#16 | Heartbreak | get over it by doing this…

00:00:00:00 – 00:00:24:07
Hello and welcome to Labs Anonymous. It's episode 16, a podcast with two best mates of over 20 years. Invite you to join their safe space where all manner of subjects will be discussed. We'll focus on a specific subject matter first and then answer your questions, dilemmas or need for advice. All handled anonymously. So sit back, relax and enjoy the podcast.

00:00:24:08 – 00:00:53:05
Never mind five. Never mind all that ballocks. I adjust to Virginia 60. Have I lost my fortune? Had you lost your Virginia 16 I think I lost it at 16. What were in the year of 16? Yeah. Finger it. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. What. How much. Finger. Quite a lot would you say.

00:00:53:07 – 00:01:19:16
Well let me give you, give me a premise a little bit, a fair amount. Quite a lot. Fucking loads. I'd say a little bit. A little bit, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, loads, loads of heated up over. I would talk to over the jumper, over the jumper, the jumper under the yeah. Yes, yes I hadn't I was a late start rate.

00:01:19:18 – 00:01:45:00
Yeah I think remember this about you. You said how old were you when you, did. 18, 18. Okay. Well, yeah, that is, when it's fairly late. Yeah. I went to an all boys school, so. And I wasn't really into Dick, so I, I kind of had to wait till you sort to mingle with girls, so I,

00:01:45:02 – 00:02:07:19
Yeah. I never, never got got to it until I was 18. What about the, the other stuff? First by second base? Yeah. All that. Yeah. I didn't want to finger boys either, so I can understand where I'm coming from. Yeah, I can, I can, I can see the the dick being a problem right there. Yeah, there was, there was a I had a girlfriend before.

00:02:07:21 – 00:02:27:09
Yeah. My, my main girlfriend. Well, I had lots of little things that were like kissing and stuff. Yeah. But, that there was, there was a, there was a chance at 17 that I could have done it. Well, y y could have, but, you know, rotten was a riot, right? Okay. Yeah. Yeah, it's quite like that. It's quite so.

00:02:27:10 – 00:02:51:16
Yeah. Couldn't do it now, but, Yeah, I, Yeah. But many a time with, with my, Yeah. Current partner. I still do. Boom. I bring my beans in my jeans shitloads shit like, Did you tell her once you had blown your beans in your jeans? There was a couple of times, obviously, that I did. It was.

00:02:51:18 – 00:03:15:21
It was, inescapable of saying that I hadn't. Because one minute you are just holed up in the next you like, there's nothing in me now. What is it? What is it about people? Men. Especially that after they blow their beans, they're just like, I can't do this. And then you. You have a complete emotional sea change, then you.

00:03:15:22 – 00:03:38:07
Yeah. You go. This is the best to. I don't want anyone to touch me ever again. Yeah. And it's it's normal post nut Kyrie. That's what it's called. Yeah I think it's because you know psychologically you you get what you want it. And then it's like you need that separation. It's dangerous. It would be dangerous if you just didn't stop.

00:03:38:09 – 00:04:12:24
The sexual sex sort of just continues after you've come. It it that's how much it used to be. A bit like right now. I wish I wish that, you know, I did have a have a mate who said that when he, when he twice one of the rest that after he'd not, he would grab it again and start going at it and making sure that it went from kind of like half mast back to full mast and go again, at least at the second.

00:04:12:24 – 00:04:35:05
Not always so much more intense. So he said yes. Yeah, yeah. How much time did this kid have? I don't know, blow his beans as it's like on the way down. Where do you think you're fucking going. Oh okay. Yeah. You get back in shouting like it's bloody get in there you fucking idiot. Down. There you go again.

00:04:35:06 – 00:05:02:14
They get fucking they get you fucking piece of shit. Get back. Well fuck you, fuck you doing? We had to, I found this quite funny. This email from, the last part. The last part we did was focused on fighting school fights. Adult fights? Yeah, I read this one. That one for you out. The latest up about fighting has reminded me of a mental situation at my school.

00:05:02:16 – 00:05:33:10
I was at an all boys grammar and I was in year 11, so 15, 16 years old. There was an insane fight arranged. The plans were kept away from teachers, yet somehow the entire group here knew what was happening. Friday lunchtime, a mass brawl was planned between two factions the chaps v the IMO's. If you didn't, if you didn't feel you fall into the category, you were still encouraged to pick a side.

00:05:33:12 – 00:05:58:06
Drugs didn't fight with their chains. That shit like that can fucking throw some if they wanted to go because Friday nights night came around, and about 100 of the 150 boys in the year amassed on either side of the field and charged each other and just beat the shit out of each other for 20 minutes. There were so many people involved, the teachers couldn't really do much.

00:05:58:08 – 00:06:22:13
I chose the side of the emos as far as I can remember, but just stood at the back watching really as I wasn't the fighting type. The week leading up to it was filled with crazy anticipation. And then the fight itself was legendary. And filled with sorry, crazy anticipation and filled. This is what did horribly. I'm just going to leave that.

00:06:22:15 – 00:06:42:08
I don't think either side really won in the end. It just petered out, but there were quite a few kids who were beaten up pretty badly. How about a school populated entirely by boys just isn't a good idea, I don't think fun times though there is. Yeah, I don't think the boys all boys school really exist anymore unless it's at private, I don't think.

00:06:42:10 – 00:07:13:10
Well, what side would you have paid? What was, what was the other one other than emos? Chaps? Travis V my are Travis probably back there in school times. I would have I would have gone chaps. But then 17 plus I would have gone. Why? There's such a weird way to know people. Yeah, I know I'm trying to think because I was back in the day of that younger I firetrap hack.

00:07:13:10 – 00:07:40:18
It wasn't a the polo shirt, you know, Mike Skinner type attire. So I would be more I think I'd more fit into the chaps. But then as I was 18 to 20 around that period, never even then I wasn't emo. But then I did morph into this guy that was wearing your favorite. Yeah, it Sid Vicious Sid Vicious t shirt.

00:07:40:20 – 00:08:02:18
Yeah, I had two chains around my jeans, a short chain that went round my waist, and then a longer one that went further down the thigh, and I had a bit of a mohawk. I yeah, it was just. But that's not it's a shame as a real shame. You valuable lesson. You learned some valuable lessons that that day.

00:08:02:18 – 00:08:23:14
Rick. Not that wasn't your worst fashion choice. The worst, hands down. The worst is the the the black leather belt with the just the studs that were even studs. They were holes. It was like something, you'd see on one of the Turkish kids at school. What a one. Yeah. I don't know why that. I don't know why I wore that.

00:08:23:15 – 00:08:43:06
You work for ages, and so it's a parish to other parts of Paris. And it reminded me at school. But it hurt wearing it because. Because it had loads of, like, little metal holes in it. It was sharp behind the metal. So let's put the belt on it, like nip at my fingers. It's fucking horrible. We had a kid at school called Tekken.

00:08:43:08 – 00:09:01:05
He's like, oh, that's a good name. Yeah, yeah. And he was fucking well, Wellard. He came from Turkey. He didn't speak English and he had socks that were made of leather and had little pockets. I don't know if they were an ankle wallet or they were actually leather socks, but everyone at school just went there. Definitely never socks.

00:09:01:11 – 00:09:23:04
No one there never saw that don't exist. But taking out a pair. And one kid tried him once and he kick the shit out of him. It was, well, odd. I'm not talking about throwing punches, flying kicks and shit like that as well. Oh fuck yeah, like it done some sort of mixed martial arts that definitely had some training at some point in his life.

00:09:23:06 – 00:09:44:04
It was there for a couple of weeks and then we never saw him again. Take him. Still think about fucking, you know. Oh, God. He was, out. And he said that pretty quickly, right? I, I want to cut to the chase because I want to get to this next day, you know, and you may or may not know what's coming, but it's just it just fills my heart with warmth.

00:09:44:04 – 00:10:11:19
So what is it? Hi, boys. Automatic download here. Good. Show up. Well done. I also just want to say that while I'm certainly not your target demographic, 30 year old straight American woman. Okay, I've been absolutely loving the pod. It sounds weird, but I actually find it strangely wholesome. Keep up the great work. I don't think. I think that's fun.

00:10:11:19 – 00:10:33:09
I think, yeah, there is no demographic. Just. We're the lads. You're the anonymous. Yeah. If you like. And you can tell us how mean here. And everyone's welcome. Everyone's welcome. You think it was modern age? We'd get away with fucking, you know, just said this is just for boys and not just any boys, lads. You got to be a lad.

00:10:33:09 – 00:10:54:10
Yeah, just the term. I don't use the term. I'm fucking sick of my target demographic. I've had enough of it. But your football fans, I can't stand football fans anymore, right? All I do is make me unhappy because of the reading they're bleating online. But this is different. This is much more sort of. Anyone can get it. That's right.

00:10:54:12 – 00:11:17:19
Anyway, you wanted to know about female wet dreams? Well, I thought that was the other day. Email. Nuh nuh. All right. Well, while I personally haven't experienced anything like this, I do have a good story about an old college roommate. So I shared a dorm room with this girl for about six months and another friend lived with her before as well.

00:11:17:21 – 00:11:38:22
We're all close. We're all in a close friendship. Great. Anyway, she would tell us about these vivid dreams and that she would have at least one or twice a week. Side note everyone should be aware that women talk about everything and are equally as filthy, if not more than men. To be honest, I was actually jealous. Not true.

00:11:39:01 – 00:12:08:02
He who wouldn't want that do you haven't heard the shit that said. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, yeah, it's the worst. It's the worst. I've got. Except it turns out her dreams were so vivid because she was asleep. Masturbate. Yes. Asleep. Masturbate. We've heard of sleepwalkers, sleep talkers, whatever. But Greece in the peach, while asleep. Oh, beautiful, beautiful turn of phrase.

00:12:08:03 – 00:12:38:07
Recently I've never heard no of I am beautiful. But I saw that I was like, oh, lovely, lovely. That was a new one for me. I'm naturally a night out and struggle with insomnia. Every now and then I would hear her deep and sleep. Mind you, snoring, start to well, you know, what do you do when you're trying to fall asleep and you hear these low, when you hear these loud, wet flapping noises from across the room?

00:12:38:09 – 00:13:04:06
First I thought that she was awake, needed to get off, and that she thought I was asleep already. Because, again, you're 17 years old. Whatever. So I would start loudly, lightly cough, whisper, question, make it very apparent that I was still awake. Nope. This chick would get down with a bad self while dead asleep. And again, I can't express how loud it was the first time it happened.

00:13:04:06 – 00:13:21:21
I seriously didn't know what to do. I didn't mention it, didn't ask her how she was in the morning. Nothing. The second time I asked if she had a weird dream because it sounded like she was talking, she said, yeah, and tell me about the vivid sex dream. Well, shit, we all now know why it was so vivid.

00:13:22:01 – 00:13:46:06
I asked the other friends who used to live there that ever happened, and also she confirmed it another time. She was sleeping on the floor of a guy's room I was seeing at the time, and the two of us heard it going at it. The look on his face, man. So basically sleep masturbating. This, this, this, this woman, it's a collection of sleep masturbating.

00:13:46:08 – 00:14:06:07
Yeah. I don't believe it. I don't think, I think she was just masturbating. Just pretended she's just, This is so she does finish off saying I don't know whether she's asleep. Masturbate. I don't know. She just I don't care. I need to I need to twist one off, and I'm doing it. I'm doing it right. And I know it's socially unacceptable, but I'm just going to pretend I'm asleep and no one will be able to prove anything otherwise.

00:14:06:09 – 00:14:26:24
And it's a bit like that story last week about the boy and his mates. Lads just knocking one out with each other and then sucking them off. But that's how you in that situation. That's the problem, is that it sucks. You made it off isn't it? Like Ricky if there. Yeah, yeah. If there is a world where we are in the same room masturbating.

00:14:26:24 – 00:14:43:05
Not that I can't imagine a world where that happens. I believe you're getting sucked up, boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but if you're going to do something, do it in style. You know what I mean? Yeah. Just what you've got to do is open your mind a little bit. And just like, you know, this goes back to the very first conversation we had in episode one.

00:14:43:10 – 00:15:02:16
And if you haven't listened to it, go back. So listen, this I don't understand why bloke mates don't suck each other off more. This should be an agree. It's just like I need to do something. You need to do something. You just box this box ticking exercise really well. It was what was what we said was it was comparable to doing something you really don't want to do, but you do it because you could mate.

00:15:02:16 – 00:15:27:11
Like helping them move house. Yeah. Yeah, it's exactly the same. Go back to episode one, have a listen. Exactly the same. Another one we had. Dave. Help anxiety, fellas. Automatic download here. Who's never had a visit from the semen demon. Well, lucky you. Hearing Ricky talk about his health anxieties has made me feel normal. Honestly, to me, the world of good.

00:15:27:13 – 00:15:46:00
I have a few health issues and always assume the worst. What Flav and Ricky's mum said about. Oh, it's not flats, mum. It's just my mum. What Ricky's mum said about fear of death is absolutely nail on the head. Bloody love the pot and the grot you chaps talk about. Keep it up a bit weird if it's my mum, wouldn't it?

00:15:46:02 – 00:15:49:18
Yeah. I don't know how often my mum.

00:15:49:20 – 00:16:08:17
Mum, listen, this. No, she doesn't know. Thank God. I hope she doesn't any. Might do, she might do, she might have a, an ear to the street. But I have said to her it's not really the, it's not really for her. What would you do if you, if I did get off of your mum. I don't know how would you feel about it?

00:16:08:19 – 00:16:27:00
I'm not a Pablo. No, you're not a bad bloke. But then your wife, your manager down the drain, and most doesn't. She doesn't exist. I'm single. Your mum single. This is. This is. This is silly. I'm not going to entertain this. People don't know. I'm looking at Rory and he feels very young. He doesn't like this. He doesn't like this.

00:16:27:00 – 00:16:55:01
Okay, I'm just saying she's single. She's got needs. I've got needs. I'm a single man. No, I can't imagine that someone getting a few miles take care of a Rick. I'll take care of her. I'll take her out. I'll take her out. We'll take the places. Rick. We can't. Yeah. No. Right. We're going to jump in to to actually, now we're going to jump into today's topic.

00:16:55:01 – 00:17:23:15
First of all, again, Instagram. You guys listening to the post, taking screenshots, sharing it to Instagram Stories, tagging us. We'll share your stories too. I'm just loving all the different locations people posting where they when when a lot America a lot love their love it. I'm going to go over there, shake their hands, give them a hug.

00:17:23:17 – 00:17:42:19
One day I will day, one day I do Abu Dhabi. Why do we talk about Plastic Pig? Last week we have. We didn't because the iMessage we sent a picture of plastic pigs in we. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Is it all right to bring that up. Yeah yeah yeah. We went out one night. Outgoing lads. Anonymous is Instagram now like Instagram where we go I'm gonna go I'm gonna go.

00:17:42:20 – 00:18:03:12
We got not fucking 2000 nearly 80 a thousand. So if you listening to this. Right lads? Anon pod guy, follow us on Instagram. Get us to a thousand place. But there is, there is a picture of me, Ricky posted last Thursday, and it's me, and it's, a guy called Matt and the guy called. I called Ricky and Ricky.

00:18:03:14 – 00:18:28:17
And this was of a time where we got mangoes. You can see, you can see from Ricky's face that he's farts. You can see from my eyes that I'm full of MDMA. What? We didn't know at the start of the pod, start of the evening. And it was. Matt was a policeman at the time. Yeah, and we went back to Ricky's place, and we're doing all sorts, geared up, chopping up lines, and he's like, and you got to get in trouble for this.

00:18:28:17 – 00:18:48:08
And he's like, no, I don't think so. So much so that we always chant in plastic pig, pig over and over again. Turns out you gave up police in about six months later. Yeah. I said I think he was, one of those community police officers training to be a police officer, right? Yeah. So we had a great.

00:18:48:10 – 00:19:08:15
Yeah, it was an amazing, amazing night. And that's why we're calling him a plastic pig as well, because he wasn't a real. Oh. So what? Is that what it was? Sorry. Because he's not a proper cup of plastic pig. The full bars or my memory of that evening. Rick was us holding each other in a circle. Yeah, me.

00:19:08:15 – 00:19:50:01
I think it was you, Tim. Definitely, definitely. Matt and my my little brother Alex. And we were holding each other singing Skinny Love. Bye. But never really quietly. Went through that. And he. Amazing time. It was brilliant. I want to go get on. Do it again. We'll do it again one day. Today's topic is heartbreak. Oxford Dictionary says overwhelming, unbearable or intense sorrow or emotional distress, a result of bereavement or the end of a romantic relationship.

00:19:50:01 – 00:20:16:11
The fact or experience of having a broken heart. Now we've we have skirted around having a having you heartbroken in a previous episode, but we've had free we had free emails last week all saying talking about being heartbroken, how to get over it, what to do, what's our experience of it. So I thought we would, what was that?

00:20:16:11 – 00:20:48:19
People asking us to talk about it. Yeah. Yeah, just wanted more about heartbreaking. Do you want to say one of them in. Well, yeah. Do you know what I said? This is the original email. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Actually namechecked you as well. Really? Yeah. Love the pot. Oh, download it here. They're the fucking lads. Absolute lad. I always hear you talk about your significant others and even Flav sometimes talking about how he has a decent relationship with his wife's ex.

00:20:48:21 – 00:21:13:03
Specifically the story of him knifing a dead animal. No idea what the relation to that is, and I was just curious how you knew the people you were you were with were the one. And if you experienced any heartbreak in your life and how do I get over it? Oh dear. Well, do you know what the, the story of knife in the dead animal.

00:21:13:05 – 00:21:39:06
Yeah, yeah, we talked about this. We talked about this on the pod than me. Or it might have been on the other pod. I don't know, there's lots of lots and lots have lots of conversations. Right. Okay. Yeah. No, my, my my, partners ex. Liam, he he's, he's super handy, right? He's super pragmatic. And he's big in these fucking these hands of workman's hands.

00:21:39:06 – 00:22:01:24
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's worked his ballocks off his entire career. And he's just, he's he's that kind of, bro manual kind of guy, right? Yeah. Anyway, he someone to run over a muntjac around the corner from us, not far from from where we live. And it wasn't dead. And it was a woman who'd run it over, and she's like, I don't know what to do or not do.

00:22:01:24 – 00:22:17:24
It's bone in its back was broken. It was fucked, basically, but it was just needed to be put out of his misery. Yeah. He's just he carries a knife not just for work and stuff. Not like a fucking zombie blade or anything. And he just walked up to the muntjac and just slit his throat, and that was it.

00:22:18:01 – 00:22:35:23
Just carried it off to the side of the put it in the woodlands, and someone picked up later, I think. But fuck and gully and that's the yeah that is Gully man. That is shit. Just like I like. Even if I did have a penknife, a Swiss army knife when I went to a shop, where would you say, oh shit, no I wasn't.

00:22:35:23 – 00:22:56:23
Yeah. Do you know what? I would make the situation worse. Yeah, by stabbing it in its stomach. That you know it. It's not. Yeah. I'll just end up. It'd be me stabbing it 37 times just to kill it. I've got more damage than just being stabbed to stop in another valley. Yeah. It's, Yeah. So that's that's the,

00:22:57:00 – 00:23:24:06
Right. That's the story. Yeah. So I've never heard of that. Oh, I must tell it also has some, in terms of relationship with your, significant others. My wife's ex-partner, it it was important. It was really crucial that we got on, you know, in order to help co-parent and bring up William and Chloe. Because when I met them, they were four and six.

00:23:24:06 – 00:23:47:22
Sort of tiny. Yeah. Those are really important years. When you were a kid and having a really tempestuous or aggressive relationship between two of the men in this scenario wouldn't have me good at all. And I remember growing up and my my parents, my mum and dad were pretty good. They were pretty good. They're pretty on good time terms.

00:23:47:22 – 00:24:10:20
But my dad didn't like my mum's new partner. And there were the could tell there was issues. And as a kid I could pick up on tension and stuff like that. Like I was really I was really careful, not to mention my dad's partner around my dad. And even as a kid, like I would push if I just wouldn't mention him, basically because I knew it might set my dad off or upset him.

00:24:10:22 – 00:24:33:23
And I didn't want that for William and Chloe. I wanted them to feel comfortable if we were in the same room and if he came, if if he, you know, Liam was coming into the house or whatever it was, there was no issue. And so I made it. I made every effort to ensure that I was as friendly and as welcoming as I could be.

00:24:34:00 – 00:24:53:18
And now we like I'd say we're friends now. Mates like, I'll happily go for a pint with him or, you know, invite him over for dinner. Even when he's not there. Sometimes we have dinner together, so I think it's. What? Really? Yeah. Sometimes you'll come around and what? We'll cook dinner and we'll sit down and have dinner together.

00:24:53:22 – 00:25:20:21
Or with the kids in that, Or we go out somewhere. I know you sweep this under the carpet and you're quite, What's the word I'm looking for? You just brush it off. Really? But I don't think you really understand or give yourself credit for having that type of relationship with him. And I know you understand that.

00:25:20:23 – 00:25:51:19
And it. And it should be good. And but it's really, really hard. Exactly. It's really hard for you to be like, do you know what making it work for the kids, not rising to different things, welcoming him into your house. Welcome home for dinner. Have a pint. Whatever it might be, there are, you know, millions of families are in the same, it's not normal family dynamic, but it's very.

00:25:51:21 – 00:26:15:00
The ex isn't allowed in the house. Yeah, the communication is proper cut off. Yeah. No, it's, you know, it's not really. I understand it really different. I mean, I know what I'm like. You know what I'm like. Yeah. You wouldn't you wouldn't be able to do it. Not I, I couldn't, I couldn't, I could do it. But do you have this growing up, was it an issue growing up for your parents?

00:26:15:02 – 00:26:43:03
No. Not really. No, not not between when they had their. Yeah. Relative partners like that. Yeah. My dad didn't like my mum's partner at the time. And that was understandable because he was an absolute knob. Yeah. Which is fair enough. But I don't think my mum had any malice towards my dad's partners. I think I think she was always just like, let him get on with whatever.

00:26:43:03 – 00:27:18:19
But I do have mates now that, even mates now and people that are not close mates, but you see on Facebook and social media, I can't believe he's bought that trollop round my house and or I can't believe it, you know, just really kind of sounding off on their relationships. Yeah. Socially and although for me I would want to keep everything in-house and not broadcast it, but the I just think I just, I am in them in amazement.

00:27:18:19 – 00:27:41:14
Really. How do you handle yourself. Thank you. Thank you mate. I'm very grateful for you saying that. But I benefit from it as well, right? Because I'm not, you know, a situation that is tense or unnecessarily or could become aggressive. The. I don't have to deal with any of that because over the years and it's been years now, we've managed to forge a relationship.

00:27:41:16 – 00:28:10:05
And so. And it's good for the kids. Like, why should the kids feel uneasy? Because two adults can't work out. They're, they're they're they're potential issues. So that's that sort of is really, I've never. I've never felt heartbreak, ever. Yeah. We spoke about this. Didn't we say I don't think so. Like, obviously if you don't, if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine.

00:28:10:05 – 00:28:33:12
But your previous relationship, did you not have any heartbreak? It was quite, amicable when you when you went your own way. Yeah. I mean, it was difficult. We've been together for, Firstly, I have experienced what I think heartbreak could feel like sometimes my brain I. This will happen often is. What would I do if Ollie died or she was in a car accident or something?

00:28:33:12 – 00:28:53:22
She was just gone, and I. I get emotional just thinking of the thought, but yes, yes, I'm like, I can find the nearest truck and run into it. That's what I do. I think. Yeah. Anyway, actually as well, if you die, same with a truck. Yeah. Brilliant. Survive. And I'll do that for you. Rick, would you want me to go?

00:28:53:22 – 00:29:11:07
I want you to. Yeah, I yeah, I would, yeah, yeah. If I was, I wouldn't need to. I would want you to run in front of a truck. Okay. On a motorway. Right. I'd do that. Definitely. Yeah I know, appreciate that. It's probably not the best idea. And, you know, the kids need you, and, you know. Mrs.. Need you understand that?

00:29:11:13 – 00:29:28:17
But I want you to do it if you want me to bring them with me as well I can. Data. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do that. Okay. Do that. Okay. She's that everyone's happy, right? The, But no, I do think about that, but yeah. No, no. So just quickly because I feel I've been talking a lot Rick.

00:29:28:17 – 00:29:57:02
But you, you that that previous relationship went on for 14 years from 18 to 32 more or less. Yeah. That was a massive gray area at the end. But we decided together we'd both reached a point where we knew it was done and we needed to see him be with other people to just live an experience. And so there was a period towards the end of our relationship where we were in like an open relationship, if you like.

00:29:57:02 – 00:30:19:21
We weren't we weren't. The relationship was over, but we weren't brave enough to say, this is it, we're leaving. And and then a happy middle ground. It wasn't that it was unhappy, actually. It was a fucking. It was a lot of stress. But the middle ground was we'll we'll just do our own thing and we'll see other people and that's what we did.

00:30:19:23 – 00:30:45:08
But they were kind of men. The good, just saying. Right. That's the agreement. That's what we're doing. Surely that's fine. In this experience, she wasn't as fine as I was fine about it. Okay. So when I was serving at Wallops. Yeah, she would have to ask about it, right? Whereas I never asked her think, oh, why would I want to hear it?

00:30:45:08 – 00:31:05:15
I don't want to hear it. Was it a situation of we were on a break? I think being completely honest, she wanted what she wanted and she wanted me to do nothing. That's what she really wanted, right? She wanted me to stay home and do nothing. Yeah. While she did stuff and that that is never going to work.

00:31:05:15 – 00:31:30:06
Right? Is even balanced or no one gets it. Yeah, yeah. And she and I think that's not that's not saying anything bad about her. I think intellectually she said no it's I understand the situation we're in. But emotionally she said I don't want him to do that. And that's why eventually I had to move out. But we weren't we weren't sharing beds or anything like that for a good year, 18 months.

00:31:30:06 – 00:31:58:20
Oh shit man. Yeah, nothing like that. Shizzle. All right. We're talking about the the heartbreak in previous relationships. And although many of you listening to this and everybody that knows me, I have in August, it's going to be, you know, quite sort of 25 years with my missus. That's amazing. But there was times in my teens and early 20s where we did break up.

00:31:59:00 – 00:32:25:17
Yeah. And it was tough, man. And it was all my own undoing because back in those days I was, you know, I was a guy going out my mates every single Friday, Saturday, Sunday club. Let's fucking get on it. Yeah. We sort of we started the Wednesday club. Yeah. The, the FOMO with your mates. And it was always like she was the last.

00:32:25:19 – 00:32:50:06
Yeah. Last thing to think about. Now obviously I love my, my missus more than I can ever describe on a podcast or anything in real life. But at that time, the fear of missing out from a fight happening or this happening about my mates and I wasn't included would drive me to go to see them more and let her be the afterthought and naturally, things went their own way.

00:32:50:10 – 00:33:16:15
It, I was a kid, and at that time my mum said to me that people, they're still growing, they grow apart. But then if you're meant to be, they grow back and they meet in the middle. Exactly. That's exactly what happened. And at that time, I remember her mate saying to me, just leave her alone. Just just leave her alone.

00:33:16:17 – 00:33:38:05
Stop texting her. Stop messaging her because you wanted her back, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't this wasn't my making. It was. It was. It was on on her. And then in the end, I just took the advice and I said, look, this is going to be the last time that that I contact you because I just want you to be happy and but but just know that I'm always going to be here.

00:33:38:07 – 00:33:57:20
And I left at that and that three months of no contact and stuff like that, and just letting her to, to do what she wanted to do, what to think or whatever it might have been. Then a text message came, didn't close it. Did you want to meet for a coffee? Yeah. What you want to order, do you love?

00:33:58:00 – 00:34:24:00
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah, I say, I say, but at that time when, when we split up, I was doing that proper, What you see on a film. Tears streaming down, not fucking flying over my chin. Yeah. I was. Done. It was fucking horrible. And I remember it so clearly, man. And it was so painful. So painful.

00:34:24:00 – 00:34:48:04
But again, it was just at that time, if you try, you try and see the look through the trees. And it's really hard not to at that point, but listening to them as to why the relationship broke down, why you drifted apart, what you want to do next and how that story goes and just, you know, not burning your bridges.

00:34:48:04 – 00:35:11:21
I fucking hate you anyway. Whatever. If you actually still want to be with that person, just try to understand that many people are going through different things in their life. And even though you're so close, you may not know what they're dealing with at work stresses or, you know, body conscious, you know, whatever it might be. So you, you just kind of have to let them get through what they're getting through.

00:35:11:21 – 00:35:31:04
And hopefully that you meet each other back in the middle again, like I did. If you're supposed to do, you will. You'll find a way back together. I think the other part, the part of the problem with my previous relationship is we just spent so much time together from the minute we met to 30, though late for sorry, late 20s.

00:35:31:04 – 00:35:59:15
30s. Where is that? Sometimes you need space. Yeah. There's a there's a there's a great book you should read. Everybody should read by Kahlil Gibran. And it's called The Prophet. And there's lots of really, really good life lessons in this. It's through storytelling, but it's amazing life lessons about how to how to react to, you know, things like heartbreak but love, how to manage a relationship, what's the healthy way to be?

00:35:59:15 – 00:36:25:14
And one of the things that stuck with me is it was a phrase that says, let there be spaces in your togetherness. And he talks about the Coliseum or a the front of a Roman building. And the way it holds up this huge amount of weight is by pillars that are separated by space. But if you put them together, it would fall down constantly be so you have to have space in order to be as strong unit.

00:36:25:16 – 00:36:47:01
And having space between you is really crucial. And that's why I think what I've now, well, actually been more for Alex. I'd happily spend more time, really? But she's cool with just being alone, right? She's cool. Just. Yeah. You know, she's. She don't. I mean, sometimes I'll text her 3 or 4 times and nothing, nothing comes back. And I've learned to love it.

00:36:47:05 – 00:37:18:10
Okay. On a different part of heartbreak. This is this one. This is what I'm going to read. Isn't through relationship heartbreak different type heartbreak? I'm going to get into it. But watch yourself because it got me all right. There was a bit of, hero. Yeah, I had a bit of a tear at reading that back in 2010, I was in a long distance relationship with a woman who was way out of my league at the time.

00:37:18:10 – 00:37:43:09
I had a lot of hours built up in the back, and I was burning through them just so I could go and spend time with her. The first couple of months of the relationship were amazing. When we were together, the rest of the world didn't exist. At one point she started acting a little strange and one Wednesday morning I was very intoxicated at a major League Baseball and I got a picture sent to me.

00:37:43:11 – 00:38:09:13
The picture was a positive pregnancy test. I was over the moon. She had mixed feelings. I was pretty prepared for a move. Either her to me or me to her. As things went on, she was leaning more towards not keeping it. I backed, and tried to plead with her to have it, even if she didn't want me or the baby, I would have kept to even tender that she wouldn't even have to be in the child's life if she didn't want to.

00:38:09:15 – 00:38:35:20
About a month later, I get a text that says she's terminated the pregnancy devastated. One of the things I've wanted most of my life is a little one of my own. My own flesh and blood. After the termination, she changed again for the better, and it almost seemed like we again had a future together. After a couple of months of ups and downs, I finally said fuck it and ended it.

00:38:35:22 – 00:39:01:15
It honestly felt like a weight had been taken off me. Over the years I've gotten most things out of what I've gotten. Sorry. I've gotten everything out of my life, but my own child just doesn't seem on the cards for me. It's probably one of the few things I'll regret in life. The child would have been 14 this year, and I still think about it.

00:39:01:16 – 00:39:33:23
What could have been? So that's a different type of heartbreak that's wanting something so much. And sometimes you feel is your your destiny. It might be a dream job. It might be, having a child. It might be whatever it might be. But that crushing feeling of it happening. Yes. It's a very different type of heartbreak, you know, it's all relevant.

00:39:33:23 – 00:40:02:11
It's so it's hard to get over. I can't, I can't imagine actually. What that feels like. I don't know, but I do I do have regrets about not having children. And I've got an age now where I'm too old and don't want to. Enough for. It's to disrupt my life. Yeah, I've got big plans of just fucking seeing the world and doing amazing things that I really, really want to do that I haven't done yet.

00:40:02:13 – 00:40:29:22
I don't want me to do that. Baby comes along, so I don't want it that badly. But clearly not as badly as, as this man. Because it was a horrendous situation, isn't it? Because ultimately is her body and it's her choice. I do believe that it's also his baby as well. So it's such a difficult I don't want to talk about two people because it's such a sensitive subject, but you should understand why he's as heartbroken as I think.

00:40:29:22 – 00:40:49:04
And he did. Probably did the right thing by splitting up, because you'll never you'll never you. Oh, yeah. How can you forget that? Yeah. And I think you'll always have that resentment in the relationship, you know, and then arguments, it would probably come out and and you. Oh for sure. And by saying that you would break up but you know so you probably did the right thing.

00:40:49:04 – 00:41:23:24
But yeah, man, it's, it's unfortunate. I think a lot of these times in these places of grieving, heartbreak and some things maybe like this incident that you never truly get over it, but you learn to live with it and you pray around it, whatever it might be. And for me, it's like, I don't know, man. I say it might not be relevant to this one, but, my my grandparents I was close with passed away.

00:41:24:01 – 00:41:44:19
Heartbreaking for myself, but I try to think of the good times, and I try to be thankful that, you know, at least at least I had to have my grandparents in my life. And at least kind of I got to enjoy them, whereas I some people didn't have that at all. And there's a lot of stuff around.

00:41:44:21 – 00:42:07:20
I've lost grandparents and I'll never it's because they're old and they got to the end of their life. It was like, and I spoke to my granddad, my grandmother, I didn't, my mum did actually, but my, my granddad said when he was on his, you know, when he was very poorly and he was in hospital, he just said, I'm ready, I've had enough, I'm ready.

00:42:07:20 – 00:42:27:05
If they open the door, I'll walk straight through it. I say, yeah, that's what he said. And my nan, after she lost my, my granddad and she was, she sat in pretty much in the front room in a chair. She went out and stuff. But fundamentally that's what she did. SAT on a chair, smoked fags and watched EastEnders, chants, reading.

00:42:27:07 – 00:42:53:15
She she she, she would talk about it. Said I'd stone I've had enough. I don't want to be anymore. And that is that was really comforting to me. Not that she was stressed by the fact that she's just had enough, but I had physical conversations all by proxy through my mum, about how once they had reached the end of their life, or before that, even, they were happy to just let go of it.

00:42:53:17 – 00:43:10:07
Or whereas right now, as we discussed on the health anxiety things, that's the last thing we'd want, right? Right now. Because we've got too much, too much, too much stuff to do. But it's comforting that the brain gets to a situation not always, not always. But in these two instances where they were gone, okay, I've had it. I've had my fill.

00:43:10:11 – 00:43:31:09
That's let's move this on. Now if I get to that stage. What a wonderful place to be, right? Yeah. For sure. Like when you were saying that I'm ready now, like you said about health anxiety and my fear of dying, that I am nowhere near in that place. But no one's very easy. He managed to get to that place where he just thought, just tapping out.

00:43:31:11 – 00:43:50:19
Just just let me go, man. That that being. What is Esther Rantzen talking about? She's campaigning isn't she's for people to be able to have assisted dying. And at moment you can, you can go to Switzerland, you can sign up to Dignitas, you go to Switzerland and they can, you know, you force is no pain. You fall asleep previously peacefully.

00:43:50:21 – 00:44:09:19
Yeah. The problem is you can't do it with your family. If they go with you, they can be arrested for assisting. Yes, and that's illegal. And that's just fucking backwards. So you mean. What are you saying? We can't find a workaround where a person can be with their family when they choose to end their life and they can be arrested?

00:44:09:21 – 00:44:30:12
And this can't just be something that is overturned immediately. Why on why cannot I? Maybe there's some bureaucratic reason why this isn't the case, but why can ministers not go? Surely that's stupid, right? If this person was in their life and she wants a loved ones around them, they can't be a world where we arrest them. But yeah, that that is what it is.

00:44:30:14 – 00:44:49:15
Just let me do what I want to do. It's my fucking body, my life and my life. She's got cancer spread all over her body. She they've managed to give us some pills that that stop the spread. So giving us some length and time so that she can find a dignified way. She can do things. And the the laws just won't allow them.

00:44:49:15 – 00:45:14:03
She's probably is going to end up going to Switzerland and doing it, but she'll have to be alone like I would. I would go with my wife if she I wouldn't give a shit, but that's not what she wants. That's not what the ransom wants. She doesn't want to put her family in that situation. Yeah, yeah. And my nan spend a lot of her time, and I guess this is one of the one time I'm not sure if I can talk about this without getting emotional, but I try.

00:45:14:05 – 00:45:35:07
There was. There was one time I feel like I've heartbroken now that we're talking about it. Because when I was thinking about heartbreak, I was thinking about relationships and stuff. And yeah, I've always been the fucking geezer who knocks. I mean, I'm the one that says when relationships overnight. Oh no, you're 30, mate. So, you know, I mean, there ain't no woman on earth that can break my heart because I end things first.

00:45:35:09 – 00:45:59:06
She's, Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, that's. I'll try. Please. Please listen. Please forgive me. Never leave me. Never leave me. But this time was so my nan had dementia. She was. She was really ill for a long, long time. And it slowly degraded to the point where she was bedbound and she would get infections. So water infections.

00:45:59:06 – 00:46:22:22
And you have a combination of the two having serious infections at that age, while having dementia. You hallucinate a lot. And I don't mean hallucinate like on LSD, magic mushrooms where you know things aren't real. You know, it's your mind doing it. In that instance, she believes everything she's seeing so often. You would have to placate her as she and just go along with it and it was harmless most of the time.

00:46:22:22 – 00:46:45:15
But then there was a time where I would go in there. So when I say go in there, she would. But that didn't want to put her in a nursing home. He wanted to take care of, with, with, with the carers that they got from the local council. And she was she had a bed they set up, they essentially set up a triage in a, in a front room where she would live.

00:46:45:17 – 00:47:12:03
And I'd go in there and she'd not know who I was, which is, you know, understand what's normal for dementia for that to be there. And I was holding her hand because she'd get very, she'd get really stressed out because she didn't know what was going on. And I, I was holding my hands and she looked at me for a second, and then she she recognized me, and she started.

00:47:12:03 – 00:47:34:19
She started crying, but she wasn't crying like she was crying. Like she was young, like she'd regressed to some degree. But she reckoned she knew she recognized me not as her grand son, but as someone she knows. Yeah. And she just grabbed my hand and put it on her face, and she just asked me to just leave my hand on her face.

00:47:34:21 – 00:48:08:02
And that was. That was the most heartbreaking thing that's ever happened to me, because she spent a lot of the time she missed. She missed being touched and held and, and that's what that's all she wanted at that time. And she was really upset. And that was fucking horrible, man. That was I would never leave me. Like, whenever I think about it too much, I'll, I could be on my own and will often burst into tears about it.

00:48:08:05 – 00:48:22:17
I haven't actually told anyone about it. It's the first time I've ever mentioned it and I never heard you say it before. Yeah, but how do you bring that up when you've been up and down the pub? Yeah, that's. I say that, you know, by the way, I, by the way, I have left one in the toilet fully.

00:48:22:18 – 00:48:44:07
I there's a time with my nan and, Right. Yeah. And she tears were running down her face and tears were running my down my face anyway. And anyway, I've left her now, but, you know, eyebrow in the toilet. Yeah. Going to it that I heard that the other day Albert. And now. But you know his eyebrow. Yeah.

00:48:44:07 – 00:49:08:21
I had to have like of like, Yeah. Yeah. Liam Gallagher's eyebrow. They go this thick, thick. I'll be on there. Yeah, that's a good one. Guys. I am I check the downloads Monday. Are you still doing automatic downloads? Are there some people that's set it automatic download then switched it off. Why would they. Because well I don't know.

00:49:08:22 – 00:49:30:06
I know I can see these things in the analytics. So if you're listening and you don't have the podcast set to automatic downloads, piece of shit. Yeah, you are a piece of shit. Go and do that now. Don't Spotify type in lads. Anonymous. Find the little cog setting, click it, just switch it to automatic download. You're an apple.

00:49:30:08 – 00:49:53:05
So search lads. Anonymous. Click the three dots, switch it to automatic downloads. You'll get the podcast first thing every Monday as soon as it comes out, and it'll be ready for you. If you go on a talk, walk on a run, commute to work, whatever. But please keep on doing that so you get the download as soon as it's out.

00:49:53:07 – 00:49:59:23
Now. Dilemmas and things on. You know.

00:50:00:00 – 00:50:24:12
Can have a bit of a mix up for this one today. So flab is going to do the dilemma. Oh yeah. Because we didn't want to unload the paper. Needs that. No way. No, no I just we just did just read it. What I think I was having to do, poached eggs this morning. I did an actual fry up these, cheese y Tuesday morning as well.

00:50:24:12 – 00:50:42:03
Do you need it? It just needed a bit of. Yeah, I just wanted it. Wanted it. The, All. He made the best curry I've ever in my life. Last night, it was sensational, like, better than any takeaway I've ever had. Better and assume it was the ballocks. Well, tell me, tell me more about this curry. Come on.

00:50:42:03 – 00:50:59:11
I don't know what. It's how she did it. I thought you were going to say that, tissues of the sauce. Yeah. No sauce. Right. Okay. Well, what? I need to find out. I don't know what was good. It was good. It was just so good. It was so tasty. Worcestershire make their own onion badges. Right. She made her own.

00:50:59:11 – 00:51:24:22
Secondly. Ooh, my missus absolutely loves that. So I could lose my, you know, not be fun as an Anglo Indian. How do you British. You know the way British look towards curries like you had authentic Indian food from your naan, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, yeah. Honestly, I honestly, the British curries, an absolute disgrace.

00:51:24:22 – 00:51:52:03
I mean, I was, I fucking hate it. I was like, that's not to say that. Absolutely, absolutely I it is literally like a different it's a different food. Culinary. Yeah. It's a totally and utterly different. And it's very sweet and obviously the preservatives the color is there. Yeah. There is just it is good. But you couldn't you wouldn't bear it's night and day between the it would be the same dish.

00:51:52:05 – 00:52:30:14
What my nan would cook in comparison. Well you get takeaway totally and utterly different now. Maybe that's a bit of a nostalgia as well, because obviously when your grandparents are making you nice curries and food, it's that taste of home. But they they're totally and utterly different. My, my go to takeaway is I'd probably say it's like Middle Eastern Turkish that that kind and then Chinese and then fucking Jack potato and beans and then British curry.

00:52:30:16 – 00:52:47:19
My a mate of mine, who I used to work with Tanveer and he was he might have even been born in India, but certainly grew up in an Indian household. And he was like, I up we were talking about comas and we're talking about vindaloo and all that. And he's like, I don't even know what it is.

00:52:47:21 – 00:53:07:14
I don't know what you're saying. Like a free television. I think he's heard of a korma, but I can tell you what it tasted like. He said, why would I eat that? Why would I eat it when I've got my nan making authentic Indian food like yours did? Anyway, so I don't know what the flavor was last night, but it was fucking great.

00:53:07:14 – 00:53:37:15
It wasn't like, it wasn't like a, you know, a Madras or anything like that. You wouldn't. It was just something she made with some spices. We bought loads of spices from a mock him in Cardiff a couple of years ago. And she makes stuff. She's really good, really good, really good cook. Rain. Yeah. If there was one bit of advice I'd give anyone to to making a curry or a traditional Indian curry, the closest thing that you'll ever get is a company called Pat hacks.

00:53:37:17 – 00:53:58:21
And they do these pastes. They be good that they are. They're very good. Really good. So if you if you wanted to skip because making a cow from scratch isn't necessarily easy, maybe you're there from eight in the morning to. Yeah. So you need a little little nudge along don't you. Yeah I say a pat curry paste. This will set you in good stead.

00:53:58:23 – 00:54:25:13
Now going back to something none of you know. And the dilemmas would cut to that in a second. But the topic for next week I always forget to do this. But the topic for next week is fitness and lifestyle, fitness and lifestyle. So if you've got any questions about where you are at the time of your life in your 30s for ease, you feel like, you might.

00:54:25:13 – 00:54:50:10
It's getting away from you. You need to change up what you're doing. Too many late nights, ciggies, booze, anything like that. The changing of a mindset, the change. You know, you want to reeducate yourself. I could do with some help or stuck in a place. Help with that. I could do so. If anyone has some suggestions about how I get kickstart my fitness, getting back in the gym and motivation yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

00:54:50:10 – 00:55:12:06
Okay, if anyone out there can help or send me in the right direction, yeah, man. I'll be I'll be up for it. So that's a lads anon pod at gmail.com. Send it in. And we're going to be talking about fitness and lifestyles next week. Now on to dilemmas.

00:55:12:08 – 00:55:44:17
Oh just just tired. You got an issue for a tissue? You're a bit sad because that will destroy you aching in your soul, alone in your flat. Please talk to Vicky. Offended? Let that stress off your chest. Well, friend, you deserve that. Like you're safe here to get nice warm between brachial and. Right. So we've got this.

00:55:44:19 – 00:56:03:23
I saw this earlier, and I just thought this is mental. So basically, my wife has decided unilaterally that we are done having sex. She found out that she cannot have kids due to a choice she made before we were met. And kids, apparently were the only reason she was willing to have sex. I love my wife and I enjoy being intimate with her, but it was our marriage.

00:56:04:02 – 00:56:23:02
It was making our marriage untenable. After two years of this, so I posted for advice. I got a lot of great support and suggestions about how to talk to my wife. I tried a lot of it. I started going for counseling for myself as well, but no matter how I approached her about our situation, she would not see my point of view.

00:56:23:04 – 00:56:42:14
Every discussion would end with her crying and screaming in my face. And I'm trying to emotionally like I'm trying to motion emotionally. Manipulator. I then wrote a letter outlining my feelings and asking her to come come with me to counseling to seek it for herself, perhaps to go and see a doctor. I was kind and loving in the letter.

00:56:42:14 – 00:56:59:11
The last thing I wanted to do was set her off. I worked on the wording with my counselor to make sure that I wasn't saying anything aggressive that could be misinterpreted. She read the letter, then scrawled across it in her red Sharpie. Go get it somewhere else. If you're not getting it from me because you're not getting it from me.

00:56:59:13 – 00:57:19:19
Then she walked out. I sat there for about an hour doing nothing. Then I told myself what I was going to do. We both were both. Then I told myself that was something I was going to do is was go and seek sex elsewhere. We are both fairly successful in our jobs. I'm not super attractive, but I am fit and I could talk her.

00:57:19:19 – 00:57:36:21
It took a while, but I met someone. We started out as just friends but it became physical. I made sure she knew I was married. She is not interested in a relationship so I guess I'm a safe option for her. My wife found out because I did not try and hide it. She was crying when I got home one night.

00:57:36:21 – 00:57:50:16
When I came in she asked if I was going to leave her. I said no, she asked if I was cheating on her and I said I was getting sex elsewhere. She said that was cheating. I did not disagree. I asked her what she wanted to do. She said I had to stop. I asked her if we were going to start having sex.

00:57:50:21 – 00:58:11:11
She said I was an irrational asshole if I thought that she would have sex with me. After I cheated, I went to my desk and pulled out a photocopy of the letter I wrote when with her answer on it, I went to have a shower and go to my room to sleep. When I woke up, she was sitting on the bed waiting to talk, sitting on the bed, waiting, sitting on the couch.

00:58:11:11 – 00:58:28:18
Sorry. Waiting to waiting to talk. She said that she had reread the letter and that she realized what she had realized she had not before, something that she had not. Sorry. She said that she had reread the letter and that she realized something that you had not seen before. She assumed it was just a letter begging for sex.

00:58:28:20 – 00:58:45:13
She said that she was going to counseling with me alone. All I had to do was having to stop having sex elsewhere. I said, I'll be willing to pause my friendship until we saw a counselor and that I saw progress in our relationship. I would break it off. She said she would not agree to counseling without me leaving the other woman lady over.

00:58:45:15 – 00:59:05:01
It almost turned into a fight, so I just went for my run. Before I left, I asked her what would compel her to go to counseling if I stopped having sex elsewhere. When I got back, she did not have an answer. She couldn't even say that our friendship was worth saving. Relationship was worth saving. I don't want a divorce, but I'm why I'm willing to leave over this.

00:59:05:07 – 00:59:12:17
I'm 28. I'm not going to rest of my life about sex. She refused to see my side.

00:59:12:19 – 00:59:44:03
What should you do? Shit. That is, That's a difficult one. Now. It's really hard to put an. Especially when when you're talking about with your partner to put, sex on that on the pedestal and make it all about sex. Everything within your household, everything you do is all about sex. When we're going to do it, we're going to do it.

00:59:44:05 – 01:00:13:21
But there comes a time where in your life that it isn't, as you know, when you first get together and you're not doing it every five minutes and it wanes and you have children and stuff like that. And life gets in the way. You're too tired. Yeah, whatever. But there has to be a part of your lives where you are still intimate and where you still are having sex.

01:00:14:00 – 01:00:38:10
We still do love each other. You still do have a friendship. You still love being in each other's company. So it sounds like for them, I don't really know, obviously, of their relationship, but it sounds like they are staying together because they don't want a divorce. He doesn't want to have sex with her and she's saying she's saying absolutely.

01:00:38:10 – 01:01:05:22
There is no chance we're ever going to have sex. That's what she's saying. And you're not allowed to go elsewhere to do it. He. Yes. I don't say that either. Well, it would you do what you what you do is is there any and he like he's trying to get the counseling she's saying and she it sounds like she's just saying, well, no, I will go to counseling, but you have to stop this right now.

01:01:05:24 – 01:01:26:22
Just like. Well, no, I'll pause it when you go to counseling, but it's almost like she's trying to control the situation. You can't blame him if he leaves for this. No, because it's. I think what he has to do is he has to kick that relationship into the tall grass and be like, all right, fine. I've done I've done my bit in 28 as well.

01:01:26:22 – 01:01:48:23
28. Yeah. Yes. The young in it. It's young to be going through this. Yeah. It's. Yeah I ditch that relationship first and then say to we, we need to go counseling. We need to get this show on the road just to see what's going to happen, because she might go and she might be. Yeah, I still I still don't want to do it.

01:01:48:23 – 01:02:16:05
And see this is a psychological. Yeah barrier which is really important. Don't want sex. Some people are asexual. They don't feel the need to do it. Like some people are the polar opposite of you. It. God. Yeah, well, a sad little life you have. The way, the way I do with is I just say. I say to Holly whenever you want to.

01:02:16:07 – 01:02:36:23
I'm ready. I'm done. Yeah, yeah. And then. And then, And then it happens. If you put too much pressure. Yeah. I think you create a pressure environment around the sexes. Unhealthy and leads to. But people get frustrated only because I really want to say I want the say, yeah, not getting the sex. Why can't we have sex?

01:02:37:00 – 01:02:59:12
And that becomes an issue as well. So. And I wouldn't want to have sex under those, those pretenses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The full of horrible environment. Yeah. The four of you, that wife, forcing herself to have sex with you. Because I have it. I have had, free close, we'll say connection. So people can't join the dots.

01:02:59:14 – 01:03:26:00
Yeah. That are, female partners that sleep with their husbands. And they don't want to. They're not in the mood before they decide they have to because they're looking for it elsewhere. Oh, right, I don't I for I love to feel like some women might feel like obligated because they want to keep their partner happy. And that's a normal thing.

01:03:26:02 – 01:03:44:02
Yeah. That's keeping the partner happy and keeping them from going elsewhere, because men will naturally just do that, which I don't think. I mean, I thought that a broad stroke, but it's a fear, isn't it? The. Yeah. And this goes back to why mates makes just know each other off, I don't think I don't think she would save marriages.

01:03:44:02 – 01:03:54:20
I don't think that my wife, she'd think is weird. But if I said I'm just going round to Ricky's and he's going nuts.

01:03:54:22 – 01:04:17:04
He's going to knock me off for a bit. I don't think I kind of feel like she'd be able to get around and round it there. And and again, he's. Well, I think I've said this before, and I'm. This might be brought straight brushes. Well, that men generally have a higher sex drive than women, I don't I wouldn't say mine's super high, but.

01:04:17:04 – 01:04:41:11
Yeah. You you, Yeah. No. And I think men generally, are that way inclined. And if there was like a little, I don't know, like in Germany, you have to drive through prostitutes or something just to, you know, don't even have to go the whole way just to handjob. I wonder how many kinds of relationships prostitutes actually save.

01:04:41:13 – 01:05:06:07
That's good. That's that's a good question. Actually. I'd want I'd love to be able to. I'd imagine the the vast. I would imagine a lot of people that visit prostitutes are actually probably married and that they do really well. I've, I've, I've done I've done interviews with, sex workers who have. Yeah, yeah. Sex workers and a porn star called,

01:05:06:09 – 01:05:22:05
What the fuck? Their name doesn't matter. But, where can people find this? Can come in if you want to. It's called, no holds barred. I don't do it any more, but it's an interesting conversations on there was during lockdown. I did it. But I listen back to it now and I like the sound quality.

01:05:22:05 – 01:05:55:15
So shit, I fucking hate it. But there are some good. There is some good interviews. One well, one of the last ones I did was with a sex worker who, who works in London in houses and brothels effectively brothels. And she would often say about like the amount of married men you get is unreal. And I wonder if, what is worse, the relationship breaks down because there's no inter intimacy or these men in their own time, but no one will ever know.

01:05:55:17 – 01:06:12:17
You know, goes and gets a prostitute to get some physical intimacy or to get off. Do you think this what this, guy should do? You think he should have just lied and just said, I'm not getting it elsewhere. He's done the right thing. He's done everything right. Yeah, he's been quite open and honest. Yeah, and honest.

01:06:12:17 – 01:06:29:20
Yeah. I can understand why she doesn't want to. She doesn't want him to do it, but she also doesn't want to have sex. But it's not it's not. That's not a partnership is it? I don't know it completely in one way. And it would eventually erode it's time. And at 28, you know, you got fucking living to do man.

01:06:29:20 – 01:06:51:06
Your lives are living to do it. 20 yeah. Like in the 30s is when I started getting like confidence. Yeah. Like your proper confidence. So I don't miss out. Yeah I don't know what I'm saying. Yeah I don't know what I'm saying. Yeah. That that's totally, they were looking for that confidence. Anyway, my advice would be probably in the relationship and.

01:06:51:07 – 01:07:29:07
Yeah. All right, try again. Yeah. The whole thing. Okay. Yeah. Gone. Oh, just, just tired. And you got an issue for a tissue. You're a bit sad because that will be an aching in your soul, alone in your flat. Please talk to Rickie Lambert. Let that stress off your chest. Well, friend, you deserve day like you're safe here to get nice warm between breaking and.

01:07:29:09 – 01:07:48:22
Right, then. Sign for something you know, in it. Yeah. I'm going to go. This one's a bit this two, but this one's a bit of a lonely. And I think I'm just going to stick to the long a, and keep the other one from, like, I've just played the jingle again. The long one. But. So for.

01:07:48:24 – 01:08:13:06
For, This is great, Austin. Hang on. Let me just press. Let me just press this. Let me just do this quickly. Yeah. Something, you know, Rick, did you enjoy my prank last week? No, I didn't that was that was very painful. That was heartbreak. That was. I could, like a lot of people have messaged in about that.

01:08:13:08 – 01:08:40:07
Funny, it was, coming from a guy that doesn't not pranks. You know, someone said that, dickhead was funny. What jingle did you just play then? Then somehow, you know, in. Right. Okay. In. Right. Okay. Well, I'll get started then. Okay. Let's go. In my early 20s, after a rough break up from a four year relationship, my mates and flatmate decided to get me back on the horse.

01:08:40:07 – 01:09:03:23
Was the best solution. The decision took place at a pub where all, were. We all had 1 or 2 hours. They dropped me off a whole house, paid the 900 rand for my session, and told me to text when I'm done. That not really 900 900 rang currency is that I think it's, South African in it.

01:09:04:00 – 01:09:31:24
Yes, it's South South Africa. The set up was a lot like £38. £38. That is really a steal in it. I mean, depends got there was a lot like a bar with some pool tables sport on the telly. But there were no dudes, only ladies of the night coming to chat to me as I sat at the bar having a double liquid courage on the rocks.

01:09:32:01 – 01:09:59:08
I didn't want to waste the very expensive double liquid courage I just purchased though, and what a blessing. My accidental patience was rewarded by eventually being approached. But what must still be the most beautiful women I've ever seen? I didn't care where she'd suddenly appeared from or who she'd just finished with. I walked over, grabbed it by the hand, and just said, come around the back.

01:09:59:08 – 01:10:26:15
A bouncer handed me a key, inform me that we had Max one hour, but also, that when when I was done, irrespective, he also informed me that he would be right on the other side of the door and provide any weird shit. Eventually we got to it. I was still rock hard and well into it. The noises coming out of here with the sexiest sounds I'd ever heard and she was even more beautiful naked.

01:10:26:15 – 01:10:55:17
Absolute perfection. But try as I might, I just couldn't come in that moment. I regretted the lines taken earlier like never before. The bouncer had not. Time was up. Inside this room was a shower and once she climbed off my cock, she went into the shower. Good to know they're relatively hygienic. Not wanting to waste any time now from an hour of, from the erection gods or my mates.

01:10:55:17 – 01:11:24:12
900 ran. I started wanking furiously like never before. I jerked off in front of anyone. In this moment, I must have looked like Bear Grylls trying to start a fire in the wild. Minus the rugged good looks. It took surprisingly long for two of us to make eye contact while I was at it, but I was completely transfixed on this naked, wet goddess body when I did eventually me, I was agonizingly close to what I'd earlier thought an impossible climax.

01:11:24:18 – 01:11:55:08
And in that moment I shouted out like so petite ease. She applies the cheekily and I absolutely blew my light everywhere. But mass. As the question started flying around from my mates, I flying. I didn't want them to know what they'd paid on a 900 ran for making me just have a posh wank. I got a bit carried away in these lies and told a hell of a hero's tale.

01:11:55:10 – 01:12:19:02
Just as we got to the car to leave, there I stood the same bouncer. He looked at me and shouted, make soup to eat and burst into laughter. I told my friends, just drive that he must be mental. Instead, they rolled their windows down and the bouncer came over and told them all about my wank wank escapade and its massive mess.

01:12:19:07 – 01:12:42:22
He even encouraged them to bring me round more often as I clearly needed more release. I was never able to escape the nickname Soapy Titties, especially since my flatmate was the driver. And that's where we all worked. The end Vaes in make so you make soap to ease? Yeah, and that's what that's that's what done it for him.

01:12:42:24 – 01:13:07:15
Good. Amazing. Loved it. The good. Absolutely love that it was. Reminds me of a story I know if I can tell it can of I mean I don't even know the story that well, but it was back in the day when me and Ricky would frequent a message board, and there was a gentleman called Wolf who would tell stories, hey, okay.

01:13:07:17 – 01:13:32:00
If he said what I'm thinking of, probably not. I'm probably. Bessie. Don't do that one. If I say the word Chinese, does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, don't tell them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the one. That's the one. Yeah. That's the too much. Yeah, yeah. It's the, because I kind of know that to do the story, you may or may or may not, there might be an accent that would, that would, go along with that.

01:13:32:05 – 01:14:02:20
Yeah. No, I'm really, really compelled to say just the catch line. Yeah, I know, don't do it. Just place out. Place out. Okay. The night hazy light and I on. Am I playing the outro? The main outro. No, no, no, that's, Good lord, one time, only you. It's just fucking amazing. I don't want it to be.

01:14:02:22 – 01:14:31:03
All right. It's played. Brilliant. Next week on lads. Anonymous. What was it again? Fitness and lifestyle. Yeah. So any stories you have send in dilemmas as well. You like? Surely you've got dilemmas. People keep sending them in, keep sending them in. And anything for something only you know again you know that email address that's anon pod at gmail.com.

01:14:31:05 – 01:14:51:00
And if you want to follow us on social we're on Instagram, we're on Twitter, we're on threads, Facebook, TikTok, whatever are at lads anon pod. Come give us a follow and we'll see you next Monday. Me no one.

01:14:51:02 – 01:15:18:01
On them night hazy light. Band of brothers playing tunes. Hi is quiet. Midnight waves surfing through till daylight breaks. Rhythm hit us different ways. Lover music's out. We prayed with our tongues in cheek. Man aside, we like to speak. And yeah, times change. But no matter what the bond remains. Brothers. Another baby.