants down, and at this point he doesn't know what's going on. But he knows it's not going to be something good. A photo of these booze shriveled family jewels posted on Facebook, on a Facebook page or something. It wasn't that, his so-called mates proceeded to hold him down, and, courtesy of one of their fancy dress outfits, pulled out a high heeled stiletto shoe, with one of them doing the job of spreading his ass cheeks.

00:35:47:15 – 00:36:11:08
Another went, to shove the heel up his exposed ring and bugger him with the shoe. Right? So they've raped their friend. They were all having a good laugh about it and played off as banter. Obviously the victim of this didn't see it that way, but wasn't sure whether or not he should, feel like they'd done anything more than just have a bit of a laugh with him.

00:36:11:10 – 00:36:32:09
Needless to say, his fiancee made it clear that their behavior was not only unacceptable, but totally fucking weird. I don't know if he speaks to them anymore. Oddly enough, it's not something I bring up with him when we meet our family from. I don't know what it is about this sport that makes so many of its fans do sort of, weird shit.

00:36:32:11 – 00:36:56:08
I hear it all so often. I think, that's horrendous. That's how has that gone too far? I don't think it went far enough. Shoving no shoe in. Shoving a foreign object into someone's ass in the name of a prank is not okay. That's not okay. Like, literally, they again, all of them could end up on the sets of the Rs.

00:36:56:09 – 00:37:20:18
Those, Ricky, that's that's that's terrible. Is is that the. I hear stuff like that that happens in Sunday League football. You know, they've got the deep hate the tube that they hate and shoving out people's asses and water bottles and stuff like that. Why can't get why can't get into my head. Me in sexual always the ass.

00:37:20:20 – 00:37:37:04
Leave the ass alone up on the dick. Yeah, a good friend of ours cannot stop shoving things up his ass. But naming and shaming. But he's. He's got a thing about. I've. I'm saying, like, you've got to just leave your ass alone for a bit for a couple of days. Leave your own ass alone. We call it love.

00:37:37:08 – 00:38:13:14
And things up there. I, like what I don't understand. There was this video going round the. At the moment it's on Twitter of, there's a like the and they arranged for like, anti-drugs police. What would you call them like Swat team. Yeah, yeah. Come in. Yeah. Kidnap them, blindfold them and take them to a warehouse and pretend that they've been caught with drugs or something along those lines, and then interrogate them and torture them.

00:38:13:16 – 00:38:33:24
I think he said it looks like they're in a foreign country as well. Yeah, they've got his hands, handcuffed behind his back. Yeah. He's kneeling on his knees and he's bent over it, kind of like an execution style. Yeah. And his mates are making noises like they're being tortured as well. Yeah, it's crying his eyes out, I think.

00:38:34:01 – 00:38:58:02
Yeah, but they're making for his life. Begging for his life, and. And they're all giggling as he walk. You're genuinely causing, in this instance, PTSD. This bloke could might never recover from what you're doing to him. And then there's like the reveal his eyes where, you know, actually, don't worry about the last two years. Two hours of your life.

00:38:58:04 – 00:39:23:18
Like it's just a joke. You're like, I don't understand why that doing something like that is preferable to sitting in the pub and having a pint. I don't understand why they'd rather do that than being getting on it in the pub. Like, why is that more entertaining to sit than having a pint? It's the NBA. It's well that he's gone through all of this and he's visibly and audibly upset.

00:39:23:20 – 00:39:44:06
And then they just pulled his head off because he's got his whole head covered. Oh yeah, he's only a joke, right? Hey, don't worry if you're my God, that's a joke. That is to I mean, that's too far. The shoes, too far. I can't be putting things in inside your mate's bodies unless it's consensual. You just can't do that.

00:39:44:06 – 00:40:04:20
That's. It's not funny. I don't understand what the. What? We're gonna do is we'll get this sorted. I will shove it up his ass. How is that boy who's cunt like in? Why would you rather be doing that? Touching your mates and spreading it so you to reveal his asshole and then the next thing goes, then we're going to jump something in there.

00:40:04:22 – 00:40:23:09
I don't I don't get it. Yeah, I don't understand that. I think that's that's too far. My, my pranks were were harmless and I get like statues and stuff that they you can do different things but that is true. But what's the what's the worst thing? Have you ever been involved in a situation where you're like, this has gone too far?

00:40:23:09 – 00:40:46:17
This is this is way too far. No, I can't never I I'm coming across as a proper clean shirt in this. Right. But I would probably remove myself from the situation if something like that was going too far. Just like. Lad, this is fucking weird. I'm out that that that was my next question, actually. Yeah. And in this day and age, where you,

00:40:46:19 – 00:41:20:20
With a group of lads in that environment, maybe on a stag day or a 40th birthday, and you're doing pranks and God knows what else would you have the guts to be like? Lads? I'm leaving. I'm not 100% without question. I'm not doing this. I would, I couldn't in that instance. I couldn't give a fuck about how I would be viewed if I think I'd be thinking, well, so hang on, I'm worried about being judged by the blowfish having a stiletto up someone's ass.

00:41:20:22 – 00:41:38:08
Well, yeah, you're you're way with a great day. Never never never never never. No, the the the, the fact that I wouldn't try and stop it happening, that would be a better question, because I would I would could not give a shit about what someone thinks about me. If I don't want to get involved in that shit.

00:41:38:10 – 00:42:15:00
I think in my younger days I would have I would have gone with the flow, really. Not not just the stiletto. That I mean, that that's that's right. That's that's just not it's not all that's not just not cricket. But the thing is, Rick, would you report it? And I don't think I would have I would have done that not because as much as it is well past the line to a significant degree, you're not calling the police on the are, you know, I am and and the lad isn't hasn't called the police is has a no.

00:42:15:03 – 00:42:43:02
But do you feel like he felt like he couldn't because he happened to me. I wouldn't go to the police. I wouldn't go to the police. But I would be fucking fuming. Yeah. What is your, So with that, right. In the younger days, I may have gone with the flow, depending on what it was. Right? Yeah. And then thought about after I've thought, fuck we, we asked them on a bit too much there or we shouldn't have thrown paint on him when he was asleep.

00:42:43:02 – 00:43:06:01
And he can't see two days, you know, it's was like, yeah, you got it's. That didn't happen Rick. No, no. Right, right right right. I didn't, but, there have been instances like just harmless, like where when I was younger, I remember someone getting someone's beer bottle. I don't know if they wedged it in, in their ass.

00:43:06:03 – 00:43:24:14
Oh, they. Oh, I know it's for the ass. It's the it's the term or they use their finger. I just got some, like, bum batter and put it around the top of the bottle. And they watched him drink it and everyone was laughing and he was like, oh, what's going on? And then someone said, oh, he put that up his bum and smell it.

00:43:24:14 – 00:44:00:02
And he's like, oh, that's disgusting. RA ra ra. I got the bottle just to check to see if it happened. And I sniffed it and it was absolutely vile. Smile died down it that that definitely, definitely done there. And I thought that's gone a bit too far. But no one needed to do that. Yeah I don't, I don't yeah I get I not no no me I, I just to again I like people might be listening this guy and I you're prude but I don't on a night out there'll be no part of me that would to prank someone else.

00:44:00:02 – 00:44:20:09
Shove a bottle right up my own ass in a pub, in a busy pub so that we can, in five minutes, have a laugh at a bloke? No, not in a million years. Would that ever cross my mind to do that? And yeah. God, I would stop them. I think I would stop them from taking the plastic fucking rank.

00:44:20:11 – 00:44:42:14
They can get so ill from your asshole. Yeah. I mean, it's he's grim. That was one of these things. Rate your kids and teenagers. We used to talk about Harvest State as where we we we were mates. I've tell you about harvest estate versus Jackson Jackson Road. Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. We we've talked about on the. Oh we have.

00:44:42:14 – 00:45:06:12
Yeah yeah yeah yeah. So fucking mental. That was just playing football and then just mass fights would break out and then we'd walk away like nothing had happened. It's mental. But think about it. And then you'd see him later and you're like, oh, I he's like, yeah, crazy. There was a, there was this, it might have been because it's someone's birthday, actually.

00:45:06:14 – 00:45:28:04
Where if it was your birthday, you would basically be grabbed, held out like a starfish. So your arms would be, I imagine 7 or 8 people just got. You're you're so they've got you up in the air. You're like a starfish pulled your legs apart. You know what I'm gonna say? They they find the lamp post and just rammed your balls into a lamp post.

00:45:28:06 – 00:45:53:22
Oh my God. Yeah, it happened all the time. Okay, now I never up right there. And it was like, Ray, we've done him. You like the geezer car? Like it's crying I know, I think it happened to me, Rick. I think it might have happened to me. Oh my God. I've got visions of them grabbing me and me screaming and wiggling to get away before they rammed my balls into a lamppost.

00:45:53:24 – 00:46:24:23
Like, that is back there. Knows a bit banner. Exactly right. 2024 when we're 41 now. What's your views on that word as in. But I'm just, just, it was just a bit Bantam I, it was just a bit of banter. Now what I'm talking about is saying something hydrophobic, saying something racist. Oh my. It's just, it's just a bit of banter.

00:46:25:00 – 00:46:46:14
The times have changed in that this consequence your actions. I, I've always been a proponent of say whatever you like to anybody. Yeah, but there may be consequences and you have to accept those consequences. So. Right. If you were going to be racist to someone and I'd say to punch you in the face, yeah, that's a fair, fair reaction, I think.

00:46:46:16 – 00:47:13:08
So. So, yeah, I mean, ban banners in the word banners in our jingle. Right? So it's how men of our age grew up together. It was how we bonded. It was it was it was a massive part of it. There are lines that you that we didn't cross or certainly my friendship group, my brothers didn't, didn't cross, but for sure 100%.

00:47:13:08 – 00:47:47:08
There was sort of casual racism all over the place. All over the place. It would happen all the time. And something that, you know, you thought was funny. But then, and you I mean, you've spoken about it very well before, about how it impacted you, you know, being. Yeah, of Indian and Anglo-Indian. Yeah. And, the impacts, the, the, the conversations that were being had about you all around you, what was significant and but you don't realize it, Rick, because it's so normal.

00:47:47:08 – 00:48:04:06
It's not like you're being a remember conversation. I won't say who it is about. Right. But remember we went on the European away and something was said to you. Do you remember this? Yes. You did. Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. The summit was said to you that was out of it was beyond. It was about beyond the pale.

00:48:04:08 – 00:48:36:20
The right word. Yeah. Yeah. It was what, what was typically accepted as casual racism. It was kind of even is beyond that. Yeah. And I, I, I spoke to that person and they came and apologized to you. And that was the last time it ever happened. Yeah. In modern era, that would never happen. No, I think, and again, like you say, no, the racist banter, back in the day, it was, it was just labeled as banter.

00:48:36:22 – 00:48:55:18
And the person doing it didn't, Oh, can you hear me? Right. Yeah, I can't hear. Can't hear me at all.

00:48:55:20 – 00:49:04:14
Can you hear me? No.

00:49:04:16 – 00:49:18:18
What? You check? You got to check your earphones in. Discord.

00:49:18:20 – 00:49:43:18
And you better can hear me. Rick. Oh, did I know? Yeah. And what did you do? What did you do? Can you hear me? One, two. Three, four. Yeah, yeah, I can, I can hear I think my I think the power must have. Something happened with these headphones. Yeah. The powers, they, They, I'm keeping all this in the way there.

00:49:43:18 – 00:50:13:22
You better fucking up. Very, Is it are they not the power of that lead? I thought they did, but evidently it fucking doesn't. I fucking hate Bluetooth. Headphones are fucking pioneer. Anyway, let's, let's carry on. So where were we at? I don't I, I on is about the, the, the racist banner stuff. Yeah. So just pick it up anywhere and I'll stitch together.

00:50:13:24 – 00:50:44:06
Right. So back then, I don't think, I mean, like, people doing the banner didn't really understand the impact I myself receiving it didn't really understand the impact. And it was just how I would cope in social situations. It was just this is the dynamic, this is how you get through it and this is how you carry on. But a lot has changed now and you still get it.

00:50:44:08 – 00:51:07:00
And and different kind of, social environments that you're in and in WhatsApp groups and stuff like that where it's a bit more protected. And yeah, people can't see outwardly of, of what you're saying, like down the pub, people don't really say stuff like that anymore. And they watch what they say in groups. What do you think about that?

00:51:07:02 – 00:51:32:04
Because it's almost like you're in, you're enclosed, your friendship group is enclosed. And it's just you guys like it's the same with all of them. So you I, I, I've said things in WhatsApp groups. I would never say out loud. Yeah. But because I know that all the recipients not understand me. So therefore I feel free to say some things that I couldn't say on a podcast or something like that.

00:51:32:06 – 00:51:51:09
Yeah, yeah, totally. And and I get that and that the important thing that you mention there is the context and the context of that person. What they're saying is funny because they know that they don't think of it in that way, but the stereotype is of that way. So it makes it kind of funny of of what they said.

00:51:51:09 – 00:52:19:09
And as long as there is an understanding of everyone in that WhatsApp group, that what that person is saying is for comedy effect because of the stereotypes and stuff like that, then I think it's fine. But when you're in a WhatsApp group with people that you don't really know or you know, it's friendly and they forwards something homophobic or racist or anything like that, we just like, really like we're 41 now.

00:52:19:09 – 00:52:43:07
Like it's just these times are gone, isn't it? Isn't just. It isn't just banter. I'm going to, wrap this up with a couple of, short pranks people have sent in. But one thing I'll never I can never get on board with people who poo in shower cubicles or bathtubs for a laugh that I've. I've been witness to that.

00:52:43:07 – 00:53:02:08
In Amsterdam, someone was, one of my mates is in the shower cubicle next to me, knocked on my door and said, come have a look at this. I said, why, what's happened? I open the door and he just, a Lincoln logger on the floor. On the floor? Yeah. Just, in the shower cubicle. Right. And I thought, well, why was he done that?

00:53:02:08 – 00:53:18:20
He's not he's funny in it. And I was like, yeah, he's back into my shower cubicle thinking, but, but but the problem is, is if you clean it up is funny. All right. Fair enough. But they don't clean it up. They leave it in, pour cleaner is an in fuck all has a pick up another person. Shit in the name of a joke fart that.

00:53:19:00 – 00:53:42:00
Yeah. It's that's. Yeah. That is not on. That's the that's the that's dirty. And again we were young and I can and and I can put it down to you know the youth and being stupid and drunk in that lot. But I'm glad I am 41 now and the vast majority of that is behind me. Like there was a kid at my school, Ricky.

00:53:42:05 – 00:54:05:18
He would write his name in poo on the wall. I wish his name wasn't Ricky. Everything was Ricky. He's a really put a really fucking bad thing in for Ricky. Ricky was a, in, put his hand in. Fucking put up his own. Put me this. Also the one there's always. That kid. Never knew who he was. He was like the Scarlet Pimpernel.

00:54:05:20 – 00:54:27:22
He would sit on top of a closed lid. Yes, I know who that was as well. Who did it with its name at long break away with school, when the teacher came in screaming. He's done that in the China and everyone's not looking around. What, what, what, what, who's done that? And everyone else has done the poo. And then like, 15 lads get out of their bunk beds, scurry around and look.

00:54:27:24 – 00:54:52:21
And someone has done a poo on top of the toilet lid, though. Well, why I just cracking up? What's going on through the head when they're doing it as well? I, I am doing a poo on top of the toilet. It's giggling. There's no explanation after they know they didn't clean up. That's the issue for me. Don't do it fun.

00:54:52:21 – 00:55:15:03
Let's have a laugh about it. Fair enough. Bit weird, but fun. But clean it up off the dirty. Dirty, right. We're going to go into the dilemmas, the things only I know. You know, before I do that, only you know I always. Yeah. So 14 of lads anonymous or whatever it is, you still get it wrong. Oh it's episode 13.

00:55:15:03 – 00:55:40:05
So anyway, face, before we get into that, come on, give us a follow on Instagram. We're on Twitter, we're on TikTok. We're even on friends. We're on Facebook, lads. Friends. Jesus. Yeah. Do you know when you fall? It's going to be the Twitter I did, yeah, I did I still think it might day. I know what it really went.

00:55:40:11 – 00:56:06:06
It is fucking dreadful on there. But if you do want to see posts with no engagement on friends or any of our other social channels lads, pod at lads anon pod, come and give us a follow. Actually, do you know what I do when I say if you are listening to lads anonymous, take a screengrab or share it on Spotify.

00:56:06:06 – 00:56:35:10
Apple share it to Instagram Stories at us in it and we'll reshare the stories we want to see. When you're listening, who's listening? Who's part of the lads crew? So do a story, tag us in there and we'll reshare the story. That's that's that's lads. Now dilemmas and things only I know that. So so the dilemma this is one.

00:56:35:12 – 00:56:46:22
Okay. Good. What this to Cambodia. That's just to go tits up. The second is M.I.A.

00:56:46:24 – 00:57:23:01
Things only I know. Brown parcel and Big Joby. Things like, you know. Yeah. For fuck's sake. Big choppy. So we're going to get into it now. Go on. Dilemma. Cambodia. My friend did a vacation earlier this year for two months in Cambodia and as we all predicted, fell in love with the woman of the night. He's now insistent on quitting his job, selling his house and moving to Cambodia to be with this woman and her two children.

00:57:23:01 – 00:57:43:01
Sorry. Start again, I wasn't listening. That was terrible. That was. I just got a message. I started reading. That is outrageous. Unapologetically disgusting. I know, I know, I know, but really, like, I really want to hear this, but I just got distracted on my phone and there's a man here. Hey, match that. You check your phone now. Pinged my phone pinged.

00:57:43:03 – 00:58:02:13
The thing is weak. As a man, I can't multitask. If I get distracted. It's it's done, it's done. It's absolutely done. So it's not my fault. Just start again, right? I apologize to the listeners. Sorry, everybody listening to this, but as I heard lady of the night and I came straight back and I was like, fuck off me.

00:58:02:13 – 00:58:26:07
So I missed the chunk of this. So it's not a game, right? My friend did a vacation earlier this year for two months in Cambodia and as we all predicted, fell in love with a woman of the night. He now is insistent on quitting his job, selling his house and moving to Cambodia to be with this woman and her two children.

00:58:26:07 – 00:58:49:20
Yeah, he says he knows she's a prostitute. I know, that she wants to change and that she loves him. He's also been consistently wiring wiring her cash every week since he's returned. A few of us close friends have discussed this and are certain he's being worked over. And I've even gone as far as telling him that. But.

00:58:49:20 – 00:59:12:20
But he's not having it. What do we do? He I would I would say almost certainly he's been worked worked over you think and. No, no, I'm saying give it a go because true loving it. You don't you can't, you can't just because other people in Cambodia or Russia or these these scams exist, that this one ain't real.

00:59:12:20 – 00:59:37:07
This might be the love of his life. And you're blocking him, but, yeah, he's being fucking absolutely without question taken advantage of. It's called love is it's an actual specific crime. I listen to a segment on radio four the other day. And it happens a lot that it's sort of love was called love. It's like a honey trap in it, but it's an essentially.

00:59:37:07 – 00:59:58:09
Yeah, you get to a situation where you're sending them money and they are constantly talking to you and WhatsApp in you, and you've got nothing left eventually, and then it all dies. And no matter what people say, these people are so good. But you just do it in a sideways burp. Don't do the sideways burp. I don't like it.

00:59:58:11 – 01:00:01:05
It's distracting.

01:00:01:07 – 01:00:25:02
It's really distracting. Ricky. People won't notice. But I just watch Ricky. He's done this before. It'll just. He'll turn to the left and just go. Yeah, let's just go back down the. I don't just. I don't know why you have to do anything. You just got anyway. Yeah. So they end up getting all the money. But the weird thing is about Rick is there was this one gentleman, a lady, a lady.

01:00:25:02 – 01:00:47:16
She was a widower. She'd met a Turkish man, and he was real. We existed. It wasn't like a fake thing online. And she loved him. And fact he made her fall in love with him. And he took everything from a pension, home, everything in the name of this relationship that he was building a house in Turkey.

01:00:47:16 – 01:01:09:01
She was going to move out there. And then the money dried up and he disappeared. And he'd been doing it to no doubt doing it. So lots and lots of vulnerable people. And you know what her take away from that was? I miss him, because he gave us so much. He gave a purpose. If he gave her a.

01:01:09:03 – 01:01:41:22
You imagine what you get from a relationship, the love you feel from your partner, the security, the the constant conversation, the ability to communicate with someone who understands who you are and you've chosen to be with each other. That is such a powerful thing that that regardless of even know you understand that you have been scammed, that part you lose, that you've lost the money, you've lost this relationship, that it turns out it's not been real and it's fucking evil.

01:01:41:24 – 01:02:03:20
It is. Yeah. There's a lot of kind of obviously lonely people and you are preying on on that. And people just want to be heard. They just want to be listened to, like even in and stuff just how their days go in and, and all of that. But yeah, I that is absolutely crushing for, for for that lady.

01:02:03:20 – 01:02:27:02
What do they do about it. It's about I don't know I don't know, I just think she's got I think you've just you got to keep on trying to convince. You've got to lay your cards on the table and say, this is what I think and feel. If you want to carry on doing it at least I know I've done the best thing that, you know, I put my hand up and said, when you're homeless, you're not staying at mine because I've warned you.

01:02:27:04 – 01:02:51:04
Yeah, exactly. I think you should go out there, mate. Yeah. So both of them if like, if you fancy, if you fancy. Look, it's a massive ask if you're mate. But if you fancy, like a couple of weeks in Cambodia, which doesn't sound like the worst way to spend some time. Night. Go over with your mate and meet the woman and be there.

01:02:51:06 – 01:03:10:04
Or send him over there. Right? Just say if you want to be there, don't sell your house yet, but go over having a sabbatical from work. Go over there for two months. That's. Yeah, that's a good idea. Be well, well, well, imagine we get an email in six months time. That mate year when I with his mate. Enjoy.

01:03:10:04 – 01:03:33:09
Yeah. Perfect. Got chopped up, put in a suitcase. Yeah. Terrible I know that. Yeah. He, he's going over there. He's hiding. Isn't he a married a prostitute as well. Bye bye. I didn't marry him. Prostitutes, for Christ's sake. No, but what I mean by being over there is you're forcing her to be with you, and she.

01:03:33:13 – 01:03:50:16
She has to stand up to her words, right? Whatever she's been said to convince him. If you're there, she has to make that a reality. But if she's doing it to other people, which can be very difficult. So you'll know. You'll see. So you have to go. I think if he's not going to give up, if he's not just going to cut it off, he should go.

01:03:50:18 – 01:04:04:15
That's good advice. Go there for free. Mum, don't sell the house. Yeah, don't sell the house. Don't do all of that. Don't do all of that. And that's what he probably get on board with that because it's something you would want to do right?

01:04:04:17 – 01:04:28:18
It would be well yeah. It's Cambodia. Yeah. You want to go back to Cambodia and be with this woman? That's exactly what you'd want to do. So by by helping him even realize that she's scamming him, or in the very minuscule chance that she might be genuine. Either way, you're much closer to that position by going like, don't sell your house.

01:04:28:20 – 01:04:50:10
Just ensure that he doesn't sell his house. Yeah, that's that's, that's that's good advice. Good advice? I don't sell the house. The next one, Mia, let me get straight to the point. My buddy and I have been trying to reach out to our close friend, but he seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. I'll change the names here so the story makes sense.

01:04:50:10 – 01:05:18:13
The friend who has vanished is Larry. And other friend is Ben, right now. A little background. Last summer, Larry was enjoying the single life after a long term relationship ended. While Ben and I were committed to our partners, Larry had plenty of free time making it easy for us to hang out and stay in touch. Last September, we went on a trip to Wales and he told us he had a date booked for the following week.

01:05:18:15 – 01:05:53:05
We went on a trip to Manchester a few weeks later, and he told us that he'd already told her he loved her. This race going well, so last September we went on a trip to Wales and told us. So early days? Yeah. Early day, would you say? Early days? Yeah. This race, this raised eyebrows for Ben in May, given Larry's past erratic behavior in relationships like taking someone on holiday only to break up shortly afterwards.

01:05:53:07 – 01:06:18:21
All has been good. And whilst Ben and I expected that their relationship would burn bright and short, they have lasted all the way until now. However, in recent weeks, radio silence from Larry. Nothing. Yeah, he hasn't responded to any messages in the group chat or even direct messages has killed him. Ben even tried to call him to no response.

01:06:18:23 – 01:06:45:03
Ben messaged his girlfriend who we don't know that well yet, to ask if he's been okay, but it's been left unread. She killed him. Is this the classic case of a friend who dumped his mates for a bed, or could something else be going on? My honest feeling is maybe he's broken up with his girlfriend and is a bit embarrassed to tell us since we ripped him so much at the start.

01:06:45:09 – 01:06:49:17
Or. What's going on. Oh, he's been murdered.

01:06:49:19 – 01:07:16:04
Do you think? Yeah, I'm imagining it. That was the the case. And this is like breaking news in the punch. Yeah. Is that why isn't he wasn't he messaged back. She's dead. He can't. They can't if he's if they come, can't make it, can't be murdered and text me. Mate. It's worrying, genuinely worrying. Get round the house.

01:07:16:04 – 01:07:36:07
Fucking knock on the door. That is worrying. Not at least at least a little sheet. The message as to say, oh, yeah. The next it would be I am coming to your house. Yes. Or I'm coming to the new girlfriend's house. I'm coming to your place. Someone's someone's speaking to me. Someone is going to speak to me genuinely.

01:07:36:12 – 01:07:56:10
I, I think I would the police be involved? Radio silence. If it's not like him, there's not a word back. I don't know if it says in the in the message, but does it say he's read the messages or is on top of tech? They messaged the girlfriend. I know you saw that. That was read. She she read that.

01:07:56:10 – 01:08:18:08
But these ones it doesn't say whether he's read them or not. That's weird. That is weird. How long has it been? Weeks. Yeah. I think you need to, boys. You've got to go. You've got to be proactive here and just go. Go knock, find out where they live, whatever it is, and speak to one of them. So what about his parents?

01:08:18:08 – 01:08:37:03
Talk to his parents. Find out where he is. Do you want to bring the parents involved? Yeah. Fucking. You want to find out if he's dead or not? I say smoke him out of his hidey hole. Bye. WhatsApp message. So I've been coming around. I need to know you're okay. So we're going to. We're going to turn up at your house on Sunday.

01:08:37:05 – 01:09:05:04
And if you're not there, we will contact the police. We will contact your parents. We will get hold of your sister. Say no, I'm going to, you know, if you if you don't return the calls, I'm going to beat your dad up. I can attack him. And Ben's going to film it and we don't fight. Well, stop! WorldStar!

01:09:05:06 – 01:09:22:12
That's what's gonna happen to your dad. Come back to me. So that's what I think you should do. They shouldn't do that. Do that? Yeah. You got a fight, though. You got to find out. Oh, I need to find out. And keep us up to date with this, because I need to know where what's happened. Yeah. And,

01:09:22:14 – 01:09:40:02
Yeah, I'm invested. And, I think you probably the likelihood is the reality is what you've said is that they've broken up and he's just a bit embarrassed, but if he has a track record of it that he's more maybe upset, maybe she broke it off of him. And if she did, she probably would read a message and not come back to you.

01:09:40:02 – 01:09:45:09
So what does she gain if something does happen and you split up?

01:09:45:11 – 01:10:04:07
Okay. It just it just even a little bit busy at the moment might or. I know it's weird from here, but I want to talk. Yeah. Something. Something's got to be done. Yeah. Keep us up to date with that one. Yeah. Now we're going to go into something only I know. Okay. Did did I get. I got that right.

01:10:04:07 – 01:10:13:24
I didn't know the title something. No he got it wrong again. But it doesn't matter more than other. I've lost. I've lost interest. If you can't.

01:10:14:01 – 01:10:41:20
Watch something. You know, that was quite smooth. We did it all right. Lovely. Lovely stuff. Lovely. Top podcast in there. This one's called Brown Parcel. All right, that's automatic download. Listen to here. Come on son. Had a bit of a long one, but hopefully worth the read. I used to work as a delivery driver for Amazon and one of those big grave.

01:10:41:22 – 01:11:05:04
See, I don't mind naming them because I haven't worked there for over a year. After hearing the pod a couple of weeks back about the bloke who got caught listening to lads anonymous in his van, this got me thinking about my own story. As a driver. As a driver, it can be very difficult to find places to go to the toilet as it's very unlikely a customer is going to let you into their house to defecate.

01:11:05:06 – 01:11:29:14
One morning, I decided to drink a lot of black coffee to wake me up on a very tired morning, and after driving past the last service station, this began to catch up on me and flat through my system very quickly, with the runny turtle touching the cloth and clenching my back door muscles with all my might, I managed to make it to a business park where my first delivery was.

01:11:29:16 – 01:11:52:18
The pressure was building to an unbearable point. The second I parked up and stood up, I ran into the back of the van where all the passes are stored, as I knew I wouldn't make it to any toilets nearby, so I had to make a quick, quick decision. Luckily, Amazon provide their drivers with waterproof bags to wrap around passes to protect them from rain.

01:11:52:18 – 01:12:19:19
If a customer asked you to leave the packages outside in the heat of the moment and a panic, I grabbed the bag. Kegs were dropped and squatted down with a waterproof bag wrapped over my ass. Due to the nature of the coffee that had been consumed and the force required to hold it back, it didn't take long for the muddy floodgates to open and all hell to let me loose in the back of the van.

01:12:19:21 – 01:12:52:02
It was safe to say the relief was like a climax, and like every climax, the clarity of filth of what I'd just done very quickly haunted me. Funnily enough, I hadn't planned for this scenario on This morning because it's now left with a bag full of runny shit and a company bag, and then asked that needed cleaning. Surveying the situation, all I could find was the classic sorry we missed you cards to clean up my mess and the dirty splatters on the van thriller that hadn't made it into the bag.

01:12:52:06 – 01:13:14:07
It's safe to say the smell was repugnant. Oh, I then had to continue the day with a shit stench van and watch customers recoil as the smell had most likely seeped into that cardboard packaging. Long story. Sure, if you get a package from Amazon with chocolate stains on the side, handle with caution. This fell for something only I knew.

01:13:14:09 – 01:13:40:02
Or so I thought about a week later, I was called into the office where I found out these vans actually had cameras. And yes, as you've probably guessed, there was CCTV squatting over an Amazon, bag with a handful of we missed you cards. Cleaning up my dirty little secret. Safe to say I'd never work for them again.

01:13:40:08 – 01:14:01:23
What if I got fired? We can't. We got what I know is the absolute. Yes. Couldn't do it. You can't. Nature's cool. There's nothing you can do about it. I decided I needed to go. The plight of the lorry driver. How difficult? Like if they've got an upset tummy. Where? What are they going to do? I don't know, especially with my stomach as well.

01:14:01:23 – 01:14:21:14
I would need, some kind of like porta-potty. Now, what do you do? Yeah. When you're driving around, you can't just keep going to McDonald's and using their toilet. Yeah. And the reason the McDonald's don't say fucking. No, not that. It's just not up to those service your ass, is it not? Well, no. There's that as well. It's not their obligation.

01:14:21:17 – 01:14:47:20
Why? Why is it up to McDonald's. Well all right Costa. No, look, none of them did you until I was sitting here. But yeah, I feel for the guy. I've been in many a situation. It's. It's been like that. Is unfortunate. Unfortunate of, of Amazon's pinky. Now, the next one big job was another one about shit.

01:14:47:22 – 01:15:07:00
I know what it's like a spanner in it. This one. So it's got it. It's all about it from many years ago. Oscar night out. I stayed at mate's house and slept on his sofa in his one bed flat. My mate had pulled ago and they were having a good time in his room. When I read that, having a good time in his room.

01:15:07:00 – 01:15:28:24
Imagine they opened the door. They were just sitting there. I connect for bloody good time. Good. Some early in the morning she woke up and went to use the bathroom that was off the main lounge area. She went into the bathroom and after a minute or two came out, grabbed her things and left. My mate came out of his room.

01:15:29:01 – 01:15:50:07
I said, where was she? Gone. I said, I'm not sure, but she went to the bathroom and then left. He then went into the bathroom and said, fuck you now, Bobby. There was the biggest shit in the bog. It was so big it was sticking out of the water. I wouldn't flush. It was then when the penny dropped.

01:15:50:10 – 01:16:20:05
She was obviously embarrassed and left before she had to admit the massive shit in the toilet. Oh, she couldn't flush it. My mate then had to get a large carving knife and chop it up to get it flush. Oh, also trying not to throw up from the smell of mushing up someone else's shit. Yeah, that's not the thing is, about half an hour before she went in the boat, I had done said shit, but hadn't said anything as I didn't want to wake him up.

01:16:20:07 – 01:16:41:17
This was a perfect disguise for the massive hey, I've never got to this day. Told him or anyone else that it wasn't Nicholas poo and it was actually mine. She let him believe there was just a massive log. Yeah, it was good. It's hers. He let her. He let these mate believe that that is. Oh, that's how I would earn it.

01:16:41:22 – 01:17:03:08
Well, someone's got to take the food. What? She was so repulsed by that she left. But he's having the bastard. He's had the a good escape there. You see, she's not the right one for him because she can't handle a lot. Said you can't get lost. Then you you get out of this house and I don't need these.

01:17:03:10 – 01:17:36:22
That reminds me of the story, of this girl that's. She was seeing this bloke and she was there. It was early doors where, you know, you kind of don't want to sort of shit around people. Yeah, it's early doors. You want to keep the romance alive, right? Yeah. And so she had gone to the toilet and realized after go in that the system is broken.

01:17:36:24 – 01:18:00:10
She couldn't flush it. Oh, God. And she was like, I can't leave a massive lock there. What am I going to do? Begin right? She remembered seeing a litter tray cat litter tray in the front room. So I've missed the part. This bloke had gone to work, right? So they had a night that had, they'd had a night of romance.

01:18:00:12 – 01:18:26:04
She stayed over. He'd gone to work, left her a note saying, you know, feel free to, you know, chill out for as long as you want. Make yourself some. Yeah. Food. Yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously he left so she felt the freedom to relieve herself and that's what she did. She found though after doing a pup big pup that she couldn't flush the toilet you know called soft fuck.

01:18:26:04 – 01:18:48:13
What am I going to do. Her solution was just take the poo out the toilet all day and put it in the literary blaming on the cat. Blame it on the genius, isn't. Let me think. It's a stretch, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. They're not really similar. Cat pose and human pose, but not what else you can she do.

01:18:48:15 – 01:19:21:13
You can just leave this logs. You can put it in that person. Go on. Could she. He can't do that. That's fucking men's much better decision to put it in shall it. Right. Yeah. Anyway, she cleans up, she leaves and doesn't think any more about me, until she gets a message later and says, She finds out somehow that the cat had died like, two weeks earlier.

01:19:21:15 – 01:19:40:15
The man, the man knew that she'd put her human poo in the cat litter tray, and she said she never spoke to her again, so it couldn't have been the cat because the cat was dead. Cat was dead? She didn't know the cat was dead.

01:19:40:17 – 01:19:58:14
My God, what a nightmare. What? I mean, I thought of what would she do it? I guess the best solution would be put it in a bag and tie it up, I think. Get it out, wrap it in toilet roll, and just try your best not to kind of squish it. Yeah. And out of the house. Then launch it.

01:19:58:17 – 01:20:30:19
Yeah 100%. Yeah. That's. Yeah. It's right down the drain. Do whatever. Yeah I don't on that dirty little night. Well follow us on. Oh, what about this something, you know. There you go, Ricky. Thanks. I really we, we need to get some kind of, this. Give me an opportunity. I know, I know, I know, I like that, I kind of like it, I like it, I like it, I like it.

01:20:30:21 – 01:20:50:10
So give us a follow on Spotify. Give us a follow on Apple where we get your podcasts. Keep following, keep subscribing. Follow us on social automatic downloads and I hope you enjoy your day. We love you. Thank you. Bye bye bye.