#151 | Amsterdam | Coffeshop Capers & The Red Light District

00:00:01.66
Ricky: How are you finding this weather? I'm always interested in…

00:00:07.06
Flav: Not good.

00:00:07.77
Ricky: yeah ah

00:00:10.67
Flav: Not good. Today's all right. It's like 22. It's still a bit muggy, but it's not too bad.

00:00:14.81
Ricky: m

00:00:17.09
Flav: But I had two days shoot in London today and it was hell. because not only do you have to go to go through London, you arrive and you're just a fucking mess.

00:00:32.51
Ricky: Sweaty mess. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:00:33.26
Flav: Yeah, and you've been walking and um and you can't cool down. You have to sit still for half an hour for it cool down, but you don't have half an hour, so you've got to straight in front of these cameras that going going out to the internet, so it just looked terrible.

00:00:42.55
Ricky: Yeah.

00:00:48.01
Flav: but

00:00:48.57
Ricky: And the lights that would be kicking out heat and everything.

00:00:50.67
Flav: Mate, they turn the air con off because they don't want to hear it.

00:00:51.28
Ricky: Yeah.

00:00:53.76
Flav: And you're like, no one, it's YouTube. No one fucking cares if you can hear a slow murmur. I'm boiling, a melting here.

00:01:01.56
Ricky: When I go for a walk in the morning and I've got my weighted vest on, i come back and I'm um'm fucking soaked and I have to take my t-shirt off. And if I, you know, if I take my t-shirt off and I get dressed into someone else, it's just the second item is going to be wet.

00:01:18.01
Ricky: So I have to stand around like for a half hour.

00:01:20.72
Flav: There, Drayton.

00:01:21.09
Ricky: Yeah. Air dry myself. Um, But more often than not, I'll just… And even if you do that and you jump in the shower and you come out, you're just still sweating again. you just can't can't get away from it.

00:01:30.68
Flav: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I've found in this ah from this week, because I've had a lot of work, actually.

00:01:41.63
Flav: I've been booked for a lot of things, which is where yeah it's really good considering having like the existential crisis of what might happen if Spurs get relegated.

00:01:43.60
Ricky: That's good.

00:01:49.37
Ricky: yeah that

00:01:50.04
Flav: So the summer looking quite busy is ah is is really good. Yeah.

00:01:54.46
Ricky: Yeah, boy.

00:01:56.82
Flav: But what i found is it's weird is that this isn't necessarily about how good you are doing your job.

00:02:03.15
Ricky: Hmm.

00:02:03.83
Flav: <unk>s A lot of it's about how can you build relationships? That's what i found out through the years is Every opportunity comes from relationships

00:02:14.26
Ricky: Correct.

00:02:15.06
Flav: and and and and to a good degree nepotism. um But that's not a negative thing because they know and trust you to be able to do something. That's often why you might get booked for something.

00:02:28.10
Flav: I just thinking about how this these bookings have happened. And in part, it's been able to do your job. But mostly, it's about the relationships you've built. And like this idea of networking.

00:02:38.68
Ricky: Yes.

00:02:41.21
Flav: And when I think of networking, I think of ah walking walking into a room I don't know anyone and having to make conversation.

00:02:47.77
Ricky: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:02:48.23
Flav: It's not really that. it's it's It's thinking about the relationships you have around you. and working on those relationships professionally and then and then by extension the relationships that that person has you can potentially benefit from so it becomes like a web of opportunity but it took years taken me years to realize that really has not or maybe to see it in work in action maybe that's what it is

00:03:05.56
Ricky: Yeah.

00:03:12.66
Ricky: Yeah. What do you mean by nepotism? I always thought nepotism was ah like family. Like,

00:03:18.58
Flav: yeah It is, it is, is. It's like giving an opportunity to your kid because he's your kid.

00:03:21.91
Ricky: yeah.

00:03:22.42
Flav: But but what I mean is like, cro maybe cronyism, I think it might be the word. I'm not sure. One word means that you're saying it's job for the boys. It is that.

00:03:30.62
Ricky: Yes.

00:03:31.13
Flav: It kind of is that.

00:03:31.14
Ricky: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:03:32.25
Flav: but But what I'm articulating is it's not if you can nurture an environment where you benefit by maintaining and and and in nourishing relationships.

00:03:43.45
Ricky: Yeah.

00:03:44.89
Flav: and it's stuff you just don't get taught at school or understand maybe you don't understand it or maybe it's just because I work for myself I have to ah this stuff has become evident to me oh if you've got a job you don't you've got a job you got nine to five you get paid you um you go home you pay your taxes that's your job there's your salary there so you don't have to worry about it but the more I'm

00:04:04.86
Ricky: Yeah.

00:04:08.82
Flav: when you're having to work for yourself and then you realize opportunity comes from relationships and if you nourish those relationships the you can benefit from the relationships beyond that relationship the the next stage and then beyond that it's it's it's really all of this stuff where whatever industry you work in you have to be good at what you do obviously but once that's it's not enough just to be good you have to

00:04:29.05
Ricky: Yeah.

00:04:32.79
Ricky: Yeah.

00:04:36.25
Flav: you have to You have to develop, nourish and encourage and expand relationships. And that's why like so much work is done in pubs. And i was in elsewhere, gym like other don't I know what I'm saying.

00:04:47.97
Ricky: Right.

00:04:48.58
Flav: I was thinking a lot about yesterday when I was walking through the boiling hot heat of central London and going from one, I've got two jobs in a day, which is amazing. like Honestly, Ricky, we sorry, I'm talking a lot here.

00:04:59.57
Flav: but i'm i' written um

00:05:00.20
Ricky: No, no, no, go for it. Go for

00:05:03.00
Flav: I had a job yesterday and I was like, this is not work. This is not work. I sat down.

00:05:08.82
Ricky: it. Was it fun?

00:05:10.94
Flav: It was just sitting, we were sitting down a conversation, round table, talking about football, talking about how England might do in the World Cup and looking at the squad.

00:05:19.38
Ricky: Yeah. Yeah.

00:05:21.98
Flav: And they said, we don't want you to just imagine you're in a pub with your mates, have that conversation. And I was like, all right. And then you were given Heineken.

00:05:30.97
Ricky: what

00:05:31.51
Flav: Yeah, so we just sat there, drank Eineken and talked about the World Cup and then was like, all right, that's work. That's four hours in and out. It's like, I was talking, so did you know Ade Oladipo?

00:05:45.14
Flav: He does the boxing, host boxing.

00:05:47.70
Ricky: no

00:05:48.96
Flav: All right, okay. I was sitting next to room him and he looked at me goes, this is mental.

00:05:54.33
Ricky: ah

00:05:54.97
Flav: Anyway, ri what was he supposed to be talking about?

00:05:57.14
Ricky: ah Well, ah what do you not know what the… no what weird but the um

00:06:02.87
Flav: No, what we usually start with some preamble.

00:06:05.11
Ricky: Right. No, I mean, it's just mainly weather. It's mainly weather because I wanted to, because we all, um I know you should never, the fourth wall and all that. lot And I do apologize for this, but it kind of, it's a bridge to what we're going to talk but talk about.

00:06:19.70
Ricky: But in the boiling hot weather, we were all taking photos of ourselves in the WhatsApp group and we all were real just in shorts.

00:06:23.58
Flav: yeah

00:06:26.10
Ricky: ah Nobody had t-shirts on. Everyone's sitting in direct sunlight. Everyone's like, like loving how sunny it is. And then you sent a photo of you and you just had your, you ah you didn't have jeans on.

00:06:38.90
Flav: no

00:06:39.51
Ricky: No, but you had Travis on and you were like, I'm not, like I'm not that guy. I'll never be that guy.

00:06:46.33
Flav: ah I don't own any shorts.

00:06:49.56
Ricky: Fuck off.

00:06:50.39
Flav: ah I own just swimming shorts, but I can't really walk around in swimming shorts.

00:06:53.50
Ricky: no No, that'd be weird. Yeah.

00:06:56.09
Flav: Yeah, so I mean, they were rolled up a lot. The trousers, they're lightweight. I've got one now, actually. They're lightweight material.

00:07:02.01
Ricky: Mid-shit rolled up to like mid-chin if that.

00:07:05.43
Flav: Yeah, no, i didn't have socks on.

00:07:07.58
Ricky: ah

00:07:09.32
Flav: No, I just don't know.

00:07:11.70
Ricky: what is it? Are you, are you uncomfortable wearing shorts? Are you uncomfortable with the way your legs are or is it you just, you much prefer to wear trousers?

00:07:22.76
Flav: I don't know. i haven't really given it much thought. I just don't own any shorts. I never go out and buy shorts.

00:07:29.39
Ricky: That's mad.

00:07:29.56
Flav: i did actually see an um an amazing pair online other day, which I nearly bought, which looked like the Croatia flag, but it were red and white, so I didn't.

00:07:36.05
Ricky: That's mental.

00:07:37.27
Flav: Yeah, yeah but they but the design of the short, the the way it was put together, was like, I'd definitely wear them.

00:07:44.12
Ricky: What about some lovely little, like little, were you know, the cargo shorts?

00:07:44.22
Flav: But they were quite expensive.

00:07:49.17
Ricky: Like you can get pretty green, CP company, those type of like casual type shorts.

00:07:53.05
Flav: yeah maybe. All right, I'll get some shorts.

00:07:54.53
Ricky: You'd look lovely in them.

00:07:55.89
Flav: I'll get some shorts, all right?

00:07:57.03
Ricky: I'm just, I'm worried about you just being pink and sweaty and just…

00:08:01.37
Flav: <unk> That wasn't… That's nothing to do with it. That was some fucking walking through London and having to sit under studio lights with have the air conditioning turned off.

00:08:09.43
Ricky: That is mental, by the way

00:08:10.46
Flav: Yeah, it's crazy. Just turn the air conditioning on. Just turn it on. No one cares. It's fucking melting.

00:08:14.88
Ricky: the way. With a air con as well, what are you like around your house? Like, as in fans? A lot of people now, they're going out, can't take it, air con units. I'm never going fucking be that guy. Fuck that.

00:08:29.32
Flav: Uh… and I don't buy Yeah, of course.

00:08:31.22
Ricky: Fans on at night, all that all that's stuff.

00:08:33.08
Flav: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:33.56
Ricky: Right.

00:08:33.67
Flav: We're having the fans on. um Yeah, on the two nights we had we had a fan on all night. The kids had their fans on. um Windows open. Luckily, because of the way you'll see it when you come down next week, in a couple of weeks. But the house is quite wide.

00:08:49.94
Ricky: Yeah.

00:08:50.23
Flav: So the back of the house gets sun all day and it comes in and and Chloe's room is like a sauna.

00:08:55.60
Ricky: Oof.

00:08:55.96
Flav: But ah we… um where our bedroom is and where Will's is along the same wall on the other side, it's actually not. It's quite cool. Relatively cool. Still warm.

00:09:05.53
Ricky: Yeah.

00:09:07.19
Flav: So it depends where the sun is. But um yeah, fans on all night. you You let the girls have the fans on, me

00:09:15.06
Ricky: Yeah, um well, kind of. This is what i you know wanted to talk about.

00:09:17.82
Flav: You can't…

00:09:18.58
Ricky: But like it's really weird.

00:09:18.71
Flav: he can't

00:09:20.26
Ricky: I have, not just me, but my kids as well, we have this thing that if you… It's built into them. It's not so much into me. But if you have a fan on all night and it's whirring around all night, the fan will get hot and you don't want it to…

00:09:37.17
Ricky: catch on fire and then you and then you die in your sleep the you know the the house that's on fire but when we were in spain fans were on all night all night all day doesn't matter but in england where it's probably safer yeah

00:09:49.67
Flav: girls what want them off because they're scared? Well, that's that's out but that's fine. As long as it's not because you didn't want to save the one pound in electricity.

00:09:57.34
Ricky: no no that is me as well

00:09:58.94
Flav: As long as it's not that. No, I mean, some i know family that has to sleep with a fan on every night. They can't go to sleep without a fan, even in the winter. They have to have that air on their face, at the sound.

00:10:09.59
Flav: It's almost like they've become used to kind of the… that's that That sound they found really comfortable and comfortable. It's quite common. It's more common than you think.

00:10:16.82
Ricky: Yeah, yeah, like a white noisy type.

00:10:18.97
Flav: Yeah, and and this sort of breeze on their face kind of thing. You know, like…

00:10:21.91
Ricky: That is, that's mental. I

00:10:24.09
Flav: You know, Wayne Rooney sleeps with a hairdryer blowing in his face.

00:10:28.10
Ricky: was going to mention that.

00:10:29.50
Flav: That's a mellow.

00:10:31.77
Ricky: Because if I've got a um fan, tell you what, one fucking thing about the sun is flies. And there's a fly just buzzing around my kitchen and it keeps coming towards me. I'll fucking knock it out in a minute. um Fans on at night, when I wake up in the morning, like my eyes are dry.

00:10:50.90
Ricky: kind of feel a bit hungover. It's a bit, I don't, I don't know. I'm just a bit of a

00:10:55.96
Flav: um this um the You know I'm taking these ametriptyline tablets.

00:11:00.88
Ricky: Oh yeah. Yeah.

00:11:01.58
Flav: Mate, I'm fucking, I've never slept so well in all my life. the i'm I am going to sleep and I'm waking up when my alarm goes. And my alarm will my alarm could be at 10 in the morning.

00:11:12.31
Flav: i will if ah I will fall asleep at nine and I'll wake up at 10 in the morning, whatever. it It never is, but they, honestly, the sleep has been insane.

00:11:17.91
Ricky: Yeah.

00:11:23.64
Ricky: When you wake up, are you like groggy? ah Like, is it from a deep, like, like, you know, from like when I used to smoke weed, right.

00:11:28.66
Flav: A little bit.

00:11:32.38
Flav: Yeah.

00:11:33.18
Ricky: And I would wake up in the morning and not, I could barely lift my eyes. Like my eyes are like deep set into the back of my skull. And I was like Oh, fucking hell man. This is, yeah, I know.

00:11:43.90
Flav: just landed on your head.

00:11:47.14
Flav: Yeah, a bit like that.

00:11:48.31
Ricky: ah

00:11:49.00
Flav: It takes about half an hour to get going, but yeah, the payoff.

00:11:50.72
Ricky: Right, okay.

00:11:52.56
Flav: I mean, that's one of the side effects of it. It's like they make you sleepy. um But sleeping is like, I just shut my eyes and i' get nine hours guaranteed. I'm like, this is insane.

00:12:02.37
Ricky: That's Reem.

00:12:03.13
Flav: Yeah, there are other side effects as well. They'll take a little bit long. like there' um You get dry mouth in during the night. So on the odd occasion, I have had to wake up because there's just no saliva in my mouth.

00:12:14.04
Ricky: ah

00:12:14.33
Flav: if have But like but like its ten it's tapering off now. All the side effects are coming with kind of tapering off. So that that doesn't happen at

00:12:20.44
Ricky: ah Have you ever had it when you've got like really dry mouth and your your tongue is like a cat's tongue.

00:12:25.08
Flav: Yeah, that's what it's like.

00:12:25.16
Ricky: It's so dry. There's nothing in there. Oh God, that's disgusting. That is disgusting.

00:12:29.58
Flav: Yeah.

00:12:30.62
Ricky: Right. Should we crack on?

00:12:31.70
Flav: Yeah, go on.

00:12:59.06
Ricky: Hello and welcome to Lads Anonymous. It's episode 151. I'm Ricky, he's Flav, two best mates, one main topic. We answer your life dilemmas and confessions in our feature, Something Only You Know. And everything remains anonymous, always. So sit back, relax and enjoy the podcast.

00:13:17.21
Ricky: um Were you going to say something and

00:13:20.92
Flav: Walk one.

00:13:22.23
Ricky: Wagwan.

00:13:23.03
Flav: Walk one.

00:13:24.15
Ricky: Whoa, throwing it back there.

00:13:26.76
Flav: Plug.

00:13:26.91
Ricky: I…

00:13:27.44
Flav: Oh.

00:13:28.71
Ricky: haven't said that in years. I say it in WhatsApp groups, but i don't, you know.

00:13:30.22
Flav: It's fine. Yeah, it's fine. Good.

00:13:34.10
Ricky: Yeah, it's fine. the um we we We do have another voice note for Don't Listen.

00:13:40.28
Flav: good

00:13:40.66
Ricky: ah When I was uploading it, actually, I did see it's a short one, so fuck knows what that is if you were This feature that we're about to run… Don't listen. Really simple. You send in a voice note.

00:13:53.75
Ricky: We won't listen. It can be anything. It's your time in the sun, your time to be on the podcast. You can say whatever you like. We, you know, we're going to be playing it live. So please no racisms or anything like that. That would be thankful.

00:14:07.16
Ricky: um Send it into ladsanonpod at gmail.com and we'll play it on the show. Send it in. and one more bit of housekeeping before we crack on.

00:14:19.32
Ricky: The Lads Anonymous Fantasy Premier League. The FPL season is now over. And I just want to say, I know it's Lads. I know it's anonymous. But I will use the first name only.

00:14:33.82
Ricky: Many congratulations to Josh with his team Starship Troopers. could never say that. Many congratulations, mate. You've hung in at the top for for a while now.

00:14:47.58
Ricky: No one was catching you. And there was like the the top three was interchangeable at times. But well done, mate. You hung in there. So fair play to you. Right. We are now going to listen to the Don't Listen voice note.

00:15:16.70
Flav: I think what we just heard was ah it was Gollum and a man having a poo, I think.

00:15:23.54
Ricky: Yeah, that was Gollum, yeah. Poe, yeah, yeah, the second Poe. That is…

00:15:30.78
Flav: Thanks.

00:15:31.30
Ricky: I quite like the guy. I want to hear him do his Gollum again.

00:15:33.82
Flav: No.

00:15:43.03
Flav: Oh, God, that's disgusting.

00:15:43.89
Ricky: God.

00:15:44.39
Flav: That is disgusting.

00:15:46.20
Ricky: What? I want to know. what did did he He did it making me do things, and then he turns back to his normal voice, and he says something.

00:15:52.73
Flav: I don't care.

00:15:53.78
Ricky: And then it goes to dirty poop. Right, okay.

00:15:56.06
Flav: Move on.

00:15:56.58
Ricky: Fair enough.

00:15:57.90
Flav: Thanks for that. Good.

00:15:58.68
Ricky: um Yeah, send them in. Send more in. not no No more poos. We've done two poos now. Enough of the poos, right? Do you know what we're talking about today?

00:16:07.78
Flav: I'm sure I'm smoking a pancake.

00:16:08.54
Ricky: Yeah, boy

00:16:12.82
Ricky: What's the first thing that springs to mind?

00:16:15.64
Flav: Magic mushrooms.

00:16:17.40
Ricky: Is it really?

00:16:17.93
Flav: Truffles, truffles, yeah, yeah. Weed, prostitutes, that's all the cliché things.

00:16:22.30
Ricky: yeah o

00:16:24.90
Flav: It's actually so much more than that. I've been to Amsterdam probably more than any other city outside London, I'd i'd imagine.

00:16:29.94
Ricky: Fucking hell, look at you.

00:16:31.06
Flav: Must have gone, must have done

00:16:35.70
Flav: at least seven times, maybe eight.

00:16:38.52
Ricky: Jesus Christ.

00:16:39.56
Flav: I took week there once, that was too much.

00:16:42.84
Ricky: what Why were you there for the… Was that for…

00:16:45.82
Flav: ah Well, they're supposed to be there for two days for Tottenham.

00:16:47.63
Ricky: Tottenham?

00:16:50.63
Ricky: Hmm.

00:16:51.54
Flav: So people that aren't Spurs fans who listening to this, Spurs got to the Champions League final. The final was in… ah Sorry, semi-final. And we were playing a team called Ajax of Amsterdam.

00:17:02.81
Flav: And I'd already booked in that week to go to Amsterdam. Just a complete coincidence. Me and my wife.

00:17:09.59
Ricky: Oh.

00:17:09.85
Flav: So i i was like… was saying to my wife… what was supposed to happen is I would, what actually was supposed to happen. the reason why we booked to go to Amsterdam is because we were making a doc, we wanted to make a documentary about the relationship between Ajax fans and Tottenham fans.

00:17:24.34
Ricky: Right.

00:17:25.24
Flav: Yeah. So we'd planned to go there and that chance happened. We ended up facing each other in that same week.

00:17:30.52
Ricky: Oh, God.

00:17:30.94
Flav: So our plan was to go out on, on a Friday to Monday,

00:17:31.13
Ricky: Hmm.

00:17:36.73
Flav: And I, um obviously Spurs were playing. So we ended up going, flying out and on Monday. and And I just stayed up until the following Monday.

00:17:49.10
Flav: So I got a new flight, basically, and I met my missus on the Friday. Does that make sense? So originally I planned to fly on Friday, but instead I went Monday, watch the Spurs game, and then all my mates left.

00:17:54.81
Ricky: Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah ah No, I wasn't there.

00:17:59.57
Flav: Oh, you know, you left. Where was you? You were there. All right, all my brothers but brothers left. and Anyway, so I spent a week in Amsterdam. That's too long for any tourist to be in Amsterdam for.

00:18:11.46
Ricky: I think it's too long for any person to be in a like a smaller capital city like Amsterdam. like

00:18:17.62
Flav: Especially it's all around drink.

00:18:18.26
Ricky: I wouldn't go to Lisbon for a week or Madrid for a week or…

00:18:22.17
Flav: But so Amsterdam especially has so much to offer that it's too much to do in a week. it's too You're there for too long. You do damage to yourself.

00:18:30.42
Ricky: Wait, ah even though you were there working, were you still dabbling and getting getting amongst it?

00:18:34.39
Flav: you Yeah,

00:18:37.84
Ricky: Yeah.

00:18:38.36
Flav: yeah yeah, yeah. But with the problem that we had there, right, is when so the way Spurs beat Ajax in the last minute, coming from two, three goals down effectively, to go through, meant that the relationship between the Ajax fans and Tottenham fans evaporated.

00:18:43.29
Ricky: yeah

00:18:54.23
Flav: And so we didn't have a documentary because they none of them wanted to talk to us.

00:18:57.77
Ricky: Oh, yeah, sure, sure.

00:18:58.97
Flav: So we ended up making the documentary about the game itself. You can go and watch it now It's still on Vimeo. 90 plus six, it's called.

00:19:04.92
Ricky: Yes. It's quality as well.

00:19:07.09
Flav: Yeah, it was good.

00:19:07.90
Ricky: Yeah, it is quality.

00:19:08.09
Flav: yeah um

00:19:08.89
Ricky: Yeah.

00:19:10.33
Flav: But that that was i by the end. Well, the end of that story, Ricky, is that I was trying to um I was had enough. I was emotional.

00:19:21.82
Flav: And we were all getting some food and we were going to go home.

00:19:25.53
Ricky: Yeah.

00:19:26.58
Flav: um And then what I didn't realize is when I tried to check in, my ticket wasn't working. And what I learned on that day was that… When you don't turn up for your… So basically i had two flights going out, remember?

00:19:40.50
Ricky: Yeah.

00:19:41.33
Flav: So I bought a no out but second out but about outbound flight and was hoping I could just use my return flight from the first ticket it's bought or just fly back that way.

00:19:45.59
Ricky: Yeah.

00:19:50.42
Ricky: Yeah, of course you haven't canceled it.

00:19:50.84
Flav: but

00:19:51.62
Ricky: Yeah, sure. You can use it.

00:19:53.47
Flav: Airlines cancel it. If you don't show up for your first flight, they they sell you so the return flight again for you.

00:19:58.97
Ricky: i I didn't know that until this story.

00:20:01.43
Flav: Yeah. So not only was I done and was really tired, I then wasn't allowed to go home. So I had to spend another night in Amsterdam.

00:20:11.70
Ricky: ah On your own?

00:20:13.18
Flav: And my own, they all went, yeah, in a single tear.

00:20:14.20
Ricky: And yeah you have to wave your wife off?

00:20:19.02
Flav: Rolled down, and for I had to find a new hotel. i had to do all the admin. I had to find a hotel.

00:20:22.68
Ricky: Oh, no

00:20:24.41
Flav: it was terrible. Do

00:20:25.88
Ricky: ah so ah saw your hotel as well.

00:20:28.41
Flav: you remember it?

00:20:28.95
Ricky: Yeah, well, no, you were sending photos and you were saying how depressed you you were that you were in this horrendous fucking…

00:20:35.26
Flav: It was like a um hostel.

00:20:38.24
Ricky: God.

00:20:38.46
Flav: But you imagine how much money you've blown in a week in Amsterdam, then you've got to do another week and book a new flight. It was fucking… Do you know who sorted this out?

00:20:46.49
Ricky: Big dog.

00:20:46.61
Flav: You know. be Big, big dog Ben.

00:20:47.13
Ricky: Yeah, course. Course he did.

00:20:49.24
Flav: What a legend. What a legend.

00:20:50.74
Ricky: What was your first um your first trip to Amsterdam?

00:20:54.71
Flav: First trip to Amsterdam was about 17. And i stayed on a boat.

00:21:02.09
Flav: Stayed on a boat.

00:21:03.24
Ricky: Who did you go with?

00:21:04.75
Flav: Amelia's brother, my ex-girlfriend's brother.

00:21:07.67
Ricky: ah right.

00:21:08.66
Flav: Yeah, he didn't drink. He doesn't drink or smoke. So it was kind of like,

00:21:12.28
Ricky: oh but what Why was he going there? Did he…

00:21:15.02
Flav: I don't know. i don't I don't know if he did. might have done. I don't know. I remember actually buying some porn mags back then when I was 17. And thought, I'm going to take these home. Because Amsterdam, no one's embarrassed to go into a sex shop in Amsterdam because it's like so liberated.

00:21:29.04
Ricky: Were you… Like, when you went in, were you not embarrassed? we we Right.

00:21:32.55
Flav: I don't remember going in. I just remember having these magazines.

00:21:34.58
Ricky: ya hey Yeah, yeah. I'd still be a bit like, oh God.

00:21:38.77
Flav: They're probably, probably. um And then I've been in the sex shop in London as well. i was embarrassed then. Like in an old one when you buy VHS tapes.

00:21:48.17
Ricky: Oh, God, yeah.

00:21:48.66
Flav: But I had no DVDs, DVDs.

00:21:51.38
Ricky: and I don't think I've ever…

00:21:51.44
Flav: DVDs in London. It's,

00:21:52.78
Ricky: Actually, I have been in one, but in Milton Keynes as well. It was in a a place called Fenny Stratford, and it was like, oh, there's a sex shop, oh, there's DVDs, and it's like me and my mates are like, let's go in and have a look when we're younger, just going in, just seeing loads of porn DVDs and being like, no one's going to buy anything, just run out, and hopefully no one see it saw us go in there.

00:22:13.64
Flav: Well, I was so nervous and I went in I was just scanning the walls, just for not really looking anything.

00:22:18.74
Ricky: Yeah. Not making eye contact with tears.

00:22:19.77
Flav: and ah And then then i think, can't remember what it was, but sort stopped and I looked up and it was like, trans porn.

00:22:28.70
Ricky: ah yeah.

00:22:28.87
Flav: was like, stopped. But I stopped like I was interested in something and that's what it that's what it was. um Anyway, i yeah ah in Amsterdam, was like, I took these two magazines and I thought that's great i'll have them when I get home you if i need to have a wank I've got these two magazines and i don't know why how how badly I did this but my missus must have found them within 15 minutes of me being over yeah she wasn't happy

00:22:45.45
Ricky: Yeah.

00:22:48.57
Ricky: Yeah, yeah.

00:22:56.64
Ricky: Oh,

00:22:59.06
Ricky: but she Was she was angry?

00:23:00.79
Flav: Yeah, she was. She was a bit like that. Like, she just, I didn't think she, I think some young, ah don I don't know.

00:23:03.07
Ricky: Oh.

00:23:07.80
Flav: think she just thought it was like cheating or she wasn't good enough. but It was like, it's not, you're not good enough. just, it's just, it's just like cheap, get it done stuff.

00:23:15.13
Ricky: Smack.

00:23:18.84
Ricky: Yeah, yeah, yeah. what You were saying you were boat. like what the What the fuck is that?

00:23:21.94
Flav: Yeah, you there's loads of hotel boats. You can stay, you know, there's like boats in the thing. You can you can hire the boats, or not to drive, but you can sleep. They're like cabins. You sleep in them for, like it's quite cheap.

00:23:30.87
Ricky: wow.

00:23:31.54
Flav: It's quite, it's the cheapest way to stay, I think. I've done it with Ollie once when I've been, yeah.

00:23:34.07
Ricky: a I'd like to do that. my my um My first one…

00:23:38.36
Flav: When was the first time?

00:23:42.30
Ricky: was when I was 17, 18, maybe. and it was like, as you can imagine, young lads.

00:23:53.93
Ricky: Around about that time, i kind of remember, I wasn't really a massive weed smoker. So it wasn't something that I was like, and I wasn't really as quite, um is the saying green behind the gills?

00:24:09.07
Flav: Yeah, anyway. Yeah.

00:24:09.98
Ricky: Green behind the ears.

00:24:10.74
Flav: great yeah anyway

00:24:12.31
Ricky: ah um But yeah, I was quite noobs to the drug scene back then.

00:24:17.11
Flav: yeah

00:24:17.62
Ricky: And so I'd gone with like, let's say 10 of my mates. And this is back when I was 17, 18. So we hadn't sorted out anywhere to stay.

00:24:28.53
Ricky: We just got flights over there.

00:24:29.94
Flav: but

00:24:30.39
Ricky: We were walking like just, it was like the in-betweeners lads, like with a backpack on. walking through the streets of uh amsterdam and we had no idea what we're doing just going into place to place hotel to hotel and we found this gaff called the last waterhole and it was a youth hostel and we all walked in there and we said we're looking for a place to say there's 10 of us do you have any room and loads of people turned us down there's 10 lads who fucking wants that noise

00:25:03.90
Ricky: And the guy was, he was a fucking crazy Glaswegian geezer. And he was like, yeah, I've got room. um And he's like, we all together? And we're like, yeah yeah, And he goes, I can fit you all in in one room. We were like, what, one room?

00:25:15.16
Ricky: And he was like, yeah, yeah, you want it. And were like, yes, please take our money.

00:25:18.28
Flav: Right.

00:25:19.70
Ricky: Gave the money. And he led us up these stairs and it was an enormous long room. It was like 30 bunk beds all in a row. So you were in room with people you didn't know sleeping in the room that you didn't It was fun, you know, communal toilets, communal shower.

00:25:36.66
Ricky: And I was like, this is fucking grim. This is grim. And I remember on the first night, I was ah ah woke up, I can hear coughing, and I just like opened my eyes and there was a geezer with a beard just laying there looking at me.

00:25:49.39
Ricky: And I was just like, oh, God, this is fucking horrid. ah

00:25:53.02
Flav: Yeah, I've never done that. I've never been a communal hostel at all.

00:25:57.02
Ricky: Yeah, I mean, I didn't think I was either, but it was just, we were just young fucking idiots just going there, had nothing booked and just went there. So that was my first kind of, um and then in the morning at this ah last waterhole, they were like, we we have shower facilities, communal showers, everyone gets in together.

00:26:18.75
Ricky: I was like, okay, that's fine. Yeah. Hot water is from eight in the morning till nine. That's it. That's all your time. So you had to get up at like quarter to eight to go downstairs to have a shower to then go back up to your room. It was just like…

00:26:36.92
Ricky: I will never, ever sleep like that again. It was grim. But the good thing about this place was that um it was like a music venue. So you had pool tables and jukebox and live music and all of that stuff. But then there was a shop within the hostel.

00:26:56.34
Ricky: And we all go there and there's 10 of us. We're all excitable, all on the benches. And we were like, hello, sir, can we buy some drugs, please? And and they were like, right, let's bring it down a bit, right? Let's let's calm down, lads.

00:27:12.12
Ricky: This is a menu. We've got a weed menu here. We've got a hash menu here. We've got magic mushrooms here and we've got other stuff, right?

00:27:19.69
Flav: Yeah.

00:27:21.42
Ricky: You need to tell us what it is that you want and now what trip you want and all of this. We're like, can we just have drugs? like We want all the drugs. Yeah.

00:27:31.54
Ricky: And it was like, right, let's start off with this weed here, some purple kush or whatever it was. was like a nice, gentle, buzzy weed. And then we were talking about mushrooms.

00:27:44.57
Ricky: And he was like… we've got these, but how high do you want to get? Like, have you done mushrooms before? And we're like, yeah, all done mushrooms before. All lying and it all just kind of, um just fucking give us the mushrooms, man.

00:27:54.29
Flav: Yeah.

00:27:57.90
Ricky: So then we all had the, I think they were Hawaiian. That's what they were called. I think, uh, gave them to us. And he said, what I need you guys to do, i need you to eat a quarter of the tray, give it half hour, 45 minutes,

00:28:15.32
Ricky: Next quarter, next quarter. You got it? We were like, double thumbs up. We fucking got it, lad. And then he walks out the door. As soon as he walked out the door, my mate turned around and said, we eat every single fucking mushroom now.

00:28:29.56
Ricky: And then everyone's ripped off the cellophane.

00:28:32.02
Flav: And you'd never taken mushrooms before.

00:28:32.20
Ricky: Everyone's just never, never taken mushrooms. Didn't really know what it was. It's going to be funny, isn't it? Bright colors. o So did these mushrooms. And I was, you know, I was fine.

00:28:44.92
Ricky: One of my mates started, you could see him going early amongst 10 lads that didn't know what they were doing, that didn't really kind of understand that you have to be in a you know safe environment. The vibe's got to be set, all of this stuff.

00:29:02.30
Ricky: And then everyone would just circle like vultures when someone one was on the edge. Oh, look at Ricky. What's he doing? ah Why did you put your coat on that way? And you're like, oh, oh God. oh Oh, no. What have done? Oh, God. like All the eyes are looking at me and I'm fucking boxed on mushrooms.

00:29:20.34
Ricky: And it went that way around. Okay. So there was quite a few people that were fucked. There was people still coming up. And it was like a real kind of like, oh, God. Like, I felt fine.

00:29:31.96
Ricky: I was double taking a few things. And then ah started to feel really bad. And I was like, I need to get out of this somehow. And the guy, there was another guy that we were talking to. And he said, if you have sugary drinks, it brings you right out. If you have a a sugary chocolate bar, like a Mars bar or something like that, it kind of brings you out a bit. And I was sitting there on my stool and I kept walking hot and i got I would get halfway to the bar.

00:30:01.24
Ricky: And then I would stop and turn back and go and at my store again. And I just couldn't go to the bar and order a pint of Coke or a Mars bar or anything like that. And then um it started to get a bit more ah visionary and stuff like that. And I was like,

00:30:17.68
Ricky: i'm I'm not really feeling safe here. i'm not feeling, not feeling the vibe. but And I was just sitting to the lads, lads, I'm just going to go and have a little, going have a little lie down. and they're like, all right, safe.

00:30:28.25
Ricky: So I walked up the stairs to this row of fucking double deck, double deck of bunkers. um And I was laying there and I was like, I'll just sleep it off.

00:30:39.35
Ricky: That's easy. Sleep it off. Laid down. I swear I was getting up every 30 seconds because I could hear the Super Mario music playing in my head.

00:30:47.59
Flav: Yeah.

00:30:51.54
Ricky: And I would wake up and I'd go, like, and and I was like, i have made a massive mistake here.

00:30:56.18
Flav: Yeah.

00:31:00.14
Flav: You made all of it. You made so many mistakes listening to that story. Like first off,

00:31:03.58
Ricky: um And then i the last bit, the final bit, I went to, so we had sinks in our in our hostel in the big room. I splashed some cold water in my face to wake myself up, gee myself up. Come on, ri you can do this, man. Just wake yourself. And looked in the mirror and my chin was just moving and like melting towards my shoulder. And I was like, what have you done? Like, what have you done, man? Like, you are, this is over for you.

00:31:32.22
Flav: Yeah, I mean, once there's a couple of… Doing them with loads of mates is a terrible idea if they're they're not. If doing them with loads of mates are all just like call and chilled and they're not going to take advantage of you,

00:31:44.57
Ricky: Trip, trip setters. They're called, you know, like good.

00:31:46.87
Flav: Trip sitters, yeah.

00:31:47.21
Ricky: Yeah.

00:31:47.91
Flav: Yeah, no. I mean, like, trip sitter is someone who doesn't take drugs while you do and they just make sure you're okay. But if everyone's mashed and the go-to point is to take the piss out of each other, that's a horrible… cut That is a horrible mix with mushrooms.

00:32:00.38
Ricky: Yeah.

00:32:01.50
Flav: Also, once you're on them, there's no getting out. or Orange juice, Mars bars, anything. anything it It might bring you to a little bit, but you're on you're on until it runs out.

00:32:09.34
Ricky: o

00:32:11.19
Flav: it ah's There's no in there's nowhere way in and out. Once it's in you, that's it. Um… And yeah, in like a new place. It's just, yeah. I mean, that's they get loads of people coming up to you. I remember the similar sort of thing. They gave me a chart. They're called Smart Shops in know Amsterdam.

00:32:26.84
Flav: And they give you a chart, like do you want to feel? Do you want high visuals?

00:32:29.56
Ricky: Yeah, yeah.

00:32:29.76
Flav: you want intense feeling? Do you want, um I don't know what the other options are. but they And they rate them on strength from one to five on stars. And they sell them truffles. and look they're like It's like eating walnuts as opposed mushrooms.

00:32:42.07
Ricky: Yes.

00:32:44.47
Flav: um Yeah, so… Yes, it was, a it's for for tourists coming in. It's like the first thing you do is eat mushrooms. But you can have such a good time if you just dose properly. Like, it's the best.

00:32:55.80
Ricky: Yeah.

00:32:55.90
Flav: If you just, if you imagine you're s sipping a drink or a beer like that, it's, you just have a great time.

00:33:03.45
Ricky: The menu thing, I am, as a young kid, going over there, excitable with my mates, coming from England, going to Amsterdam, hearing about it, and seeing a menu of drugs that they can offer you and being so descriptive of not only of the strength of it, but what it tastes like, where it come from, the strain and all that lot.

00:33:05.60
Flav: Yeah.

00:33:30.20
Ricky: It's such an alien thing. Like, to… Like, can you imagine there's a place that they… That that happens? And when you were there, I was like this is fucking incredible.

00:33:41.59
Ricky: This is… This is insane.

00:33:43.93
Flav: Yes, Matt, it's like a different place. It doesn't, i mean, it's you note you know, you hear about Amsterdam because of the way that, you know, how liberal they are and their attitudes towards drugs and sex.

00:33:51.40
Ricky: Mmm…

00:33:53.34
Flav: ah It's just insane. Like you're compared to how conservative we are in the UK. And that's what's so attractive about it. I think all of sort of from the Netherlands up to the sort of Scandinavian countries, they just view sex in a completely much more open way.

00:34:08.66
Ricky: Yeah.

00:34:08.92
Flav: um And given, you know, but are ah you you remember I worked for Exposure and we'd have to do lots of sexual health work and and write booklets to give to young people and stuff like that. and at the time, i don't if it's still true now, is that they had the lowest pregnancy rate, lowest STI rate in Europe, the Netherlands, and they were the most liberal when it came to sex, the least repressed.

00:34:30.74
Flav: So um there' there's something attractive, isn't there? The that it's so close…

00:34:33.75
Ricky: o Hmm.

00:34:35.54
Flav: and the vibe is so chilled out that it is an attractive place. It's an um amazing place. Like I said, I've been there so many times. I went on a a long, long time ago, went on a stag do.

00:34:46.55
Flav: And I i it i think i I've said this before to you, Ricky, I thought i' some sort of somehow reordered my DNA because of the amount of drugs I took in four days.

00:35:02.07
Flav: We had we got in this we slept stay stayed at a hostel similar to yours, but we had our own room, but there was like eight of us in that room. um And as we were was driving over, the taxi man just gave us a card and it said the name on it and then on the back it says party liaison um with a number and it was basically a just a drug dealer.

00:35:24.59
Ricky: Oh, nice.

00:35:25.51
Flav: And we just kept calling him up and he kept bringing more and more pills and fuck is awful. And, um, I took so much MDMA maylip mostly that when I got back, I couldn't sleep for a week. ah My brain was completely frazzled. It felt like it was electric pulses were, were going on in my brain. Uh,

00:35:48.57
Flav: and, um, It didn't cure, it didn't turn off until the next weekend when I did another pill. and then the And then the MDMA pulses stopped. That was the only way to stop it. It was taking another one later, a week later.

00:36:04.02
Ricky: ah like ah That is ah that is is so mad. that what In your mind, what like what made you think, like, I'm having all this difficulty because I've done so much. I'm going to do another…

00:36:17.65
Flav: I don't know, man. I was stupid. I just, I was young. Not young. what was like, my God, before I met Ollie, I think. Maybe six months before I met Ollie. ah And my last relationship had broken down.

00:36:30.33
Flav: And ah i was just, I had some money and no responsibilities.

00:36:35.48
Ricky: Yeah.

00:36:36.77
Flav: i had a flat on my own. I just went mental for a little bit. I didn't like all I cared about was going out getting mashed up and sort of recovering that was it um Yeah, on on that trip, actually, i we we'd we'd taken loads of m d MDMA this one night and I'd lost everybody.

00:36:56.98
Flav: And I was in the center, of walking around the center of Amsterdam and it must have been about two in the morning. And ah didn't know how to, how i didn't know where my hostel was. I don't didn't know how to get there.

00:37:08.02
Flav: ah It was just outside the city of, it's just outside the city center somewhere. And my phone was dead. So I was just walking. And then I heard this whistle from above.

00:37:20.31
Flav: And i looked up and i was like, all right. And which it was a girl, she went, come up. And I was like, what?

00:37:28.92
Ricky: well

00:37:29.94
Flav: and I was like, ah fuck this is my chance to charge my phone. But I was off it. um

00:37:36.99
Ricky: That's so funny that you're like, this is my chance to charge my phone. That would not cross my mind. to

00:37:43.48
Flav: Well, I was worried about that.

00:37:44.25
Ricky: Yeah, yeah, course.

00:37:45.14
Flav: i was i was worried about that. So yeah, went in there. It was just bad. And I remember rightly some men in in another room.

00:37:56.70
Ricky: Oh my God.

00:37:59.51
Flav: And she was you all right? And I was, I think, mate, honestly, can say, are you all right? i don't remember anything that happened. Like I have flashes ah being in this girl's room and my phone charged, or she took my phone from me and charged charged it And that's it really.

00:38:20.63
Flav: and then And then I remember arriving at my hostel in a cab and then ah going couldn't remember where the room was. So you just found a back staircase and sat on the step, laid back on the flat floor and just fell asleep for about four hours.

00:38:40.88
Ricky: That's so unlike you, but so like, God, so that that's all you've pieced together.

00:38:48.50
Flav: Yeah, that's all I can kind of Yeah, I think something happened, but I can't remember.

00:38:48.84
Ricky: Whistle it up. You okay? Gone up. Charge your phone. Bit chatting.

00:38:57.66
Flav: I don't remember.

00:38:57.88
Ricky: but Like sexually or?

00:38:59.16
Flav: yeah. yeah

00:39:00.21
Ricky: ah

00:39:00.73
Flav: But I can't.

00:39:00.86
Ricky: Okay.

00:39:02.81
Flav: I don't remember if that happened or not.

00:39:05.34
Ricky: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:39:06.98
Flav: Like, I don't know.

00:39:08.01
Ricky: Let's just say it did. It did.

00:39:09.69
Flav: It probably did. a why was I don't know.

00:39:10.52
Ricky: Okay.

00:39:11.49
Flav: It was just, I mean, it could have been anybody. It could have been fucking, you know, it was a bad, that was I put myself in a lot of danger there.

00:39:18.60
Ricky: Oh, God, mate. When you go over there as well, like, you're you not much of puff puff gives weed smoke.

00:39:28.23
Flav: No, I don't like weed.

00:39:28.58
Ricky: do do you Do you ever do it? Like, even when you're over there, you've been there, like, God knows how many times.

00:39:30.74
Flav: Yeah.

00:39:33.18
Ricky: And do you still, what you do you have a little toke or not?

00:39:35.42
Flav: Yeah. Yeah, a little toke, but I know it fucks me. Like, people that go over there and eat space cakes and eat whole one, you're like, what are

00:39:41.19
Ricky: Oh, fuck off.

00:39:42.52
Flav: that You see it all the time though. You see videos of it where people go over and they smash an entire space cake and they go, don't worry, I can handle Because when you eat, it just tastes like chocolate cake or Victoria sponge or whatever it might be.

00:39:52.34
Ricky: Yeah. Yeah.

00:39:55.16
Flav: And then when it hits them, they're fucked for the day. They're like, you're just you can't do anything. You feel terrible. You have to lie down. You can't speak. And you like the whole of your days ruined for what for like five minutes of eating the cake saying and this is nothing.

00:40:09.05
Flav: And then you're and the thing is, it is something to absolutely everybody who eats one.

00:40:15.19
Ricky: Yeah.

00:40:15.32
Flav: You don't. It fucks you up.

00:40:18.62
Ricky: ah I've got a mate who went to the the so same game as you, the Ajax-Tottenham And he went there and he had a smoke he had a drink and he was feeling like really like on the edge anyway.

00:40:32.21
Ricky: And then he ate a space cake. And he said the next thing he remembers that he was like literally leaning over the canal, laying on the floor and just being sick everywhere.

00:40:42.55
Flav: I

00:40:42.78
Ricky: And loads of people, he said, then he woke up and someone had put an umbrella on top of him because it was raining. So he's just laying on the canal side with an umbrella on him. And he said he got up because he wanted to go to the toilet, passed out again. And he said he woke up and he woke up between two urinals, face like that, and just men pissing. and just and And his head's against the wall like that. with fucking to our mate And I was just like, that is just…

00:41:09.30
Ricky: Oh, God, so many people get so twisted in Amsterdam.

00:41:10.01
Flav: i don't know why… i don' why Yeah, well, but especially with space cakes.

00:41:12.47
Ricky: Hmm.

00:41:14.81
Flav: Like, mushrooms do something to you, but these things comatize you. I don't think you're supposed to eat them on your own. i think you're supposed to share them with people. I don't know. you Never in a million years am I trying anything like that. Edibles as well. I just don't like THC, really.

00:41:27.32
Ricky: yeah i so so back in the day work because i've done i think i've been amsterdam like three times and the the second third time when i went is when i actually smoked weed um and so i just i would just be as soon as i woke up to i got yesterday just smoking weed all day every day it's fucking great um

00:41:48.34
Flav: Yeah. what would it was you what Would you stay in your room or would you just go to coffee shops?

00:41:52.44
Ricky: coffee shops uh mainly and just yeah just floating about like i don't like my mind ah i don't know if you it felt like what back when i went this is years ago that you could smoke quite freely like that you'd obviously go coffee shops but it wasn't that frowned upon if you were smoking walking down the street but now it's like you it really really strict isn't it

00:41:53.46
Flav: Yeah.

00:42:17.59
Flav: Um, yeah, there's like stuff like you have to take your, well, I think there's always rumors that things strict and that foreign, I know there was like a, the mayor of Amsterdam is going to make it so that only locals could use coffee shops and things like that.

00:42:30.84
Flav: But I think it was just a rumor. I don't if it ever came true. I mean, yeah.

00:42:33.85
Ricky: Yeah, they had a massive campaign a few years ago about cracking down on tourism in Amsterdam because, you know, i was going to say Brits, but it could be anyone coming over with stag dudes and just being absolute knobs.

00:42:39.90
Flav: Yeah.

00:42:45.49
Flav: Mate, they act like… ah Mate, it's it's um it's so embarrassing. right i'm not I'm not trying to be like oh blood pious about this, but I would fucking hate us.

00:42:55.84
Flav: If I lived in Amsterdam, I would absolutely hate British tourists.

00:42:57.68
Ricky: Yeah.

00:43:00.92
Flav: You're just sitting there. I remember once there was this bunch of lads. They were from Newcastle or something like that. And they were just jeering the boats and and and shouting and being obnoxious and throwing glasses at the boats and stuff like that.

00:43:14.59
Flav: And I was like, you lot cunts, man.

00:43:14.65
Ricky: Jesus Christ.

00:43:16.83
Flav: You lot of fucking, you're creatures. Like, get look you shouldn't be allowed here. It's like, it's such a cool place. And you're fucking it up because you think you're funny. um Anyway, um I think you just have to be respectful. i ah You see people and smell weed constantly in the city.

00:43:33.45
Flav: So it's not like it isn't.

00:43:33.93
Ricky: Hmm.

00:43:35.63
Flav: it Well, in the centre, the further you go out, the less it is like Amsterdam. i mean, when me and Ollie stay and go there now, we don't we don't go to the centre. Well, we might spend some time there during the day, but we we stay out in into in the sort of suburbs and and the towns. Like Harlem is amazing. We stayed in Harlem.

00:43:57.18
Flav: We rented a sort of house in Harlem last time when me and, think was about two years last time I went, about two and a half years ago, maybe 18 months ago. It was, a yeah, a couple of mates of us and their wives.

00:44:09.56
Ricky: You mentioned Haarlem before.

00:44:09.71
Flav: there's

00:44:10.64
Ricky: like but What is Haarlem? How far train journey is it away from Amsterdam?

00:44:15.67
Flav: No, it's not far.

00:44:16.25
Ricky: Or is it walk?

00:44:17.66
Flav: No, it's like a 15-minute train journey outside of the sea.

00:44:19.77
Ricky: Right. Okay. So it is a distance from Amsterdam.

00:44:22.52
Flav: Yeah, it's the next… It's a city, but it's just the next next one along. It might even come in um under the district of Amsterdam. It'd be like, I don't know, Milton Keynes and not even Northampton.

00:44:33.45
Flav: It'd be closer than that.

00:44:34.46
Ricky: Yeah.

00:44:35.22
Flav: Um… Yeah, so there's some great… butler The vibe of Amsterdam chills the further you go out. And I'd recommend if you're going to stay anywhere, it'd be somewhere like… It's called The Pip.

00:44:48.57
Flav: I think it's called The Pipe in English. It's The Pip in… And that's a district in in Amsterdam where it has loads of bars, loads of cool little pubs, loads of um nice restaurants without the mayhem of the of the ah city centre. Because it is crazy. It's like just…

00:45:05.27
Flav: ah like imagine a million bikes that all were trying to kill you plus all the tourists like people think of Amsterdam they think of the red light district it's that is that if you want to go out for boozing up and you know having a laugh and there's sort of clubs there and stuff that's that's one thing but if if you want a bit more slow paced like I like it then you go to the pip

00:45:09.30
Ricky: ah

00:45:29.37
Ricky: The, um, the bikes and trams is something that I will never kind of get over.

00:45:33.93
Flav: can't hear them, and they can… They will kill you.

00:45:36.31
Ricky: the The amount of bikes, I don't think I've seen that amount of bikes in one place in my life.

00:45:41.66
Flav: Mate, it's crazy. They love a bike. It is really flat, though. That's what I was saying.

00:45:44.31
Ricky: Yeah.

00:45:45.22
Flav: There's no hills anywhere, really, in Amsterdam.

00:45:47.19
Ricky: And they have lot like a lot of bike lanes and stuff that, but it is very quiet. in And the trams, especially when you're boxed and you're just walking in the road, just trying to, you know, in your own bubble, and then you just hear the trams coming.

00:45:58.20
Ricky: um It's so dangerous. I don't know how there isn't any more accidents. We hadn't, we, we, sorry, go on.

00:46:03.86
Flav: Yeah, no. but but My boss used to call them the whispering deaf.

00:46:10.90
Ricky: that's That is true.

00:46:12.06
Flav: And they get so annoyed with you because you don't understand the etiquette. But he's not there's nowhere else in the world like it, apart from maybe Beijing. I think they've got loads of bicycles there. But it's like, it's everywhere. And both of them are two ways.

00:46:24.57
Flav: Even both sides, are it dead anyway.

00:46:25.11
Ricky: Yeah, yeah.

00:46:26.61
Flav: Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah.

00:46:27.51
Ricky: and they're not And the bikes as well. They're not like at mountain bikes or racers or any anything that's cool. They're like fucking the most simple plain like World War II bikes.

00:46:34.71
Flav: Oh yeah, city bikes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:46:37.73
Ricky: Yeah.

00:46:38.20
Flav: And they're all they're all the same. It's almost like there's this design um in in ah in Amsterdam for the way the bikes should look. i i once One time when I went tab to Amsterdam with the wife, um I had to work and i had to essentially produce a video. But way back, way, way back, we're talking about 2015 maybe.

00:47:03.19
Flav: I um ah produced this show called Rue de Boulogne, which means Ball Street in French, because the France Euros, the Euros are in France, I think it was.

00:47:14.62
Ricky: Okay, yeah, yeah.

00:47:16.31
Flav: Anyway, during that period, had to it's basically produce one of these videos. I produced a video, sorry, a weekly video called Rude de Blonde during the World Cup to, or Euros, Euros 26 it is, to cover um this deal we had with um a company called Mondo Goals, right?

00:47:43.93
Flav: Mondo Goals was like a fantasy football thing.

00:47:46.10
Ricky: Right, yeah.

00:47:46.74
Flav: And you had to pick players from a tournament and, um you know, you compete and and do what you' you're supposed to do in in in in terms of fantasy football. But I got there and immediately started eating mushrooms, even though I knew how had to do this. So there's there's a video on Ball Street of me and the wife in in in ah in in Amsterdam. And you we filmed this video for an entire day.

00:48:13.37
Flav: And then I had to go home and eat at air like midnight. And you can see me getting slowly more and more mashed up through this video.

00:48:20.41
Ricky: ah

00:48:21.24
Flav: So I'll send you a link.

00:48:22.30
Ricky: Yeah, please do. um We actually, we've we've got ah an email in about, um hi, Ricky and Flav, just finished the most recent pod. It was Mint. Well, thank you very much for that.

00:48:33.56
Ricky: And heard you're doing a pod about Amsterdam next week. I'm going to Amsterdam in July for my 19th and was just wondering if you and Flav had anything crucial I needed to know and tips of must-dos and all the stuff before going.

00:48:50.94
Ricky: I think we've covered ah you know the the the trams and ah bikes. Watch out for them, the the silent killers.

00:48:55.99
Flav: Yeah. Yeah.

00:48:58.23
Ricky: ah When you do space cakes and stuff like that, don't think you're the the big I am or mushrooms. ah like Genuinely, go go slow. Don't fucking ah go all in to impress anyone. Same with the weed.

00:49:15.13
Ricky: Have you got any recommendation? Because you were saying about Harlem. You you know these gaffes.

00:49:19.38
Flav: on

00:49:19.89
Ricky: I'm that traditional go there, central station, get the train in. Oh, let's go grasshopper. Let's go fucking wherever it is.

00:49:27.64
Flav: I mean, there's something…

00:49:28.29
Ricky: Bulldog bar or whatever it is.

00:49:30.28
Flav: There's something to be said about all of that. You should go and experience those things and they are good. And if you when he says he's going in July, yeah, um definitely do that.

00:49:35.61
Ricky: Yeah.

00:49:39.22
Flav: 100%.

00:49:39.35
Ricky: Yeah.

00:49:39.53
Flav: go to the Bulldog, go to the Grasshopper, go go and walk down the red light district district and look at the ladies in the… Because it's mental. Like these these women are like 10 out of 10, stunning, most of them.

00:49:46.97
Ricky: Yeah.

00:49:50.04
Ricky: Yeah.

00:49:51.35
Flav: And they're in this box waiting for 50 quid shags. it's so I don't understand it. Like they could be… They could be like, they literally could be, you know, your idea of a high class escort who, you know, you pay thousands of pounds, i guess, for that they that that level. So you're just like, there's this on that thing, you're walking down the streets and different, the different parts of the red light district have different um genres, if you like.

00:50:15.54
Ricky: Yeah.

00:50:16.15
Flav: So it's it's quite interesting in looking at that.

00:50:17.82
Ricky: I fell in love with one. I mean, like ah not, not like fell in love, but, um, her name was machine.

00:50:27.18
Flav: Machine it

00:50:27.90
Ricky: Yeah. Machine notice. tis That's what I named her. And she, you know, like you were saying, ah very, you know, high class blondes, massive guns. And, but you know, that under boob, so the, the, the, the the top.

00:50:41.21
Ricky: was covering her boobs, but you know, that, um that under boob just poking out and underneath the bottom bit.

00:50:46.49
Flav: Hmm.

00:50:46.71
Ricky: So it's just like it all nipples and everything was covered, but just that bottom bit, ah I just kept going, I need to go to the, to the cash point and walking past there. And then, oh I need to go and get more Rizzlers and then walking past. And then i just obviously didn't go in.

00:51:01.91
Ricky: course I didn't, but she was insane.

00:51:07.29
Flav: Well, yeah, it's mental. It's strange. It's a very strange thing. And I don't think I've ever seen anyone walk in. and I'm sure they do, of course. In fact, I tell a story on this about my mate during the the stag deal I mentioned.

00:51:22.17
Ricky: Yes.

00:51:22.33
Flav: And at the end, have I said this on here?

00:51:24.66
Ricky: Yeah, but tell it again, I like it.

00:51:26.87
Flav: it just, he was geeing himself up to go and see a prostitute for the entire four days. and on the last day he went, right, I'm going to do it I'm going to do

00:51:34.04
Ricky: um i love the voice.

00:51:35.03
Flav: And, uh, He goes, ah. And was like, go on then, go on, go on, go on, go. And he was like, ah. He's come back 15 minutes later and he went, ah. I like, how'd it go? It was a complete disaster. It was complete disaster.

00:51:48.09
Flav: mean, what happened? He goes, well, she she took me in and then she just pulled my shorts down really roughly and grabbed me by the cock and just pulled me over to the sink and started vigorously washing my cock. Ah.

00:51:59.42
Ricky: oh

00:52:00.66
Flav: And then started to go down on him and he obviously couldn't get hard because that's the least sexy thing ever. And she just looked up and went, come back when you're brave.

00:52:07.99
Ricky: wow

00:52:09.18
Flav: so he just wadded off, says not brave. um

00:52:11.90
Ricky: Did he get a refund?

00:52:12.95
Flav: I don't know. I'm not sure.

00:52:16.31
Ricky: What are your thoughts about the red light district and and all of that? so You know, sex shows, sex shops.

00:52:20.66
Flav: Again, ah

00:52:25.78
Flav: I mean, a bit weird. like I don't like strip joints and I don't…

00:52:30.22
Ricky: No.

00:52:30.37
Flav: I could never sleep with a prostitute. like I just don't…

00:52:32.86
Ricky: No.

00:52:33.80
Flav: don't know how someone goes in there and goes, this woman doesn't want to sleep with me, but she's doing so because I have money. How is that sexy? And then you're like, how can you… how is that I don't know how people find it arousing. And i know i know I know people who have, and I don't judge them, but it's it's just not not for me. So when I go to Amsterdam, I don't go for that. It doesn't mind. i don't like I've never been to a sex show anything like that. i don't have any desire to do that. So…

00:53:00.02
Flav: um I don't mind. think it's good. I think it's important that the you know, how liberated they are and how they think about these things is how most of us should because we all have these sexual urges and and but I feel like some of them in the UK at least is we're kind of repressed into saying like it's this it something that should be done in secret.

00:53:05.67
Ricky: Yeah,

00:53:16.15
Flav: It's like it' it's mental.

00:53:16.70
Ricky: yeah. yeah

00:53:17.49
Flav: It's what we're asked. It's how we all exist. um So yeah, I think the word like just is is is incredible. um It has a seedy reputation, but actually it's quite quite chilled. there's loads of coffee shops. and There's loads of good places to eat there.

00:53:32.54
Flav: And it's very buzzy. um And like if you want like a kind of a hectic proper night out in a city centre, that's where you would go, the red light district for sure. So don't i'm not i wouldn't I'm not saying don't go there. i'm saying absolutely go there. It's great fun.

00:53:46.94
Flav: But I just can't spend three days there.

00:53:49.79
Ricky: No, I just find it crazy.

00:53:51.10
Flav: So…

00:53:53.00
Ricky: Like, like you're saying that there was different prices for different and like the the the more high end ones are like 50 euros. And I was like, 50 euros.

00:54:01.49
Flav: Yeah,

00:54:04.04
Ricky: That's nothing.

00:54:05.30
Flav: it seems mad.

00:54:05.62
Ricky: That's insane.

00:54:06.14
Flav: I don't think, it's not like you go down, you go in there and sort of, um i imagine it's really, really transactional.

00:54:12.38
Ricky: Yeah.

00:54:13.11
Flav: I don't think there's any kind of, anything sexy about it, really.

00:54:13.27
Ricky: Oh, yeah.

00:54:15.74
Flav: Yeah.

00:54:15.75
Ricky: No, no, no. Or ma audio you do you think like there's a bit of a moaning or there's you know like pretending that they like it?

00:54:17.02
Flav: Yeah.

00:54:24.13
Flav: I don't know. i mean, sure surely someone who's listened to this has done it. So send in an email and tell us about how how it went.

00:54:31.54
Ricky: yeah ah Yeah, I can imagine it's quite…

00:54:31.58
Flav: I don't know.

00:54:34.30
Ricky: um What's the word I'm looking for? ah like ah Not medical, that's not the word, but… um Oh, fucking hell. But yeah, it's it's just quite mechanical.

00:54:46.43
Ricky: Not really, um yeah, not nothing like you're actually with someone that you're in love with or that you have a relationship with.

00:54:46.58
Flav: Yeah.

00:54:55.58
Flav: Yeah, when but when you're in Amsterdam, it's not like that. It's there, but it's not like, it's it's almost like a museum. It's like it's weird. It's like a freak.

00:55:02.62
Ricky: Yeah, yeah, that's a yes's a good yeah it's a good way to describe it.

00:55:03.22
Flav: It's like, yeah, but it's just like, it's that's a tiny part of it. But it's the most famous part of it because of obviously the nature of it. But…

00:55:12.41
Ricky: Yeah.

00:55:13.14
Flav: Yeah, mate. liz and And then, like I said, like do do so do do some time in central Amsterdam. And then I'm not saying go to Harlem. I wouldn't recommend going to Harlem. It's it's just another city. it's It's similar to Amsterdam, but you can find the same experiences if you if you move out to the west. Amsterdam's a really strange city in that it's it's all of the activities in the right-hand side of the city that's the centre of it.

00:55:38.65
Flav: And then it spans out in suburbs.

00:55:39.61
Ricky: Right.

00:55:40.77
Flav: It spans out towards the west of the of the city. and and And it's big. it' it's like you know It's a small city, but it's not most of it… something like um Almost like South London. If you think at South London…

00:55:52.44
Flav: North London is relatively small small to South London.

00:55:55.86
Ricky: Yeah, yeah,

00:55:55.90
Flav: So… But you head out there, head to the pip and, ah yeah, chill out there. Depends what you like, really. But there's nothing better. In the sun in July, i walking around Amsterdam, if you like smoking weed, doing that, or just having a beer and just sitting there with people watching, it's like, it's the best.

00:56:12.06
Flav: That's what me and missus do. We eat food and they've got loads. It's not the best cuisine in the world, I've got to be honest.

00:56:18.80
Ricky: Mmm.

00:56:19.09
Flav: I wouldn't say Dutch cuisine is good. ah There are good restaurants there as in in any city. And i've I've been in a couple of really good, we actually went to like a a really high-end vegan restaurant, me and Lee and his wife, Elaine and Ollie.

00:56:37.43
Ricky: Oh, yeah.

00:56:38.84
Flav: And was like, at the time, was like, I'll get this, don't worry. Like, we're at the end, and it was like a wine tasting course, and oh my God, it' was expensive, it's like $400. It was like 400 quid. It was mad.

00:56:48.01
Ricky: Shit!

00:56:48.82
Flav: Yeah. So i do have that level of of of of cuisine, but generally it's loads of cheese and and yeah, they love the sweet stuff.

00:56:57.48
Ricky: Waffles.

00:57:00.12
Ricky: Car smashed.

00:57:00.45
Flav: Stroopwafels.

00:57:01.02
Ricky: Yeah. Yeah.

00:57:02.78
Flav: And sort of deep fried stuff.

00:57:08.15
Ricky: ah that's that's It all sounds great to me.

00:57:10.39
Flav: Yeah, if you're having a smoke, it's pretty good. I think.

00:57:13.05
Ricky: um Before we finish, i have you ever like gone into ah sex show? or like the like say that when i When I was there, they had this… um it was like It was weird, man. It was like a hexagon, a hexagon shape, and in the middle was a bed,

00:57:34.94
Ricky: and people having sex so you go into and on the sides of these hexagons were just little cubicles you go in shut the door you pay a euro the screen drops down and then there is a man and woman having sex on the bed and the bed spinning round and like every kind of like 30 seconds the woman will make eye contact you the next 30 seconds there's a man looking at you

00:57:51.00
Flav: Yeah.

00:58:00.50
Ricky: and it's all behind, obviously, frosted glass. When you're looking across the hexagon, you can see you can't see the people, but you can see the frosted glass, and you can see kind of the the the make-out that there's someone there.

00:58:13.43
Ricky: um And that was an experience. I thought, while I'm there, I'm going to have to take this in. So I went in there, and when you go in there, there is like tissue on the floor, and you're just like, oh, God, this is this is grim. But had to go in and see it.

00:58:27.61
Ricky: They also have these other things that were there, which i find which I found were just incredible. And do you remember when you were younger and you'd go to an arcade and you'd go into the really kind of um the more expensive car games where sit in like a bucket seat and, you know, you've got all the monitors and stuff like that in front of you. Now, this was these…

00:58:50.46
Ricky: it It was like that, but they were like cubicles. So you go into the cubicle, shut the door, and you like sit down, and you like on like ah you're in it's like you're in Star Trek for this command unit in front of you. A joystick to go fast and slow. You've got four different buttons which show a different porn.

00:59:12.98
Ricky: And so you're there with a massive screen and you're pressing these different buttons for what porn you want with a joystick that goes faster and slower to do, you know, rewinds, action replays, whatever.

00:59:13.40
Flav: Yeah, yeah, see, yeah, yeah.

00:59:24.57
Ricky: There's a box of tissue next to you. There's a bin in front of you. And I was like, and there was just cubicle, right? Like row after row. And I was like, I'm here. I'm going to go and have a go. Going have a guy And gay yeah, yeah, course I did.

00:59:34.04
Flav: Yeah. did you Did you? Bear in mind it wasn't readily available then.

00:59:39.45
Ricky: No, no, no, not at all. Yeah, yeah. oh yeah No shame in saying that.

00:59:45.69
Flav: yeah

00:59:45.91
Ricky: and But one thing I did find, because they have to cater for everyone, that mid kind of my perusal that I was looking and I was like, okay, that's going on.

00:59:59.58
Ricky: I like that. And then midway through… Two men appeared, bumming. And i was like, oh, God, God.

01:00:06.10
Flav: ah We might as well.

01:00:07.45
Ricky: don't have to carry on doing this.

01:00:08.47
Flav: but

01:00:08.62
Ricky: don't want to go so soft. ah ah So that was really interesting. you were saying about how liberal it is and stuff that, it's fucking mental.

01:00:20.09
Ricky: And then we went to – so ah like – Listening to you do Amsterdam compared to listening to me do Amsterdam or Bulldog, Grasshopper, sex shows. And I haven't even got to, oh my God, I completely forgot.

01:00:34.23
Ricky: We went to, um have you ever heard of the Banana Bar?

01:00:37.98
Flav: No, it rings bell. but no

01:00:39.10
Ricky: Went to Banana Bar. And again, this is the most intense, craziest sex show that I've ever been to. We went there and it's although like you go upstairs and with my group of mates, loads of ladies there, obviously, and where you would stand behind the bar, it had a platform. So you couldn't stand behind the bar.

01:01:05.78
Ricky: So people would be standing on that platform, serving you drinks, and then a woman would come out and she would perform different things to your corner of the room. And there was, you know, the standard ah ping pongs being fired out, ping pong balls, right?

01:01:21.32
Flav: Oh, yeah. Oh.

01:01:22.68
Ricky: um There was a lady who had, you know, used the dildo and she got my mate to stand back from the crowd and she shot it out and he had to catch it.

01:01:36.34
Ricky: ah He dropped it twice and we were all like having a laugh about that. He couldn't catch it. And then ah she popped a marker pen in there ah and squatted on a postcard and asked for my mate's name and wrote out, ah thank you for coming to Banana Bar with his name on this postcard.

01:01:52.31
Flav: Yeah.

01:01:58.02
Ricky: And genuinely, right, I swear on my life, the vagina writing was better than my handwriting.

01:02:06.33
Flav: Yeah.

01:02:06.72
Ricky: It was insane.

01:02:08.82
Flav: ah

01:02:08.84
Ricky: and I was like, this is quality. But again, like There's all that stuff there and there's a lot going on. Uh, it is, I haven't been back for years, but it's one of those places that, um, yeah, I like John was telling me, um, when we, we were supposed to go, i can't remember why we were supposed to go.

01:02:24.15
Flav: We should go.

01:02:33.79
Ricky: Like there's that time that you said about Lee and John.

01:02:35.19
Flav: i Yeah, yeah we I basically invited everyone to go.

01:02:39.00
Ricky: Yes.

01:02:39.22
Flav: it wants to go? going to go Amsterdam during this time. And then it was only Lee and John that actually made it through.

01:02:45.24
Ricky: Yeah. And John was saying that um when, when he arrived there and he was like, Oh, Where, where in Amsterdam are you staying? And you're like, I'm not staying in Amsterdam. He's like, what? ah

01:02:54.23
Flav: Well, we we we were in… We were in Harlem. I don't know what the mix-up was. i I can't remember what it was, but yeah. They were in Amsterdam and we were in Harlem.

01:03:03.67
Ricky: ah

01:03:07.10
Flav: I think my missus booked I'm not sure what happened.

01:03:07.20
Ricky: I'm just saying.

01:03:09.85
Ricky: Ah, right. Okay. Um, If you were, it'd be rude not to but mention Anne Frank. You've not been to the house, have you?

01:03:17.13
Flav: Nah.

01:03:17.53
Ricky: Would you go to it?

01:03:19.67
Flav: Probably not.

01:03:20.90
Ricky: nay ah Yeah, yeah.

01:03:21.33
Flav: Would you?

01:03:22.24
Ricky: Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:03:23.38
Flav: Why?

01:03:24.41
Ricky: I just to see what it's like, where where they were hiding, what it was like, just to kind of.

01:03:28.76
Flav: I'd imagine like an attic, like most attics.

01:03:30.71
Ricky: Yeah, sure, sure. But I don't know. It's that's a nice bit of history, isn't it?

01:03:33.29
Flav: Have you not seen that clip of the the bloke goes, you know, the the journalist is talking to him and goes, to you would you go Anne Frank? Would you recommend Anne Frank? he went, no. And he went, why? It's just a house.

01:03:43.41
Flav: Yeah.

01:03:43.80
Ricky: he start he's the he starts laughing first, doesn't he?

01:03:44.20
Flav: Yeah.

01:03:47.44
Ricky: And then then he's like, it's just a house.

01:03:47.54
Flav: Yeah.

01:03:49.68
Ricky: And then it like cuts back to the the producer or something like that. and He's cracking up. Mate, it's a quality clip. Right, before we crack on, is there anything else that you want to bring up about Amsterdam?

01:04:01.14
Flav: um No. I mean, great city.

01:04:04.41
Ricky: I think I've…

01:04:05.22
Flav: I think we could could definitely move there one day. could i could live there for a year or two. Definitely.

01:04:10.07
Ricky: Really?

01:04:10.74
Flav: Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

01:04:12.34
Ricky: Fuck me.

01:04:12.62
Flav: my

01:04:12.82
Ricky: i don't know if I could do that.

01:04:14.71
Flav: Yeah. I mean, like, it wouldn't be going out and experience Lamsdam. It'd be like, you know, it'd be like a living pace.

01:04:22.30
Ricky: Yeah, I don't know how people, like, with all that going on, readily available, how can you just live your life?

01:04:27.59
Flav: I know. It's mad that you can just get like mushrooms on a Saturday afternoon. But they just the locals just not into it.

01:04:30.87
Ricky: Yeah.

01:04:32.46
Flav: I mean, it's there all the time. they're just not They just have their normal lives.

01:04:36.72
Ricky: God.

01:04:37.30
Flav: Yeah.

01:04:38.52
Ricky: Right. This email was sent in. going to read it out before we finish. Hi, Ricky and Flav. Long time in brackets, female listener of the pod here. And I've occasionally flirted with the idea of writing in, but never thought I had anything major to share until you asked for stories about Amsterdam. That is.

01:05:00.18
Flav: Nice.

01:05:01.49
Ricky: I'm 52 now and in 1995 I celebrated my 21st in Amsterdam with my pretty average upper working class mum, stepdad and brother.

01:05:14.07
Ricky: We did all the usual sights, lots of walking and Frank's house, a spot shopping, all pretty standard touristy stuff. Early one evening, we were wandering about looking for somewhere to have a drink and we passed the famous Cock and Bull's Fountain along the main drag of the city.

01:05:32.28
Ricky: Brackets, I'm sure it has a better name than this, but I'm not sure what it is. The Cock and Bull's Fountain is pretty accurate description anyway. My stepdad was 10 years younger than my mum, who was in her mid 40s. I feel this could be relevant here.

01:05:46.58
Ricky: And he jokingly suggested we took in a live sex show. Just typing that out makes me realize just how fucking insane that suggestion was.

01:05:58.01
Ricky: Long story short, we went in, cashed in our multiple drink tokens, all very much needed, as you can imagine, taking in a live sex show with your mum at 5pm isn't something anyone should tackle sober, and watched a show that included some pretty impressive fanny ping pong ball aerobatics.

01:06:21.50
Ricky: A bloke dressed as a copper banging some woman with the aid of possibly the biggest penis I'd seen aged 21 or since. Basically, just a whole raft of seedy as fuck actual sex. In order to use up all of our booze tokens, our little family of four stayed until the whole spectacle repeated from where we'd rocked in.

01:06:46.10
Ricky: in brackets, got to see the truncheon in action again. ah After the show, we emerged into the early Amsterdam evening and then all just casually went for a little family meal.

01:06:58.18
Ricky: Even now, 30 years on, I'm very much, what the fuck?

01:07:03.51
Flav: ah What's that? it

01:07:04.70
Ricky: I now have two sons aged 19 and 21 and I would never.

01:07:08.63
Flav: but

01:07:09.82
Ricky: Anyway, I'm sure you can understand this story has hasn't been widely shared throughout my life and part of me thinks that no one would actually believe it, but I can assure you it did. No one was ah traumatized, possibly. Mum and stepdad are still together, normal and mainstream as they've always been. I'm a primary school teacher.

01:07:30.62
Ricky: but My brother works in IT. We do all laugh about it on the quiet sometimes, and I wonder if my mum and stepdad ever reflect on that particular life choice with any form of regret.

01:07:41.50
Ricky: Enjoy slash hope you enjoyed Amsterdam and maybe think twice before taking your kids to a live sex show whilst you're there. Love the pods. Have a great summer.

01:07:50.97
Flav: i um I think her parents are up to some…

01:07:54.65
Ricky: Yeah, what do yeah

01:07:56.05
Flav: It's always the quiet upper of middle class ones, aren't they?

01:07:58.42
Ricky: Swing dogs?

01:07:59.61
Flav: Maybe.

01:08:00.44
Ricky: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:08:01.06
Flav: bit of pegging.

01:08:02.68
Ricky: oh okay.

01:08:03.64
Flav: Yeah, yeah. Ball kicking.

01:08:07.67
Ricky: yeah ah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:08:08.57
Flav: Yeah, all right I reckon her old man, he just stands there with his legs akimbo and his mum just runs up and boots him in the balls. Yeah.

01:08:16.46
Ricky: Oh, yeah, I've seen those videos. Yeah, I don't know.

01:08:17.82
Flav: yeah How? How do I even… If anyone has been kind of like even tapped on the bollocks, you go down, your body shuts down.

01:08:26.43
Ricky: Mental, innit?

01:08:26.55
Flav: How is he just sitting there, just run up and go, Bosh!

01:08:29.59
Ricky: Some of them got boners as well. How have you got boners and still getting got are fucking getting kicked in the nuts?

01:08:34.92
Flav: I don't know.

01:08:36.09
Ricky: fucking mad anyway that uh that email was fantastic that i was when i was reading it i was fucking wetting myself imagine going to a sex show with your mum and dad or mum and stepdad it's fucking oh god and your brother as well

01:08:41.60
Flav: Bravo.

01:08:46.43
Flav: No, no. No. ah

01:08:49.56
Ricky: Fucking madness. Right. Something only you know. Down, down, down by the river. ah Topic for next week. The topic for next week is we have to do it. It's here. The World Cup.

01:09:03.96
Ricky: Your earliest memories. Favourite World Cup. Best and worst kits. Goal celebrations. Vuvuzela's. No booze in Qatar. Boozers, Box Park and everything in between.

01:09:17.56
Flav: Are you looking forward to no

01:09:19.42
Ricky: ah yeah Honestly, I'll wait until Saturday gets out the way first, right?

01:09:26.14
Flav: it?

01:09:26.25
Ricky: And then I can have a little breathe, a little think.

01:09:26.26
Flav: No.

01:09:29.02
Ricky: But, mate, the sun has been so lovely. And beer gardens with your mates, beer, football.

01:09:35.10
Flav: It hasn't been lovely.

01:09:39.70
Flav: There's nothing been lovely about the sun.

01:09:40.24
Ricky: Oh, mate, I love it.

01:09:42.55
Flav: What, 31, 32, 33 degrees? love that.

01:09:45.50
Ricky: Yes, yes, yes.

01:09:47.18
Flav: I'm like, when is this over?

01:09:49.13
Ricky: No.

01:09:49.32
Flav: I'm like, rain, rain as much as you can rain right now.

01:09:52.09
Ricky: You are disgusting.

01:09:54.61
Flav: I'm not, it's perfectly normal, right? To moan about, this ra ragged what's his name? Ramesh, Ranganathan.

01:10:01.48
Ricky: yeah, Romesh.

01:10:02.44
Flav: Ramesh, Ramesh. And he said, you went, oh, you wouldn't be moaning if it was freezing cold. Yeah, I would. I would be moaning if it was freezing cold. Because it'd be too cold then. So yes, I'd moan. Now it's too hot. So I'm going to moan about that.

01:10:16.17
Flav: 19, John Bass said it, 19 degrees. That is peak. That's all you want. That's all you need. Yeah, 19, 20. Maybe 21 if you're going out in the beer garden.

01:10:30.02
Ricky: that's a nice it's a nice one. Are you looking forward to the World Cup?

01:10:32.36
Flav: Yeah, it's not.

01:10:35.67
Flav: So a lot of my work this week has been about the World Cup and I hadn't really thought about it. And now…

01:10:41.43
Ricky: you're You're getting excited. I can see it in your eyes.

01:10:43.45
Flav: Yeah, now now I'm kind of like starting to…

01:10:44.76
Ricky: Here we go.

01:10:47.31
Flav: It's a shame just because… Obviously, because it's in America and Mexico, the timings… Some of the games not on until like 3 in the morning. and So though any gameplay that len I'm going to miss.

01:10:57.53
Ricky: Yeah.

01:10:58.58
Flav: Um…

01:10:58.97
Ricky: ah What about England games? Are they going to be played?

01:11:00.95
Flav: hey I think it goes from 9, 11, 2 and 4. two and four I think like around that, those are possible…

01:11:08.84
Ricky: Fucking hell.

01:11:09.18
Flav: Or 10.

01:11:09.58
Ricky: Four in the morning.

01:11:10.93
Flav: or ten Yeah, yeah. it's like this There's like four games a day, isn't there?

01:11:17.05
Ricky: Shit.

01:11:18.17
Flav: So…

01:11:19.51
Ricky: But yeah, I'm definitely going to be um nocturnal for that.

01:11:24.25
Flav: Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to stay up. I can't really do it you know in this modern era. I can't stay up that late.

01:11:35.11
Ricky: What was I going to say? um so Yeah, sorry. I got completely sidetracked there. If you've got any World Cup stories, anything you want to share, any stories, send it in to ladsanonpod at gmail.com.

01:11:40.05
Flav: don't know.

01:11:47.83
Ricky: And now we are going to go into…

01:11:57.27
Ricky: Down, down, down by the river. Hi, lads. Automatic downloader here. Oh, we haven't heard that in a while.

01:12:02.97
Flav: Oh, yeah.

01:12:04.12
Ricky: ah Following last week's pod, I feel like my time to share something only I know has come. I work part-time as a special educational needs teacher in Switzerland. It's a great job in terms of professional fulfillment, yet I really hate living there. Ooh.

01:12:20.41
Ricky: The materialistic and bourgeois lifestyle is nothing I can identify with. One more year and then my contract is up and I'll be off the good. Thank fuck. Earning enough money with two days of ah two days of work a week. I spend the rest of my time traveling around Europe by train and on foot whilst visiting the seaside as often as possible. That sounds lovely.

01:12:44.95
Ricky: um On my many bonanzas across the continent, I embrace a nomadic lifestyle and venture chi into the unknown wild all too often. Out in the middle of nowhere, there's no issue in answering nature's call to release from my rear end.

01:13:01.53
Ricky: This becomes an issue when I return to the realms of society and populated region.

01:13:07.98
Flav: What was that?

01:13:08.78
Ricky: Fuck. I'm sorry.

01:13:09.60
Flav: That's a big one.

01:13:13.12
Ricky: Populated region.

01:13:17.85
Ricky: I've taken several dozen calls from nature in the outdoors ah this year alone, some of which were more exposed than others. A few weeks ago, I visited the island of Silt in the north of Germany in the amusingly named town of It's a ho.

01:13:36.85
Ricky: i mean, that is quite that is quite funny. I stopped for what's supposed to be a brief team's video call. The conversation dragged on and after an hour, my tummy started to rumble. My colleagues talking in the background, I dashed off behind some bushes along the riverbank and took an almighty dump, wrapping up the meeting and hastily burying my brown pudding.

01:13:57.85
Ricky: ah went hand in hand just in time to run to the station and board my train to the seaside. None of them or anyone else really knows what I'm up to when I'm not, when I'm not at work. I've long mastered the art of answering without saying anything when asked about my personal life. They certainly would never have guessed that I was defecating by a river bank hundreds of kilometers away. So that is something only I know.

01:14:24.45
Ricky: On a final note, huge thanks from the bottom of my heart to you two marvellous gents for the work you do. You've lightened up many a day for me and ah as obsequial as it may seem, listening to some familiar voices talk about the most random of things has helped me through some tough times. I have never had a place to truly call home. Hearing some familiarity from time to time goes a long way to fill the void that can sometimes be the emptiness of my life.

01:14:53.56
Ricky: All the best, a gloriously disconnected and somewhat lonesome roaming anonymous lad. Well, thank you very much. ah Yeah.

01:15:02.68
Flav: Yeah, legend.

01:15:03.68
Ricky: Thank you for listening. And like, i don't like I know like the the t the um team's call, right? If you if you need a wee running out and doing a wee…

01:15:14.30
Ricky: I couldn't do a poo while I'm on a team's call.

01:15:16.24
Flav: Nah.

01:15:17.02
Ricky: like If you are…

01:15:18.68
Flav: There are people that eat food while having a pee. Like, what you fucking doing?

01:15:22.41
Ricky: I've got a mate who's listening to this, and I remember when we were younger having a discussion with you saying, isn't it weird like when you're having a shit and you're eating your crisps, it feels like that you're eating your shit?

01:15:32.54
Flav: Yeah, that's weird.

01:15:32.70
Ricky: And I was like, mate, no, I've never i've i've never eaten…

01:15:35.32
Flav: No one. shouldn't be eating on the toilet.

01:15:37.92
Ricky: Wait, do you answer your phone when you're having a pup?

01:15:41.50
Flav: No.

01:15:42.87
Ricky: Even if it is the wife?

01:15:44.24
Flav: No.

01:15:45.19
Ricky: No?

01:15:45.24
Flav: No one.

01:15:46.14
Ricky: no one?

01:15:46.36
Flav: No one.

01:15:46.97
Ricky: Right, okay.

01:15:47.22
Flav: Never.

01:15:48.12
Ricky: No. Okay, that's fair. That's fair.

01:15:49.85
Flav: What do you?

01:15:50.68
Ricky: I have done it on occasion um to the wife where I, you know, there's been three missed calls and I'm like, fucking hell, something's happened here. And I pick it up. She's like, oh, it's echoing.

01:16:02.08
Flav: What?

01:16:03.38
Ricky: Are you in the toilet? And i'm like, yeah, I'm having a shit. What do you want? oh what do you want for dinner tonight? like, fuck's sake.

01:16:09.11
Flav: ah

01:16:10.42
Ricky: Jesus Christ. Right. That's the end of the show this week. Next week's topic, the World Cup. Get your ah stories or anything that you're looking forward to or not looking forward to. Send it in to ladsanonpod at gmail.com.

01:16:27.42
Ricky: Have a bloody lovely week.

01:16:29.29
Flav: Cheers, everyone. Bye-bye.