#34 | Addiction | if you follow these steps, you’ll be on the right path

00:00:00:00 – 00:00:22:00
When it hits your business. If it's momentary bliss. Nash. Ricky. So good. So good. What do I say to you? Listen to the album. Listen to the album. Have a listen. Have you listened to it? No. Why? Why are you like this? You know why I'm like this. I know that you are like this.

00:00:22:01 – 00:00:38:18
I don't know why you like this. Why you. I don't know why I'm like this. You just. You. There's nothing in you that goes all right. Flav has just been recommended me. Some music he's really enjoying. Maybe we'll do that together. Maybe we'll like it so much, we can go and watch a gig to each other, right? Instead of realizing that as a possibility.

00:00:38:23 – 00:00:54:22
That we could have a life moment that we. That we have together, that stays with us. But we never get an opportunity to see music together, right? Ever. Not ever. We got kids. We got life. Yeah. This could be one of those, right? Because that Taurean should be. Should be. But you you just won't listen to the album.

00:00:54:24 – 00:01:08:04
You won't listen to it. I'm going to listen to it today actually. You know I will I will. And then I'm going to report back and tell you how much I hate it. Yeah. You're not going to though, you know. You won't even bother because that's not what you do. You say yes, yes, yes, yes. And then you don't.

00:01:08:06 – 00:01:27:03
And now I'm going to enjoy Fontaine's back with other men that aren't you. And you're going to miss out on it. What if they play Milton in both? I will definitely be there. I want you there. You're not going to appreciate the music. I wouldn't want you there if Laverton say so at the position coach. I like this one.

00:01:27:08 – 00:01:47:17
Yeah. Thank you. Do you hate you like this? One day?

00:01:47:19 – 00:02:18:11
Dim night, hazy light. Band of brothers playing Jones high as quiet. Midnight waves. Surfing through till daylight breaks. Rhythm hit us different ways. Love of music that we prayed with our tongues in cheek. As we like to speak. And yeah, times change. But no matter what the bond remains. Brothers. Hello and welcome to Lads anonymous. It's episode 34, a podcast with two best mates of over 20 years.

00:02:18:15 – 00:02:39:19
Invite to join their safe space where all manner of subjects will be discussed. We'll focus on a specific subject matter first and then answer questions, dilemmas or need for advice, all handled anonymously. So sit back, relax and enjoy the pod. How's it going, Flav? Need a haircut? I need a beard. Cut this out. Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah. Hair is looking,

00:02:39:21 – 00:03:00:19
Isn't it mad? It's looking a bit like Morrissey's flop ish kind of hair. You even like moderate Morrissey. Well, the hair is, I'm not. I'm moving on with the conversation. It's fine. To me. It's like people go. No, no, you shouldn't. Shouldn't like Morrissey. Who are these people? What do they want? Why don't you mind your business?

00:03:00:19 – 00:03:21:23
I want to listen to the Smiths. I'll listen to. I listen to the Smiths all the time. All the time? You and the thing. The thing is it. The thing that makes me laugh is because I sing out, I sing the lyrics loudly and try to impersonate like Morrissey. Can't go on. No, I'm not doing it. Do it.

00:03:22:00 – 00:03:45:16
Come on. No. No. Well, go on, go on. Listen, let's sing a song. Let's sing a song together. What's your favorite? There is a light that never goes out. All that, you know. No, I'm not going. I'm not going to do that. I would never do that. I never go to that knock on, I don't like.

00:03:45:18 – 00:04:09:20
I don't like it. They are. Yeah. It's true that the the lyrics, when you break them down and listen to. They are so miserable and so, you know, covered in pain and sorrow and, but I just get so much joy singing them like it's me. They're certified bangers. That's what. Yeah, yeah. The albums are generational. The class. Yeah.

00:04:09:24 – 00:04:35:02
But because they're only like they only lasted for like eight years or something like that. Really short lifespan for a band. Well, for someone as successful as them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. You're imagining being quite difficult to work with. Oh for sure. Yeah. I've, I've listened to a lot of Johnny Marr interviews and he just slags Morrissey down now and just how hard and and Morrissey goes back on him as well.

00:04:35:04 – 00:04:52:20
It's quite, it's quite funny. I just did a quick Google just just because I won't get in trouble, but apparently he's done quite a set, some anti-LGBTQ. Do you know, this lot rate a lot a lot of racist racism, right? Yeah. Yeah. You would not be reliable, is it? No, not really, mate, but really, I like the music.

00:04:52:22 – 00:05:15:05
Yeah, but sometimes when the music's good, you just gotta ignore some stuff like that. Homophobia and racism. Yeah. That's. Yeah, sometimes. Or like, Or acknowledge it that he's done that. But then. Then I like them. Yeah, yeah. The music, you know, like some people, they won't play Michael Jackson anymore. The, the, the Paul Kelly. Well no.

00:05:15:05 – 00:05:38:17
So you front people are actually going I won't play. Are Kelly fine. Yeah I, I'm going to listen to Michael Jackson. Yeah. Because we're still not sure are we there. Still not quite. It's not conclusive. No. But have you seen Finding Neverland? I have, yeah I watched it and I was like, definitely, definitely bad. The kids really? Yeah.

00:05:38:19 – 00:05:58:07
There was oh there could be an element of he's gone now. I just want the money. No one can prove anything. Literally dead is not going to do it anymore. Nothing. So let's go back to it. Yeah. Okay. Exactly. Yeah, I think I think most people I don't listen to Michael Jackson, not because of what he did, but I think it's just overrated.

00:05:58:09 – 00:06:16:10
So. Oh that's that that's that's there are he has got some certainly bangers. Yeah fine. But he's idolized. He's like the seen as like the king of pop right. He's like I am like the best. And if you listen to it back now and you go, yeah, I've never they never going to put on an Michael Jackson album willingly.

00:06:16:10 – 00:06:40:01
Oh yeah. No no no no I never I there's a couple of, tracks that are in my playlist. What are they, a thriller regime. You can you change my with that one? That's not in there? Actually, that's a good song. That's okay. That's not bad. Yeah, yeah. Man in the mirror. That's a that's a banger.

00:06:40:03 – 00:07:04:11
That is a good. And I'll give you that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's got more bangers in our Kelly. Therefore we're more forgiving of his exact rate that. I mean, isn't that the way the world works, right. You you pick and choose what you want to be, offended about it. And even if you do like, you acknowledge it, I still enjoy the music is enjoy to me.

00:07:04:17 – 00:07:22:14
I can still separate the artist from the person cause, you know, it's like they're mixed, rapped about horrendous things, horrendous things, but still slap it on every now and then. It didn't. They did. Even just in his right mind, I, I don't know, but I just forgive him because I like their mix. Exactly. Yeah. So it's fine.

00:07:22:14 – 00:07:50:20
Rick. You're fine. No one's going to judge you for that. I think the judge actually doesn't get it. Just everyone agrees that's a no. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. He's he's done. He's cooked out there. Yeah. Last week's episode on sharks. Thank you very much to all the emails and social that we have received from you. There's been loads of people that have had diving experiences, loads of people that have come into close contact with sharks, people who said this can't be the end of the sharks.

00:07:50:22 – 00:08:15:06
Sharks podcast. You haven't even done you didn't even touch on the UK sharks. And I was like, no, there's only so much we can fit in. I mean, so much we will do more shark podcasts, but I've walked away from the podcast thinking that there was tons of stuff that I didn't talk about, but I wanted to, but I didn't realize until afterwards listening to it as I should have gone down that road, should have talked about this.

00:08:15:09 – 00:08:40:02
Yeah. So yeah, more that that'll be a. Yeah. And you guys have been sent. Well, we've been sent a voice night. Which flat. Yeah. Let's get it home. Yeah. How's it guys? So I grew up in fishhook. One day we all heard that first love, love the accident. Oh, I've just paused. Every week, I guys, it's, to see if we can accent is,

00:08:40:04 – 00:09:03:01
Yeah. My favorites in it. Yeah. Beautiful. Say the word pyrotechnics. Pyrotechnics and I. I'm gonna play every black. There was, shark attack at the beach. Nobody believed it. Everyone thought it must be museum book. But it turns out there was this old retired lady, that used to swim up to the buoy and back every morning.

00:09:03:03 – 00:09:28:12
Great white savage to all that was left was, swimming cap. So me being a dumb ass 16 year old, I decided, fuck lightning strike twice in one day. And yeah, obviously no one knew how to respond, you know, to this issue or whatever, but no one had closed the beach it by that afternoon. So I was the only oak in the water.

00:09:28:14 – 00:09:46:16
And I went out all the way to the buoy. So along the edge of the beach, there's a catwalk that you can sort of like walk up and down. And there were hundreds of people on that catwalk screaming at me, to obviously, you know, get the fuck out of the water. And I was like, no, man, this is fun.

00:09:46:18 – 00:10:17:06
And then something hit my leg. So I thought, okay, fuck, this is it. Like, I'm I'm gone. So I was probably closer to the catwalk than the shore, but I figured there's no fucking way I can swim back now. So I had the bright idea to stick my head in the water and look, in my mind's eye, I imagined me, like, literally going down, just fucking climbing into the shark's open mouth that's waiting for me.

00:10:17:08 – 00:10:39:00
But because the water is, like, so murky and so green from all the kelp, I couldn't see. Fuck, I wouldn't even have been able to see my hand in front of my face. And I was, like, flopping around with my arms. Y'all, at one point I felt a bit of seaweed, but I also. No seaweed can't knock me.

00:10:39:02 – 00:11:03:07
So yeah, I'm convinced that was a great twist, and I was almost the first person ever to get eaten at the same beach on the same day. But yeah, I'm still. Yeah. Shut, man, I but what a what a boys night. That was so good. Yeah, it's just a matter of fact there for the pump and the and it's, it's like.

00:11:03:09 – 00:11:22:22
And I wouldn't do 16. You do stupid things. Yeah. But you just saw it, right. Lightning won't start. Strike twice. I'm going to do that as well. You don't have to do it. You don't have to do it. Even if you believe lightning can't strike twice, you don't have to prove it. Don't go in the water. It's the.

00:11:22:22 – 00:11:47:13
It's the kind of the danger rating for me. Like I could be in a back garden. I can let off a firework and it'd go out of control, and it hit the neighbor's roof and you think, oh, God, that's a bit dangerous, but I'll do it again. And it's probably not going to happen. It's not really that, you know, dangerous going in to shark infested waters.

00:11:47:13 – 00:12:11:09
Well, where there's a great white shark that has eaten a person on that day was on the day. Yeah, I think it was on the day. That's where even you can even if it was that week and thinks I'm going to go to the same place where the woman was eaten, that is just. Yeah. No, you you think that even if you're 16, I wouldn't, I wouldn't be like, I wouldn't be that.

00:12:11:11 – 00:12:44:14
I mean, the pool and yeah. Oh my god. And the to feel it the bump when you like see so that the reason why if you Ricky I don't if you want to clip that bit with my face changed because I was cracking up at him. Yeah, I was cracking up as well. And I was actually thinking if anyone could see your face, facial expressions right now because it went to the thing is, is when he talks about bump in the leg, that is something really common when you read when I used to read all the shark attack stories in the library, we talked about last week on the episode.

00:12:44:14 – 00:13:09:13
Yeah, I felt a bump is is really common in one of these two stories. Now, what often sharks might do is they will bump you as a way of figuring out what you are. So it'll be like an it's not an aggression, a thing that can be aggressive. What likely happened in that instance is the shark realized it wasn't it wasn't a seal or it wasn't food that it would normally eat.

00:13:09:15 – 00:13:39:22
Yeah. And he uses senses in the nose to pick up that. And so I'm there's like an investigatory bump. Yeah. But I don't ever want to have an investigatory bump. Oh if in terms of like and in terms of if I have to have an interaction with a shark, bumps almost like getting that worse than getting obliterated by a full blown attack.

00:13:39:24 – 00:14:02:05
You're dead in seconds, right? Yeah. A bump on the land. Yeah. When I even when I got a spine, I'm just. I'm just enjoying my life and everything is fine. And I feel a bit of seaweed on my leg. Oh, my. Oh, no, that's not even a pump. That's just a bit of seaweed on my leg to see what it's like jumping around and run straight back in that.

00:14:02:07 – 00:14:24:15
Straight back to the beach I look. I saw fucking seaweed, man. Fucking seaweed. So in terms of like the worst scenario, a worst place, I think I could be in a kelp bed. That would be pretty bad. Sharks hunt seals and kelp bed that seals use it as cover. So for great white to hit it to, to be able to attack and kill a seal, it's quite difficult there.

00:14:24:15 – 00:14:41:11
Much better, you know, much more nimble. And yeah. So you know they do that. It's like the ambush predators. But seals are like well I still want to go in the kelp. Right. Because they can't hard to see me in the kelp. So I comfortable in the kelp. But I mean the sharks don't go in there so much as swimming in the fucking kelp.

00:14:41:13 – 00:15:03:09
God, God, that's great story though, man. I love that they say. Yeah, okay. Thank you. If you want to make lads anonymous a great podcast, it's already great. But you sending in your voice notes again, it elevates it. I love you in that stuff. That was fun. Yeah, it was so cool as well. Any that so relax about this story.

00:15:03:11 – 00:15:31:14
It was called a and speaking of listeners sending stuff in so I don't know if you can remember that there was a senior female listener who listens to the pod from Canada and her partner also living in Canada. They got married last week and they sent in email, an email, photos of their wedding. So, so hang on a second.

00:15:31:14 – 00:15:51:15
I think I saw this, but I meant to go back to the guy was it she a wildlife lady? No. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I think it is the, Yeah, it is the the person who did the, TV, production. Yeah. Yeah yeah, yeah. Flying. Yeah. Flying in the sharks and the dive in and.

00:15:51:15 – 00:16:05:20
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the. Do you remember that? I said none of us and it's not. Yeah. It's anonymous. You meant so. So this is a good better opportunity than me just responding because I remember seeing it. But I remember I've been driving or something like that. And I didn't go back to you, but congratulations. On your own.

00:16:05:20 – 00:16:27:05
Yeah. Many congrats. Amazing. That's our first with him. Yeah. It is, it is first of, many, hopefully. But. Yeah. Sending love. And that was. And thank you for sending those photos. It. Man. Like a real heartfelt thank you because that that precious private. If I didn't have to do that and too, it was, it was, it was amazing.

00:16:27:07 – 00:16:34:03
We consummate the marriage on the evening. You very good. See? And say.

00:16:34:05 – 00:16:52:08
It's great. It's just a question, Rick. It's amazing how many people don't do that. Because if you've been open to give it a long time, ten years and you've been married, it's like, well, this isn't a tree, is it anymore? Well, I'm plus, most people are absolutely steaming as well. Yeah, that's the last thing I want to be doing, I think.

00:16:52:08 – 00:17:17:04
I mean, not to divulge too much, but I think we did. Yeah, yeah, I was slow, man. I was man. So I don't imagine it was my best performance. But, you know, we've had a couple of Spotify comments come in. Thank you for a couple. Thank you for sending those in as well. And I've replied to every single one of them on Spotify.

00:17:17:06 – 00:17:41:20
So you can go and read the comments in the episodes. And also you can send in your comments. So there was another if you have to give up one of these for life, the internet or cheese, what would you give up? What was that? Sorry if you have to. If you have to give up, one thing. Yeah. The internet or cheese.

00:17:41:22 – 00:18:07:10
Cheese all day, man. All the cheese. It's not even that I love I love cheese. Cheese is magnificent. But I need the internet I need the internet. It's got it's got to be the internet all day. And then someone else has replied with that. I think you guys should do a would you rather episode. Now, I do love, would you rather I think a whole episode is a bit so basically I wouldn't mind that.

00:18:07:10 – 00:18:29:01
Would you rather what what an episode would I rather one an episode? That's that's fine. Also, we've done so many on the fighting cock through the years. Yeah. It's like, I don't know how many more. I don't mind doing them. One an episode. Would you rather if they're good. Like, what was it, the orangutan and, fighting a chicken every time you get in a car, you'll find an orangutan with a sword once a year.

00:18:29:03 – 00:18:51:24
Yeah, yeah, that's. We can pick that apart. So. Yeah, but but yes, that was that was colleague that came back. Not so a lot. It's just on Twitter. Yeah. The backing into or going into or into, it's just exploded again. But it has football like football. Twitter's been out. Like would you ever back into Gareth Bale go into Ronaldo or something.

00:18:52:01 – 00:19:17:01
But oh that's rubbish. Yeah that is rubbish. But the greatest would you rather from the fighting cock era. And it's from an episode way back in 2014 I think the episode called Sorry Mum, but the the conundrum is you're in this unlikely, unfortunate position of being your dad, being an inch into you. Oh, good. And you being an inch into your mum.

00:19:17:03 – 00:19:23:12
You have to move forward or back, which I think.

00:19:23:14 – 00:19:41:18
It's always backwards in here. Yeah. You don't want to go into your mum any more than you have to. I think we all agreed that going into mum was the worst you could do. So back into that. As blokes you can kind of work through that. Yeah, you talk it out. We know what it is and we save mum.

00:19:41:20 – 00:20:13:20
Oh yeah. Oh you never talk about it ever again. And just seal in concrete and let it live in your feet for the rest of your time. We're on TikTok, we're on Instagram. We're posting all the time. Come and follow us on TikTok at Lads Anon Pod. And if you want to follow us on your chosen social media, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, whatever it is, we use the same handle everywhere at Lads Anon part.

00:20:13:23 – 00:20:36:16
We're posting clips of the pod if you want to see the visual side of it, go and have a look on Instagram. They only give you 90s slightly shorter. TikTok is a bit more context, a bit more expanded clips, so gone. Give us a follow. There. Right. Shall we jump into today's topic? Flav yeah, it's it's a banger.

00:20:36:18 – 00:20:47:00
It's addiction. I predicted to be addicted to my take what you liked it.

00:20:47:02 – 00:21:10:24
That that's the exact energy. Who was that? It Necro. Who is this grim grim rapper from like the mid 90s, mid 80s? Sorry. Mid mid-noughties. Right. Okay. But, what is it? How did it go? But it was necro to sex assist the porn king. Show me your press. This is. I'm the best there is bouncing me degrading, depraved debauchery.

00:21:10:24 – 00:21:44:01
You're naked on the couch with me. I'm at rest. That's good. Anyway, that's bloody good. Well, remember, bitch getting fucked in a race through a fishnets concrete? You can eat shit next. Fucking damn blonds. Yo, let the scum stick a gun in your car for fun. Oh, my good lord, grim. That's. Yeah, that's bloody X-rated. Yeah. For, for for a rapper of obvious ability for him to choose that as he's material was a shame.

00:21:44:03 – 00:22:09:23
Yeah. The you had a he has got another song called Dead Body Disposal which is fucking horrible. He's got a brother called I think it's, he's probably called ill Bill who's legitimately really good and is less ill bill. That's good. Is less, less abrasive. Less. Yeah. I mean that is pretty abrasive, right? In the dictionary, your mum's abrasive.

00:22:10:00 – 00:22:44:10
Addiction. The state of being compulsively committed to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit forming as narcotics to such an extent that it cessation causes severe trauma. Now that that is that that that doesn't sound fun in the slightest. Now, before we say anything about this podcast, I would just like to say that Flav and I believe it or not, are not doctors.

00:22:44:10 – 00:23:08:06
We're not giving medical advice. We're not doing any of that. It may be grown in some of our experiences. It may be drawn from experiences that we've read. So do not take any of our advice. We'll take it with a pinch of salt, is what I would say. Now this pod was inspired by a lad that sent this in gambling.

00:23:08:09 – 00:23:34:13
It's always been a big part of my adult life, and I like to think I've got a handle on it in terms of knowing my limits, but I'd admit that I sometimes get carried away and gamble more than I should. It can be a very slippery slope. Would you do a podcast on addiction? So this is kind of where this is, is been inspired from.

00:23:34:13 – 00:24:17:08
And there are many types of addiction. So these are the I don't know if this is ranked in order of UK male addiction. Number one was number one. Flav actually guess alcohol very good. Number two in terms of addictions, narcotics, drugs and nicotine. Course of course. Course number three going gambling. Yep. For drugs five. Pornography six. Social media an internet use seven.

00:24:17:10 – 00:24:42:07
Gaming. All the funds. Eight. Work nine. Food. Ten. I'm not exercise. I ain't having work. I ain't having work. I had I'm addicted to work. That I work out poorly for you being a dick holic. Yeah, I'm a workaholic. That that's something that I don't think I would. I'm gonna suffer from. I don't mean to make light of that.

00:24:42:07 – 00:25:09:02
I think this episode is, as I may say, things that are offensive or, you know, because we don't understand them, that we don't understand them very well. And it was it was hard putting this running order together because it's, you know, if if I haven't suffered with the affliction of, some kind of addictive alcoholism or gambling and stuff, like it's very hard obviously to to speak about.

00:25:09:02 – 00:25:41:10
But I know a lot of people wanted to for us to have a chat about it. So that's what we're going to do. So I think I've mentioned this many a time on the pot, but they say cannabis is not addictive. That's that's what people say. And I can tell you it is addictive. Well, it may not be that that the actual weed is addictive and it might be that kind of you're addicted to how it makes you feel.

00:25:41:10 – 00:26:04:03
But isn't that what addiction is? I don't get that. Where the where the difference is now for eight of if if you're smoking weed and you get addicted to the feeling of your change in the change in how you operate and you know your eye and what you're feeling, which is a is significant. The smoking weed and THC has significant impacts on your body, right?

00:26:04:05 – 00:26:27:13
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some people love it. Some people I can imagine getting addicted to change in your mind space. But just quickly, like I've taken a few magic mushrooms, you know, and they are not addictive in any. I don't know how anyone would get addicted to mushrooms. You'd do it? Well, I've got some at home now. I like being under the influence of mushrooms.

00:26:27:15 – 00:26:50:07
But there is very little chance to be going over and taking advantage of that. If there was a wrap of cocaine though. Oh it's getting done. Yeah. That's why I don't buy it or go near it. Yeah. Do you think you could do a podcast on mushrooms? Not very well. We can try, Eric. I'm happy to try.

00:26:50:09 – 00:27:08:18
Oh, my God, that. I just imagine it depends on the dosage. It's I don't think I'd be able to form sentences that would make it enjoyable to listen to. That would be inappropriate. Yeah, not that I couldn't understand what you're saying. And think about it as a podcast. I don't think it would be very interesting to listen to.

00:27:08:20 – 00:27:30:12
I'm happy to try it and abandon it, but let's have the range in the time where my wife can pick me up in the car because I can't, you can't operate machinery on or do anything. Oh, God, I like you're good for one thing. I'm. That's just sit in and and laughing and stuff and watching TV. But not.

00:27:30:14 – 00:27:48:13
Yeah. And think carried on life. Look, you can't carry on life. No. Life stops for a bit, which is. So what's so which is so attractive about it? But it's back to the point of addiction is there's an idea that all drugs are addictive. And what what happens with mushrooms and that sort of stuff is that they actually become less effective.

00:27:48:13 – 00:28:13:02
The more you take. It's almost like this inbuilt safeguarding for them. And I'm not promoting the use of mushrooms. Definitely do not start taking mushrooms. Or based on this or think this is a good idea. You know my genuine wish is I'd never touched a drug in my entire life. I wish I'd never touched anything. And I'm not saying I've benefited a lot, I think, from being under the influence of drugs, including alcohol.

00:28:13:02 – 00:28:34:10
I've benefited from the social situation of benefited from how it helps me creatively and continues to help me creatively to this day, I'm never more productive than when I've had my first glass of wine, but I'm also cannot be productive after my third glass of wine. So the window, the window is five. Nine. Yeah, it doesn't last long.

00:28:34:12 – 00:28:50:18
It's like a superpower and I can get a lot of shit done in that hour. The minute I'm into glass two and then it starts to degrade quite quickly. And that's, that's, that is the, that is the, that is the key with with without. Sorry. I'm moving around there right. Sorry but yeah that is the key with with alcohol.

00:28:50:18 – 00:29:26:13
You know I've done quite a lot of work in, in trying to cut it down and cut it out of my life. I haven't been successful in it, but there is a degree which is super enjoyable about drinking alcohol, which is from the first sip up until you get to a point where the experience degrades and you drink to chase that initial part and realizing that like a high from alcohol is a hump, and then the downward spiral or downward slope is what a lot of people helps people get get out of it, because you're essentially when you're piss during enjoying the first hour or two of it, then it becomes a mess.

00:29:26:15 – 00:29:35:17
Yeah. Anyway, sorry. Well, what was what do you say? You love your cannabis. You love cannabis? Yeah.

00:29:35:19 – 00:30:09:17
So, yeah, back when I was probably around 17 or 18, I started smoking weed. And I loved smoking weed. And I just enjoyed the whole kind of, if you can say the the romanticism of it, the, the collecting from, from a data was, was, was never pleasant. But once you got your gift, you little present, and you got home and you got to study it, see how sticky is, how much you got the potent smell and you roll.

00:30:09:17 – 00:30:40:06
Your first spliff was the word. And it was. It was the whole kind of, I know what you are. You're looking for it. Yeah. It's a there's a, there's a it's like a habit but like a, a ceremonial aspect. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. That's it. That's clear. And it was getting the, you know the silver Rizla and the roach calling it nice and fine and having this beautiful cardboard that's specifically in my top drawer just to make roach and just seeing how great I could roll that spliff.

00:30:40:08 – 00:31:25:06
And then the first smoke of it and the smell, it was. Yeah. Anyone trying to the right time. Yeah. Yeah. Listening to this isn't it's definitely not. No. But I mean that was that's where it started okay. That's where it started. And then it just became a habit and addiction, whatever you want to call it. And I would never I was never see this is where the point that I wanted to discuss with you because it's, you know, parallels of alcohol and all the other addiction as well on how you classify addiction and your own addiction and how you try to save yourself from saying that you're addicted.

00:31:25:08 – 00:31:53:04
So I was very steadfast in my belief, saying I don't smoke in the morning, I don't go to work, I don't have a spliff and go to work at lunchtime. I don't have a spliff and have it at lunch. When I'm coming home from work, I don't have a spliff, so I'm not addicted. As soon as I got through that door, it's going up those stairs like a little rat.

00:31:53:06 – 00:32:12:24
I get to my my rolling stuff. Roll it early evening, have a little spliff. And so. So I wasn't addicted because I was going to work and I was doing, you know, functioning as a, as a, as a normal. Well, you know what I mean? I think, yeah. I said no as a normal kind of human being.

00:32:12:24 – 00:32:48:16
And then you'd get to that part and I would smoke weed. And obviously, you know, like you saying about the outward mindstate, it was a lot of people to get rid of their stresses in their life. They go to the gym, they play football, they go for a run, whatever it is you choose. And I would have a spliff or a little, one skin spliff and that steam would just, you know, come off the top of my head and I would level out and I'd be okay with the world and everything was manageable.

00:32:48:18 – 00:33:09:07
And then I'd have another one and another be me done. But then when it got to the weekend, it would be first thing in the morning because I don't have work and stuff like that now, I, I could you when you, you could have conversations with people and you could. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go about your daily business. You could walk around, do your shopping stoned.

00:33:09:09 – 00:33:30:16
Yeah, yeah. Totally. Fine. Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah I'm there was being sober. Yeah. There was no, anxiety or stress. None. I was just at ease with everything. And I could be. It's kind of like just being yourself. But then that became my personality. Yeah. Just being stoned. Ricky was me. And then I was like, who even is me?

00:33:30:16 – 00:33:56:05
Even more? Do you know? I mean, that's when it got to the end. Now, when I was smoking and smoking all the time. And like I was saying that I'm not addicted. I would veer on to, okay, only Friday, Saturday and Sunday. So you that you decided to cut down and you said not going to work just. That's right.

00:33:56:07 – 00:34:26:21
Yeah. Yeah. That's right. So so you that is tricky. That is, that is someone who is not acknowledging the cycle that we're in and moving towards a world where you don't have don't have that. And I know you can explain this, but again, in the work in terms of trying to deal with my addictions, the work I've done it, I've done some work with, counselor, I think I've told this before, but the the wrote the route, the route to sobriety isn't straightforward.

00:34:26:23 – 00:34:49:09
And it's it's failing over and over again. This is called a cycle of failure. Yeah. And you rotate through and you fail and you start again. And and that's generally the process most people find themselves in. And hopefully one day they can get over it. So that you're talking there, Rick, in terms of reducing your intake, would it be your first steps towards recovery?

00:34:49:11 – 00:35:14:10
Yeah, never. Guess what I used the day after the Friday Saturday Sunday squats make loads. Rest Thursday goes to Friday. Set a little one skin on the first day. I'll be all right. Yeah. That's your that's the addict brain. Then get to Monday. Mondays next to Sunday. It's a carry on. It's a carry over the. It's not the weekend but Monday is a stressful anyway.

00:35:14:10 – 00:35:51:07
Everyone knows Mondays are a fucking shitstorm at work, River. So you should just just have a little have a little one skin on the Monday. Have a couple of breaks and then we go back to the front. Lo and behold, you're back to every single day. Yeah. You are. Every single day you're smoking and you're thinking, how the fuck am I going to get off this hamster wheel of this habit or addiction, whatever you want to label it as, and you kind of know what you're doing, you know why you're doing it, and you realize that you don't want to do it anymore.

00:35:51:09 – 00:36:16:17
But then, like you were saying, there a so many files along on that journey, but as a person and you're, you know, you're putting your objective here and you're nailing it to the mast and you're like, right, I am, I'm not. That's it. Only weekends and that's it. And when you break that and you're like, you have a spliff on a Monday and you're like, fuck, I've done that.

00:36:16:17 – 00:36:45:00
I might as well just do it for the rest of the fucking week. Now I yeah, and then you start smoking for the rest of the week and you're like, right, I'll wait until next Monday and then I'll start it again and then you don't. And it's those cycles that are really hard to break. And even if you notice what you're doing and you try as you might to, to kind of stop that cycle, I think it's really important that, that people recognize exactly what you was just saying there.

00:36:45:00 – 00:37:09:04
From that, you wreck that. Yes. It's great that I've recognized it, but you need to. And I think for me, this is one of the most important bits of addiction, is realizing that you are addicted. Or if you want to say habit, whatever you want to say, but to to know that it isn't going to be a straight road.

00:37:09:06 – 00:37:27:15
You walk going to fall off and and it's and it's called, you know, it's called recovery not recovered. But it's not like you put down, you have your last point at Bam and say, right, that's it. I'm never going to drink again, that you will fall off at points. Basically, there's a reason why you fall off, why you will fall off so often.

00:37:27:15 – 00:37:50:24
It's because you you've that you've talked about it just then really in terms of you would need the spliff in order to make you feel less anxious, but deal with the daily drudgery and the shit job that you had at the time, or whatever it might have been that was your coping mechanism. Coping mechanisms are really important because if we don't have them, then we fall apart, right?

00:37:51:01 – 00:38:11:01
And what's happened is your brain is you've been trained your brain into in order for you to feel better, you need to do this act. And for you, it was that ceremonial ceremonial rolling of the spliff and smoking it. For other people like me. I've got a stressful life, is busy and like, do you get stressed by a certain point of the evening?

00:38:11:01 – 00:38:32:20
I'm like, glass of wine. Yeah, I'm glass of wine. And that's my that's what my habit forming brain is has led me to through my own action to say, this is who you are, this is what you do. This is how you cope with stress and trauma. And a lot of the addiction is based on trauma comes from trauma.

00:38:32:20 – 00:38:53:07
And I'm like, fucking war. And nothing's happened to me. I'm like, I'm fine, but you spoke about things you've gone through in the past to do with your race and racism. We talked about it on this podcast. Yeah, and no doubt smoking weed would help you. I have to push some of those things down. So it's completely normal for you to have adopted.

00:38:53:07 – 00:39:21:10
Adopted. It's not normal, but it's expected to adopt a at an addictive behavior because you're addicted to denying yourself the pain of of having to live through or feel that shit. And yeah, so what you're doing while you're, you're intellectually you're going or I'm not going to smoke during the week, that part of you that still needs the weed is there, even if you're forcing yourself to stop.

00:39:21:12 – 00:39:45:09
So it makes sense why you put your brain to go at first. I first is more or less the weekend. Let's start there. Like you said Monday and then you fucked on Monday. You fucked it, and all the good work you've done collapses and you back to your own cycle again. Yeah. And then you filled with, self-loathing and you just thought, oh, God, I've done it again, hating yourself.

00:39:45:09 – 00:40:27:04
And all I'd say is, if you are in any of these cycles or you are on a journey, whether it's alcohol, nicotine, gambling, whatever it might be, that there are going to be some bumps along the way and you will kind of veer down a side path, but as long as you get it, make your way back to to to the main road of where you want to be and just realizing and just, you know, saying to yourself, like, just forgive yourself of those things and don't be too harsh on yourself because you've realized that, you know, there is a habit that's or addiction that that you've got and that you want to do something

00:40:27:04 – 00:40:46:18
about it, and it is going to take a lot of time and you are going to fuck up. We all fuck up. We're humans, man. This is what we do. But then it's getting back on that horse and going again and trying to make sure, okay, I haven't had a spliff in three weeks, and then I had a spliff and then it's like, okay, that was three weeks, let's try five weeks.

00:40:46:18 – 00:41:15:07
And then it starts to space out and then you get fewer and fewer hiccups or mistakes that take place. But if you are in those kind of places where you do desperately want to give something up, they always say, and I was fortunate enough not to go down a real hard, addictive route. Whether it's alcohol or drugs is a support network.

00:41:15:07 – 00:41:42:09
Now that could be your partner, it could be your family, or it could be that you go to like an anime in and I was going to say that it is it's kind of like an amazing tool for people like. Moreover, the best advice we can give you is, is go and find help. There's amazing tools out there that can help with things like addiction, because it's so prevalent in our society.

00:41:42:11 – 00:42:05:17
Like the best advice would be go to speak to your doctor, go and speak to that. Like like AA is for me is quite scary. Like I genuinely think I'm I'm 100% of an issue of alcohol because I drink so much and so often. And but you say to me and I'm like, I'm not that bad. Yeah, but no one's that bad until they're that bad.

00:42:05:19 – 00:42:25:03
So, there is a handful of people, that I know, I know that that probably it's a other it's wrong, wrong of me to say that I think that they may be addicted to alcohol, but they have a relationship with my work that I notice when I talk to them. Let's just say that. Yeah. And the kind of.

00:42:25:03 – 00:42:52:04
It's the same as my weed excuses, where they kind of what's the word I'm looking for? Just trying to say that whether they're not addicted to alcohol because they they want a glass, they have a glass of wine every night. And if the specific red wine that they drink, if it's not in the cupboard, they won't then go.

00:42:52:04 – 00:43:11:01
I'll actually go get one because, yeah. Because I'm not because I'm not clear. I'm going to have a, a gin and tonic. They'll go without that night. And then there's lots of kind of excuses of whether the person, you know, addicted to alcohol, because if you've drunk all the vodka, I'm not going to go and start nicking brandy instead.

00:43:11:05 – 00:43:32:14
That that's what, that's what. And, someone who's addicted to alcohol is just why I remember this. Ricky, eat your. Your liver doesn't give a shit whether you think you're addicted to alcohol. Your body doesn't care if you think you are an addict. The damage you're doing is still prevalent. And that's what I have is like, all right, I'm not going to say I'm an I'm addicted to alcohol.

00:43:32:19 – 00:43:53:19
I'm an alcoholic. Right? I'm not going to say that to people. I'm still hot in my body, regardless of whether or not I identify as an alcoholic myself. Anyway. Yeah. So in that conversation, I'm not interested really in a conversation. If there is, if someone it's not about whether or not you think you're an alcoholic. Alcoholic is such a loaded term.

00:43:53:19 – 00:44:11:24
There are so many people who drink too much, but wouldn't consider themselves alcoholic. The problem is you drink too much. I drink too much. So I need to get to a place where I don't drink too much or give it up altogether. But fucking heart. Yeah yeah yeah. Fucking lovely being like a little bit drunk. It's lovely. It's a nice feeling.

00:44:12:01 – 00:44:36:02
It's comfy. Yes. You know, going to bed, you know, not being, you know, having, having the drink for a week as I've found. It's fucking boring. Yeah. Everyone says oh you feel amazing. Yeah. I feel better. I'm sleeping better. I'm a board. Yeah. Is it boring? Yeah. Is just film better with a glass of 100%. Is football better?

00:44:36:02 – 00:45:23:02
Four pints deep, 100%. The. The reality is, if it wasn't damaging to your body, everyone would be doing it. And that's right. And and not only to your body, to your relationships as well. You know. So it's it you know, it could be your relationship with your mum, dad, partner kid, your kids and whoever else. What I realized as well that when I would have a little crafty one skin in the evening or couple that obviously I'd wait until my children were in bed, so I'd wait until they went into bed and then, you know, scurry off, roll it, smoke it, and then all would be right with the, well, world.

00:45:23:04 – 00:45:45:13
But I was finding myself like, come on, girls, 9:00, get into bed. And it's like 9:08. And in my mind I'm thinking, get to fucking bed. Not actually, not in my mind, I verbalize it, get to fucking bed now. And but I'm thinking to yourself, you're calling to. Yeah, you're calling to my weight making time, man. Fucking get into bed.

00:45:45:13 – 00:46:07:00
This is my adult time now and I want to go downstairs and I want to smoke weights again. And I was really becoming so, rash with them. Yeah. And just getting kind of not aggressive, but just really short, like you do with children because they're not getting to bed. They're not doing what they're told. I need my fix.

00:46:07:02 – 00:46:27:24
And it's and that's when I realized I fucking am. And this is I can't be speaking to my children and flying off the handle when Mrs. Kennedy and I'm like, start getting naggy with her. And then it creates an atmosphere in the house and I'm like, fuck, you know, man. And then I'll have that spliff and I'll come back in and float back in and everything would be all right with the world.

00:46:27:24 – 00:46:50:08
And I would be like, things have got to change, man. Right? I, I can't keep doing this. And noticing the effect it was having on my relationships around me, even though and again, when you're in the thick of these things, whether you are addicted to drugs or alcohol or whatever, it's never a problem for you because you enjoy doing it.

00:46:50:10 – 00:47:19:09
And the problem only arises when someone tells you about it or it's getting out of hand. And then if you're if you are drinking and you're hangover in the morning and you get into a pattern of being hung over all the time in the morning and you. Mrs.. Just kind of or, you know, your partner just takes over and it becomes the norm then and you kind of get off scot free, you know, you're going to be hung over.

00:47:19:10 – 00:47:38:16
You know, you your partner is going to be angry with you. But that's just how it is. And it's not until there is a big tipping point that where the other person says like, enough is enough, this is gone wild, I'm leaving you. I'm doing this, taking the cake, whatever it might be. And then it's that massive wake up call.

00:47:38:16 – 00:48:24:08
But more often than not, I say it's too late if you if you got to that stage. So I'm just, you know, to kind of wrap this up a little bit as to say that is like you were saying that, that we all have coping mechanisms, whether that is you're addicted to exercise because you are scared of dying or something like that, whether you, just gaming until the early hours of the morning for that escapism, because you don't want to go to work in the morning or you don't want to face the day, whatever it might be, recognizing it is a huge step.

00:48:24:10 – 00:48:47:17
It's a massive step because a lot of people don't until it's too late. Like I've just said. And then it's about those behavioral changes that you think, I don't want to do this anymore, or how can I stop doing it? Like, what? What are the changes I can make in my life that makes me not go into my gaming room every single day at 8:00?

00:48:47:19 – 00:49:18:05
Like I'll go for a walk instead, or I'll, you know, replace it with something else that that isn't as addictive. Hopefully. But then building that kind of support network, which I think is really helpful, like, you know, they say a problem shared is a problem halved. And if you have got someone to kind of mentally spot you to check in with you to say, oh, okay, you said you you had a bit of a, a weight problem.

00:49:18:05 – 00:49:42:18
Rick. You had spliff this week. Yeah, I took all that fucking horrible meat inside that evening not to come away. What could I have done different to kind of let that steam out instead of smoking? And then someone else can. You told them that, that, you know, they can help you and they can inspire you to say that you don't want to go back to that place and be like, actually, after that meeting, I went for a run instead, and I didn't have space.

00:49:42:18 – 00:50:13:13
And I'm like, really bad. And then I'd be like, well done, mate. And it's just that bit of support. And the last thing that I would say is to, to set yourself some clear objectives of what you want to achieve, as to say, I am going to stick to only having a beer on a Saturday. When I'm at the football, I'm only going to have a flutter during the rugby and that's it.

00:50:13:15 – 00:50:31:06
Instead of it being every day, just take small steps, recognize it, get a support group. Yeah, the point is that the problem is, is though, is that I'm saying I'm only going to do that is fine, but that's not how the brain works. All of the other time is still being stuck. I want to do that. I want to do that.

00:50:31:06 – 00:50:56:15
I want to do that. I want to do that. Yeah. It's like you. It's like making rules yourself is important. I've found. But having mechanisms in place that have been taught are also crucial. So in order to be able to get to a stage where you're saying, I'm only going to bet when the rugby's on, you need mechanisms you've been taught that exist to help you when these urges come into place?

00:50:56:17 – 00:51:22:13
Yeah. Practical thing with smoking, in, in the bouts of sobriety that I've had, what I've found is that when you're so say I'm like three days into without drinking the the cravings are there. They exist. But something that was really became clear to me is that the temporary. So you may want a glass of wine because this is will habit and your brain's gone.

00:51:22:14 – 00:51:50:12
It's that time clock where you've got to put that shit in your body that you like, and your brain will do that, and it will last an hour. So you think, actually, I just need to get through this hour, and once you get through it, you're like, oh, suddenly, don't want wine anymore? Or if I replace that with another rat, like you said, having other things that that can perhaps satisfy that craving, not that it satisfies the craving, but I found eating would remove my desire to drink.

00:51:50:14 – 00:52:19:04
Yeah. So if I could be bothered to go to the gym the minute you in gym, you stop thinking about alcohol altogether. You don't think about it. I found I would run, I'd go, do you know, do weights? And by the time my session was finished, whether be 45 minutes an hour, that urge I had a gone. So not only had I not drunk, I'd replace it with something really positive, like going to the gym for an hour and you do that over a month period and suddenly you start to look different and the reward of not drinking has been shown.

00:52:19:06 – 00:52:38:18
So it's like having those practical things in place. Yeah, that really helped me. But it didn't. It got me in the end, I got back, I went back the arc, and I kind of did like a month last October and things start doing October. Stop tober again. Yeah. When you when you have a community around you, it's easier when when you, you have people to talk.

00:52:38:18 – 00:53:01:13
Yeah. You're in it together. And I was like I did about 20 days in and then I was, I really fancy a glass of wine. And instead of going, no, look at what you've done 28, 20 days in, I said, I've done, done 20 days. This is reward. That's what my addict brain was saying is the reward for you after 20, 20 days.

00:53:01:15 – 00:53:25:07
Enjoy that glass of wine. Go, go and get. Go and get the blossom hill. Soft and fruity. You're fun. Yeah. In this instance, it would mean go and get that spliff. And that was the same brain. That's the same brain saying Thursday is almost Friday. That's the same fear. Whether it's 20 days where it's a year. And I'm sure you still have an urge to smoke every now and then, but I probably say nearly every day.

00:53:25:13 – 00:53:55:23
Yeah, yeah. Because I, I found so much enjoyment from it. And like you were saying, that coping mechanism that it was just this thing that would help me get through the day and when I, when I'm walking down the road. And that famous kind of such a British like, can you spy weed. Yeah. Like when it, when it punctuates my nose and I can, I can smell it and I'm just like, almost inhaling, tasting it and I, I do miss it, man.

00:53:55:23 – 00:54:17:01
Like loads. And this part of me again, that's still saying maybe if I just had a weed vape, maybe if I just hit that a couple of times and I'm not smoking it during the week, you can't smell it. My kids wouldn't know that I did it. You know, where I'd end up also. Right? And, so it's, that crack then?

00:54:17:03 – 00:54:44:19
Yeah. Yeah. Exactly that. So. Yeah. Well, it's just a matter for, I've got, I've gone from not smoking, wait for four years to rev up to 100 to smoking Smokey Dickens. They blow jobs to random men for, for a little bit of weight. It's more healthy, well, healthy. Saying to my missus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not smoking.

00:54:44:19 – 00:55:13:15
You are sucking a man's come off a weed. I smoked with the for harder drugs that weed. So hopefully that, this episode on addiction has been helpful. And what we've done, what we've gone through now, we are shortly going to be going over to dilemmas. The dilemma should I stay or should I go? And something only you know feeling peculiar.

00:55:13:17 – 00:55:34:12
Okay. Next week topic is going to be bum hose and it's going to be what goes in what goes out. And for the life of me I cannot remember how on earth this topic came up. So if you could remind me of what we were talking about, what episode it was, that would be radio for I can't remember.

00:55:34:14 – 00:55:59:06
I can't remember it, I can't remember up, I remember, I think, I think it was when we were talking about if your partner has ever, if any of their fingers have ever drifted towards the, rusty sheriff's badge during, sexual intercourse, you know, the. Yeah, exactly. And whether we would be up for it and whether we would.

00:55:59:06 – 00:56:19:19
And you were saying that there's there's only things that should that should go in, and there's only things that should go out. And we've we've really been doing, research. Thankfully, your brother has as emailed in an article, to say what's been found in Rectums over the years. My brother Robbie, it was. No, I think it was Joe, actually.

00:56:19:21 – 00:56:40:09
What? Joe listening. Izzy. Well, I think you you any I. That's right. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Sorry, sorry, I can't remember exactly. He does this and he does this, so I everything's. Well, the, the, I think what it was, is we started talking about it and we were like, there's a pot in this. Yeah. And that was that.

00:56:40:11 – 00:57:10:06
And we, we've had emails in already from emails previously that relate to this topic. I remember if you so if you want to send anything in any stories you've got, any issues, you have or your opinion on what should go in and what should go out of a bottom, email lads, anon pod at gmail.com and we will read them out and we will discuss them.

00:57:10:08 – 00:57:30:02
I just don't want to know how it may be made to feel weird for not wanting things to go in there. There's all but leave me alone, okay? Contacting the group for being a prude. Oh, you're just a prude, you know? Just leave me alone. I don't want to. I my ass. Yeah, I love it. I wouldn't say it.

00:57:30:06 – 00:57:56:18
I mean, I've never, you know, cards on the table. I've never had anything up there. A set from your hospital equipment? Yeah, loads of loads of hospital. I have fucking hospitals. Bloody loaded. Save it. So we are now going to go onto dilemmas.

00:57:56:20 – 00:58:24:09
I'll just tell you. Got an issue for a tissue? You're a bit sad, cuz I will you I can in your soul alone in your flat. Please talk to Ricky a flat. Yeah. Let that stress off your chest. Well, friend, you deserve to like you're safe here to get nice and warm between Ricky, your plans. Okay.

00:58:24:09 – 00:58:48:09
There. We've on this one bit of a bit of a long a. One of my best friends asked if he could, receive a plus one at our wedding. Unfortunately, when we made the guest list, he was not in a relationship at the time, so he wasn't given one. No one in the wedding got a plus one to use on anyone since we had a max capacity and large extended families.

00:58:48:11 – 00:59:17:17
I told him that we needed a certain amount of people to say no before I could secure her a seat. It was pretty much inevitable. I only needed 8 to 10 people to say no. I updated him with every single no up to the point where his girlfriend was up next. It was a guarantee. A few days after telling him she would be getting an invite, he texted me to, texted me saying he wouldn't be coming because he had an important work conference.

00:59:17:19 – 00:59:47:17
I knew he was lying, and when I confronted him about it, he admitted that he was receiving pressure from his girlfriend and was upset that he didn't get a plus one from the very beginning. Cos I then had to find another agreement. He blocked me and my wife on social media and our phone numbers. I made sure to tell my friends everything in detail with screenshots, so that there was no lying going on.

00:59:47:19 – 01:00:12:18
Okay, that's not the dilemma. That's just, that's the pre story. It's clear this guy's a dickhead, right? So fast forward two years, a friend of ours is getting married, of which we were in the same friendship group. Despite the groom being in my wedding party. My former friend is in the wedding party for the upcoming wedding, and I am not.

01:00:12:23 – 01:00:42:10
Oh, he's not in it. No, no. But that. But the the other friend. You blocked him, isn't it? Yeah. I'm not upset about that. As I understand, there's a lot to consider for these things. However, I did not receive an invite until two months before the wedding and it's making me think I wasn't on the original invite list after all, I am leaning towards speaking with my strange friends and clearing the air and attending the wedding.

01:00:42:12 – 01:01:11:10
But I do see as a bit of a betrayal that he included him in his wedding party, despite how he treated me at my wedding. Should I attend or should I just stay at home? I don't see this friend as someone who be in my life in the future. Anyway. So do you think he should attend? Even if he was a last minute call up and he wasn't in that guy's wedding party and the other person was.

01:01:11:12 – 01:01:31:19
Yeah, and his estranged friend is going to be there. It's going to be a bit all right. Chatting about, do you remember that time where you brought me and my wife from social media? Yeah. You don't have to talk to them. If it was me, I'd just go piss up in it. A few mates would. Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it at all.

01:01:31:20 – 01:01:56:12
I wouldn't even think about it. So I will say it. Unless there's something better for me to do, then I'll just go all right. I'm not sure if. What if he doesn't want to go? Then don't go and never think about him again. But if you want to avoid the fallout of this, just go to the fucking wedding, drink some drinks, come home, see, the thing for me that sticks in the throat is the is the estranged friend.

01:01:56:12 – 01:02:20:14
Now he was it. So the guy who wrote in, he advised this person who was on his Greens list and wedding party and he's not in this person's wedding party, and he got a late invite. Now weddings and people change over the years. My friendship group is not the same as when I was 16 for what it is now.

01:02:20:16 – 01:02:40:17
When you go to a stag do, it's people. But when someone I haven't spoken to pretty much since the wedding. Exactly. I'm like, that was life changes. That was a waste. And you don't fit and you shouldn't be like, I know there's this big pressure of, oh, I invited that. I got invited to this. And I went on that day I should kind of invite you.

01:02:40:17 – 01:02:57:09
Don't talk to them anymore. They shouldn't get an invite. It's, you know, at that time what's best for you and your partner for that wedding. So that part of going to the wedding, I'll just fucking go, man. And it doesn't matter if you were a late invite and you're not part of the wedding party. Fuck it. Go along.

01:02:57:11 – 01:03:18:10
Have free food, have a drink, meet up with people you haven't had a good time. Just go. It's that a strange person? The friend? I don't know how I would handle it. I wouldn't acknowledge that they exist. That's how I would. That it was really? Yeah. It'd be like they weren't there. Yeah, I would, I would not lose a minute's sleep over this.

01:03:18:10 – 01:03:40:17
I wouldn't even think about it till today. I wish I could like that really, because I know what a day I'd be in the car on the way there and I'd be like, fucking prick, you know, didn't come to my wedding. It's even a stupid girlfriend, brother. I saved, an invitation today that, I speak to him now that, like, not fucking made his bed.

01:03:40:19 – 01:04:04:03
I may as it go, right? Yeah, yeah. I like big hug another. Oh, I miss our chats. I know that lesson is he walks away. Chuck. Legitimately, you'd have that going for you. It, hundred percent, hundred percent. The problem we've got with that, Rick. And this is this is how I wouldn't feel like that. I won't, because you have to live with that feeling.

01:04:04:05 – 01:04:28:19
No one else is just inside you. Yeah, nothing is going to come out of it that makes you feel any better. So if you feel ill about something, or you feel like you're you're wound up about something that has some you have to carry around, there's nothing you can do. Things will. Frustrating things will happen in life. How do you react to that and how how do they impact you is all that matters.

01:04:28:21 – 01:04:46:23
Like there are going to be horrendous things that happen in all our lives that we have to deal with, and it's horrible shit. Like life isn't supposed to be always easy, right? Most of the time, if you're lucky, like we live in this country and things, you know, we got healthcare and most, you know, most people who live have a relatively comfortable life, right?

01:04:46:23 – 01:04:58:15
They don't have to worry about bullets hitting them in the back of the head or whatever. So generally, it's pretty easy living in England for for a lot, for a lot of us. Right.

01:04:58:17 – 01:05:28:17
So we're in the luxurious position of allowing us to to be to decide how we are impacted by bad news and or frustrating situations like this one. So you simply don't you don't allow this. The kids who have made these decisions to make your life feel loved, to make your existence more uncomfortable than it needs to be because that's your choice.

01:05:28:17 – 01:05:54:11
You don't have to allow that to happen like there was. There was a scenario. I won't go into any specifics, right, because it's just personal stuff. But I had a scenario where they there were people saying, you should feel this way about this person. This is why you should feel this way. And I'm seeing again what I don't I don't want to like, I could understand what you're saying, but I'm choosing not to.

01:05:54:11 – 01:06:18:12
I'm choosing to find the scenario where everything is as easy as it possibly be, because there's nothing to gain by doing what you're asking me to do, other than you feeling like you're seeing something that isn't right is actually none of your business. It won't impact your life. Well, how I react to this situation, so fuck off. Yeah, I'll decide how I will react to this from this this situation.

01:06:18:14 – 01:06:46:14
And as it turns out, everything's gravy and, after the potty. You can go into the specifics of that story so you can if you want to. Yeah. Good. That's good. You got interested. It's just piss me off. People be coming into my shitting in my house. Basically. Not all I do. Everything that you said totally agree is so hard.

01:06:46:16 – 01:07:09:15
Not so hard letting go. And I don't know. Still, to this day, I don't know how to let go of a situation or an issue or something that happened at work, or I still get, you know, riled up about it. And I just can't I can't let go. And I try to work on myself. I think I've got better.

01:07:09:17 – 01:07:31:24
But, you know, I've been to, I saw a counselor for a year and a half and, and ha, a large chunk of that time was taken about, a situation that, that I had at work where I was really bitter about. And really kind of I just couldn't let go because I felt, yeah, I'd left the.

01:07:32:03 – 01:07:57:05
Yeah, left the job or leaving the job. And I was so bitter and was so, so, betrayal and felt all these other emotions about it. And I couldn't, you know, process it. Yeah. I couldn't, I couldn't process it, and I didn't know how to. And even though I saw this counselor and we went through, every stage of why I felt like that, what happened?

01:07:57:05 – 01:08:25:04
You know, we uncovered it. I had a a much better understanding of how I felt and how I cope and how I should cope. I still to this day, I can't, uncouple myself from those feelings. If they've done something, I feel it. And I'm going to carry this round like a millstone around my neck because I'm just so enraged of that and justification of why they've done this and they've forgotten about it.

01:08:25:04 – 01:08:47:09
Rick. Yeah, yeah yeah oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And the thing is, the, maybe and not when we spoke about it at the time, it's like it isn't personal towards you. It's not towards Ricky. It's, you know, maybe a business decision. Maybe it's this decision, maybe it's, I don't know, whatever it might be, but it's not. I don't take it personally, Rick.

01:08:47:09 – 01:09:04:10
And I was like, I, I hear what you're saying I do. It hurts it. There's this searing hole through my heart, and I can't stop it. But yeah, anyway. But yeah, yeah, I don't know if it's fine. And lots of people do do do that and have that fear him, then that's natural. That's a normal place to be.

01:09:04:10 – 01:09:26:22
Rick, I understand it. But you can't let people who do not give a shit about you affect you in that way. Yeah, your wife cheats on you. Understandable about her murder. Yeah, right. Two people you used to work with, and you felt like I was looked over, over job or whatever and was. Yeah, that isn't worth that feeling inside.

01:09:26:22 – 01:09:49:23
You know, you got a finite amount of energy in the day. You're wasting it feeling that you could be giving love to your kids as opposed to sitting there and festering. That not that you you probably don't think about it that much. Anybody stopping by? Yeah I know, no, no I don't know. I've there is enough distance and it's something you don't appreciate when you're in, when you're in the thick of it, you can't see the wood through the trees.

01:09:49:23 – 01:10:13:02
And now I'm out of that forest. And I look back and I'm like, oh, my fucking one. Even a forest. It was a bloody thicket. Whatever it was. Yeah, yeah, right. We are now going to go on to something only, you know, something. You know, you.

01:10:13:04 – 01:10:34:07
Went to Center Parcs when I was about 13, 15 years ago now. But the trauma has kept it fresh in my memory with a group of families that my parents have known for decades. And there was a group of boys I'd known since I was little, since I was a little baby. And we all grew up together to a shit about lunchtime.

01:10:34:07 – 01:10:58:01
On that Saturday, me and the boys were queuing up for the biggest waterslide in the entire place, when suddenly I saw a flash of white light after a jolt in the back of my head. Before I knew it, I was projectile vomiting from both ends. Probably covered a few people, but I didn't know what was going on around me, so who knows.

01:10:58:03 – 01:11:27:01
I remember sprinting to the toilet, leaving a peak to putrid trail of shit behind me. I spent the entire rest of the weekend shitting and throwing up. He got so bad that the doctors on site had to get called out. I don't remember what they said, but it's the most ill I've ever been. I've never been back to long Leeds, Center Parcs and that is something only I know.

01:11:27:03 – 01:11:50:20
Yes we were, we were there, we were there, we were there literally a week ago. I know you can hear the coincidence of the is this people know that we'd been to Long Lake where they come in and this is probably maybe March. They email and then I saw the long day and I was like, oh, my fucking God.

01:11:50:22 – 01:12:09:22
I even though I may be gone. Yeah, we know the slide as well. Well get in it. Oh my is fucking scary though. How good was lonely? Mayor so I know people. I know people with lots how it is. It is expensive, extortionate. And my, my wife for sure. My wife works there, so she's like we get discounts and everything.

01:12:09:22 – 01:12:28:02
So it's a it's affordable for us. But, it's so much fun when like me, we've got a video, are you going to post a video of us and then the rapids. Yeah, yeah, I'll post this one. We there's one that we won't post. No no no absolutely. There is a bit with your session and no one look great when they're sitting cross legged.

01:12:28:05 – 01:12:47:06
You saw criss cross legged going down the slide. So you kind of that's not the best athletic look is it. If you go the car was carrying at all like we both. Yeah yeah yeah. In the background you can see my ass crack because I go over the fucking. It is like a pair of disgusting little individuals. We are.

01:12:47:08 – 01:13:09:15
Absolute wall of eggs. So yeah, I will be posting those and they come. But yeah, it's sent a box. I've never been, I've never been because it's so expensive. And, that was the only chance I was going to get. But we had a fantastic time. And the water rapids there are fucking so much fun I had. I haven't baby laugh like that in those like years.

01:13:09:15 – 01:13:32:04
It was such a it's such a great it does week kid out and you're doing it. Yeah. It's totally apart from so yeah exactly. Somehow managed to fucking ruin everything though like oh my God, what a lovely weekend. The Spurs come along. Go. No fuck you have this. I know there was a there was a thunderstorm, the electricity was going out patient down the rain.

01:13:32:04 – 01:14:03:16
And that wasn't even the worst part of it. So thank you. Yeah. Thank you. So next week's topic is going to be pumphouse. It's the in and out. What should go in. What should come out sending you stories or any opinions you have. It's lads anon pod at gmail.com and we will see you next Monday. The night hazy light band of brothers playing tunes.

01:14:03:16 – 01:14:27:17
Hi is quite midnight. Waves surfing free till daylight breaks. Rhythm hit us different ways. Love of music side. We prayed with our tongues in cheek. Band as I we like to speak. And yeah, times change. But no matter what the bond remains. Brothers, did you see me? Sneaker hash brown during the recording I did, I liked it. Where is that from?

01:14:27:17 – 01:14:31:20
Where did you get that grace?